I said yesterday that today's lazy post would have a twist, and here it is. All of my answers to the following survey, which I purloined from one of my Myspace friends' bulletins, are completely true. I've been told that my attempt to answer these surveys in a funny and unpredictable way is cliched and unfunny, and I was dared to be honest for once. So, this will be the one time that I won't rely on inanity or goofiness to answer some of the stupidest questions you can possibly imagine. And, after you read this, I am confident that you'll be begging me to go back to the normal way of filling these out:
1. Where is your boy or girl tonight?
She's packing for a week-long business trip to Hoquiam, WA. Her flight leaves at 8 AM tomorrow morning. The taxi is picking her up at 6:30, even despite her protestations that I should wake up and drive her to the airport.
2. Last person you were in the car with?
My wife and I went over to a friend's yesterday for a second Thanksgiving dinner.
3. Name something you did yesterday?
Took a nap, visited friends, and relaxed.
4. Last person to message you?
My brother, with a retarded mass text message wishing everyone Happy Thanksgiving.
5. What kind of phone do you have?
Motorola Razr.
6. How are you feeling right now?
Unmotivated to do my actual work.
7. What color are your eyes?
I don't know. Hazel?
8. Do you have a chair in your room?
I am sitting in my office chair, which is a $1200 Aeron chair.
9. What are you doing tomorrow?
Going over to some gutter slut's house for a third Thanksgiving dinner.
10. Do you know anyone named Betsy?
I don't think so.
11. What color is your hair?
Brown with some recently appearing gray threads. I blame my real wife and my blog wife.
12. Do you remember singing any songs as a kid?
I loved to sing as a child. Very few people loved for me to sing.
13. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Of course.
14. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
On Thanksgiving. It will probably be until Christmas that I talk to them again.
15. Do you play an instrument?
I've never played any instrument. I'm tone deaf.
16. Do you like fire?
On a cold day, I can sit down and stare at a fire for hours.
17. Are you allergic to anything?
Penicillin.
18. Best friend?
I have many people who I would consider best friends, which I realize is counter to the definition of the word "best". I'm okay with that.
19. Have you ever seen your school counselor?
I used to intimidate my guidance counselor and, as a result, had free reign of her office and computer, which gave me access to all of the grades of my friends and enemies.
20. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
I would love to be a teacher for a private high school or college. I would love to teach a theory class.
21. Is anyone jealous of you?
That's hard to say. I can guess that some people might be jealous of some aspects of my life, but I have no real idea.
22. When was the last time you got flowers?
My wife bought me flowers one Valentine's Day a few years ago.
23. Where were you 1 hour ago?
Sitting at the computer, listening to Lillix, and reading blogs.
24. Where were you 4 hours ago?
On the couch, watching The Departed, which I had never gotten around to seeing. It was pretty good.
25. Has anyone ever told you that they like you more than as a friend?
Yes. I've been told that a few times. Not always by women, either.
26. Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
It's straight, although it tends to just grow out rather than long.
27. Who was the last person you drove with?
My wife.
28. What are you looking forward to?
Stability in my business. My first million. Therein lies the road to happiness.
29. Do you want to kill someone right now?
There are three people on my list of people that if I could, without legal repercussion, I would, in an instant.
30. Do you have anything you want to say?
I prefer writing funny responses.
31. Who are you jealous of?
I'm not jealous of anyone. I covet some people's property, but I'm not jealous of them.
32. What did you do this weekend?
Spent some time with my wife before she goes away again.
33. What's going on for you in November?
I was hoping that I would be able to finish NaNoWriMo, but with my computer issues, I have fallen severely behind. I am still committed to writing my story, though.
34. Whats going on for you in December?
I need to start planning Christmas.
35. What is the worst quality people can have?
Stupidity. I abhor stupidity more than ugliness.
36. What is your best talent?
Manipulation.
37. Who are you angry with?
I stopped getting angry at people back in college. It's not worth my effort.
