Three things first:
1. I just got all the Christmas cards finished finally - over 218 of them in the mail, some as far as Australia and Singapore. I, of course, expect at least 200 cards in the mail in response.
2. I also got a new smiley - check it out. Thanks to Tori for the GIF!
3. I haven't read blogs or commented in three days, nor have I replied to anyone's comment. I'll get on that today.
When I was 8, I read the entire Chronicles of Narnia series over the course of a weekend. I was absolutely enthralled with them. The books had adventure, love, mystery, death, war, sadness, happiness - everything you could want in an epic tale. I loved Aslan the Jesus Lion, Puddleglum the Marshwiggle, Reepicheep the brave mouse, and Bree the Horse. But most of all, I was fascinated with the idea of Turkish Delight. What could this food possibly be that had such a hold over Edmund that he would betray his whole family just for more of it? I could only imagine how delicious and mouth watering this delicacy would be, and part of me thought that I would die before ever achieving my dream of tasting Turkish Delight.
But like a balding, bespectacled Superman, Dan from All That Comes With It swooped to my rescue. Early last week (I would have posted this earlier, but I had to answer everyone's questions!), I received a package that was practically brimming over with magical goodness in the form of Turkish Delight.
Eagerly, I tore the package open. And while I didn't experience light from the heavens and an angelic choir when I opened the box, my anticipation was at its breaking point.
I grabbed a lemon one and bit in with gusto.
Like the connoisseur that I am, I savored the flavor and bouquet.
I also grimaced at the flavor and bouquet.
Maybe it wasn't the lemon flavored one that Edmund loved so much.
Well, it sure as fuck wasn't the rose ones! Who thinks it's a good idea to make a delicious magical candy taste like stale rose water mixed with rotten rose petals?
Someone liked it. But she also eats food that smells like my ass.
Thanks to Dan for hearing about my dreams and answering them by lifting them high above the earth and letting them plummet at terminal velocity through the atmosphere, bursting into flame and smashing in a charred pile in a car crusher, which then crushes those dreams into a small tablet that is fed to a homeless person who then just shits it out on the sidewalk.
If C. S. Lewis wasn't dead already, I'd kick him in the head.
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hehe the vampire part made me giggle
Comments by Amanda
So basically... your dreams are like :xmas1: if he was to do what he's supposed to do scientifically.
Nice.
Comments by NYCWD
It's fun to laugh at your misfortune. Also, are you trying to tell me you don't have the Big Turk bar in the US? What kind of backward freaky hillbilly country do you live in, man?
Comments by Gwen
I thought turkish delight would be all chocolate-y and covered with powdered sugar or something! I am disappointed.
How do you take pictures of yourself like that, or is your wife the much of a good sport?
J.
Comments by HoosierGirl5
Ewww.... I know lots of people who love Turkish Delight, but honestly, it totally sucks ass, and I'd happily trade the stuff for a plate of boiled broccoli should the opportunity ever arise.
RMB
Comments by borysSNORC ™
I've never been a fan, so am glad you are finally aware that Turkish Delight is putrid
Comments by Dee
I feel so bad about the disappointment I've caused you. In an effort to make amends I've sent you a Magical Wardrobe in the post (at least the man in the shop assured me it was magical).
Unfortunately I didn't have enough change on me at the post office so I sent it Postage to be paid on delivery. Hope that's ok.
Comments by Dan
Try another one in a few days. It could be an acquired taste type thing. I looks very pretty. UPDATE ON YOUR SWEATER: I am covered in mitten orders right now, but I have not forgetten you. It won't arrive before Christmas, but you will have a mudflapper. Soon.
Comments by Nina
You should have saved a few of Mrs. Fab's cookies to get that taste out of your mouth.
Or, you could just blow me.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Hm. I don't know - I don't think you really sold it on this one. I just don't BELIEVE you're disgusted.
(Although I'm glad I didn't let you convince me to try it.)
Comments by Miss Britt
I think it's all about perspective. Compared to what we have available now-adays, sure - it's not so hot. But compared to bread pudding, horse crap and camel urine (the staples of a diet back then), I'm sure you'd think it's pretty darned good.
