As you might have noticed from the header (if not, reload the page), this is AvitaWeek 2008. I plan on shamelessly celebrating my 31st birthday all week long and soliciting presents, cards, and well wishes. I’m even going to keep posting links to my wishlists!
To kick off the week, since today is also Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, I’ve decided to demonstrate just how alike the good Reverend and I are.
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With apologies to Martin Luther King, Jr. Because I have a fuckin’ dream too.
Enjoy this post? Try these:I have a dream that one day long pants will be outlawed, and only outlaws will wear long pants.
I have a dream that one day from the golden arches of McDonald’s, the food will contain no calories but still retain their greasy deliciousness.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Florida, a state sweltering with the fucking humidity, oppressed with blue-haired drivers, will be transformed into an air-conditioned oasis of freedom from slow driving.
I have a dream that the four hundred children I have scattered over this earth will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the gorilla hair on their back but by the content of their character and the size of their huge penii.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day every vagina shall be exalted, and every breast shall be made perfect, the rough places will be made smooth, and the crooked penii will be made straight; and orgasms shall flow like the river.
This is our hope, and this is the faith that I sleep nightly with.
With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a cock of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of boobs and sex. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to mutually masturbate together, to grope together, to go to jail together, to stand up with an erection together, knowing that we will all be naked one day.
Memorial Day – Dead Soldiers Only Need Apply
Today’s plan
Questions to ponder
Twitter: Amanda234
says:
When does the Free Veronica march happen, because I’m there!
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oooohhh… I’m all about having perfect breasts and flowing orgasm’s!
wait… define a flowing orgasm before I sign up for that…
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Well shit dude, we oughta make your birthday a National Holiday as well!
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Wait – you’re black??
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Sure he’s black–you just can’t tell because of all the hair
LMAO btw
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
One can only dream.
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That borders on sacreligous (sp?), but it was hysterical.
By the way, I am SO glad I checked your Amazon wish list: I didn’t know they had “The Ultimate Board Game Collection” for the Wii. That looks cool for me. And my youngest’s 8th birthday is coming up – I think he would love the Star Wars Wii game. We have the Wii Charge Station and Daniel (my 13 yr. old) loves it. And I did NOT know John Grisham had a new book coming out. I can’t wait.
Wait a minute, was I supposed to get something for YOU?
J.
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I have a dream that one day I will win the lottery and not have to work anymore.
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
I have a dream that I will one day be as gutsy and ballsy as you, Avi. Thanks for making this one smile! :lmao:
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Twitter: Jayman3768
says:
I think this is going to be a pretty awesome week here on your blog. I’m not sure how you’re gonna top comparing yourself to MLK, but I can’t wait to see what you do.
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I think your dream is reasonable. Keep dreamin’!!!!
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I cannot believe you “went there” and compared yourself to Dr. King.
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PS – I got you something but you’ll have to wait a very long time for it and that’s totally your own fault.
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Avi, I would’ve bought you stuff, but I missed Britt’s birthdy, and, um, well I’ll just say it, I like her better. But I think this post is great, and maybe next year I’ll get you something. Oh and it would help if you buy me something for my birthday. Which is in June. Giving you plenty of time to let your feelings for me mature.
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Amanda, it already happened. We failed.
Tori, well, it’s not a trickling one.
Mr. Fabulous, I agree wholeheartedly.
Britt, only in my pants.
Turnbaby, gorillas transcend race.
Robin, amen.
HG, yeah, your kids have enough – you should buy ME stuff.
RW, I have that dream, too. Except we’re naked.
CMG, it’s not gutsy. It’s not like I was denigrating MLK, only the day in his honor.
Jay, maybe I should compare myself to Jesus next.
TMP, and trucking.
Poppy, went where? Did you read the comparisons? And why is it my fault?
Allyson, you like HER better? I’m way awesomer. I’m like an actual girlfriend – she’s like that bitchy woman that no other women like.
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*sigh* that’s true. I am that woman.
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With the addition of the partay hat, Hitler suddenly became hawt.
Should I be worried?
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I have something in common with MLK,my birth certificate was wrong too. For my first name they put down my father’s middle name plus they checked the box for male. I have paperwork that is stapled to my birth certificate correcting those mistakes. It sure is funny at the border when customs looks at it. With my shape there is no way I was ever a male! BTW, what day was the world changed forever?
