There once was a man named Adam Heath
He had most of his hair and all of his teeth
Then he got a cold
And his soul was sold
To the devil so he cud fin'ly breef.
Today is the birthday of Heather, a blog neighbor
She and her husband are geeks of the highest caliber
Ty met his wife at Space Camp
They rubbed 'til his pants were damp
And he loves it when she touches his lightsaber.
There was this whore we'll call "Shmritt"
At a party she showed everyone one tit
I missed the show
And now the ho
Won't even show me jack shit.
A penis has its very own brain
It reacts in a way that's insane
If it's a bad time
I just clear my mind
And think of Hillary Clinton's vajane.
A vagina, let's face it, rarely looks cute
Even if it's cleanly shaven or neatly hirsute
In the end a man won't care
If it's hairy or bare
As long as in it, he can't fit his whole boot
Successful masturbation should be a thrill
As long as you have a place to release your spill
If you hold it when you get off
Just make sure you don't cough
Or you might just give yourself a necklace of pearl.
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A boot?
Really?
You want to put a whole BOOT in there?
I'd like to meet this Shmritt girl. I think I'd like her.
Comments by Miss Britt
It was always my understanding that what men want to put in there is rarely actually a boot.
Comments by Amy
You soooo need better cold meds.
Comments by turnbaby
So...your fever is really high now, eh?
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Aunt Robin was a saint of a lady
who read Avitable almost daily
Even though she was old
and Adam too bold
her maniacal laughter 'twas crazy.
Comments by Aunt Robin
Eww! Why would you WANT to see Jack shit? Perv.
Comments by AnnieB
Can I try some of those meds you're on?
Comments by Robin
i must still be drunk coz some of those made me laugh out loud.
Comments by hellohahanarf
A guy named Avi is so serious
How his mind left isn't mysterious
He took a new med
and went straight to his bed
now he writes poetry while delirious
Just for you babe!
Comments by metalmom
You won a RFS Blog Award!
hooray for you!
Comments by Christie
There once was groundhog named Phil
He died during a kidnapping
Comments by Clown
wtf....BACK AWAY FROM THE BENADRYL!!!!
seriously, though....this Schmritt chick sounds HAWT...can I get her digits?
Comments by Stephanie
How can you sell something you don't have?
Comments by themuttprincess
You win the Lifetime Achievement Award for the use of "Space Camp" in a poem.
Comments by BOSSY
i have the flu myself, and it sucks. i want to stick my boot in plenty of things
Comments by Crys
Thanks for yet another lmao moment. I hope you don't mind if I borrow part of your post. I must share :-)
Comments by Cheri
when making up lim'ricks for money
the pacing should smooth out like honey
but when you just toss
them cuz you're the boss
they should at least be somewhat funny...
Comments by RW
There lives a man named Adam
Who would never be mistaken for a madam
He has hair everywhere and loves to wear black
Takes pictures of his balls and his hairy back
He should present said pictures to Gaddum.
Man, mine sucked.
Anyway, thanks for the laugh!
Hope you're feeling better! How's the car?!
Comments by Sybil Law
A Haiku.
Adam is so sick.
But his balls are still intact.
Such hairy sick balls.
Thank you.
Comments by CP
I've called Dr. Phil for you.
For your information I can fit 2 boots and a pair of slippers in mine!!!!
Comments by Preposterous Ponderings
Awesome!
And why are girlie parts so ugly??? For the life of me, I cannot figure this one out. Penises are so much more interesting.
Comments by MyWeeWorld
Oh. My. Gawd.
Comments by bobgirrl
Britt, no, no, no. They're good if you CAN'T fit a boot in!
Amy, you don't have good reading comprehension, either!
Turnbaby, these were done sotally tober.
Fabulous, I wish. That might explain something.
Robin, maniacal laughter is always good.
AnnieB, I'm a scat hound, what can I say?
Robin, why can't a guy write some dirty limericks without being accused of being on drugs?
Hello, no, clearly you're brilliant!
Metalmom, nice!
Christie, if you say so!
Clown, he pulled a Thelma and Louise.
Stephanie, no, she's a big ol' tease.
TMP, I bought it back.
Bossy, I should be the poet laureate.
Crys, not my butt.
Cheri, share away!
RW, there once was a man from RW. He was snooty.
Sybil, wow. Maybe you shouldn't quit your day job.
CP, this was the limerick post, not the haiku post, thankyouverymuch.
PP, does Santa use that as a chimney?
MyWeeWorld, girlie parts are pretty cool, too.
Bobgirrl, you rang?
Comments by Avitable
I love a good, dirty limerick. Cold meds, or no, you've got a brilliant mind.
Comments by Jason
Nope, I'm a snob.
Comments by RW
Yeah, get it right Avi. He's a snooty bastard. That is what sno b is short for isn't it RW?
Kids these days, whatda they know?
Comments by AnnieB
Jason, I think you might just be on cold meds yourself!
RW, don't forget crotchety!
AnnieB, he's undefinable.
Comments by Avitable
FINALLY! I'm commenting!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Being included in an Avitable limerick is the best birthday gift any dirty-minded geek could have hoped for!
Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
I wish I had a poem in my name, but I'm not good at rhyming things.
Comments by Sarcastica
CMG, are there clean-minded geeks?
Sarcastica, here you go:
There once was a girl named Sarcastica
She liked to spend money - cash or plastica,
But when she ran out
Instead of a pout
She sold pictures for dirty men to whack-it-ta.
Comments by Avitable