If you've read my proclamation over at the Church of Holy Avitableness, you may have seen this edict:
There are no rituals or ceremonies other than blogging for a normal parishioner of the COHA. However, if one wishes to become a Minister of Avitableness, there are three requirements:
1. Consume the holy communion. Forged from compressed and processed materials, the communion of the COHA consists of a microwaveable beef and cheese burrito heated to perfection and coated in refrigerated Hershey's chocolate syrup. The communion must be eaten with gusto. Lip smacks must abound.
Faithful readers from years past will also recall the discussion of delicious chocolate-covered burritos in these posts:
I've heard doubt, disgust, and disbelief. A few people made the valid point that I honestly haven't eaten one of these delicacies since I was in high school, which was 13 years ago.
So, for day four of AvitaWeek 2008, I decided to go ahead and show just how awesome and delicious a chocolate-covered burrito (or chocorrito, as I have now named them) can be!
This is one video you do not want to miss:
Here's the direct link from Youtube.
And don't forget! My birthday is in three days, and it's not too late to send me naked pictures of yourself or some other type of awesome gift! You can even check my wishlists if you want to actually spend your hard earned cash on spoiling me.
Last, but not least, for the "Guess Which Part" contest, here are the correct answers:
1. That is, indeed, my right butt cheek.
2. The bottom of my horrible, horrible foot.
3. My left knee.
4. Yup - most of you guessed it. That's my testicle.
5. Gorilla chest.
6. A shoulder.
7. My stomach - can't you see the happy trail?
I don't think anyone actually guessed all of them correctly. Thanks for playing!
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This is what you did while I was off work?
Seriously, dude. Just because I'm not there, doesn't mean the whole fucking company needs to shut down.
Get yo ass on the motherfucking PHONE.
Oh my God I'm going to puke.
Oh you did NOT fucking go there about me smoking.
Those bites are the size of my head.
Puke. Puke. Puke.
Comments by Miss Britt
Katie is watching this - you actually distracted her from MySpace! *gasp*
The only problem I have is that you are making my daughter use the laugh that she reserves for crotch punching her brother and the nut shot videos on America's Funniest Home Videos.
I'm willing to give it a shot. I might have to add some pepper slices to it.
Oh, shoot, I just remembered... I'm low carbing it... no can do. Now I'm just bummed.
Comments by Amy
I'm not sure I should trust your taste. You don't seem to have the most discerning pallet. I think I'd rather have a ChocoTaco.
Comments by Amanda
I can't be a full member of the church because I hate chocolate.
I wonder what it would taste like smothered in Nutella?
I couldn't watch the whole video. I was afraid you were going to go all two girls one cup on us.
Comments by jester
How in the hell did you get four comments already?
First of all, Avi, it's not 'SEERUP'. It's 'suurup'.
I can't imagine what kind of farts I would have if I ate that... It's bad enough tonight after the Pasta Milano from Macaroni Grill. I am sure that the gulden's brown mustard and mayo on the blue-cheese crunchies didn't help either. :-)
Comments by The Absurdist
Okay, Adam, was that video so bad that You Tube pulled it from the shelves, or what? I got a message saying it was "no longer available."
Hopefully the technical problem will be worked out later today. I'll be on the edge of my seat until then. Heh!
Comments by Aunt Robin
You had to go to the grocery store by yourself? You poor bastard!
I really enjoyed your mewling whimpers of pain on the first bite.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
I think I'm going to skip the chocolate covered burritos. But, I just watched "Dancing Avitable". . .awesome. I love it.
Comments by Em
Mmmmmmm, burrito with
molechocolate sauce.../scream ON
JIGSAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/scream OFF
Comments by Poppy
Fab, I thought about commenting on that too.. I am glad I wasn't the only one who noticed the look while he was eating the burritos.
Comments by The Absurdist
Thanks.
Now I'm fucking starving and no sign of a frozen burritos anywhere.
Comments by NYCWD
Now that's what Bossy calls Entertainment. Except, suggestion: Perhaps if you soaked the dish in Diet Coke before eating, it would make the cooling process that much faster. Also? The corrosive ingredients in the soda would begin to digest your entree *before* it hits Avitable intestines.
