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Babysitting

One of my regular blog reads is Oh, the Joys. She had a post yesterday about boys babysitting her daughter.

Here’s the pertinent part of that post, quoted verbatim:

Later, after listening to me drone on about the mundane ups and downs of finding a baby sitter, a male friend said,

“Aren’t you worried about a boy babysitting your daughter?”

“What?” I said. “What do you mean? What are you talking about?”

He was talking about the potential abuse of my daughter.

See my innocence smashed to bits there on the floor?

Honestly, nothing like that had occurred to me.

Nothing that disgusting had even crossed my mind.

She concluded the post by asking for insight, perspective, and opinions. And you know what? Reading the comments just cemented my belief that some people are fucking morons.

I can understand a parent being hesitant about having anyone babysit, male or female. I can understand someone who had been abused feeling skittish about leaving their child alone with someone else. What I cannot understand, however, is a parent who would hire a female babysitter but refuses to even consider a male babysitter. And I saw several comments from close-minded women who have no problem making this decision. These are the type of parents who I’m sure will fill their children’s heads with racist stereotypes and fearmongering.

Their reasons? Complete and utter bullshit.

Reason #1: Most molesters are men.

Well, no shit, fucknut. So are almost all rapists. And serial killers. And even murderers. This is what’s known as a syllogistic fallacy. Just because men are molesters and your babysitter might be male does NOT mean that your babysitter is a molester.

Since almost all rapists are men, does this mean that you’ll never let a boy date your daughter?
Since almost all serial killers are men, does this mean that you’ll never let a man work with your daughter or talk to her?
Since almost all molesters are men, what happens when your girl babysitter has her boyfriend come visit?

I know! Why don’t you create such an environment of fear that boys are assumed to be molesters just because they have a penis? That’s an awesome idea. Why don’t you just transfer all of your petty paranoia and stupidity to your children so that they’re just as fucked up as you?

Here’s something else to think about. If you treat someone like something that they’re not, eventually they will become that something.

Reason #2: Boys are more hormonal than girls and their brains make them do strange things.

Bullfuckingshit. Find me a boy who lets his little head do the talking, and I’ll show you a girl who has recently discovered that her body can convince boys to do whatever she wants. I’ll speak in small words here, so see if you can follow along. The goal is to find someone who will know right from wrong even with hormones running wild. See? How hard was that?

Reason #3: Girls are more nurturing than boys.

I babysat from when I was 11 until I was 18. I was an excellent sitter. I watched boys and girls from six months old to 11-12 years old. I changed diapers, made dinner, helped with homework, put the kids to bed, and cleaned up. Some of the kids were family, some weren’t. And I got asked back to be the sitter time and time again, because I was the only sitter that the parents liked. The girl sitters? Would sit on the phone all night, have their boyfriends over, and do a piss-poor job of actually taking care of the kids.

Splitting the ability to nurture and care along gender lines is the same thing as expecting all Asians to be good at math, all blacks to be good as basketball, and all Germans to be Nazis. It’s a shitty perspective.


It’s all about making smart decisions, not stupid fucking choices based on bad information, faulty logic, and fear. You should never assume that a girl babysitter is going to be awesome and you should never assume a boy babysitter is going to fucking molest your child. Anyone, male or female, that watches your child should be someone that you can trust, and you should do your due diligence in making sure your child is in good hands. Simply choosing to eliminate male babysitters from the equation, though, is stupid, ignorant, and sets the worst type of example for your child to follow.

In conclusion, don’t be a fucking douchey cunt. The End.

**P.S. Let me say that most of the commenters were intelligent and logical and said things like “you should figure that out on a case-by-case basis”. But it was the fucking idiots like Imhelendt who supported this completely illogical and irrational perspective.

**P.P.S. ARRRGGHHHHH I hate ignorant people.

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78 Replies to “Babysitting”

  1. Jay

    Same stupid logic that cities and towns are using to pass ordinances making it illegal for single men to be a public park alone. A guy sitting at a park bench eating a cheeseburger on a nice day is assumed to be a molester and will be arrested or ticketed if he doesn’t leave.

    Yeah, taxpaying citizens denied use of public lands simply on the basis of being a single male. That’s totally fair. Go back to watching Fox News and being afraid of everything morons.

  2. bluepaintred

    I dated a guy for a year and when we broke up it was very amicable. Me and hubs went to his wedding, he was one of my first visitors when I had my first son. And yet, we do not talk anymore.

