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Lazy Sunday XX: The Christmas Edition

1) EGG NOG OR HOT CHOCOLATE?
Egg nog is tasty, but hot chocolate is the nectar that flows from Santa’s holy butthole. I love hot chocolate.

2) DOES SANTA WRAP PRESENTS OR JUST SIT THEM UNDER THE TREE?
Santa wraps presents, puts them under the tree, puts the toilet paper back on the roll, refills the soap dispenser, does my laundry, and does the dishes.

3) COLORED LIGHTS ON ON TREE/HOUSE OR WHITE?
Let’s be politically correct. It’s white lights or African American lights. Jeez.

4) WHO DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE AT CHRISTMAS?
That one hot cousin who isn’t blood related so it’s not too creepy to stare at her breasts.

5) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY DISH (EXCLUDING DESSERT)?
Bacon cheeseburgers. Ummm, I mean holiday reindeer burgers with bacon and cheese.

6) WHEN DO YOU PUT YOUR CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS UP?
1983

7) FAVORITE HOLIDAY MEMORY AS A CHILD?
Being beaten with a Christmas stocking hung with care and filled with coal.

8) WHEN AND HOW DID YOU LEARN THE TRUTH ABOUT SANTA?
I was 5 when I figured it out and asked my parents. Yet I somehow believed in the Easter Bunny until I was 27.

9) DO YOU OPEN A GIFT ON CHRISTMAS EVE?
My wife and I usually have opened all of our presents by the week before Christmas. We can never wait.

10) HOW DO YOU DECORATE YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE?
We have personal ornaments that we buy each year that have specific meaning for us.

11) SNOW….LOVE IT OR HATE IT?
I love the yellow stuff.

12) CAN YOU ICE SKATE?
I can’t even ice walk.

13) DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR FAVORITE GIFT?
The year the stocking was filled with cotton instead of coal.

14) WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS FOR YOU?
To get in fights with relatives about politics, open up old wounds, and get mad about shitty gifts, right?

15) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY DESSERT?
I like apple pie and buckeyes and chocolate pecan pie and chocolate cream pie and butterscotch pie and fudge.

16) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY TRADITION?
Instead of Christmas carols, we do Christmas flaming poo in a bag.

17) WHAT TOPS YOUR TREE?
A dominant gay man.

18) WHICH DO YOU PREFER, GIVING OR RECEIVING?
I prefer the look of glee on young women’s faces as I deposit present after present on their glistening cheeks. Wait, what?

19) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CHRISTMAS SONG?
The Twelve Days of Christmas, according to “Scrubs”

20) WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST AT CHRISTMAS?
I never miss.

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24 Replies to “Lazy Sunday XX: The Christmas Edition”

  1. Mary

    #6) I am totaly stealing it, and pretending that I came up with an original thought. That cracked me up, which only goes to prove that I need to get a life.

    #14) I swear to Jesus, we are related. I love the holidays. My family is as retarded as they come, and I can’t wait to see each and every one of them.

    Avitable, you crack me up. Merry Christmas to you and the Saint that married you.

    Mary

  2. Poppy

    I knew before I clicked that you were going to have posted this stupid :xmas2: meme.

    I can’t ice skate either, but that’s because of an ankle injury from when I was a kid. You have NO excuse. 😛

  3. Avitable

    Mary, how do you know she’s a saint? Maybe she’s a demon from the pit of hell!

    Amanda, that will have to be an extra special Lazy Sunday in 10 weeks.

    Mr. Fabulous, didn’t I tell you? You’re my hot cousin.

    Poppy, you’ve seen this one before?

    Robin, it’s nice living with Santa.

    Britt, Julianne’s a blood-related cousin. Ew!

    Hello, Santa’s too afraid to give me crap in my stocking.

    Lisa, Happy Kwanzaa.

    Dave, I’m glad someone got that joke.

  4. Poppy

    I’ve seen this meme on a ton of other blogs, haven’t seen it from you. I just… had that feeling that because it was Sunday and almost Christmas your Sunday meme was going to be this one. I’m semi-psychic, but only right before I find something out and only about useless things.

  5. DutchBitch

    Hot Chocolate comes from Santa’s butthole? Ah! Ok… that probably explains the aftertaste that some inferior qualities of hot chocolate have…

    Hmmm. I have a kinda deja-vu feeling about this comment… Well, never mind…

  6. TrishK

    #5-reindeer…

    We had reindeer sausage while we were stationed in Alaska. Not A Grampy totally traumatized both children when he pointed out “look kids it even has pieces of Rudolphs nose in it” (there were red spices in it)

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