38. Who's your role model?
I don't think I have one. If someone has good qualities that are valuable to my goals, I will emulate those qualities, but I don't know if anyone would qualify as a role model.
39. What is your biggest problem right now?
I'd like to be able to work harder, longer hours, and require less sleep.
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My honest reaction to this: It freaks me out when you're so honest on your blog. But I like it very much. Thank you.
Comments by Poppy
I like honest Avitable just as much as just funny Avitable. I like you switching it up
Comments by Amanda
Thank you for showing this side of you. I think it's just as great as when you are funny. Maybe you should do a serious one each month, reserving the other three Sundays for a funny survey.
Comments by Angel
a.) You should be ashamed of yourself for not taking your wife to the airport. But you should be even more ashamed of yourself for taking so long to see The Departed that I, of all people, ended up seeing it before you. That is just pitiful.
b.) My phone (a Pantech C300) is cooler!
c.) I like Angel's idea about a 3:1 ratio of honestly to inanely answered surveys.
Comments by Girl, Dislocated
So there are three people you would gladly kill but you are not angry with anybody? Uh dude, I am no expert but I think there could be a term (diagnosis) for this.
I am curious about the stupidity thing. As the great American philosopher Mama Gump says, "Stupid is as stupid does." Therefore we have to assume that stupid can be a highly educated person making the dumbest fucking decisions on Earth, while a lower IQ person can just as easily make solid decision with less ability. OR do YOU mean people that can't spell and/or do algebra?
WARNING: Your response may earn a reply of "Dog Fucker!"
Comments by Y2K Survivor
Aww... now Adam I like the honest answers.
And you even got to show your "evil" side... for not taking your wife to the airport! Shame on you.
Comments by Fogspinner
You OK over there? Need a hug?
Comments by bluepaintred
Is this another ploy to get cookies through the mail???
Comments by bobgirrl
Honest is good for a change, and now we all know an easy way to kill you :D Penicillin with your martini?
However, I too prefer you being funny - it's not that your honesty is not appreciated, but it sure got boring a couple of times because most of these questionnaires suck arse anyway
It's not enough to ask who you were last in the car with, but who you last drove with too? 
Comments by Dee
Poppy, but it's sooooo boring!
Amanda, in my opinion, funny always trumps honesty.
Angel, I don't know if I could be serious once a month - that's a bit of a burden.
Girl, Dislocated, I know, I'm ashamed about The Departed. Not about the cab. My phone was cool when I first got it, but I guess I'll have to get an iPhone next to stay cool.
Y2K, there have been people in my past who have really wronged me. They're on that list for a reason.
Now, regarding my stance on stupidity: I'm anti-stupidity on all levels, from lack of common sense to ignorance to an inability to coherently state their argument to even a lack of book learning (i.e., improper grammar usage, horrendous spelling). It's one of the reasons that I consider most of the world to be sheeple.
Fogspinner, well, she travels for business constantly. She's used to a taxi. I almost always pick her up when she comes home, though.
BPR, pretty boring, eh?
Bobgirrl, I'm still waiting for some bacon cookies.
Dee, yeah, some of those questions are ridiculous!
Comments by Avitable
But if you took your wife to the airport, you could stop at McDonalds on the way back for breakfast!
Remember the good old days when people didn't survive if they were too stupid to possess basic survival skills? Now people not only can be stupid and survive... we give them the right to vote (and hold office) and breed to create even more stupid people... so they're thriving! I swear, the movie Idiocracy is a glimpse into the future...
Comments by Dave2
Wow. Honesty. I'm scared but impressed at the same time. Good for you, Avitable!
Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
I am so bummed. I miss the sarcastic responses. I am so down that I actually had to learn about the real you. Ugh.
Comments by The Absurdist
ZZzzzzzzzzzzzz
Comments by RW
These questionnaires are ridiculously stupid. People's Exhibit A, question #10. Your regular sarcasm is refreshing.
