Here’s a good one about the end of the year. Thanks to Robin.
Did you kiss anyone?
All year long? I kissed my wife, my mother, my dog, my other wife, the pool guy, my grandmother, and my right hand painted to look like Avril Lavigne.
Did you date anyone?
I did not. I ate someone, though.
Are you going to have someone to kiss when the ball drops?
My other ball dropped when I was 12.
Did you lose any friends?
Unfortunately. But I found a nickel!
Did you gain any friends?
I’d like to think so. Nobody’s a real friend until they’ve emailed me pictures of their boobs, though.
Did you do something new?
I stopped using rubbing alcohol as lubrication when I masturbate. The tears have finally stopped.
Did anyone important to you die?
My Nana.
Did you change?
I think I’m the same person I was a year ago. Well, except for the hump. That’s gone.
Are you happy with the year over all?
2007 was a very stressful year, but overall, I think it went okay. Any year without any arrests or warrants is a good year in my book.
What’s the best thing that happened to you?
I already told you – I found a nickel!
Did you fall in or out of love?
I was already in love. I did fall in a pool, though.
Are you happy the year’s almost over?
Yeah, I’m ready to start a new year, older, smarter, and wiser, and three inches longer.
Are you going to change something about yourself next year?
Stop lying about my four-foot long penis.
Do you think 2008 will be a better year then 2007?
I know it.
Did you lose your virginity in 2007?
Only anally.
How many things did you screw up in 2007?
I shouldn’t have told Jamie Lynn Spears that I was infertile.
Did you go to an amusement park?
I’m legally prohibited from being within 100 yards of any location or business where children may congregate.
Did you lie to your parents?
My mother’s Irish Catholic. She can smell a lie from halfway across the country.
Did you get into a fight?
It was me, a pillow, and four high school cheerleaders. Feathers were flying everywhere. It was a massacre.
Did you leave the country?
Well, I went to Kentucky. That’s like a whole ‘nother world there.
Did anyone in your family get married?
My wife and I get a divorce and re-marry every year. It’s romantic.
Do you think you grew?
I’ve grown into a nicer, gentler person this year. Compared to Hitler.
Did you sing to anyone?
The only person I sing to is my wife, and that’s only because she’s deaf in one ear and can’t hear out the other.
What did you drink and eat the most?
Diet Coke and bacon cheeseburgers. And dolphin vagina.
Are you going to make a new year’s resolution?
I’m going to stop censoring myself on my blog. I don’t want it to be G-rated anymore.
Did you stick to your new year’s resolution from last year?
Avril Lavigne hasn’t been kidnapped and made my bride yet, has she?
Contest: Lazy Sunday is BACK!
The 2010 Avitable Halloween Party
I found three nickels today! In three different pairs of pants! The coffee at the bagel place is $1.95, they have no tip cup, and I have a habit of putting away my wallet before I get my change so I end up putting the nickel in my back pocket.
Reply
PS – I am not stupid enough to click on your Nana picture again. Her image is burned into my retinas.
Reply
Twitter: Amanda234
says:
congrats on the nickel!
Reply
So we aren’t “real” friends? But… I did show cleavage that one time…
Reply
uh… did you just say you lost your ability to hump? No wonder you say it’s been a “shitty year!”
Reply
Twitter: Readerwrites
says:
I am sorry about Nana and Jamie Lynn, but glad about the in love part and that you get to remarry every year. Please get over that Avril thing, though. Thank you.
Reply
It’s about time you stop censoring yourself For God’s sake man, let it out!
Reply
Twitter: hismuse
says:
Yeah, you are waaaaay too tame on this blog, stop holding back.
Reply
so if i mail photos of my boobs, whadda you gonna mail me photos of, eh?
Reply
Hello, unless he’s pulling new tricks in 2008, let me just answer for all of us who’ve received it: His balls.
Reply
i absofrikkenlutely LOVE ball shots…wahoo!
Reply
Then might I suggest that you learn from Miss Britt who is not here to make the comment herself, and make Adam give you his balls picture BEFORE you give him your boobs picture. :batting:
Reply
i have sent cookies. and i could send a nickle. plus a promise of boob shots.
avi, i believe that you still have my address…get thee to mailing…
Reply
p.s. thanks, pop!
:clap:
Reply
Britt deserves all the credit, she’s the wise one. I just listen well.
I’m sending cookies, too! What kind are you sending? Hopefully this doesn’t turn into a competition of whose cookies are better, because mine are the best on the planet.
Reply
Oops, good, you already sent them. (I can’t read.)
Reply
My year was five times better than yours! I found a quarter yesterday!!! :woohoo:
Reply
Poppy, you don’t want to pay respects to my Nana? For shame!
Amanda, it’s awesome, isn’t it?
Amy, yeah, that’s true . . . I guess you get a break.
Y2K, no, my name used to be Quasimodo.
Nina, c’mon – Avril is awesome!
Mr. Fabulous, it’s nice to throw the shackles off.
Robin, damn straight.
Hello, it will have to be a surprise.
Poppy, shhhhh.
Girl, Dislocated, damn, you did have a good year!
Reply
There are other ways than looking at that picture again to pay respects to your Nana.
And, sorry. :batting:
(But I’m sure if Britt would have said it you wouldn’t dare say “shhhhhh” about it.)
Reply
Poppy, no I would have called her a dogfucker and thrown something at her head.
Reply
Nana was a looker!!
Dolphin vagina… you always get in one disgusting thing per post…
I like it!
Reply
Ok, that was really funny and I can totally see that. But, telling her to be quiet is not something you would ever do unless you were cruisin’ for a bruisin’.
Reply
Dolphin Vagina…I bet that is salty.
I have some boobie pictures but you will have to send me some pictures of your pecker first.
Share and share alike!
Reply
No one rocks a meme like Bossy’s daughter’s friend Avitable.
Reply
Sybil, at least one. I have a quota, you know.
Poppy, I tell her to shut up all the time. She just tells me to suck her dick.
Preposterous, boobs first!
Bossy, I can only be friends with girls who are at least 16. Court order.
Reply
I won’t ask what my brain wants me to. How about I instead ask where your New Year’s smilies are…?
Reply
Poppy, just because it doesn’t actually exist doesn’t mean that she can’t tell me to do it!
Reply
Did you just call me a nickel?
Reply
Britt, no, I paid you a nickel. That’s how much you charge for a blowjob, right?
Reply