AvitaWeek 2008:  Hair of the gorilla that bit you

 

It's Day 2 of AvitaWeek 2008, counting down to my 31st birthday. As always, you are encouraged to send me cards and prezzies, as those crazy Brits call them. You can even see what I like on my wishlists!

When I was trying to come up with ideas for this week, I knew that I'd have to make it more about me than usual. Since I'm an egotistical fuck, this is more difficult than it seems. I came to realize that there is very little about myself that hasn't made it on this blog in some form or another, and that the only way to make this week different from others was to get more in-depth with Avitable. More familiar. More intimate. And clearly, there was only one solution.

So, without further ado, I present:

An Intimate Portrait of Avitable, AKA


Guess the Body Part!

Can you match the picture with the body part? You can click for a larger version (although I don't know why you'd ever want these images to be larger on your computer screen). The body parts are:

1. Shoulder
2. Knee
3. Testicle
4. Butt cheek
5. Foot
6. Stomach
7. Chest

Leave your guesses in the comments. I don't think I'm going to give out a prize for this one, though. Because just by reading this post, we're all winners. Or is it losers?

And, while you're at it, head over to Amy at Amy's Musings to answer a plea she has for gift ideas for my birthday.

94 comments

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  1.  

    1. Chin
    2. Eyelid
    3. Elbow
    4. Tongue
    5. Forehead
    6. That bald spot on the back of your head
    7. Taint

    YAY! I win!!!

    Send me prizes!!!

    Comments by Miss Britt

    comment by Miss Britt Monday, January 21, 2008 @ 10:39 pm

     

  2.  

    Ooooh, that was fun!

    1. Chest
    2. Foot
    3. knee
    4. testicle
    5. butt cheek
    6. Knee
    7. Stomach

    Although I'm concerned that I'm not sure 4 and 6 are round the right way because then when you get old and your testicles hang near your knees there's going to be no telling the difference...

    Comments by Dee

    comment by Dee Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 12:09 am

     

  3.  

    NO. NONONONO

    I refuse to do this!

    And, shave your testicles for Fucks sake!

    Comments by bluepaintred

    comment by bluepaintred Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 12:19 am

     

  4.  

    1. Butt cheek
    2. Testicle
    3. Testicle
    4. Butt cheek
    5. Butt cheek
    6. Testicle
    7. Butt cheek

    I just think you really like taking close up pictures of those parts of your body.

    Comments by Jay

    comment by Jay Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 12:24 am

     

  5.  

    What?!! How would I know what your ass and testicles look like? What the fuck did Britt say?!! I don't know nuttin, In fact I have never seen those things on you... I mean if I had it would only be because they were like.. you know... THERE... someplace where they didn't belong and I thought, "Wow that's fuckin weird I can see Avitable's ass and balls and..." but I would have only seen them and noticed because it was out of the norm, not because I wanted to know what they looked like so I could identify them in a picture line up. I mean... you know... not like staring

    Oh yeah... no wonder Britt bitches about her job. I can't believe you made her take all those pics with her new camera. OH and I have no idea what #2 but I can see a face dude! It's like some mutant out of Total Recall!

    Comments by Y2k Survivor

    comment by Y2k Survivor Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 1:08 am

     

  6.  

    I am too disturbed to attempt to guess. Oh, I will check back to see the answers.

    Comments by Karen

    comment by Karen Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 1:16 am

     

  7.  

    It's a trick question. They're all the inside of your nose.

    Comments by Wayne

    comment by Wayne Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 2:22 am

     

  8.  

    I'm frightened by the length of time I spent staring at these photos and then examining my OWN anatomy to figure it out.

    1 butt cheek
    2 foot
    3 chest
    4 testicle
    5 knee
    6 shoulder
    7 stomach

    Comments by jester

    comment by jester Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 3:32 am

     

  9.  

    1. Knee
    2. Foot
    3. Chest
    4. Testicle
    5. Shoulder
    6. Stomach
    7. Tush

    If I'm even close, I'm gonna seriously worry about myself.

    banghead

    Comments by Aunt Robin

    comment by Aunt Robin Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 5:12 am

     

  10.  

    Um...they're ALL covered in hair. cock

    I'm afraid to guess.

    J.

