Today's Lazy Sunday is going to be a bit different. Typically, I work in a few pop culture references. Some are obscure, some are not. For example, last week, one of my answers was "They've gone plaid", which was clearly a reference to Spaceballs. I think most people miss them and don't appreciate all of the hard work that I've put into trying to come up with these allusions.
Well, I will no longer be underappreciated. My solution is very simple: I shall now bribe all of you to search desperately for my clever references.
From this point forward, every Lazy Sunday will continue to have several movie or television references. They might be a quote, a situational reference, an offhand remark or a subtle allusion, but they will be there. And to the sharp-eyed fucker who can find all of them and gives me the numbers and movie or television show names in the comments, I will reward you with glory and thanks. Oh, and a prize!
What's today's prize, you might ask? How about an iPod Shuffle?
Want to win it? Just find and guess the references, along with the corresponding numbers. If there are multiple people who guess correctly, I will choose one of the names at random and select my winner that way.
Contest ends Monday at midnight EST. Canadians may be required to do a small math problem in order to win.
A few additions (8:57 AM EST, 2/24/08):
1. If I actually name a TV show or movie as an answer, that clearly isn't going to be one of them. That's a bit too obvious, don't you think?
2. If you get rid of Roxanne, Dora, and Oz, there are 7 actual references and allusions that you should be able to pick up.
3. You get two tries. After that, feel free to comment, but if you keep adding ones on, they're not going to count.
Thanks to Kapgar for this one. There are 7 movie or television references to find.
1. Do you like blue cheese?
No, but I have blown cheese.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
The only thing I like to do with heroin is put it in little balloons and shove the balloons up my ass.
3. Do you own a gun?
Well, I certainly don't have a license to carry what's in my pants.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
Lime-semen.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor's appointments?
I used to for my prostate exams. But then I found a doctor who started taking me to dinner and a movie first.
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I think the combination of rat tail, raccoon feet, pigeon head, and boot tongue is lip-smackingly delicious.
7. Favorite Christmas song?
I saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus's Penis.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
A Weight Gain 4000 shake. I'm trying to bulk up.
9. Can you do push ups?
Yes. I do them at such a high speed that it just seems like I'm laying on the floor, though.
10. What do you order at Starbucks?
Large cheese pizza.
11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?
My spleen piercing.
12. Favorite hobby?
Skinny prank phone-calling.
13. How do you eat your eggs?
I suck them out of the uterus with a straw.
14. Do you have A.D.D.?
No.
15. What’s one trait you hate about yourself?
My inability to . . . . ooh, shiny!
16. Your eye color?
Stripper pole silver
17. Name three thoughts at this exact moment?
1. I've never actually seen a stripper pole. Are they bronze?
2. Am I strange for having no desire to ever go to a strip club?
3. Ooh, shiny!
18. Name three things you bought yesterday?
Do sex acts from donkeys count as "things"?
19. Three drinks you regularly drink?
Diet Coke
Diet Coke with Lime
Diet Coke with Lemon
20. Current worry right now?
I wonder if this contest is going to be too subtle.
21. Current hate right now?
Edible panties that taste like limburger cheese.
22. Favorite place to be?
Oz. The magical land, not the prison.
23. How did you bring in the New Years?
Ohhhhh. I thought it was the Nude Years! No wonder the host was so horrified.
24. Where would you like to go?
To that place in France where the naked ladies dance.
25. Name three people who will complete this?
Larry, Curly, and Moe.
26. Do you own slippers?
Yes, with pictures of Dora the Explorer on them.
27. What shirt are you wearing?
I'm topless right now. Well, except for the sports bra.
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
No. Every time I try to jump into bed, I just slide right off the other side.
29. Can you whistle?
Only rectally.
30. Favorite color?
Mauve.
31. Would you be a pirate?
No. I'm not really a booty man.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I only take baths, and I like to make my shampoo and conditioner bottles fight for superiority.
33. Favorite girl’s name?
Anything Irish.