Bossy is all about efficiency.
Comments by BOSSY
You know, that doesn't look bad. I think the next time I'm in Florida, I will have to go through the tests to become a Minister of Avitableness. That could be fun! Chocolate-covered burrito - hell, sounds better than a chocolate-covered cockroach.
Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
Ha–Poppy got to it before me.
There is a traditional sauce in Mexican cuisine with chocolate that's used to dress savory dishes.
And dude–smaller bites–
Comments by turnbaby
Chocolate sauce is often used on meat dishes in Europe, but the chocolate is not exactly, um, this kind. Plus it is rarely if ever done on this side of the ocean. All you've really done is tap into something they do elsewhere but - I think - you are substituting fake American milk chocolate for the dark actual real European kind.
I think I will pass on the video just the same, though.
Comments by RW
Next time I get a burrito from one of those roadside Mexican food carts I'm gonna ask them if they can cover it in chocolate. I'm thinking they'll look at me like I'm a weirdo, but I'll give it a try.
Comments by Jay
I perfectly understand why you would put chocolate syrup on a burrito. The chilis and the cheese would obviously go well with the chocolate because salty and sweet are always good together. (Anyone who has ever dipped a Wendy's french fry in a Frosty understands this). But the part about the icy coldness of the syrup, no. Room temperature syrup for me.
Comments by Nina
For some reason that escapes me, the sound isn't working on this computer. Don't know why. The images I saw where...interesting...
I am turned off of burritos forever now. Not that I really liked them in the first place lmfao!
Comments by Sarcastica
Something is clearly wrong with me: I was actually waiting for you to post "the answers" to your body parts quiz.
Comments by Sarah is Ok
editing out all the heaves was clever
Comments by liquid
Um. Yuck?
I love chocolate the same as the next bitch, but at least you didn't ruin GOOD chocolate (like Godiva) by pouring it over frozen Mexiturds.
I am going to go puke now.
Oh, happy birthday you Washed Up TaintFlicker!
I am working on new insults.
ADW
Comments by ADW
I have no problem with a mole sauce, but there's a big difference between Hershey syrup and a sauce simmered with dark chocolate and chiles.
Comments by Amanda
Nope, not for me. I won't be trying this ever. Gross!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!
Comments by Cheri
Wait 'til I tell the chef about this! [gags!]
Comments by Aunt Robin
Dude, we simply MUST get together and party. Where are you, Orlando? I'm in Sebring, about 90 mins. south of Orlando myself.
I'll bring the beer, you bring the burritos and chocolate syrup.
Comments by Karl
A tour of your house....a view of your nut sack....you sure are giving it all up!
Comments by Preposterous Ponderings
Britt, those are normal bites!
Amy, ironically, I'm also on Myspace monopolizing her time.
Amanda, my pallet is that of a gourmand.
Jester, how can you hate chocolate?
Absurdist, it's seerup!
Robin, no, it's working for everyone else. I blame your computer.
Fab, it was dreadful at the store!
Em, the burritos are a delicacy.
Poppy, Jigsaw says hi.
NYCWD, but do you have chocolate syrup?
Bossy, why do I get the distinct impression that you're mocking me?
Heather, it's much better than a chocolate covered cockroach. Not that I know that from experience.
Turnbaby, the larger the bites, the less densely spread out the calories are.
RW, yeah, I knew that something similar was done in European dishes, but I think mine is even better. And you should watch the video - there's nothing horrible on it.
Jay, good!
Nina, I love fries in Frosty.
Sarcastica, the images were disturbing? Were you watching 1guy2burritos?
Sarah is OK, clearly you are an evolved human.
Liquid, shh.
ADW, hahahahahaha. I like that one.
Amanda, yeah, mine's better.
Cheri, THANKS!
Robin, see if he agrees.
Karl, I'm in Altamonte Springs. You live in a Chrysler Sebring?
Preposterous, that's not a tour of the house - just one wing.
Comments by Avitable
Okay, at first I wondered why you were bothering with silverware at all since you're a dude home alone. Then I saw all the chocolatey goodness. Now I want to know why you aren't using a spoon to make sure you get all the chocolate.
