I know that I've talked before about how this blogger and that blogger were my favorite blogger of all time, but it was all lies. Lies, I tell ya!
My new favorite blogger is Amanda from "Amanda in Real Life". Not only is she a young, smart, hot, snarky blogger, but she made me cookies! So she now has the distinction of being Avitable's Favorite Blogger For Life (or until someone else sends me something).
In her package, she enclosed a letter. The photo I took didn't come out, so I decided to transcribe it instead. Her handwriting was a bit hard to read, so I had to guess what some of it said. As far as I can tell, this is what it read:
Oh Dearest Wonderful Holy Avitable,
In recognition of Your awesomeness and hot gorilla ass, I have enclosed but a small token of my allegiance to Your amazing grace and wondrousness. Would that I could bare my breasts for Your eyes to gaze upon. Alas, I am only close to You in spirit, not in proximity. May You eat of these cookies and think of my nipples forever and ever. Amen.
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Nothing was lost in the translation from my letter to yours. That's exactly what it said.
and I'm glad you didn't eat that cake. By the time it got to you, it was a week old.
Comments by Amanda
I was expecting that cookie to end up in some additional incorrect orifices before it got to your mouth. But I'm glad it didn't, because I can still eat cookies now.
Comments by Girl, Dislocated
Wow, not that the cookies weren't worth a blog post... but this was impressively time consuming for a batch of cookies. You must have absolutely nothing going on in your life right now.
Comments by Sheila
I might put out a call for people to send me cars and electrical goods on my blog. It's a million to one chance but it might just work.
Comments by Dan
Your infatuation with Amanda will only last until the package from Mrs. Fab arrives. It should be there by tomorrow.
Her chocolate chip cookies are like crack.
And unlike Amanda, I think Mrs. Fab would totally show you her boobs. I have given her permission.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
what a thoughtful girl! however, i ask that you blur out your address, omg. there are psychopaths out there, adam! PSYCHOPATHS!
i'll see you bright and early, Thanksgiving...
Comments by Crys
oh and week old cake?
totally edible
Comments by Crys
Not sure I would want to eat that cookie after it was in your nose and ear...
Just sayin..
Comments by Trish K
Comments by Miss Britt
Hmmmm, a man whose allegiances are easily bought. I'll have to remember that. Loved the shameless plugs!
Comments by Heather
Jealousy is a great motivator I suppose...
Comments by RW
Cookie whore!
Comments by Poppy
PS - Amanda, you fell for his trap. Be careful he doesn't ask you for other baked goods on a regular basis.
Comments by Poppy
I am sending nipple cookies...
Beat that bitches!!!
Comments by ADW
If I blog about Amanda, will she send me cookies too?
Just a thought....
Comments by metalmom
I'm going to attempt BACON cookies!
Comments by bobgirrl
Not out of cookies, I see. When you least expect it, there will be a package from me. It probably won't mention nipples, but it'll be pretty goddamn great anyway.
Comments by Nina
Mr Fab, I am offended. Why would you think I wouldn't show my boobs? You know my love of wine. And vodka.
Comments by Amanda
Amanda–Because you said in your letter you couldn't because you choose to live in TwiddleYourBallSack, Missouri (I am paraphrasing).
I will be happy to recind my comment upon receipt of pictorial evidence to the contrary.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
i have a small present for you. now all i gotta do it get off my lazy ass and mail em to you.
Comments by hellohahanarf
Amanda, oh, that's good. I'm glad I didn't misread your handwriting. Oh, and THANKS!
Girl, Dislocated, yeah, I decided not to post that picture.
Sheila, I work hard to satisfy my readers. And cookies trump anything else - life, death, vaginas . . .
Dan, ooh, good thinking. I might have an extra car just laying around I could send you.
Mr. Fabulous, I look forward to the crack cookies!
Crystal, I post my address all the time, and I'll set a plate for you on Thursday.
Trish, it's just added ingredients.
Britt, that's it? No snarky comment? Who are you and what have you done with Britt?
Heather, my allegiance is very easily bought! Mainly by boobs and chocolate.
RW, you only got ONE cookie!
Poppy, why'd you have to go and ruin everything?
ADW, ooh, I can't wait!
Metalmom, she might, but only if you're as awesome as I am.
Bobgirrl, that would be FANTASTIC.
Nina, what if I hold my breath until it arrives?
Amanda, I do think you should prove him wrong. Email me.
Hello, sweet!
Comments by Avitable
It's never good enough for you, is it?
I try to be constructive, you get all pissy. I try to applaud your efforts, and you bitch that I'm not snarky.
For fuck's sake man! Back OFF ME!!
Comments by Miss Britt
I wanted to be snarky... something like, "clearly, Amanda is a suck up."
But, the holiday spirit just has me in tooooo great a mood. Or, it's the cold meds.
It might be the cold meds.
Comments by Amy
Those cookies sure look fantastic!
You lucky bastard you!
Comments by themuttprincess
I'm not sure I ever received this kind of adoration for the magnets. I suppose I need to suck up more
Comments by Robin
yes. One cookie. but it was big, and it was FIRST.
Comments by RW
Britt, all I want is sycophantic love!
Amy, and are you sending me cookies, too?
TMP, yes, I am.
Robin, well, the magnets are awesome, but I can't eat them, ya know?
RW, oooh, I see how it is.
Comments by Avitable
If I gave you that, you wouldn't respect me in the morning. I know you.
Comments by Miss Britt
Crys wants you to pop it.
So go ahead. Pop it. I did.
And still she will not show me her boobs. At least RW shows us his Mini.
Dan Patterson
Arrogant Infidel
Comments by Dan Patterson
dude. you cannot possibly want cookies from canada. i think they would be disgusting by the time they got to you!
Comments by bluepaintred
So that's all a girl has to do to get your lovin'? Make cookies? Well shit! I gotta get on that. (And apparently all you have to do to get lots of womens to send you cookies is to tell them that you love someone more than them because they sent you cookies. Women-folk are crazy competitive.)
Comments by Gwen
Britt, damn you!
Dan Patterson, you have to be worthy of Crystal first.
BPR, people ship things from Canada all of the time!
Gwen, cookies and boobs. What more can a boy ask for?
Comments by Avitable
I thought I was your favourite blogger. Am I gonna have to fight Amanda now? All cause I can't afford the cost of shipping?!? [or bake very well...for that matter...]
Comments by Sarcastica
I wish I was your favorite blogger, but Britt and Amanda are WAY ahead of me!
J.
Comments by HoosierGirl5
Something tells me you will be serving that cake at Thanksgiving.
Comments by Peggy
Um... I *was* hungry.
You should sell those photos to weight loss companies.. you'd be rich...richer!
Comments by RaeJane
Sarcastica, silly Canadian, it's "favorite". You're my favorite 18-year old Canadian blogger.
HG5, it takes many years of manipulation, plus baking.
Peggy, ew!
RaeJane, looking at it makes me hungry - maybe you're just weird?
Comments by Avitable
I have a yummy cookie for you to eat!
Oh sorry wrong kind of cookie. My mind sometimes wanders...
Comments by Preposterous Ponderings
Preposterous Ponderings, that's not as much a cookie as it is pie.
Comments by Avitable