    Comments by HoosierGirl

    comment by HoosierGirl Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 6:40 am

     

  11.  

    Excess hair frightens me.

    Comments by Robin

    comment by Robin Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 8:01 am

     

  12.  

    Britt, no fair - you were the photographer.

    Amanda, I think you meant "turn me on".

    Dee, you mean I'm not supposed to be able to spin my balls like a lasso?

    BPR, oh yeah - you like small hairless men.

    Jay, how'd you guess?

    Y2K, this is one of the perks of the job.

    Karen, disturbed is good. It means you're normal.

    Wayne, yeah, but which nostril?

    Jester, you spend hours examining your own anatomy anyways - who are you kidding?

    Robin, tell you what. If you win, I'll send you all of the original pictures.

    HG, I am ALL covered in hair, from head to toe.

    Robin, you'll miss out on gorilla love that way!

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 8:05 am

     

  13.  

    Hmm...I've seen your testicles before but I'm still not sure of these photos! I'll try anyway..

    1 Knee
    2 foot
    3 stomach
    4 chest
    5 testicle
    6 shoulder
    7 butt

    Did I do good?? cock

    Comments by metalmom

    comment by metalmom Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 8:14 am

     

  14.  

    Dear God, haven't we seen enough of your ball sack?

    Comments by Mr. Fabulous

    comment by Mr. Fabulous Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 8:24 am

     

  15.  

    I love the Avitaweek image at the top. P

    I'm not playing this game since I'd totally win and I hate to win.

    Comments by Poppy

    comment by Poppy Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 9:37 am

     

  16.  

    I'm with Robin on the hair comment - ugh!
    I'm not even going to try to guess. lol
    Happy Birthday!
    No, I'm not waiting 3 days - I'm saying it everyday this week, ok? Good!
    So sex023

    Comments by Cheri

    comment by Cheri Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 9:49 am

     

  17.  

    Wow, and I thought you were kidding on Twitter ;). I'm awful at guessing but I'd just like to register another complaint about someone being younger than I am...geez. ;)

    Comments by Hilly

    comment by Hilly Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 10:32 am

     

  18.  

    OMG...you need a wax job!! I can't even begin to play along. It is just too frightening.

    Comments by Trishk

    comment by Trishk Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 10:44 am

     

  19.  

    Metalmom, those are some interesting guesses. Stay tuned.

    Mr. Fabulous, I don't know the meaning of the word enough.

    Poppy, well, you do own a copy of Avitable Gone Wild: the XXX edition, so you're probably right.

    Cheri, all that hair keeps me warm. I don't shed, I promise. And I'm okay with you saying it every day of the week.

    Hilly, I never kid. :D

    Trish, an all over body wax job might make me go into shock.

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 11:08 am

     

  20.  

    How's about you come over for a full body wax? After we do me, we can do you.

    Comments by the108

    comment by the108 Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 11:13 am

     

  21.  

    It's official - you are the biggest blog whore ever!
    Happy Birthday you ho!
    ROFLMAO!
    sexytime

    Comments by Karen Sugarpants

    comment by Karen Sugarpants Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 11:14 am

     

  22.  

    The108, nobody around here will wax most parts of men. They'll only do women.

    Karen, as long as it's official!

    RW, this is what I resort too when you abandon us in the blogosphere. I blame you.

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 11:19 am

     

  23.  

    lmao I still love this idea.
    sexytime

    Comments by Amy

    comment by Amy Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 11:23 am

     

  24.  

    OMG, #1 is SO EASY and everyone's being redonk.

    Ok, it's not my fault that I was sent a copy FOR FREE before Britt came along and straightened you out on the whole for-profit thing.

    Want it back?

    Comments by Poppy

    comment by Poppy Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 11:26 am

     

  25.  

    (and by came along I meant moving to FL. I DID NOT PRE-DATE BRITT. Oops.)

    Comments by Poppy

    comment by Poppy Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 11:27 am

     

  26.  

    Not registering guesses but I am pretty sure that 4 is you knee and like, 7? is maybe your stomach?

    When, exactly, is your birthday? Mine is tomorrow. Be nice to me. (Tomorrow).

    Comments by Nina

    comment by Nina Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 11:37 am

     

  27.  