That said, I live in Texas, and I'm pretty sure they'd hang you here for bastardizing those poor burritos that way.
Comments by MyWeeWorld
Will give this a go as soon as I can find ingredients. Will definitely be different chocolate sauce though.
It looks so damn tasty!
Comments by Bec
MyWeeWorld, I always use silverware. I hate getting my hands dirty with food.
Bec, what different chocolate sauce could be better than Hershey's?
Comments by Avitable
Oh No!! I am not falling for THAT trick where I click on the video of you innocently eating Choco-Mexican food when I KNOW the first fuggin thing you will do is toss those burritos away, puke in a trash can and eat it, while that dog of yours shows up out of no where, dressed up as a dolphin wearing a strap-on and... nuh-uh Dude I aint clickin nuttin!!
But I am sending you a naked photo for your birthday.
Comments by Y2k Survivor
You should write a book, Avitable's Diet Secrets. I'm pretty sure if that's all I had to eat I'd lose weight.
Comments by Robin
WAS IT HOT
Comments by Crys
I saw you do that Avitable, and I am noting it for the record.
Comments by Crys
okay, that was prolly the grossest thing i've ever seen...
but!
jigsaw...
cutest puppy EVA!
and how was he not next to you beggin for food?
oh, yeah...
grossest thing EVA!!! :D
Comments by stephanie
I think the aging is going to your head. Dementia, anyone? However, I do buy those burritos for my husband all the time. I think they're pretty disgusting, but he loves them. Perhaps I will ask him to try them with some chocolate syrup! He'll do anything when he returns from poker all nice and drunk...
Also - you need one of those webcams that automatically follows you around. If I wasn't going to be sick from the chocorittos, then the camera action might've done it!
Jigsaw is waaay cute.
Comments by Sybil Law
I am so proud of your americanized twist to a classic Mexican meal!
I wont lie, its semi tempting to try.
Comments by calps
I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.
Jigsaw's a cutie though. Is her tail broken? It looked like it in the video.
Comments by Stephanie
I actually want to try this. My weirdest food thing is probably hot sauce in ginger ale.
Comments by Kylah
In the essence of your birthday, I have given you an award.
That's just how sweet I am!
Comments by Sybil Law
omg I LOVE chimichongas! Except. I smother mine in sour cream AND I wait for it to cool.
oh. and I drink coffee with it not coke.
Comments by bluepaintred
Y2K, shit. How'd you guess! And everybody, look at the naked picture Y2K sent me for my birthday!
Robin, you'd put on 100 pounds because it's soo delicious!
Crystal, will you try it yourself? Or at least make your daughter try it?
Steph, she doesn't beg for food because she's trained. And it was delish!
Sybil, just try it sometime. You'll like it.
Calps, semi-tempting? Just like I have a semi-hard on?
Stephanie, her tail is normal. She is a cutie.
Kylah, that is weird, but makes sense if you think about mixing wasabi and ginger root.
Sybil, fucking awwwww.....
BPR, just one time (ONE time), try putting some chocolate syrup on it.
Comments by Avitable
But then I would vomit all of it because of all of the toxins.
Comments by Robin
Robin, there are no toxins in Hershey's chocolate syrup!
Comments by Avitable
best knife rack. ever. seriously, ever.
you have me thisclose to running out to the grocery store for burritos. naturally i have plenty of hershey's in the fridge already, but don't think i have purchased one of those cheap burritos.
by the way, you are have almost as many fridge magnets as i do. freak.
Comments by hellohahanarf
Hello, it's an awesome knife rack. And you should try that burrito and let me know what you think.
Comments by Avitable
OK I told some kid that has been hanging around (hoping to date my daughter) about the Chocorrito. This kid lives with three or four other kids so I told him to make it and dare the dumbest one to try it.
I can't because lately any sugar and even too many carbs seems to send me into total crash. So, tonight this kid calls me up to say chocolate burritos are freakin Awesome!!
ok so he must be smokin dope. Yet another reason to keep his legal adult ass away from my little girl.
Comments by Y2k Survivor