34. Favorite boy’s name?
Adam. Or Thor.
35. What’s in your pocket right now?
A half a pack of cigarette, a tank of gas, and my sunglasses.
36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Steve Martin in Roxanne.
37. Most frequently dialed phone number?
1-800-AVITABLE. And I'll keep dialing it until someone actually answers and says "1-800-Avitable, how can I help you?"
38. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
Caught a bazooka round at Little Big Horn. Or was it Okinawa? The one without the Indians. My eyes are ceramic now.
39. Do you love where you live?
Home is where you bury the hookers.
40. How many TVs do you have?
I refuse to answer this question until my wife lets me get one for the bathroom.
41. Who is your loudest friend?
Oh, you know.
42. How many dogs do you have?
I refuse to answer this question until my wife lets me get one for the bathroom.
43. What are you thrilled about right now?
Toilet dog!
44. Do you have a crush on someone?
Hulk Hogan.
45. What is your favorite book?
Chicken Soup for the Hairy Gorilla Geek Soul
46. What is your favorite candy?
It's NOT Turkish Delight.
47. Favorite Sports Team?
The San Francisco Snowballers.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I want people to sing "I Say a Little Prayer" in unison.
49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
Stripping. It's my night job.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
I hope I didn't eat my underwear again in my sleep. I was dreaming that I was eating pancakes.
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great congtest. although i am not even searching for references until i get some rest and can see straight.
Comments by hellohahanarf
okay, for one, there's way more than 7 references, I'm guessing you want the more subtle ones?
2. Traffic and Maria Full of Grace are the first two that come to mind, but I know there’s something else
8. Southpark- BEEFCAKE
22. Oz
25. Three Stooges
26. Dora the explorer
28. Van Wilder
48. My Best Friend’s Wedding
I give up
Comments by Amanda
fuck. see what i mean? i spelled contest wrong. ugggg.
but at least i was first to comment. wahoo!
Comments by hellohahanarf
How can you whistle rectally with those balloons of heroin up there?
Comments by Dave2
Hey this is nothing but discrimination against people who read and shit, and are too busy gettin to be "smart people" to waste time watching movies and TV shows.
So therefore I think you should give me the Ipod Shuffle and consider your ass lucky I don't call my facilitator.
That's all assuming you buy into me being an intellectual. Any chance in that?
Comments by Y2k Survivor
#43 sounds like it is from The Simpsons
I agree with all of Amanda's except I didn't know #2.
Comments by Dee
Okay, I'll give this a shot:
8. South Park
9. The Wizard of Oz and Oz the show
25. The Three Stooges
26. Dora The Explorer
28. Van Wilder
30. Doctor Who (this one is a wild guess because I've never seen the show, but I think I remember a friend making a reference to this)
I have to think on the seventh one, and come back later. Two part entries better be allowed, or else... I think I need to finish the threat later too, I don't have any good threats right now.
Comments by Kylah
oh oh oh 32 is Billy Madison!
Comments by Amanda
I have a post-it note with Paul McCartney's name on it. Sure it's old, but it's still good.
Really... Good move. As you know, I skip over pretty much every one of Sunday posts. Because of this I didn't get to enjoy the Spaceballs reference of the many Full House references you've likely made. Now I have to read them in the future... You bastard.
Oh... Might be good to make note that you aren't likely to actually put movie/show names in your answers. That wouldn't be a challenge.
Comments by Clown
OMG! I suck at shit like that! Especially cuz not everything US really makes its way thru to NL, so I'll refrain from this one. Have fun though! And a pre-Yay to whoever wins the prize!
Comments by DutchBitch
Here's my best shot
22) The Wizard of Oz
24) Moulin Rouge
25) The three stooges
26) Dora the Explorer
35) Elwood - It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses – blues brothers
36) Steve Martin - Roxanne
38 ) Admiral Benson- – Hot Shots
Looking at the comments above I think I missed 32) Billy madison but hey Im only part human lol
Thanks for keeping me amused for nigh on 2 hours lol how sad am I really ?