    Poppy, I think you actually did Pre-Date me. I'm pretty sure you've known Adam wayyy longer than me.

    Comments by Miss Britt

    comment by Miss Britt Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 11:37 am

     

  28.  

    I'd do it in a second. It might hurt but it could still be fun.

    Comments by the108

    comment by the108 Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 11:49 am

     

  29.  

    I think this is a trick quiz, because I'm pretty sure #4 is your vagina.

    Comments by Jeff

    comment by Jeff Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 12:12 pm

     

  30.  

    Britt, really?! For reals?! I just assumed he's known you longer. Um, Adam? You probably know the answer to this one... Are you done getting your neck sliced yet? Hurry the eff up.

    Comments by Poppy

    comment by Poppy Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 12:29 pm

     

  31.  

    my only guess is for #1—butt cheek

    Comments by Crys

    comment by Crys Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 12:35 pm

     

  32.  

    BLIND! I'M BLIND! GAAARRR!

    Comments by Tracy Lynn

    comment by Tracy Lynn Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 12:43 pm

     

  33.  

    nope. We compared notes- he's known you longest :)

    So... Dish. Which part is which?

    Comments by miss britt

    comment by miss britt Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 12:43 pm

     

  34.  

    That surprises the hell outta me.

    The flattest thing in the pile is his ass. The end.

    Comments by Poppy

    comment by Poppy Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 12:52 pm

     

  35.  

    uhm. ewww.

    That is all.

    Comments by Peggy

    comment by Peggy Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 1:06 pm

     

  36.  

    I may never forgive Nina for sending me to this post.

    But Happy Birthday!

    Comments by Maggie

    comment by Maggie Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 1:06 pm

     

  37.  

    Why does that surprise you?

    I've only known Adam for like slightly over a year. I remember because last year for my birthday he bought me a DVD player and I was all "who the fuck is this crazy bastard?!!"

    At least, that's how I remember it.

    Comments by Miss Britt

    comment by Miss Britt Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 1:10 pm

     

  38.  

    You told Cheri that you don't shed. If that's the case, as long as you stay off the furniture and are housebroken, you can visit me sometime.

    Comments by metalmom

    comment by metalmom Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 1:30 pm

     

  39.  

    for whatever reason, during my first pass of this post, i didn't see the word "testicle". i could have blocked it out. after reading the comments, however, i cannot blot the truth out. your testicle is there, in photographic form. and i'm supposed to guess? since you're forcing me, 2. nobody else has said it and anyway, i'm psychic wrt testicles.

    Comments by Crys

    comment by Crys Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 1:31 pm

     

  40.  

    Amy, where are your guesses?

    Poppy, nah - we sold the licensing to some Korean porn company.

    Nina, you should just make that picture your desktop wallpaper on your computer. For posterity. Your birthday is tomorrow? Happy birthday - how old are you?

    Britt, I haven't been blogging long enough for it to be wayyy longer.

    108, you're on. I'll be at your house tomorrow. Do you do balls and taints too?

    Jeff, shhhh, don't ruin the surprise!

    Crystal, that's it? Are you afraid of guessing wrongly?

    Tracy, oh, I'll show you the originals if you want to be blind.

    Poppy, I have a curvaceous ass!

    Peggy, hirsute not your thing?

    Maggie, thanks for the visit and comment!

    Britt, I got my first comment from Poppy on 3/21/06 and from you on 7/6/06. Not that long.

    Metalmom, I do hump things, though.

    Crystal, you're a ball psychic?

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 1:39 pm

     

  41.  

    He might be skinny, but I would not call him small, cus he is pretty damn tall. But yes, I prefer my meals to come without floss.

    Comments by bluepaintred

    comment by bluepaintred Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 1:40 pm

     

  42.  

    I can’t possibly guess. I’m already woozy just thinking about you taking a picture of your ball sack. I don’t think my poor delicate tummy could handle actually trying to figure out which one is which! puke

    Comments by Crazy Lady in Vegas

    comment by Crazy Lady in Vegas Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 1:57 pm

     

  43.  

    Huh, I always assumed it was way longer.

    Although, I'm clearly the first Loyal Sidekick.

    Comments by Miss Britt

    comment by Miss Britt Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 2:16 pm

     

  44.  

