Back in March, I held a Q&A round. Many of you might not have been reading me at that time, so I decided that nine months is enough time to bring this old chestnut back out.
In the comments, I would like you to ask any question you want, and I will answer all of them as well as I possibly can. I will answer every question asked, no matter how personal or absurd.
Ask in the comments and I’ll dedicate the next few posts to answering them. Each person may ask ONE question. The person who asks the best and most creative question (as judged purely subjectively by me) will win a prize. A cool prize. It might be a fake moustache made out of my pubic hair. It might be a frozen spermsicle. It might be a nude portrait of me drawn by a blind woman who had to draw by touch. You’ll never know unless you ask!
Enjoy this post? Try these:Where’s the strangest place you’ve ever made whoopie?
Anonymous, you are my favorite person
Don’t be an asshope
Really? Are you having that much trouble finding decent blog fodder?
:poke:
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Here’s my question:
If you could live one day as another person (not someone that is famous), in their life, who would you choose, and why?
Also, I’ve already taken my sleeping pills, so I commented on the post that you linked to- the one from March. I edited it out, but I cannot delete it.
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
If you had to choose only one kind of entertainment for a year, would you choose:
A)The music of Avril Lavigne
B)The television show(s)/movies of Tina Fey
C)Monkey/snake/dolphin porn
D)Girls Gone Wild: Barely Legal
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Would you let Burt Bacharach fist you in the ass for 22 million dollars?
keep in mind that he DOES play the piano for a living, and probably has fairly meaty fingers.
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Here’s my question: What is the best (your favorite) way to respond to those people who insist on ending every conversation with “God Bless You” or so help me, “Jesus Loves You?”
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Since “Tis the season and all that shit….
“What was the worst Christmas Present you ever got that you had to pretend you loved it to spare the giver’s feelings?”… and I want details. Maybe an entire diatribe.
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Why did you at first agree to hold a dancing rematch down the line, and then back out of it like a wussbunny?
Poppy said it’s because Britt controls you and told you not to do it. I’m looking for the straight dope, Pilgrim.
And don’t you lie to me, with my wife’s cookie crumbs still littering your colon!
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My question, if you choose to accept it:
Have you ever had sex with anyone so skank you wanted to go home and boil your crotch?
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Fucker!! I was going to do this!! God DAMN YOU AVITABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
why do you hate me?
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OK, can I BE the blind woman drawing by touch? I will wear the blindfold.
As for a question, here goes:
Over the last little while that I have gotten to “know” you (and by “know”, I mean that you stalk me and send me dead animal body parts in the mail), I have found you to be an endless source of entertainment and joy. As such, I have decided that we should get a group of folks together and start our own country on a tropical island in the middle of the ocean. Since you will be, of course, the perfect choice for our leader, please list the other members of your ruling party (made of all bloggers) with their titles and general duties.
That’s not phrased in the form of a question, but get over yourself Oh Great Leader. Now is not the time to get high and mighty on power and heroin.
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How much money would your father have to offer you to remove his surname from here like he requested?
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if you could go back in time, when and where would you go? (small followup question: while there, would you change any event?)
yeah, i know you said one question and technically that was two, but bite me. i’m curious as to how that gloriously whacked mind of your works.
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how about adw’s question makes me wanna start a blog, just so that i could work for you on that island…
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When you die what will happen to you?
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Fab! I said that in confidence!!!!
(I totally don’t remember saying that.)
(Hmm. I might have said it, but not like that. I think I more than likely said that Britt told Adam he can’t dance so he shouldn’t try anymore. I personally disagree; he can totally dance.)
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I actually have a video of Adam dancing that he won’t let me put on the Internet – although I’d love to. Adam swears to me he can’t dance, not the other way around.
I’m not sure where this delusion came from that I control Avitable.
I’d like to point out that he signs my paychecks, not the other way around.
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Well, if you call an X marked with a feces-stained finger “signing”…
I don’t know where that came from.
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Hmmmmm, interesting. A question of Avitable.
