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Touching MyElf

  • If you haven’t already, don’t forget to email me at my first name at my last name dot com with your address so I can add you to my Christmas card list.
  • Have you added me on Facebook, Myspace, and favorited me on Technorati yet? Why not?
  • On Friday at midnight, I did all of my Christmas shopping online for my wife’s presents. I also created an Amazon wish list because I’m very hard to buy for. I tend to go out and buy whatever I want when it comes out, which means she can never figure out what I have and don’t have. Now I only have a few small gifts left to buy and I’m done. It’s a great feeling.
  • On Wednesday night, at around 11, I hopped into the car to drive over to Wendy’s to grab a quick burger for dinner. I was in a T-shirt and underwear and put shoes on, plus grabbed my wallet and cell phone. I went through the drive-through, and as I pulled away, I realized that they forgot my straw. I HATE drinking fountain soda without a straw, and so I pulled into a parking spot, got out of the car and started to walk into Wendy’s. I was halfway there before I remembered that I didn’t have any shorts on at all. That would have been horrifying!
  • Every Thanksgiving, I get two free turkeys from one of my vendors. I gave one to Britt, but only if she’d deep fry it and invite me over for dinner. Last night was my third Thanksgiving dinner, with turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce, corn, green bean casserole, and crescent rolls. The deep fried turkey was delicious, as was everything else. I didn’t get any fucking leftovers, though.

And finally:


Click the picture to watch. Have your sound on. Thanks to SJ!

32 thoughts on “Touching MyElf”

  1. 1) I favorited you.

    2) Do you like rum?

    3) It is still legal to ask for a straw while wearing only underpants. If you were Mr. Fabulous, you could even PUT THE STRAW IN your underpants and host a talk show about it. (His show was great, btw). So why all the fuss? Why not just get your straw? It’s Florida. People are easygoing down through there.

  2. so did you ever get your straw???

    i’m still cracking up that you are my friend on myspace. they really should change the friend language because requesting to be a friend is damn creepy.

  3. Ehm… address address… I think you have it but I’ll email it to you anyway…

    Facebook – check – MySpace – check (well, not really, not on there anymore, but in a way that means “check” right?) – Technorati – check (I think… just checking…)

    Phew… I’m tired of all that stuff…

  4. Amanda, well, I might have been visibly happy to see them.

    Dave, shit. I fixed it.

    Sheila, oh, I love that gift!

    Mr. Fabulous, still you.

    Nina, 1. Thanks!, 2. Nope – don’t drink, 3. Well I had a throbbing erection, too.

    Robin, I favorited you too!

    Britt, your food was amazing! I’m not a fan of green bean casserole, though.

    Poppy, I might. Don’t know yet.

    Bossy, such an elfer!

    Hello, nope. Had to go home and get one from my extra stash. And I’m glad you’re my stalker friend on Myspace.

    Dutchbitch, sorry for making you work so hard!

    Michael, they might have liked it more if it was the pink underwear.

    Amy, ooh, not if they’re anatomically correct.

    Kat, it’s Elfable.

    Tracy, true.

  5. You know, if you had continued on into the Wendy’s the poor counter-bitch (male or female) would have either been scared or stunned by your maleness, and may have refunded your money.

    Either that or Britt would have had to bail you out of jail.

    Yeah, probably the latter.

  6. You have KILLED the Elf Yourself website. I can’t get on because it’s so burdened by all your crazed fans watching over and over and over ad nauseum.

    WTF? Gilmore Girls is on your wish list?!?! You are indeed in touch with your feminine side.

  7. I can honestly say I have no clue what Technorati is. No idea. I could google it, but frankly I am so tired of belonging to online shit I am not sure I care. Either way, you are my friend on the other two. Good enough, huh?!
    That thing about Wendy’s cracked me up. What might have been funnier is if you had also been muttering, “Where’s the beef?” while you ran in. Hahahaha
    You slay me.
    Oh but sorry, Britt – green bean casserole is just gross.
    However, Adam – you got to have a freaking fried turkey! I am so jealous.

  8. Britt, I loved all of the food, though! I promise! And I would definitely call you pretty early on if I was in prison.

    CMG, they’ll never take me alive.

    Bec, it was tasty. Very moist.

    Hilly, thanks, and yes, the dancing elves crack me up too.

    Poppy, no way! It’s unconditional. I’m just lazy.

    Preposterous, I read your blog. I just haven’t commented yet.

    CP, tramp.

    SJ, Gilmore Girls was one of the best shows in the last few years. I loved it.

    Sybil Law, ooh, I should have ran in and shouted “Where’s the beef?” That would have been brilliant!

    Gwen, thanks! Now I know I’m special.

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