    How in the bloody hell have I not added you to my feedreader before this? More importantly, why am I thinking this is a brilliant idea and I wish I'd done it first? Does that make me sick or just welcome?

    Comments by Karl

    comment by Karl Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 2:18 pm

     

  45.  

    BPR, he's like a tiny naked monkey.

    Crazy Lady, do you want to take the picture next time?

    Britt, I know you are, babe.

    Karl, you're very welcome. We need more sick, twisted minds here.

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 2:27 pm

     

  46.  

    Shoulder [6] (Schouder)
    Knee [1] (Knie)
    Testicle [4] (Testikel)
    Buttcheek [7] (Kont)
    Foot [2] (Voet)
    Stomach [3] (Buik)
    Chest [5] (Borst)

    And yes, that's free tongue breaking Dutch lessons in between the ()... to pay you back for the temporary involuntary blindness I experienced after looking at my feed reader an hour ago... boobs2

    Comments by DutchBitch

    comment by DutchBitch Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 2:42 pm

     

  47.  

    DB, how do you say "Will you lick my testicle?" in Dutch?

    BPR, hahaha. I know - you just like men who will blow away if the wind gets too strong. It's how you stay in charge!

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 3:11 pm

     

  48.  

    Depends... The submissive way of asking or the dominant way?

    Comments by DutchBitch

    comment by DutchBitch Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 3:12 pm

     

  49.  

    I can't do this one. I don't know you well enough to look at your testicle. Yet.

    Comments by Shelli

    comment by Shelli Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 3:16 pm

     

  50.  

    Dutchbitch, the submissive way. It's the only way of asking someone to lick your balls, in my opinion.

    Shelli, sure you do!

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 4:26 pm

     

  51.  

    What amazes me is that I was able to continue eating my Froot Loops while looking at your pics - tho I am rolled up in the fetal position on my kitchen floor with the box by my face.

    Comments by MyWeeWorld

    comment by MyWeeWorld Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 4:48 pm

     

  52.  

    I bet they are all either your testicles or your butt.

    Dear god. Now I have to wash my eyes out with bleach. Thanks.

    Comments by themuttprincess

    comment by themuttprincess Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 5:01 pm

     

  53.  

    I couldn't begin to pretend to "guess" after you showed this to me last night and gave me the answer key. angel

    Comments by Amy

    comment by Amy Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 5:15 pm

     

  54.  

    MyWeeWorld, you're lucky you weren't eating Hairy Flesh Chunk cereal instead.

    TMP, they're not - they're actually the items I listed!

    Amy, did I? I forget.

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 6:56 pm

     

  55.  

    I have a coarse hair caught in my throat just from looking at the photos.

    Comments by Deb on the Rocks

    comment by Deb on the Rocks Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 6:59 pm

     

  56.  

    I always get these things wrong but...

    1. Knee
    2. Foot
    3. Butt Check
    4. Testicle
    5. Chest
    6. Shoulder
    7. Stomach

    Comments by Bec

    comment by Bec Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 7:08 pm

     

  57.  

    Deb, was it short and curly?

    Bec, you always get these things wrong? Do you guess naked body parts frequently?

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 8:22 pm

     

  58.  

    Okay, I'm going to give this a try:

    1. Knee
    2. Foot
    3. Butt cheek
    4. Testicle
    5. Chest
    6. Shoulder
    7. Stomach

    I'm disturbed by this, and I'm even more disturbed that I'm involved in this. You should be ecstatic you just exposed yourself to an underage girl.

    Comments by Kylah

    comment by Kylah Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 9:02 pm

     

  59.  

    Kylah, I'm touching myself and giggling as we speak.

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 9:06 pm

     

  60.  

    Dude... that is the smoothest testicle skin I have ever seen.

    What's your secret? cock

    Comments by NYCWD

    comment by NYCWD Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 9:26 pm

     

  61.  

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    Man.
    Also, your response to Kylah and saying you're giggling and touching yourself - damn - that is good stuff.
    I seriously can't tell what those pics are. I see a foot, but that's it. How does your testicular skin look the same as the rest? Oh wait - I think I found it.
    I am clearly overthinking this!
    Shit.
    I will probably end up doing it.
    :)

    Comments by Sybil Law

    comment by Sybil Law Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 9:44 pm

     

  62.  

