Last night I had a very strange dream: Dave from Blogography had a Blogography compound outside of Seattle. It was a multi-acre piece of land that sloped downhill all of the way to the interstate. Dave ran his entire Blogography empire from this compound.
Then, one day, the site no longer worked, and emails to his email address came back undeliverable. A large group of bloggers flew to the Blogography compound, only to meet with Dave and find out that he decided to close up shop after four years of blogging every day. The reason? He decided that blogging wasn't environmentally friendly, so he sold the compound to Al Gore.
Al Gore was there, and he had decided to make the compound into a park that had one long slide, much like a Slip-n-Slide. Except, since using all of that water was wasteful, it was a dry slide. As you can imagine, it didn't work very well.
I talked to him, and said, "Al Gore, you should visit my blog sometime. It's at Avitable.com." (For some reason kept referring to him as "Al Gore" instead of "Mr. Gore" or "Vice President Gore").
He laughed and said, very patronizingly, "Ohhhh, suuuure. I'll go check out your blog." He started randomly typing keys on the keyboard and pretending to type in my URL. For some reason, whatever random characters he typed went to a Christian Scientist site. He laughed at me, but I felt vindicated because his stupid slide idea didn't work.
Then, everybody got naked and danced to that song that they dance at the end of Caddyshack.
Weird, huh?
And now, for the super mondo big announcement!
It's almost Thanksgiving, and that means that Christmas is right around the corner. And that means that it's almost time for another round of Avitable Christmas cards!
If I was smart (well, I am) and organized (I'm totally not), I'd already have many of your addresses from when I sent out postcards. But I don't!
So, get sending! Email me at my first name at my last name dot com with the subject line "Santa is coming" with your name and address, and I will add you to the list. Santa won't be checking this list, so it doesn't matter if you're naughty or nice. Although naughty is better.
Email me by the end of next week to make sure you get added to the list!
If you're new to the horrors of Avitable.com, don't miss out. Subscribe to my RSS feed!
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I would love to dance the caddyshack dance with dave and fellow bloggers.
Comments by Brandi
hehe you dream about dave? He is pretty dreamy.
Um I want a card... it is a card right? not a postcard? nothing my family will see before I open?
Comments by Amanda
You laugh, but it's all true... what was formerly Mt. Rainier National Park is being converted to a monument to my greatness as I type this. Al Gore is foreman of the project. But no worries about me closing up shop anytime soon... Blogography is solar-powered, and run on computers using corn-based microchips.
Damn, now I want a bag of Fritos.
Comments by Dave2
I thought it was the weirdest thing ever when I had a dream about a blogger a couple weeks ago. Now that I've come across other bloggers who've done the same, I'm not sure if that means it's not so weird, or if the fact that you're one of the bloggers who's done it means that it IS weird.
Comments by Girl, Dislocated
I don't think I should have to email for obvious reasons and having to stare at your nutsack every time I IM you is the least of them.
Comments by Amy
I will send you my address even though there is no excuse for you not having it.
I will be stopping at the Post Office this morning and sending some huge homemade chocolate chip cookies your way, courtesy of Mrs. Fab. She insists that you share them with your employees.
I jizzed all over one of them. It should be apparent which one. Please give that one to Britt.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Brandi, it would be fun, wouldn't it?
Amanda, right now, it's a card, in an envelope.
Dave, but will there be a waterslide, damnit?
Girl, Dislocated, and this doesn't even cover all of the sex dreams.
Amy, but emailing allows me to make sure that I keep everything under one label in Gmail for easy verification.
Mr. Fabulous, why didn't you jizz on two cookies? Now I have to ask Britt to share.
Comments by Avitable
Once you have my address, you better use it to come visit. Cleveland in the middle of winter is such a lovely place.
Comments by ADW
With the heart attack I've just had caused by your dream, yep, sending address... Dave's gonna get another jump in his numbers today!
Comments by Bec
But what did he call you? Adam? Avitable? Adam Avitable? or just Ahmoo?
Comments by Robin
I just think it is plain scarey that you dream about Al Gore. (was he naked?)
Comments by Trish
I don't have an address yet. siiiiiigh, getting on that.
Comments by Poppy
Silly Adam. I enclosed a packet of jizz just for you. I know you like to add it to your Diet Coke, for a nice jizz fizz.
Holy crap, that's a great term. I am a fucking genius.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
LOL!!! Santa is coming!
Does he still hay 'ho ho ho'? or does he say 'oh oh oh' like everyone else?
Comments by metalmom
you're a giver!
Comments by Crys
Are you out of cookies yet?
Comments by Nina
I'm going to call you Adam Avitable from now on.
Like "No, Adam Avitable! This cookie is mine! I am not sharing Adam Avitable!" and "I will punch you in your face Adam Avitable!"
Comments by Miss Britt
I'm not quite sure your dream was that far off from reality ;).
Email on the way, yay!
Comments by Hilly
For me, you have just completely ruined the phrase,
"Santa is coming."
Ick.
Comments by annie
My god man–what and or who did you eat before bed?
Comments by Turnbaby
I damn well better be on that list without doing any extra work.
Comments by Sarcastica
I now need to know what you ate before that dream.
I want to dream about Al Gore too.
Comments by NYCWD
Seriously? You need my address? It's 'cause you don't send me presents NEARLY enough.
And how do YOU rate getting Mrs. Fab cookies? You get Fab to send me some, I'll send the jizzed-up ones to you, k thanks.
Comments by Tug
ADW, I'm already outside your window.
Bec, he deserves it!
Robin, I don't remember, now that I think of it.
Trish, he was fully clothed, and in a suit, no less.
Poppy, it will be in an envelope - your landlord can see it.
Fab, jizz fizz is a great idea!
Metalmom, dirty, dirty girl.
Crystal, that I am, dear.
Nina, I have so far only received one box, which I dispatched in a matter of minutes.
Britt, well, "Adam Avitable" is better than "Hey, fuckface".
Hilly, I know - it will be true by 2009, I think.
Annie, I almost said "Santa is coming on your face" but I thought that might be pushing it.
Turnbaby, four Whoppers.
Sarcastica, well, you might not be there since you're away at school right now.
NYCWD, 23 hot dogs.
Tug, Mrs. Fab loooooves me!
Comments by Avitable
I finally filled out the paperwork. :)
And, maybe my landlords can see it, but can their 3 little kids? :D
Comments by Poppy
Yay! Christmas card!
Your dreams are insane. I am not sure I'd want to see Al Gore in any dreams of mine, but if I do tonight, I'll be sure to blame you!
Those cookies looked delicious! Especially all crumbled in your mouth. Mmmmmmmm
(I am being sarcastic!)
But they did look good!
Comments by Sybil Law
Poppy, it's going to be in an envelope. I hope they wouldn't open your mail!
Sybil, they were good. I ate them in about three minutes.
Comments by Avitable