    When my first born was about four, we were all out together (Just the adults) My ex BF and his wife mentioned that with their plans for travel and where they wanted to be work wise, they planned on having their first child in ten years. I joked that by that time my son would be old enough to baby sit.

    I have never been so insulted in my life! they both, in clear not to be misconstrued words explained that they would never have a boy baby sit. INCLUDING my four year old son that they have known since he was less than a day old. “Boys are strange at that age. Boys do things without even knowing it is wrong.” it went on and on. me and hubs ended up getting up and leaving.

    I asked my ex, before we left, if, at fourteen, did you feel the urge to molest little girls? He replied NO! shocked at the very suggestion, and yet could not understand our anger at them implying we were raising a future molester – just based on the fact he was born with a penis!

    fuckers. it still pisses me off, and it has been four years since this happened!

  3. golfwidow

    Both my brother and my husband babysat as teenagers, and the kids and parents involved thought they did good jobs. When my friend had kids and wanted to go for a ladies’ night out, she refused to leave the kids with my husband because of the reasons you cited. I said, “Oh, well, I haven’t got kids, either I can sit with them or you can stay home. Either way, we’re not having a ladies’ night out.”

  4. Amy

    Having a son who has babysat his sisters on numerous occasions – this obviously pisses me off. How absolutely ridiculous. :pissed:

    I would consider my parents to have been overprotective and very cautious with my sister and I. They had no problem allowing a boy to watch us and they took it on a case by case. In this situation they knew the family and his older sister babysat us as well.

    Out of curiosity, does anyone find it funny that usually female Nannies are caught abusing the kids?

    Granted, I’m not sure how many men are actually employed as nannies. The point is, female / male anyone is capable of abusing someone smaller and defenseless.

  5. HoosierGirl

    First, let me just say that both my 17 yr. old son and my almost 14 yr.old son are frequently requested babysitters, and while they both have raging cases of hormones from time to time I would never expect either of them to molest a little kid.

    But this post isn’t really about boys as babysitters…it’s about closed-minded people who stereotype. These are the same people who burn me up because they assume all single moms are poor parents, or that all black children live in the projects.

    Good post, Adam.
    J.

  6. metalmom

    I had nothing BUT boys babysitting for me. With two boys of my own, they were the only ones capable of harnessing their energy. They also had sisters so I had no qualms about leaving them with Babygirl. One joined the Marines and became a bodyguard for President Bush (the first) at Camp David!

    I would hire a boy again and I highly recommend one!(for the babysitting that is!)

    PS Thanks for giving me the opportunity to use the word “qualms”!

  7. kapgar

    I had a big ol’ reply to these idiots, but they’re just not worth my time. And I’m already dealing with morons who think I should give the Westboro Baptist Church a fair shake before I judge them for protesting funerals. That’s enough for me right now.

  8. Miss Britt

    I have brothers who have babysat both of my children. I have male friends who are wonderful fathers themselves and have definitely spent time with my children.

    And then, there’s you.

    I’ll admit – I was absolutely shocked at how good you are with my kids.

    But that’s probably because of all the bestiality porn.

  9. Miss Britt

    Oh, and, PS

    “Here’s something else to think about. If you treat someone like something that they’re not, eventually they will become that something.”

    Sooo… at what point are you going to announce that you’re gay?

  10. ADW

    Britt is cracking me up.

    But seriously? I was a babysitter from the time I was ten years old and I helped raise some of my own siblings. They SHOULD have hired a boy. I drank my clients’ liquor, ate their food, charged shit to their credit cards, beat their children….

    I am OF COURSE kidding about the above, but I know girls who were like that when I was a kid. I was a very conscientious babysitter, with both others’ children and my own siblings. What I don’t understand is why normally intelligent people (maybe), who will tell anybody and everybody how open-minded they are, refuse to allow a boy to babysit their children.

    The obvious way to select a caretaker for your child is by talking to them and getting to know them and finding out whether they are responsible enough to look after your kids. Oh and by threatening to torture them to death if anything happens to your child while under their watch. That’s OK right?

    I see stupid people.

    Gah

  11. Avitable

    Clown, well done.

    Amanda, but that’s when I turn green and have purple pants!

    Bobgirrl, only if I can molest you too.

    Jay, well, to be fair, you were planning on snatching children and eating them. And thanks for that site link!

    Beth, I bite back.

