Saw this at Shelli's and Jasmine's and decided to do it here:
Ten Things I Wish I Could Say or That I Should Say to Certain People:
- Grow up and start acting your age. Figure out what you want with your life and stop relying on everyone as a crutch. It's pathetic.
- You're ugly on the inside and that's why people don't like you.
- I wish I could have taken down the story of your life before you died. I'm sorry I wasn't there during your last few days.
- I can't believe that you hid your smoking from me for that many years. You should be ashamed of yourself.
- In some small way, I blame you for what happened. And I resent your refusal to accept my help.
- You're such a sheep that you couldn't even understand it if I drew a picture. Your stereotypes and ridiculous assertions make you look like a jackass.
- I want you to laugh more and stop getting so angry.
- I'm really hurt by your decision to embrace someone who was so hateful to me and the ones I love.
- For years, I've dreamed of thousands of ways that I could destroy you for what you did. Someday I will put those plans into action.
- You're a pathetic little gossip and I know the things you've said in private. You're hateful and spiteful and I feel bad for your husband because of the way you make him follow you around like one of those dogs that you had sex with as a kid.
Just a disclaimer - if you're reading this, it's not about you.
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Okay, I know #6 was about me.
And pick one, either I'm a sheep or a jackass. I can only be one or the other.
j/k Adam.
Comments by Stephanie
Well, it's a LITTLE about me...
Comments by Dave2
Holy shit, I was first.
Comments by Stephanie
hmm. I'm guessing number four is about jigsaw, huh?
Comments by bluepaintred
Don't you know by now that it's ALWAYS all about me? Except for number 3. That's not me. Or 9. Or 10. Ok. So it's not *all* about me. Just mostly.
Comments by jester
#9 .. I can relate. I spend a ridiculous amount of my free time plotting my revenge against a few people.
Bitter? Table for one?
Yes, thank you. ;-)
Comments by Jay
Number 7 is about jigsaw-I just know it ;-)
Comments by turnbaby
You have inspired me, Avi... I think I will make out a list of my own. Problem is- I think specific people will know exactly who the fuck I am talking about... meh... I don't care.
Comments by MsFreud
Why do you hate Jigsaw?
Comments by RW
Was I #1? Or maybe it was 7? It couldn't have been BOTH???
I am NOT a pathetic gossip! Everything I said was already known by legions!
Comments by metalmom
The only ones I didn't feel some afinity with is #10 and #4... and that's because I'm not married, and don't smoke.
And I would have said this out loud had I not been at work on a P.O.S. PC.
Comments by Bec
I know who these are to.
And I can't decide if I want to hug you or cry.
Comments by Miss Britt
Oooo, if I did this eyeballs and ears would STILL be burning.
Comments by Amy
I want to tell every random stranger I meet "I kill you in the name of Satan!", but that would spoil the surprise.
Comments by Grant
Nothing like a list like this to start off the day!
Comments by Absurdist
Damnit I was so convinced I was number 2.
Now I'm bitterly disappointed that it isn't.
Comments by Sarcastica
Whether you meant it or not, #1 is, too, about me. But I don't care, because you saved me a bunch of time - all of these apply to people I know, so now I don't have to make my own list.
Comments by golfwidow
I had no idea Kevin was so hateful to you, I'll have to talk to him.
Comments by Robin
Sooooooo, tell me how you really feel about me.
Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
Stephanie, you can't be a sheepy jackass?
Dave, only about you smoking for so many years.
Stephanie, congratulations! Where is Amanda, now that I think of it?
BPR, shhhh. She'll hear you.
Jester, a certain song by Carly Simon comes to mind.
Jay, revenge planning is fun.
Turnbaby, I'd never say anything bad about Jigsaw!
MsFreud, it's okay if they know. They should know, right?
RW, because she's a big ol 'gossip.
Metalmom, could be #1, eh?
Bec, yeah? Because your awesome Mac would allow you to record shit.
Britt, just show me your boobs. That will make everything better.
Amy, I think you should do it!
Grant, I do that already.
Absurdist, it's refreshing.
Sarcastica, you're #4.