OK. What was your first time like? Meaning, the first time you had sex. DETAILS! The poor female involved, age, place, yadda, yadda.
Inquiring minds want to know!
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
If you were to have a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor named after you what would the name be and what would the flavor include.
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When two countries disagree about something they try to talk it out but sometimes it doesn’t work out and, before you know it, they’re yelling at one another and then – if things get really bad – they put all their guys in uniforms and go around killing one another. they kill each other, they kill women and children, they blow up buildings and they try to starve people to death.
My question is… Who came up with that shit and since when is that, like, OK to the point where people are happy about doing it a lot of times?
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Uh, I would ask a question but I’m afraid I would win one of your prizes.
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What is your favoriate holiday movie and why?
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Pardon me, do you have any grey poupon?
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
“I’m looking for the straight dope, pilgrim”
hahaha oh Mr. Fab
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Would you ever consider jerking off with sandpaper then jumping in a pool of rubbing alcohol?
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I m not sure if someone’s already asked this (I don’t have time to read all the comments), but –
What made you start blogging, and what are the best/ worst things about it?
Kinda lame but I’m not sure I’ve ever heard you discuss it!
Also a spermcicle actually sounds better than the moustache.
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So before you started shaving your balls… what did it look like over there? Did you trim it now and then or leave it grow wild? Did you braid it, dye it.
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Do you enjoy the smell of your own farts?
:shit:
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What’s the most outrageous thing you’ve done on your own initiative? on a dare?(this blog does not count)
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if you ABSOLUTELY had to pick between being a fully committed Catholic, Jew or Pagan, which would you choose and why?
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Why is a raven like a writing desk ?
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if love were hot dogs, how much would you love me?
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If you were a cereal manufacturer, what would you market and what toys would you include for the free gift.
Best I could come up with I’m afraid.
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Okay, lets assume that you are home, uhhh, blogging. Yes, blogging! Strangely, you are fully clothed (hey, just play along!). The doorbell rings. It’s either a Jehovah’s Witless or part of the Mormon Brigade. How wiil you scare them away? Remember, you are FULLY clothed!
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Let’s assume you’re on death row and you have to order a last meal and you get one last request. What would the meal be and what else would you ask for?
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Okay, here goes: I have died and you have been named guardian of my 4 children. You can not ship them away or kill them. They HAVE to come live with you and your wife. What do you buy each of them for Christmas? REAL presents, not gag gifts. They are a 17 yr.old boy, a 16 yr.old girl, a 13 yr. old boy, and a 7 yr. old boy. And no fair saying you will send Amy or Britt to shop for you.
Good luck! :lmao:
J.
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Twitter: Blogography
says:
Bo or Luke Duke?
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Twitter: nycwatchdog
says:
If you were a character on Heroes, what would your power be?
Oh, and a word to the wise for Britt… be careful how much you control him. It could kill you.
Look what having his hand up a frog’s ass for 20 years did to Jim Henson.
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How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?
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Funny you should post this. I was actually going to ask you this question in an email, but since you just invited me to do it publicly…
Why aren’t you practicing law?
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Ooo, you’ve reminded me about the post I never posted on the old site… Must find!
Q: In the final battle between good and evil who will you be siding with and what will your role be?
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You’re the guest of honour at a dinner function. There’s no one there except you, the caterers and every person you ever slept with. After dinner, you’re expected to make a speech. What do you talk about?
RMB
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If zombie Jesus came back to lead the zombarmy in an epic battle for power against the evil forces of santa and his horrible minions, keeping in mind that santa has demon reindeer that fly and zombie Jesus controls the awesome power of the zombarmy and is one of the living dead, what shirt would you wear to watch the fight go down?
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iy you were Santa claus, what would you get for George bush this christmas!
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follow up question: What is the most retarded moment you have had in your life, where you felt as stupid as Bush?
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Avitablepop?
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If your penis was a Transformer, what would it convert into?
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Uh.. I only asked that because, well uh… I am hoping my penis really is a Transformer because THAT is the only excuse I am comfortable with for all the skid marks.
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What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done in a public place?
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