    NYCWD, exfoliation. With steel wool.

    Sybil, yeah, I think you're definitely overthinking it.

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 9:56 pm

     

  63.  

    I think they are all pictures of your ass.

    Could someone please hand me a stick to poke my eyes out?

    I'll be seeing hairy things in my dreams.

    poke

    Comments by Stephanie

    comment by Stephanie Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 10:27 pm

     

  64.  

    OK, took me dang long enough to get here - long story, long day.

    Anyhoo, I love you, hon, but there's nooooooo way I'm looking at those pictures long enough to determine which body part is which.

    Sorry.

    Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter

    comment by Coal Miner's Granddaughter Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 10:44 pm

     

  65.  

    Stephanie, hairy things in your dreams - sounds like a wet dream to me!

    CMG, want me to re-enact it on webcam for you?

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 11:02 pm

     

  66.  

    Well, at least one of us could get something good out of this situation. I think all I got were some emotional scars.

    Comments by Kylah

    comment by Kylah Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 11:36 pm

     

  67.  

    True true, as a dominator you would more like tell them...

    So here goes: "Wil je alsjeblieft mijn ballen likken?"

    There you go! thumbsup

    Comments by DutchBitch

    comment by DutchBitch Wednesday, January 23, 2008 @ 1:43 am

     

  68.  

    Alright you grubbing putz. Your present is on the way, and you should get it Friday.

    Just remember me for my birthday. Tit for tat.

    :-)

    Comments by The Absurdist

    comment by The Absurdist Wednesday, January 23, 2008 @ 9:03 am

     

  69.  

    Abs, he gives good presents. I get to write all over my chest whenever I use his birthday present to me. I love writing all over my chest.

    Comments by Poppy

    comment by Poppy Wednesday, January 23, 2008 @ 9:29 am

     

  70.  

    I'm bliiiiind! I'm bliiiiind!

    I am not even going to attempt to guess. I'm too scared.

    Comments by Kellie

    comment by Kellie Wednesday, January 23, 2008 @ 9:46 am

     

  71.  

    Kylah, as long as Child Protective Services can't see them, I'm okay with that.

    DB, Wil je alsjeblieft mijn ballen likken?

    Absurdist, when's your birthday again? I don't want to forget. And what's this about tits?

    Poppy, I am surprised you haven't done a series of photos with you writing different things on your chest.

    Kellie, try it, you might find yourself falling for the dark, hairy side.

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Wednesday, January 23, 2008 @ 10:12 am

     

  72.  

    Je ballen likken? Ik? Alleen als je alle haren er af scheert! Dan wil ik er misschien over nadenken... Heel misschien...

    Comments by DutchBitch

    comment by DutchBitch Wednesday, January 23, 2008 @ 10:19 am

     

  73.  

    DB, I'll take that as a yes.

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Wednesday, January 23, 2008 @ 10:42 am

     

  74.  

    I think they are all either your arse or your elbow.

    Comments by Lynda

    comment by Lynda Wednesday, January 23, 2008 @ 10:49 am

     

  75.  

    I'm sure you are.

    NO. CHANCE.

    Gladly have a series of shirt photos. Not chest photos. Need more shirts.

    Comments by Poppy

    comment by Poppy Wednesday, January 23, 2008 @ 11:27 am

     

  76.  

    Lynda, who says arse anymore?

    Poppy, that's what I meant - a series of photos of you writing different things on the chest of your shirt!

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Wednesday, January 23, 2008 @ 12:47 pm

     

  77.  

    Oh. No. You. Didn't. But you did. And it was hairy.

    Comments by BOSSY

    comment by BOSSY Wednesday, January 23, 2008 @ 12:48 pm

     

  78.  

    (how about not on my chest? as in, I'm wearing a completely different shirt, and the shirt with writing is on... like, a stuffed animal or one of the cats? so I can stay virtuous and pure and stuff.)

    Comments by Poppy

    comment by Poppy Wednesday, January 23, 2008 @ 12:50 pm

     

  79.  

    Bossy, oh yes. I did.

    Poppy, virtuous. Ha!

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Wednesday, January 23, 2008 @ 6:32 pm

     

  80.