Golfwidow, from what I know of you, #1 doesn't seem applicable.
Robin, I like Kevin.
CMG, I looooove you.
Comments by Avitable
this was a great post for me to read today. thanks.
p.s. if you need help with number 9, i have a wheelbarrow and a shovel. and i know how to use them. call me. i'll be there.
Comments by hellohahanarf
oh, and regarding the p.s.? i should have said i ALLEGEDLY know how to use them. yeah. that's it.
Comments by hellohahanarf
I'm glad you added a disclaimer, I was starting to worry. Especially when I thought you'd found out about my closet smoking.
Comments by Gwen
Number 2 is something I wish I could say to someone.
Number 9 is also very true for me. Someday, someone will pay.
Thanks. You made me feel more human.
Comments by themuttprincess
Who the heck is jigsaw? Sometimes I just don't think I'm cool enough to read this blog.
I like this list, though. I'm doing one.
Comments by Em
Well... um... I am sorry... I.... ehm... I... I couldn't help it... It was forces beyond my control that made me do it... I'm... I'm... I dunno...
Comments by DutchBitch
Avi with a disclaimer?
you OK??
Comments by Tug
Comments by Clown
i think you should know that on a blog such as this I will never be able to push play on the audio comments.
I tried on the above one and the first thing I (and the three kids under five sitting with PB&J's at the table behind me) heard was "dog Sex"
So. new rule. Any interesting comments must be typed so I do not miss them
Comments by bluepaintred
Does it help to let that stuff out into the universe? I prolly have a list or two like that myself.
Comments by Maman
are you suuuure they aren't about the people who read this? 7 7 7 7 7 7 7
Comments by liquid
It's just pot...
HAHA I'm totally kidding....
Comments by Sarcastica
who told you??
about the dogs I mean.
Comments by Jam
Oh and I kind of think #1 is about me, I'm just sayin.
Comments by Robin
Hello, awesome. I may just do that. Allegedly.
Gwen, you smoke closets?
TMP, awww.
Em, this is Jigsaw:
DB, it's okay. I forgive you. If you send me a picture of your boobs.
Tug, I just didn't want any of my readers to think I'm talking about them. This is focused entirely on my offline life.
Clown, dog sex you!
BPR, just tell them it said dog's ex. As in an ex-girlfriend.
Maman, yes, it does.
Liquid, yup!
Sarcastica, suuuuure. Pass the roach clip.
Jam, well, your blog is "The Doggy Did It", so I'll just assume that "It" is "Boned my Butt".
Robin, what? You mean you're not 19?
Comments by Avitable
@liquid
I thought #7 was about me when I first read it.
Comments by Miss Britt
@ audio comments
This is supposed to be a work friendly blog!!! JEEZ!
Comments by Miss Britt
If #19 is uses breasts to get attention then yes.
Comments by Robin
Wouldn't it be great if we could (even for one day) tell everyone exactly what we think? Though I would be afraid of what others might also tell me, them too uncensored and all.
I did one of these on my blog sometime back. It feels good to do these now and again.
Comments by Gina
Thanks for the disclaimer, I was getting worried there for a second that you knew me better than I knew myself.
Comments by Janelle
I love how some people just assume you are talking about them and then go ream you out on their blog for assuming something they wrote/said was about you.
So, you should ask them, which would you like to be today, the pot or the kettle?
Just saying
Comments by MsBatman
Britt, you're angry AND you laugh.
Robin, I meant age 19.
Gina, yeah, it's nice to do.
Janelle, might be. 8 of them are about you.
Ms. Batman, the funny thing is, this has nothing to do with that dried up old cunt, either. I tried to leave a comment on there telling her to grow the fuck up because she's just as guilty of what she's accusing others of doing, but she only allows registered commenters to leave comments, and apparently she decided to delete my registration like the whiny little immature twat that she is.
Comments by Avitable
pls stop with the Some People ands end me a link!
ZMG! Drama!
Comments by bluepaintred
Britt, If this is a work friendly blog then
Avitable... That is NOT Jigsaw. That WAS Jigsaw.