    BPR, that would have pissed me off, too. And just imagine trying to explain that to your son.

    Mary, thanks for the comment!

    Golfwidow, really? Are you still friends with this woman?

    Amy, I’m surprised you haven’t commented over there by now! And many female sitters have been caught physically abusing their wards – that’s very true.

    Mr. Fabulous, well, some men should never be allowed near children. They’re likely to let the kids put their hands in his mouth.

    HG, when I was that age, I was looking at Playboy and fooling around with my girlfriends. I would not have even thought about molestation!

    RW, you should only worry about that when I’m hungry. Then one of the children might go missing.

    Metalmom, good job with the use of “qualms”.

    Kapgar, yeah, I saw that on your site. And while I agree that free speech is a right, it has limits that have been legally defined, especially when it infringes upon the rights of others.

    Britt, well, it’s nice that your kids aren’t little shits who are spoiled rotten. I don’t do so well with those types of kids. And people don’t treat me like I’m gay, they treat me like I’m a 12-year old girl. If that happens, it’s all your fault.

    ADW, very nicely put.

  12. Sybil Law

    Oh I read the post. Then I read all the comments. You are right – Imhelendt is a freaking psycho! It all comes down to this – pick someone you can trust. Period. One of my best friends is a guy, and he’s totally watched my daughter when we’re in a pinch. She adores him. She even made him a Valentine.
    People are just freaking nuts, period.

  13. trishk

    I cna’t resist this one. These same people who think boy babysitters will molest their little darlings are the same idiots who believe that a woman is raped because of what she wears. Or where she is at. Or who she is with. Or..oh never mind.

    Both my children (a boy and a girl) had male and female babysitters. You know something? The males paid more attention to the kids than the teenage girls. The girls were on the phone all night with their friends.

    Sheesh, these are the type of idiots that want me to put my foot in their asses and twist…Where’s the smiley beating their head agains the wall???

  14. NYCWD

    So does this mean that since almost all sexually abusive teachers are female, such as Susan Anderson (the lesbian volleyball coach in AZ) and Jennifer Rice (a statutory rapist from Tacoma) does that mean that we should not send our children to school with female teachers???

    Yes… that is quite asshatish.

  15. Poppy

    I’m actually more astounded that boys want to babysit in the first place. I am a genderist! Sigh.

    For real, I had pretty bad experiences with female babysitters, but to be honest I actually don’t recall ever having a male babysitter (at least not with without the male’s female SO also being there). I think that’s just because the only kid babysitters in our area were female.

    I never babysat anyone until I was in my 20s. I love babysitting! But I’m very aware of anything I say to the kiddos or any physical contact that occurs because I am overly concerned about inadvertently scarring them for life.

  16. Miss Britt

    I ask you if you’re sure you’re straight all the time.

    Remember? Most recently, we were discussing your sex life and your little oddities and I asked you like 5 times if you were gay… how you felt about naked men… if you’ve ever talked to someone about it… if you were afraid you’d be judged.

    How do you not remember this stuff?

  17. Avitable

    Sybil, exactly – if you find someone you can trust, it shouldn’t matter what gender they are.

    Trish, I like that – “put my foot in their asses and twist”!

    NYCWD, exactly! And where were those teachers when I was in school?

    Poppy, why wouldn’t boys want to babysit?

    Britt, listen. Just because I keep talking about your husband’s girlish ass doesn’t mean that I like other men. It’s just limited to him.

  18. hellohahanarf

    where the hell does jay live that men can’t sit in a public park???!!?!?! that is so wrong, i just don’t know where to begin.

    i’m all about the case by case basis for this and just about everything. generalizations piss me off.

  19. Grant

    Thank goodness for ignorant people – they really prod some interesting posts from you. This is way better than watching you fry and eat stuff. My heart still hurts from that post.

    Kind of reminds me of all the people who said “So THAT’S why Dumbledore couldn’t be around Harry” after they heard he was gay. Straight Dumbledore is safe around the kids (even Hermione), whereas gay Dumbledore = rapist. Likewise, any teenaged boy who babysits will look at an infant and say “Yeah, I’d hit that.” It’s axiomatic.

    BTW, my e-mail spam filter just stopped categorizing your forwarded comments as junk mail. You have been officially accepted by MS Outlook. That makes you like family now, by which I mean give me money. At least, that’s how my family works.