Comments by Wayne
they look yummy!!!!
the joy on ur face makes me wonder how long it took u bfor u screamed in ecstasy!!
Comments by the_boy_blunder
Did you honestly think that something that is "ROSE" flavored would actually taste good. And Turkish Delight????
Comments by ADW
Amanda, it's true!
NYCWD, yeah, exactly. Well, except for the being shit out by a homeless guy part.
Gwen, what is a Big Turk Bar? And if it's anything like Turkish Delight, we've clearly evolved beyond that backwards tasting ass-food.
HG5, me too! I thought it was going to be like awesome creamy fudge. I had a friend with me who tried to eat some, too, and he took the pictures.
BorysSNORC, you know people who love it? I'd rather eat boiled bull testicles, much less boiled broccoli.
Dee, you're glad my dreams have been destroyed?
Dan, sure. As long as it's magical!
Nina, it's not an acquired taste. And I will eagerly await my sweater.
Mr. Fabulous, strangely, blowing you tastes just like the rose-flavored one.
Britt, maybe if you would have tried some and let me taken a photo of you, I could have offered more photographic proof. Thanks for ruining my post.
Wayne, I might be more inclined to try horse crap.
Boy Blunder, okay, you're really going to have to start typing like an adult for me to even respond to you.
ADW, well, your flower tasted pretty good.
Comments by Avitable
Nothing like a Tukish Taffy,huh.
Good to know!
Comments by metalmom
This is why I am skeptical about sending you food.
Comments by Poppy
"Try this. I bet you'll puke and I can post pictures!"
Gosh, you're right. I'm sorry I let you down.
Comments by Miss Britt
My sympathies to your tear ducts and now your taste buds.
Comments by Trish
I don't like Turkish Delight either. That Man of Mine likes it, but he was stationed in that part of the world for a time and it was, I guess, the only available candy.
I love the HELL out of Narnia, though.
Comments by golfwidow
My son is just finishing the Narnia books and he was asking me all about that. I will show him your pictures, that way he will let it go. I would have for him to dream about turkish delight for 20 years and be let down.
You are such a giver!!!!
Comments by themuttprincess
I don't know...I think I do see a few gray hairs.
Comments by Robin
You shoulda just axed me. Ida toll ya.
Comments by RW
You are such a baby. It was delicious!
Comments by Clown
ah yes, i was enthralled by Turkish Delight as well, but always pictured it in my head as a stew of some sort; lots of turkey meat and potatoes and stuff. i mean, if i were Edmund out in the snow, that's what I'D want, and the queen...she'd know that, rite?
Turkish Delight in actuality is quite the let down, i have to say
Comments by Crys
Metalmom, yeah, steer clear!
Poppy, I love the food you send, but you don't try to poison me!
Britt, you see? Wouldn't that have been awesome?
Trish, I don't use the tear ducts anyway.
Golfwidow, he likes it? Sigh.
TMP, I'm glad my sacrifice won't be in vain.
Robin, fucker.
RW, you knew this?
Clown, as you gagged over the kitchen sink.
Crystal, yes. Yes, it is.
Comments by Avitable
I'm surprised! I eat Turkish delight every time I go to Egypt, and while it's not the awesomeness that is chocolate, it's far from nasty. Then again, I've never had lemon or rose flavored Turkish delight. Where was that stuff made?
Comments by Girl, Dislocated
Sometimes, it is really frightening when I find that we have strange things in common.
I also read the entire Chronicles, although I think it took me a week, but just one. I love those books! So, when my kids were little I read them "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe" and sometime later I happened across "Turkish Delight" at World Market and HAD to buy it, for the very same reason. Edmund betrayed his brother and sisters over the stuff... this stuff MUST be better than chocolate.
Imagine MY surprise. My kids now think Edmund was just a silly asshole who obviously had no taste or had never had chocolate.
Comments by Amy
I really always thought that a Turkish Delight was a woman from .. you know ... Turkey.
If you compared Turkish Delight to other Turkish foods ... or British foods, then you would probably have a better opinion of it. I mean, it's hard to compete with American delicacies like the Big Mac or a Whopper!