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Twitter: LeSombre
says:
Wait a minute:
Bearded? Check. Wears short pants all the time? Check. Eats 8 meals a day? Check. Likes to walk Barefeet? Check. Likes to throw extravagant parties? Check. Dances? Check.
I thought you were a Hobbit.
Everybody knows Hobbits don’t get presents, they GIVE presents on their birthdays. Where’s mine?
Happy Birthday!
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Went to the comparing of yourself to This Great Man. (But, you know I’m kidding…) I did read the comparison, yes. I thought they were funny, but I write you the comments that pop into my head. You’re a fucking genius — better? And you’ll see why it’s your fault.
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You worked really hard on this one, didn’t you?
Happy Avitaweek 2008!!!!
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Britt, I still love you, though.
BPR, is it the moustache combined with the hat?
Summer, is this what you tell people when they ask about your scar “down there”?
Mike, I hate hobbits!
Poppy, much better.
Amy, of course I did. I’m a dedicated blogger.
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That brought me to tears. :jerkoff2:
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Twitter: LeSombre
says:
Bah, I’m sure Hobbits like you anyways. They’re funny little critters that way.
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Twitter: tlkaply
says:
Dude, most of your dreams are creepy. Good Job!
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Naturally those two go hand in hand!!!
:cock:
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It’s like you were separated at birth. And Trauma Center?! In my fun world that’s a prescription of Ativan waiting to happen. Unrelated to the post: LOVE the knee socks!
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Happy birthday!
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You posted on my blog after I copied your album cover idea. Today is my first time to your site and you crack me up. Thanks for today’s entertainment, when I should have been working.
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Jason, of pain? Or happiness? Either way, I’m cool.
Mike, they only like me when I drop the soap.
Tracy, aren’t everyone’s?
TMP, naturally.
Sarah is OK, thanks for the visit and comment. And my socks rock.
Cheri, wait for four more days, k?
Kira, I’m glad you weren’t offended!
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Your dream needs to include the search for the perfect orgasm. I’m still seeking it. I’ll be sure to let you (and probably the whole freaking world) know when I find it. Not if, when.
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OK I will join you and proudly stand naked by your side with my newly straightened erection… just a few months after the hamburgers without calories kick into effect.
Oh yeah and as far as gifts: Fuck you you fucking fuck you wont even add me to your blog roll. Instead I plan on follwoing your lead at Christmas and dropping some Green Giant produce into the dirt of my back yard so you will have…
wait for it….
wait for it….
Waitttttttttttt for it….
PEAS ON EARTH!!!
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Hahahahaha! There goes another pound off my ass.
I feel like the blog version of the Little Drummer
BoyGirl. I have no gifts to bring for your birthday because I am ‘po.Shall I “play my *ahem* drum for you?”
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THIRD edit. Avi, do you get to see all the comments I edited, or just this one? ‘Cause if you get to see them all, I know you must be laughing YOUR ass off now, hahaha.
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Hallelujah brother! Praise the *cough* Avi!
31? You mean you’re a year older than me? Post office tomorrow – I’m a-going!
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MyWeeWorld, I’m a man. Every orgasm is a perfect one.
Y2K, you’re on my blogroll! I just haven’t updated the one on the site – I have you in my feedreader.
Blondeblogger, it is a little bit like watching a train wreck very slowly.
Bec, after you reach 30, the age just doesn’t matter anymore. I’m ancient. Sigh.
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Not only is this thefirst time I have seen the word “penii” on a blog…but I saw it TWICE in the same post.
Awesome.
:lmao:
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Ohhhhhh YOUR the one that’s been going to my blog? Sorry I threw one of my favorite Clerks quotes at you… but then again, you’re the only person I (kind of) know that gets any Keven Smith joke. I guess now I’ll have to use the FU quote on my Mom… I thought SHE was the one reading my blog.
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The similarities between you and Doctor King are uncanny. Blasphemous, but uncanny nonetheless. Nicely done.
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Stephanie, I’m a trendsetter, what can I say?
Y2K, that was a good reference, although I think someone must have said that before Kevin Smith did.
Schad, we could be like brothers. Not “brother” brothers, but . . . you know what I mean.
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You never cease to amaze me. And make me laugh. Well done! :thumbsup:
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Sybil, thanks!
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I’m not sure if I’m entirely sold on this “to stand up with an erection together” thing.
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John, what if I hung a doughnut on it?
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HARDY HAR HAR :cock:
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Sarcastica, do you even know how Martin Luther King is? Since you’re a kid and all and Canadian . . . .
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