Comments by L
This was funny. Good job.
Except your readers suck ASS.
I can't believe NO ONE got:
"Shampoo is better!!"
I should get the Shuffle by default.
Comments by Miss Britt
Although having to answer the math question is a near miss for me, I don't stand a chance with obscure movie or tv references.
Good luck to the rest of the gang!
Comments by Aunt Robin
even after sleep i still sucketh at this contest. damn.
therefore, instead of embarrassing myself with my terrible guesses, i'll leave you with my favorite billy madison quote:
Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison: Okay, a simple "wrong" would've done just fine.
Comments by hellohahanarf
I had another bash which quite frankly left a dirty little mess
I never have been good at these things
2) Blow
24) Moulin Rouge
25) The three stooges
35) Elwood - It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses – blues brothers
38 ) Admiral Benson- – Hot Shots
now I'm gonna cry in the corner
Comments by L
Forever and ever you stay in my heart and I will love you forever and ever...
Comments by Robin
Hello, I love congtests!
Amanda, I'll tell you that #2 is not a reference to anything. And neither is #28.
Dave, it just allows me to add pitch and tone.
Y2K, smart people watch smart TV, so nice try!
Dee, well #2 wasn't a real one, so good job!
Kylah, the Van Wilder one is unintentional, and you have two right.
Amanda, so you're going to find them one at a time?
Clown, thanks for the note - good idea.
DB, I'll try to make some contests a bit more universal for the future.
L, you got 3 correct.
Britt, no, conditioner is bettah!
Robin, you know that was just a joke about how all these US contests always have a weird Canadian rule, right?
Hello, that is one of my favorite quotes from that movie, too.
L, still, 3 correct.
Robin, exactly!
Comments by Avitable
Oh sure, Lazy Sunday for YOU but not for us ;). Here is the best I can do:
8. South Park
15. The Simpsons ?
22. Oz, The Wizard of
24. Moulin Rouge
25. The Three Stooges
30. Doctor Who (mauve, the universal color for danger!)
32. Billy Madison?
35. Blues Brothers
36. Uh, Roxanne
38. Hot Shots
Uhm, I think that Dora one is about Dora but it may be about something random, so I won't lock it in as my final answer unless I am in a tie to actually win something ;).
Comments by Hilly
I am your dumb commenter. I can pick up on the most obvious, like the reference to the Three Stooges, but I will have to study this some more.
I must say, I am very disappointed in you. Diet Coke with Lemon???? Yuck!!
Comments by trishk_fl@yahoo.com
6. SIMPSONS
8. SOUTH PARK
18.normally, I wouldn't call this a reference, but because its you, Clerks 2
22. Wizard of Oz
25. Three Stooges
26. Dora
30 Doctor Who, universal color for danger, only Earth does red
32. Billy Madison
34. Adventures in Babysitting or possibly the Ultimate Avengers dvd movie
35. Blues Brothers
36.Roxanne.
38. Hot Shots
44. wrestling, American Gladiators, stoopid movies, shameless self-promotional opportunities
45. Stupid movie based on a stupid book that proves reading has nothing to do with smart
47 sounds like it should be a reference...
48. My Best Friend's Wedding
Comments by m
oh, and I'm not saying 24 is Moulin Rouge cuz that song is like a 100 years old and it could be a dozen different things.
Comments by m
I can't believe no one has gotten the scrubs reference yet. or was that one unintentional also?
Comments by Zom
I knew that 800 one was something buy couldn't place...until now.
6. SIMPSONS
8. SOUTH PARK
18.normally, I wouldn't call this a reference, but because its you, Clerks 2
22. Wizard of Oz
25. Three Stooges
26. Dora
30 Doctor Who, universal color for danger, only Earth does red
32. Billy Madison
34. Adventures in Babysitting or possibly the Ultimate Avengers dvd movie
35. Blues Brothers
36.Roxanne.
