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Lazy Sunday XXVI

1. Do you have any pets? Why?
Yes. Because owning pygmy savages would get Angelina Jolie all up in arms.

2. Have you ever eaten sushi?
Did you know that sushi is Japanese for “rubbery and fishy smelling, like a vagina gone bad”?

3. Do you ever say to yourself, “Dang, I need a drink”?
No. I usually say that to my friend Dang.

4. Is there anything that you refuse to drink?
Anything Dang pours for me.

5. Would you consider adoption?
Only if it was a hot lesbian couple who would let me sleep in the bed with them.

6. Do you drive stick?
I run tree.

7. I have never…
… finished someone else’s sentence. Fuck.

8. Do you like maps?
I’m more of a globe fan.

9. Do you want to get married?
Only if it was a hot lesbian couple who would let me sleep in the bed with them.

10. Are you a fussy eater?
Only if I don’t get exactly what I want.

11. What’s something that you find annoying – but other people don’t?
The concept of an opinion.

12. What would you say if someone told you to describe Coca-Cola?
I don’t know, but the diet version allows me to eat four double cheeseburgers, a large fry, a piece of cake, and still watch my calories.

13. Do you sit or stand while taking a shower?
I shower horizontally and rotate on a spit.

14. What was the first thing you thought this morning?
Where did the Rebel Alliance get all of their money to fight the Empire? I bet it was porn.

15. What was your least favorite grade?
An incline of 18.75% is pretty hateful.

16. What do you think would be the most embarrassing death?
Being eaten by Britney Spears.

17. Where was your first kiss?
In my bed with a pillow named Julie.

18. Where do you wish it was?
I don’t care, just not on my knees in confession with Father Silvestri.

19. What do you do when you’re upset?
Block my number, call random numbers until a man answers, say “I’m cheating with your wife” and then hang up.

20. Do two wrongs make a right?
Two Wrights made an airplane.

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28 Replies to “Lazy Sunday XXVI”

  1. Zom

    WOW! I am honored sir, that you would pick MY survey to “lazy sunday” to. *bow bow bow ….Trip……oops , that was adams penis……hehe …….my GOD……. is that natural?….. that thing is like an anaconda*

    sorry …… where was I ?
    oh yeah……..Thanks Adam!!!!!

  2. Miss Britt

    Unfortunately you didn’t think about the fact that Jared would recognize your voice.

    Thanks for that, fucker. You have no idea the vile things I had to do to prove my monogamy last Wednesday.

    P.S. You owe me a new spatula.

  3. The Absurdist

    Love em’.

    As for the coke thing, here in texas, all sodas are called “Coke”. IE

    Man: “dude, I’m going for a coke. Want anything?”

    Dude: “Yeah, get me a mountain dew.”

    Man: Cool, I’ll get a Dr.Pepper and a 1 liter Mountain Dew for you.”

    We DO NOT say soday or pop or soda pop. ALL “sodas” are called Cokes.

    And ifyou are a a Pibb establishment, stop asking me if “Pibb” is okay. If it were, would I have fucking ordered one?

    And why can’t airports start stocking DP? What the fuck is wrong with all of you? I am stuck drinking Dew, which is fine, but there is nothing like the taste of a Dr. Pepper when you are dying of horniness and that fine, beautiful and glorious taste hits your nouth.

  4. Avitable

    Zom, it was a good one, and it was hard not to steal a few of your answers, too.

    Amy, I wrote it half-asleep and horribly sick, too.

    BPR, that doesn’t surprise me.

    DB, it’s self-inserting.

    Britt, I’ll buy you a gross of spatulas, since Jared’s going to want that treatment weekly now.

    Hilly, I’ll sit sometimes and have it act like a sauna.

    Poppy, ewww, sushi and bad vaginas!

    Amanda, I do that, but only because I like the taste. I’m not fooling myself with the calories.

    Sybil, I’ll let your opinion slide this time.

    Tug, maybe – what about that other guy, Holy Shit?

    MyWeeWorld, I don’t mind some sushi, but some is just horrifying.

    Absurdist, maybe you should search the phone books for an actual “Doctor Pepper”.

    CP, is that some type of sport?

    Poppy, you’re all speaking some weird foreign language.

    Shelli, yup!

    Hello, look at you, blogsurfing from Mexico. Very admirable.

    Robin, I’m guessing you’re talking about some sporting even where felons chase each other around a field and everybody lives vicariously through them?

    Poppy, do you even watch this sport?

  5. Avitable

    Poppy, but that’s not a French team!

    Zom, I’ll keep that in mind next time.

    Shelli, praise Jeebus.

    Jester, no, it just means you like stinky vaginas.

    DB, it’s my favorite activity.

    Robin, you can buy it on my porn site – Avitaporn.com.

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