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Lazy Sunday XXIV

Stolen from Steve’s Nude Memphis Blog:

1. Have you ever kissed someone 16 or older?
Yes. I’ve also licked someone who was 48 and homeless.

2. Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with an A?
I think her name started with A. I mean, she wouldn’t have been wearing that big red “A” otherwise, would she?

3. Where is your cellular?
I don’t have a cellular phone. I prefer to shout. Loudly.

4. What are you doing tomorrow?
I plan on asking fourteen people if they have a case of the Mondays.

5. Why do these surveys always have at least one number missing?
Because the letters operate on the buddy system.

6. Ever eaten soap?
That’s how I learned that “shiteating cocklicking fucking cunt of a shitbag whore” is a bad word when I was 4.

7. Last person to tell you “I love you”?
The woman at the Burger King drive-through window. Although I had my music up pretty loudly, so she might have said “Elephant juice” instead.

8. Like anyone?
Only people who walk around wearing their first initials.

9. What song are you listening to right now?
I wish I knew. It goes like this “hmm hm hm hmmm boop boop bop doo doo hmmm hm hm”. Any ideas?

10. Is there a place you would like to visit?
My funeral, so I know who to be pissed at for not coming.

11. Have you ever fallen into a mud puddle?
Does a brown poodle count?

12. Do you like winter?
Like like?

13. Does your screen name have numbers in it?
Pi to fourteen digits.

14. Are you in a band?
I bounce in and out of one on occasion. It’s a rubber band, of course.

15. Do you like parties?
I prefer partays.

16. What are you scared of?
Being finger licking good.

17. How long have you had your blog for?
This one or the midget sex bestial mudwrestling poop one?

18. If you could have sex with a celebrity, who would it be?

19. If you could own a monkey, would you?
I’m sorry, but I take offense to this question, especially after the 1988 bill of monkey rights. Nobody owns a monkey.

20. Do you own anything from American Eagle?
A fun pair of slacks.

21. Do you listen to rap?
Only when sung by Filipino midget Gregorian monks.

22. Do you listen to country?
You can listen to it? I have to choke it down and try not to spit it back up.

23. Favorite Disney movie?
Beauty and her Beast’s beast.

24. Is your room clean?
About halfway clean. The top half.

25. Do you have any best friends?
Only the few that I made that fateful day when we all had Saturday School and bonded in spite of our vast differences.

26. Do you have any siblings?
Well, one’s a rodeo clown and one’s a backup dancer for Menudo, so we don’t talk about them.

27. Do you get along with them?
Only if we’re not at a rodeo or a Menudo concert.

28. Do you regret anything?
I don’t recall gretting anything.

29. What are you excited about?
Clean underwear.

30. Are you an artist?
No, I am an ACTOR! Outstanding! Thank YOU!

31. Do you have an addiction?
Other than crack? No.

32. Favorite swear word?
I can’t say that. It will make you blush.

33. What did you do today?
Organized the dog’s wardrobe. Alphabetized my movies by release date. Fed the homeless. To alligators.

34. Are you enjoying life?
Only before the milk makes it soggy.

35. How many pillows do you sleep with?
Do I look like a pillow whore?

36. Do you have sex dreams about celebrities?
Sex nightmares. Stay away, Donald Trump!

37. Do you like hugs or kisses?

38. Is the glass half empty or half full?
The top half is empty. The bottom half is full.

39. Do you hate anybody?
Shampoo actors.

40. Are you happy right now?
Yes, alternating with hunger and ennui every other third second.

41. Plans for Saturday?
Is that a band? I’m so behind on new music.

42. What’s on your mind right now?
Happy hungry bored happy hungry bored. I want to smile, eat a cheeseburger, then sigh.

43. How big is too big?
This query has already been addressed successfully in a treatise by W. A. Yankovic entitled “Fat”.

44. Been embarrassed in public?
Only with my privates.

45. Miss someone?
Once I run out of underwear.

46. Have you been in trouble with the cops?
My middle name is Troublewiththecops. It’s Polish.

47. Where were you born?
Weymouth, but I must have amnesia, because I don’t remember anything about it.

49. Are you confused about anything right now?
If I clap with one hand, does a mime fall in the woods?

50. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
I liked them with a bat. Wait, like might not be the word I’m looking for.

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30 Replies to “Lazy Sunday XXIV”

  1. Stephanie

    Popping my “comment cherry” here, lol. This is my first comment on your blog, Adam, but I’ve been a long time reader. I wanted to tell you I cheat, I’m a thief. I steal your Lazy Sunday meme every week and send it to my friends to answer. :clap:

  2. hellohahanarf

    “34. Are you enjoying life?
    Only before the milk makes it soggy.”

    that? one of the funniest things i have ever read.

    (might be the bloody marys for breakfast, but i don’t think so. seriously funny. and i am so gonna steal it, k?)


  3. Avitable

    Amanda, Nathaniel who? I was just going off that Demi Moore movie.

    Zom, it’s a movie based on my life.

    Amy, I do, however, have sex dreams about his daughter. Rawr.

    Stephanie, thanks for the visit – don’t be shy, you should comment more often!

    Robin, only if they’re homeless.

    Hello, I think it’s the Bloody Marys.

    HG, no. I can’t stand country. Sorry.

    Fab, but could you at least shower occasionally before being licked?

  4. the108

    I need to start coming here more often. I’d write more as a comment but I’m quite mesmerized by all of your weird ass smilies. I can’t take my eyes off of them.There are a few I might masturbate to later.

  5. Lisa

    Dude and I read this meme together. I’ve never heard him laugh so hard. The 1988 Bill of Monkey Rights got us because, well, we think monkey are freakin’ hysterical in our house.

  6. Miss Britt

    I swear I’ve read some of these before. Specifically the having sex with yourself and the breakfast club one. Not that they aren’t still funny.

    And also? The Scarlet Letter is one of my favorite books ever. You should read it.

  7. Avitable

    Robin, I guess that’s good enough.

    Bec, that’s a good thing. Means I’m awesome!

    108, feel free. I do on a regular basis.

    Kylah, I’m glad you got it, at your age!

    Lisa, monkeys have rights too!

    Britt, it’s hard when the questions repeat so often. And I’ve read the Scarlet Letter.

  8. BlondeBlogger

    OOOOH! Now I get what you meant about the smileys! How did I not see that first one before? Oh my gosh, roflmao!!!

    Okay, I am SO glad I came to your blog because I never fail to LMAO every time I read a post!

    “18. If you could have sex with a celebrity, who would it be?

    Love it! :clap:

  9. Avitable

    PP, she might have been. I was wearing my yarmulke, too.

    Stephanie, awesome – welcome to blogging!

    Kylah, this gives me hope for the youth of the world.

    BlondeBlogger, my goal is for everyone to LTAO. Then we’ll all have svelter asses.

    Y2K, throughout the day. I change clothes every forty-eight minutes.

  10. BlondeBlogger

    LOL! Well my ass is the one part of my body that I like, so maybe we could change it to “LMBO” (laughing my belly off). If you could shed some pounds there for me, I will pull up a seat and permanently live here! :sexytime:

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