I'm pretty sure wanting to kill somebody qualifies as anger. I believe there is a 12-step program for this.
Comments by Gecko Rock
Dave, well, I did go out to BK for breakfast. The Wendy's that's doing the promo breakfast is too far from me.
CMG, it's frightening, eh?
Absurdist, I know!
RW, such a kiss-ass.
Gecko, I didn't say that I wanted to kill them. I just said I would if I could without legal repercussion. There's no anger involved.
Comments by Avitable
Who ARE you? Isn't there a better way to bash Avi than to be succintly rude?
Jerk.
Comments by The Absurdist
Sorry Geck.
I started my period yesterday, which means I hate men right now, including you. I take back my mean comment toward you.
I BEG your forgiveness, since today is Jesus Christ day. :-)
Comments by The Absurdist
Wow. Was my comment THAT misunderstood?
Ahem.
The questionnaires that float around the tubes of the internet are ridiculously stupid.
Avi's regular approach in how he answers said questionnaires is found to be refreshing.
Better? Or would you like a side of grovel with my answer?
Forgiveness is standard.
Comments by Gecko Rock
No no... See apology above.
Just a bitch on the rag... Sorry about that. I hope you are as forgiving as you are hot.
Sorry, it's been awhile. Had to say it. :-)
Comments by The Absurdist
Please be funny again. Thanks.
By the way, the other day I was feeling slightly ashamed for liking Avril Levine (or however it's spelled). Then I thought, "Well if it's good enough for Avitable, it's good enough for ME!!" Thank you for setting me free
Comments by Lin
You know my thoughts on this subject. :)
Too bad. This would have been a good one for your funny answers. Usually the more absurd the questions, the better your replies are. You would of knocked this one out of the park!
Comments by AnnieB
whut speling cownts to? Then if I may quote the ALWAYS appropriate Miss Britt, "Dawg Phuckor"
Comments by Y2K Survivor
i thought i took one too many pain pills when i saw the honest answers today!
i am with you on the best friend thing....i have a few best friends, all for different reasons
Comments by Hilly
Wow, this is way more productive then what I did after I watched The Departed. I kind of tried to start a mob. It was nice, I got back some money I was owed.
You being serious every once in a while is nice. I think you should be serious once every four months, that way you can stand it.
Comments by Kylah
Well aren't you the serious little shit today!
Comments by Preposterous Ponderings
Two things:
1. Exactly HOW allergic to Penicillin are you? Like, instant death? Or just hives and some swelling possibly requiring a needle in the heart?
2. So, what you're saying is that you don't have the skills to be honest AND funny? Understandable. That takes a higher level of skill.
Comments by Miss Britt
Ok, challenge met.
Bravo.
No more serious answers.
You were right, they suck.
Talk about touching yourself and eating babies. At least with the fake answers I can skip the meme. With surveys answered truthfully I feel the need to read because I'm curious. I then end up bored to tears.
Comments by Clown
Oooo kay
Now get back here and be a funny smartass dammit
Comments by Turnbaby
Absurdist, thanks for the defense, even if it was unwarranted!
Gecko, forgiveness is divine, not standard!
Lin, I'm happy that you've experienced the joy of Avril Lavigne.
AnnieB, yes, I would HAVE. Not would of. I'm ashamed of you.
Y2K, misspelling the occasional word is no big deal, but a consistent pattern of misspelling without even attempting to understand which words are wrong should just be punishable by the death penalty.
Hilly, you seem like someone with a lot of best friends.
Kylah, starting a mob takes a lot of effort - I think you were way more productive.
Preposterous, no, my shits are always funny.
Britt, I'm deathly allergic. And being honest and funny is hard with those types of questions - you know I can do it with stories, though.
Clown, wait - the touching myself part was the truthful part!
Turnbaby, thank you!
Comments by Avitable
I have often said I hate stupid people, but yet spent a good proportion of my working life looking after people with learning difficulties, and generally liked the people I worked with.