Comments by Jay
love those books!
the lion, the witch & the wardrobe gave me the impression that turkish delight was like that greek dessert to the millionth power. way to pee all over my fantsy.
:xmas4:
cute dog, though!
Comments by hellohahanarf
The considerable breadth of my worldly experience is enough to freeze the run of the mill bon vivant dead in his very tracks.
Comments by RW
Perhaps the Turkish Delight Edmund enjoyed was the original flavours, not the rose and lemon flavours.
Comments by Sarcastica
You should be getting my card any time if you haven't yet...
Comments by Tug
Hmm, now I must figure out how to make my dixie delight Floridable...
Comments by Poppy
As someone else pointed out, that probably tastes like sugar-coated sunshine to someone used to a diet of blood pudding and bread.
Also, in the movie and in the original miniseries
, the Turkish delight that Edmund had was filled with something...probably a fruit jelly, which improves the taste greatly, I'm sure. That's probably the only way they could get the kid in the movie to be convincing about liking it...lol.
Comments by Squeaky Wheel
So ehm... what you are saying is that Turkish Delight is an acquired taste?
Well, just stick to Dutch Delight...
Comments by DutchBitch
Girl, Dislocated, yeah, but you're Egyptian. Maybe your tastes are just different. It was made in the UK, I believe.
Amy, I'm just glad someone else thought it had to be better than the best chocolate ever.
Jay, good thinking.
Hello, I'm glad you got the same impression, too. Makes it clear that I'm not crazy. And you should be glad that you didn't have your hopes dashed against sharp rocks like I did.
RW, those run of the mill bon vivants. Gotta watch out for them.
Sarcastica, it wouldn't matter.
Tug, sweet.
Poppy, Dixie Delight?
Squeaky Wheel, there's no way it could still taste as creamy and wonderful as CS Lewis described, though.
DB, ooh, does Dutch Delight have a creamy center?
Comments by Avitable
That's for me to know...
Comments by DutchBitch
the fact that i also thought turkish delight was heaven for the mouth does not mean that you are not crazy. without a doubt, another person having the same impression is not proof of your sanity.
yeah, i'm pretty sure of that, nutjob!
Comments by hellohahanarf
Dude! Thanks for the heads-up. I, too, like many other readers, thought it was chocolate-y goodness. Alas, we are wrong. Fucking Turks. No sense of taste, literally.
Oh, and? So glad you're a Doctor Who geek. When I found out the hubby didn't know what the Tardis was, I almost divorced him. Uncultured cracker...
Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
Go watch my video, you'll learn what a dixie delight is. Nummma.
Comments by Poppy
DB, and me to find out?
Hello, so it just means you're as crazy as I am?
CMG, you thought it was chocolate too? Good. I'm a new addition to the Doctor Who geekworld. I used to read the books as a kid, but until the Eccleston season, I hadn't seen any of the show. My wife had, and now we anticipate every awesome moment. And Ty is a lucky guy - I would have divorced him!
Poppy, but that takes effort and I'm llaaaaaazzzzyyyyyyy!
Comments by Avitable
i think thats a very clear way of saying stop coming to my website. If it is so, I shall oblige.
Comments by the_boy_blunder
It's me licking a spoon, and there's peanut butter and chocolate. Get your ass over there and watch the damn thing. I need your opinion on if it's anything more than redonk, because I'm starting to get disturbing comments from boys.
Comments by Poppy
Boy blunder, I didn't say that. If I didn't want you coming to the website, your IP address would be blocked and I'd tell you! I meant exactly what I said - is it that hard to sound like an adult and type things like "you" and "your"? I'm glad you visit here, but one of my huge pet peeves is when people sound like a 10 year old who's text messaging.
Poppy, ok, well I'll watch it because of the licking.
Comments by Avitable
Are you watching it yet?! I need you to save me here, write in my comments that the video was gross or that I'm crazy, or whatever. I'm certain you'll tell me it's not hot at all.
Comments by Poppy
Sorry about the TD but your hair looks great!
Comments by AnnieB
Re: your response to someone... (too lazy to go back up and check) - you are dead, right, CS certainly did make this stuff sound like it was heaven in a box or something.