Kind of like showing a baby picture of a teenager when somebody asks to see your kid.
I wish you had a teenager.
Hooray for Fryday!
Comments by Clown
This post made me really sad. Esp #3 & #8. :(
Comments by Karen Sugarpants
Yeah, I get that. I think the picture of jigsaw cut off the comment 'answers' under the picture, 'cause I just checked in to see what else you'd answered - it didn't come through.
Did any of that make sense? It's Friday thanktheLORD.
Comments by Tug
BPR, that's the thing. It doesn't even matter. She's so far under the radar and I care so little about her, that it'd be better if she just gave up and focused on knitting.
Clown, you wish I had a teenage boy that you could molest.
Karen, it's good to get them out there. Thanks, though.
Tug, it did? Did it work by email at least? It works for me, though.
Comments by Avitable
No, it didn't work by e-mail, which is why I came back & saw the picture...I can see it here, just not the e-mail.
Comments by Tug
Tug, oh ok. I don't think it is supposed to come through on the email.
Comments by Avitable
Dude. The rest of your comment answers UNDER the picture...just that one 'answer session' is what didn't come through. Your answers to DB through Robin on that post.
Is it time to start drinking yet?
Comments by Tug
Tug, yeah, it's noon somewhere.
Comments by Avitable
You HAVE a teenage boy that I COULD molest.
Just not one that I want to.
You are so gross.
Nobody wants to go after you.
Ewwwwwww!
Comments by Clown
I followed your lead at my blog - hope you don't mind.
Comments by Karen Sugarpants
Oh! Jigsaw is soooo cute! it's the first picture I've seen of her.
And um... nice list, too. I don't feel I have one of those inside me, because I finally stopped being friends with or in any other way assosiated with the people in my life who would have inspired one.
Comments by Allyson
Clown, yuk. Sloppy pedo seconds.
Karen, no, feel free!
Allyson, she's a bit older now, but I love that picture of her younger. Many of mine are family so I can't just easily dissociate myself from them.
Comments by Avitable
I re-read my comment and realized it sounded a bit, um, for lack of a better vocabulary, "holier-than-thou." I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
I still think Jigsaw is a cutie, though. :-)
Comments by Allyson
Oh my gosh, I love your doggie!!!!! How old is she? She's so adorable!
And I haven't been reading you long, so I was surprised by your post. I thought you were all rough and tough and those were some really heartfelt statements. I love the tough-on-the-outside by soft on the inside kind of guys!
Comments by BlondeBlogger
I've been tempted to do this every once in a while, but I am afraid it would ruin me.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Amen!
Comments by Peggy
Good lord. I will finish your socks like really soon so as to avoid ever making this list. Oh and I will being doing this too. It's too awesome to pass up.
Comments by Nina
Miss Britt: I thought it was me, too
Comments by liquid
YOU THINK I'M UGLY ON THE INSIDE?
Comments by Crys
What's really sad is that so many people who read this (including me) have people in their lives that the things on your list need to be said to.
I like this idea a lot. One day, I'll get around to doing it on my blog.
And the webcam/audio comment options are neat!
Comments by Girl, Dislocated
Dude based on the 1o things you feel you really needed to say... I think you need some better friends to hang out with. So... You like Gladiator movies?
Comments by Y2k Survivor
I think #2 should be made into one of those giant fist-width knuckle rings so I can punch it into people's foreheads. Appropriate far too many times for it to be healthy.
Comments by kapgar
Allyson, nah, I didn't think it was holier than thou.
BlondeBlogger, she's almost 4 now. That's an old picture. And I'm filled with caramel on the inside.
Mr. Fabulous, I don't think it would ruin you. Just some of your readers.
Peggy, hallelujah.
Nina, I can't wait for my socks!
Liquid, maybe it should be, angry Asian woman.
Crystal, quiet you.
Girl, Dislocated, I bet you could say 10 things to each family member!
Y2K, ever been in a Turkish prison?
Kapgar, then we'd know to stay away from them!
Comments by Avitable
Wow...that was a lot harder than I thought it would be. It took me a while to come up with 10 of them.
Comments by Moogie