  20. Coal Miner's Granddaughter

    Dude, I’m in total agreement with you. Some of the best babysitters my friends have had were boys. Shit. I’m lucky that I haven’t needed to hire outside babysitters because between the grandparents and the uncle/aunt, we’re set. I don’t care what your gender is. Want to hang at my house, entertain my kids, and be there in case an emergency occurs? You’re my kind of baby sitter, penis or vagina.

    You babysat? What’re you doing Friday night? Ty-man and I want to go out… 🙂

  21. Stephanie

    I was a babysitter for years…and i yakked on the phone, had my boyfriend over, etc. He actually was the better babysitter when he came over. It as MY hormones that were out of control…i wanted to jump his bones, he wanted to make sure the kids were asleep and okay first.

    I like angry Avitable. I have now forgiven you for your television viewing choices, and your neglect of deep fried cheesecake.

    We can now be friends again.

    :woohoo:

  22. Allyson

    So, what I’m getting from all this is: when you invite me over for fried food, I can bring my kids, and leave them for the night so I can finally get some rest. Awesome!

    And yeah, if I could find a baby-sitter AT ALL I wouldn’t question the gender, just the morals.

  23. Avitable

    Robin, why does that not surprise me?

    Grant, we’re frying more this weekend! And the check’s in the mail.

    CMG, if only you lived closer, I’d be up for it.

    Poppy, food babies, maybe.

    Nina, so does this mean you agree or disagree?

    Amanda, it’s not a tumah!

    TMP, we are in agreement there!

    Poppy, so you’re saying that I look pregnant?

    Stephanie, I still have to forgive you for your shitty television choices, though.

    Allyson, exactly!

    Carolina, that’s a very good point. I keep telling Clown to speak up if he’s been assaulted, but he won’t.

  24. Miss Britt

    Wanna hear something funny?

    You know how you were all “do you read ‘Oh, the Joys’?” and I was all “yeah! every day!” and you were all “let me tell about this post…” and I was kind of all “hmm… I didn’t think that would be a blog you read…”

    You know?

    I was thinking of the completely wrong blog.

    Off to read what you were actually talking about now. 43 comments later.

  25. Maman

    My girls were babysat by both males and females and they came out all ri… ok, Imelda came out all right. What is wrong with MonAnge is based on hormones and the yellow ribbon around her neck that keeps her head from falling off.

  26. Avitable

    Robin, it’s probably for the best that you don’t want kids!

    Poppy, heh.

    Allyson, that’s a good incentive.

    Britt, look at you, just patronizing me. “Oh yeah, I read them, too.”

    TMP, :boobs4:

    Maman, hahahahaha!

    Nina, well, I am. That’s all that matters.

  27. Crazy Lady in Vegas

    I just had this arguement with my MIL over letting a 14 year old boy babysit my 3 kids. I have 2 boys and a girl. She freaked over him watching the girl. Not even just her alone. Just him being in the house with out us there. Some people are just way to ignorant.

  28. Dan

    What a bunch of arse.

    Those are the same attitudes that prevent me from picking up crying kids at the playground (who’s mothers are invariably completely ignoring them) incase I get accusatory looks.

    It’s amazing how hard it is for someone to notice their kid is crying after falling over yet how easy it is for them to notice that a man has picked them off the floor.

  29. Bec

    Attitudes like that just make me angry. Very angry. It’s thinking like this that means teachers can’t comfort a crying child (or even separate two that are kicking the crap out of each other). I babysat for years but there is no way I’d do it now… I’d be too scared of saying the wrong thing.

    During the bag pack I picked one of the Beaver Scouts off the floor after he fell over and then realised I shouldn’t have done that. And then thought how stupid it was that I shouldn’t have done that. :dunce:

  30. Summer

    I have 2 boys that loved male sitters and had people question my choice also. It’s a shame when people make closeminded and preconceived judgments. Fast forward sesveral years and my sons did babysitting for extra money. They had many repeat customers and the parents said it was because they actually played with the kids not gabbed on the phone all night. I too have no use for stupid people. You’d make a good father whether you think that or not. 🙂

  31. Trukindog

    My brother asked me to babysit his two girls [5 months & 5 years old] once about 15 years ago, it was for TWO WEEKS while he and his wife went back to Ohio on a legal matter.

    I was about 32 yrs. old at the time and took vacation time to do it, I like kids dont get me wrong but I have never been good at being in charge of them [because I have no patiance with them] as long as someone else is in charge it’s all good.