37. 1-800-CALL-TUR (k)
38. Hot Shots
44. wrestling, American Gladiators, stoopid movies, shameless self-promotional opportunities
45. Stupid movie based on a stupid book that proves reading has nothing to do with smart
47 sounds like it should be a reference...
48. My Best Friend's Wedding
1-800-CALL-TUR (k)
Comments by m
M was allowed to participate and I wasn't!?!
I get bonus points for my non-entry since I knew which were inadvertent references and which 7 you were talking about!
M, pick 7 or else I'll kill Eliza Dushku!
Adam, after bonus points my non-entry prize can be I don't have to look at your stupid face for nine and a half months.
Comments by Clown
You kill The Dushku and you scuttle a Joss Whedon series and in so doing you grant me an army with which to have at you.
I'll cut it down to 8, on account of of Adam not being able to tell the difference between single digit numbers to within a margin of 2.
He's dysnumerical
6,8,25,32,35,37,38,48
Comments by m
Enough of all this thinking.... let's have sex.
Comments by Kyra Sutra
Hilly, well, to be honest, it took me forever to do, too. You did pretty well, although the Dr. Who one is not something I actually remembered.
Trish, it's not my favorite, but it's better than the plain one.
M, wow. You managed to come up with ones that I didn't even think of!
Zom, that was also unintentional.
M, the Scrubs one was not a real one.
Clown, he hasn't commented in months. Why would I think that he'd randomly show up?
Kyra, that's the best prize of all!
Comments by Avitable
M is a bloodhound when it comes to tv related quizes.
I organized an illegal cockfight in the Dominican Republic about 6 months ago. It was very hush hush, but who showed up just before the start to clean house?
That's right, Stephen Hawking. Still, I think the big red shaped hand print on the back of his wheelchair showed that M was his puppet master.
Comments by Clown
Well, I suck at this contest! But #28 made me spit my coffee out! And I'll give you that Facing the Giants does not have the best acting, but the message is great if you like God, which you clearly don't.
Comments by Janelle
I'm way too slow getting to this. Dammit.
Comments by kapgar
Clown, now you've managed to lose me.
Janelle, it's a movie - having the best acting is the whole point. Doesn't matter if the message is good - it's a shit movie by the very definition of movie.
Kapgar, enter - you might win! There is still a very high chance.
Comments by Avitable
Have to agree.
Doesn't matter how good a message is, a shit movie is a shit movie.
If somebody is looking for a tickle to their faith they shouldn't have to settle for mediocre to get it. Might as well watch Angels in the Outfield. At least that has Doc Brown in it.
Yeah, I don't get the santa smiley either but it was the closest to a jesus smiley that you have.
Comments by Clown
I don't believe anyone has called it, but #17, (3) is from Elf. :) — Cool contest!
Comments by Glenda
Clown, isn't Santa the same person as Jesus?
Glenda, it is? The "shiny" part?
Comments by Avitable
3. Elf
8. South Park
24. Moulin Rouge
32. Billy Madison
35. Blue's Brothers
38. Hot Shots
48. My Best Friend's Wedding
Oh my gosh you have no idea how much I NEEEEED an Ipod!!! Really! If you could see the pathetic piece of crap that I exercise with. A friggin CD walkman! That's silver and orange! And I knocked it off the holder while on the treadmill, and it fell behind me and broke apart.
So now, there's no battery back anymore and the top won't close all the way shut when I play a CD.
Really! I should win out of pity alone!
Comments by BlondeBlogger
BlondeBlogger, well, you didn't quite get them all. Maybe next contest . . .
Comments by Avitable
8. South Park
32. Billy Madison
35. The Blues Brothers
38. Hot Shots
48. My Best Friend's Wedding
Dammit. Is this thing over or can I come back? I need a fresh brain to think of any more!
Damn you, Avitable! Damn you all to hell!
Comments by Sybil Law
Sybil, sorry, but you were 22 minutes too late!
Comments by Avitable