We got the rose and lemon too, the kids said it tasted like soap and the texture creeped them out.
Comments by Amy
All right. Point noted.
Comments by the_boy_blunder
I'm so sad about the Turkish Delight. Apparently CS Lewis is a big fucking liar and I hate him now. Tolkien wouldn't do this to us.
Comments by MyWeeWorld
I'm pretty sure lemon or rose flavored Turkish delight would taste like
to me too.
If I can sneak it through customs on my way back from Egypt, would you be willing to try regular, non-funky flavored Turkish delight, or would that trigger post traumatic stress?
Comments by Girl, Dislocated
MWW's comment just cracked me the hell up! I'm addressing your card right.... now! Maybe you'll get it next year.
Comments by Geeky Tai-Tai
Boy_blunder, not to step in on your fun (I'm totally doing that), but Avi does not mince words. If he didn't want you around he would have straight out told you to fuck off. Him offering pointers on how to stay around on his blog means he sees potential in you.
Comments by Poppy
Yeah, I am not a fan of the Turkish Delight! But I am a huge fan of your Tardis ice bucket! I want one so now I must go copycat you and try to find one :).
Comments by Hilly
Okay... so I'm a Christian and happen to like C.S. Lewis. But that doesn't mean that I've misplaced my sense of humor.
That entry was funny as hell (no pun intended). The pictures and your closing remark were comedy gold.
Thanks for being you, Avitable. It never fails that I get at least a few chuckles out of your entries.
I'll be looking for my Christmas Card in the mail. And you can be looking for yours uhm... shortly. Yeah. I'll probably get them out in the mail this week. That's the goal, anyway! :)
Comments by Amber
Poppy, bulge!
AnnieB, are you fucking with me?
Amy, yup!
Boy Blunder, cool.
MyWeeWorld, no, Tolkien will just bore us to death.
Girl Dislocated, yes, I would definitely give it another try if there was a normal flavored version.
Geeky, awesome!
Hilly, I can get one for you cheaply if you want to. Let me know.
Amber, I'm a Catholic, and I love the Narnia books. I still think CS Lewis deserves a kick in the head for making me crave Turkish Delight for no reason!
Comments by Avitable
I do not believe you...
Comments by Poppy
Poppy, I never lie!
Comments by Avitable
Maybe not, but that doesn't mean I'm the one who made you bulge. It was a spoon and I was in my sweatshirt! I think you had porn going at the same time as my video.
Comments by Poppy
all that and not ONE commenter used the new GIF...
eff-that... I'm usin' it!
Comments by Tori
Tori, I saw that, and threw up in my mouth a little. Again! GAH!
Comments by Geeky Tai-Tai
Poppy, or your video = porn.
Tori, thank YOU!
Geeky, it's awesome, isn't it?
Comments by Avitable
Rabble rouser.
Comments by Poppy
For some reason yesterday the pics would only load about down to the top of your eyebrows, so all I could see was your hair and your forehead and I thought - man, his hair looks great. Today they're loading all the way so actually I probably would have added - too bad it's on top of ... well, nevermind, it's Christmas.
Comments by AnnieB
Poppy, pants rouser.
AnnieB, ha!
Comments by Avitable
Dammit! I did not see that one coming.
(HA. ha.)
Comments by Poppy
Dude you need the Turkish Delight bars, purple jelly type filling covered in chocolate, yum, now I am hankering for some.
Comments by Michael
Poppy, speaking of coming . . .
Michael, okay, that sounds mildly interesting!
Comments by Avitable
Turkish Delight is PEOPLE!
Wow. I'm a nerd.
Now that you've posted your address, I'm cruising ebay for something weird and random to send you.
Comments by Karen
Karen, that's what everyone says whenever I post my address, but nobody (other than hellohahanarf) sends me weird random stuff!
Comments by Avitable
"weird" random stuff? random, sure. but weird?
no more chocolate covered oreos for you!
Comments by hellohahanarf
Hello, well, random. I was just paraphrasing what Karen said. They're certainly not weird. They are tasty, though!
Comments by Avitable