    THANK GOD for the neighbor lady downstairs!

    and thats all I have to say about that.

  32. Avitable

    BPR, nice find.

    Cat, thanks!

    Crazy Lady, I’m sorry, but your mother-in-law is insane.

    Dan, can’t pick up crying kids, can’t make them cry in the first place. What a world!

    Stephanie, I have a Ghost Hunters book!

    Janelle, they’d probably kill me.

    Bec, I agree. It’s unfortunate when everything has to be thought out to the worst possible conclusion.

    Summer, thanks – I appreciate that.

    Trukindog, did you fry up the kids and eat them?

  33. Y2k Survivor

    Yeah… I was in my final year of a degree in Elementary Education when I first ran into this mind set. Recruiters pushed me to specialize in Early Childhood, and one day all these women I had studied with for years start saying they would NEVER allow their child in a Pre-K-2) class if a man was a teacher. And they were not basing this decision on MY incompetence (another shocker) but because a man teaching those grades had to be a pedophile or gay!

    Well as you can guess, I felt I had just blown years of hard work and hundreds of dollars at one of Oklahoma’s finer State Colleges. Actually I found out near graduation, that while recruiters said the field was wide open for male teachers in Elementary School…They did not mention it was because even Principals and Superintendents either share that belief or cater to it.

    OH and Fuck You You Fucking Fuck! I know what the real purpose of this post is, and I don’t care what you and your friends say, YOU CAN NOT baby sit my 15 year old daughter!!!

  34. Wayne

    To that stat-spouting lmhelendt or whatever the handle is —

    Look at the stats – 40,000 people die each year in car wrecks. Better to not ever ride in a car because hey, people die!

    Look at the stats – a lot of pedophiles are Catholic priests, so nobody’s safe @ church. Not worth the risk.

    Look at the stats – everyone who ever choked on a piece of chicken – get this – was eating chicken *right before* they started choking! Let’s ban *all* chicken eating!!!!

  35. DeannaBanana

    For what it is worth, I would never allow my teenaged son to babysit. Not because I think he has potential to abuse anyone, because anything but, truly.. but it is my job as his Mother to protect him from assholes who would make accusations. People suck.

  36. Girl, Dislocated

    Sounds like something my parents would say.

    I’d be excessively paranoid about babysitters of either sex. I’d require like 30 references, I’d do a pre-hiring background check, and then post-hiring background checks once every week or something.

  37. Avitable

    Deanna, don’t you think that’s just as bad as having him be judged before he’s done anything wrong?

    Britt, so did Fab. But you know he’ll just teach the kids about transsexuals.

    Girl, Dislocated, boy, that is paranoid!

  38. Fantastagirl

    I have two younger brothers – both of them babysat for the neighbors on numerous occasions, I would have no problem having a teen-aged boy watch my kids.

    I think it’s how you are raised – some people are just born to idiots, and continue to be stupid – those women are good examples.

  39. Avitable

    Deanna, that’s a hard choice, I guess. Because then he’s living in fear that anything he does could make him accused, and he doesn’t learn that you’re innocent until proven guilty.

    Fantastagirl, excellent point.

    Peggy, good to hear!

  40. Sarcastica

    Or like saying all people with tattoos and piercings are hooligans who will rob you. Or like saying all hairy gorillas are really sensitive men.

    People are idiots. Like you said, make the decision on if you TRUST the PERSON, not the penis…or lack of.

  41. Karen Sugarpants

    How did I miss this? Ugh. On the old blog, I once wrote about something similar.

    Anyway – we had a girl babysitter before the boy we have now. She was shifty, bossy to my oldest, and sneaky in that i think she was snooping, and I know she lied to my oldest about what time he was supposed to go to bed. She never looked us in the eyes.

    Our current sitter is quite the opposite – it’s like he is part of our family when he comes over. He’s like a big brother to our kids and we adore him.

    People are such morons and labeling a kid because of his gender is as bad as saying all men who volunteer at their kid’s school/on sports teams are pedophiles.

  42. Carolyn Jeffries

    I just did my mandated notifyer training, teaching me about how to recognize and report child abuse, (cause people are trusting me with their kids now, stupid people) and the trainer pointed out that most sexual and physical abuse is caused by men but neglect and emotional abuse is caused by women. So would you rather have your kid felt up or called an idiot, not fed and left in a cupboard.

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