So there must be an invisible line for me between stupid and really stupid. One side I can't stand, and one side I like. Strange.
Comments by Dan
Husband - nicotine in the contacts.
Adam - penicillin in the ice cream.
Got it. Thanks.
Now, about that raise...
Comments by Miss Britt
Dan, there's a difference between learning disabled and stupid. Someone who can't help it for a physical reason is not someone who's purposely ignorant.
Britt, I got a raise for you. In my pants.
Comments by Avitable
I'm wary of your manipulative ways...I've got my eye on you.
Comments by Robin
What's your favorite kind of ice cream?
Comments by Miss Britt
Robin, they're subtle and unavoidable.
Britt, so's your face.
Comments by Avitable
You pick her up when she gets back, but you don't drop her off on her way there... It all makes sense now.
You just don't want her to see you cry when she leaves.
Comments by Girl, Dislocated
What kind of theory would you like to teach? I'm majoring in Sociology, and smack in the middle of my Sociological Theory class.
Comments by Stephanie
I was going to go slang with would'a, changed my mind, got off track, blah, blah.
You're just bored with the nice me, aren't you?
Comments by AnnieB
Umm..wow, that was interesting.
Tell your wife to pack long underwear, electric blankets, gloves, heavy shoes, lots of socks...it's fucking colder than shit here!!! Hoquim may be slightly warmer, but hell....
Comments by Trishk
Actually, I'm impressed. You never seemed like the type to enjoy a fire. And, this was very cool. It's almost like you should make every Saturday or Sunday "Serious Saturday" or Sunday. You know...
Ooops, I should be very careful using any terms of endearment where you are concerned. But, then again, I'm just a dumb cunt so I suppose it's totally cool to love a sociopath and a gutter slut.
Comments by Amy
Adam, the real you is far from boring. Sigh.
Comments by Poppy
Don't lie. You know I am your role model.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Wow, that was interesting. I've always wanted to know how you would really answer.
I have a request: can you stop by my blog every day? I'll send you cookies.....
J.
Comments by HoosierGirl5
We'll have some nice rain ready for the wife when she gets to Washington State.
We are allergic to the same thing.
Nice to see the honest Adam, but prefer it when you answer these as funny Adam. :)
Comments by Michael
MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE SO FAT!
Comments by Clown
OMG Clown, I just pissed myself.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHA
I wouldn't do that if I was you!
Comments by Miss Britt
I like catching a glimpse into your real life. It's a nice change of pace, too. Thanks for taking a chance! It was very interesting to read... and not at all boring.
Comments by cat
Arrrggghhh!!! The hoesty, it hurts, it hurts!!!! Wow, this is like the blogging equivalent of being forced to sit on your hands...
Comments by Bec
Girl, Dislocated, I usually just curl up into the fetal position and rock back and forth.
Stephanie, just a theory of knowledge type of class. Maybe religion.
AnnieB, yeah, the nice you is a bit boring.
Trish, yeah, she packs warmly.
Amy, you liked the serious one?
Poppy, whatever!
Mr. Fabulous, well, yeah, that's true.
HG5, I read your blog in my feedreader whenever you post. I don't always leave comments every day, though.
Michael, I prefer that too.
Clown, heheheh. I wish I had that on video.
Britt, I'm glad my altercations make you pee yourself.
Cat, thanks.
Bec, do you want to sit on my hands?
Comments by Avitable
Lots of things about your life make me pee.
Comments by Miss Britt
Comments by Bec
I do like the serious one. It's a nice change up.
Comments by Amy
Well it was certainly shocking to see real answers!!! But seriously - you write, I read. Works out well that way.
Did you get that survey from me?!
I really do play the skin flute. Quite well, I hear. Haha
Comments by Sybil Law
Britt, if only things about my life would make you pee and then wash your hands . . .
Bec, sweet!
Amy, I'll do it occasionally, I guess.
Sybil Law, yeah, I took it from you. And I've heard about your skill with the skin flute!
Comments by Avitable