Last week, Britt wrote a very inspiring post about body acceptance, and she very bravely posted a picture of herself in the nude to show how comfortable she is with every curve, wrinkle and stray hair. It was all part of the BlogHer “Letter to my Body” initiative. I think it’s an excellent movement and support it fully. I mean no disrespect to those women with this subsequent parody.
Dear Body,
I love you.
I knew that a steady diet of cheeseburgers, french fries, pizza, and butter would make you into an object of desire and affection.
I love that you can displace all of the water in a pool with one cannonball.
I love that your pants would feed a largish village in Africa.
I love that I get to use a mirror to see my penis and feet, since that lets me just gaze at myself.
Your breasts started out firm, but after having many Baby Ruths, they have become a bit saggy, but that’s okay. I’d never be able to lick my own nipples otherwise.
Your stomach, pregnant with many, many food babies, has expanded, but that’s okay. It’s a good place to sit a book or balance a tray.
Your thighs, once glistening pillars of steel, now brush together, but that’s okay. If I get trapped out in the wilderness, I can just wear corduroy and walk around to start a small fire.
Your penis, a mighty warrior of slightly above average size, has now hidden itself among your girth, but that’s okay. The smaller size makes it easier for smaller hands, say that of a high school aged girl.
Your butt, once shapely and taut, has become completely flat, but that’s okay. Now I can drop my pants easily without worrying about snags.
Your hair still covers every inch of you, except on the top of your head, but that’s okay. I enjoy being able to explore fashion trends with different types of hats.
Being the size of six normal people just means that you are six times as awesome! Being able to ride in solace in an elevator because you meet the weight limit alone is gratifying. Bringing your own titanium chair to restaurants allows you to protect the environment, and buying four seats on an airplane before you board gives you the comfort that none of those other passengers will ever experience.
Body, you’ll never understand how important I feel when the people at the Burger King drive-through know me by name. And that’s all thanks to you. And having the city of Altamonte Springs offer me my own roving zip code – that just warmed the cockles of my heart. When cars move out of the way as I cross the street because they don’t want to hit the large zoo animal who has clearly escaped, I always nod my head and secretly thank you. For I truly am special.
I love you, Body.
Sunday rerun: A Letter to my Body #blogher
Lazy Sunday XIX
There comes a time in every man’s life when he tries to suck his own dick
Funny… I don’t SEE a bald spot.
Hmmmm…..
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OH! AND!
:woohoo: :woohoo:
It’s so good to know I am not alone in my nakedness! Go Avitable Body Love!
:lmao:
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We’re no longer friends.
I’m serious.
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The only time I’ve seen you wear a hat you were trying to pull it over your entire head.
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
Oh My God… why would you be wearing corduroy in the wilderness? It’s hot and doesn’t move well.
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I think I love you. You will never be able to top this post! :sex023:
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i assolutely love that you did this. magnificent!!
:thumbsup:
so, self photography or did amy help you out?
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p.s. you are not nearly as hairy as you led us to believe. regardless, i’m gonna go rub one out. thanks for the assist…
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Now I wish I were dead. No, really, there isn’t enough brain bleach in the world. :banghead:
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I think I’ve found my new desktop wallpaper! You are one delicious hunk of man-candy, Mr. Avitable!
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When you said you were doing a body image post, you weren’t kidding.
I think I could kiss you after seeing this…I love it!
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Awesome post, you rock! :clap:
P.S.- You, holding the burger in B&W…so classy!! lol
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Twitter: Jayman3768
says:
That was touching.
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My eyes! My eyes! They burn. I have a crazily hairy, but obedient husband that I’ve trained over the years to get hot waxed. I thought he was hairy. Never! Ever! Have I seen ass crack hair go 2 feet up one’s back. Wow! Blown away. Just. Wow…
Yep, you are comfortable in your skin. I wish I had your confidence. Seriously.
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:clap: This is a classic :heartbeat:
I notice this photo isn’t in your office: be honest, there wasn’t room, was there
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Can we have video proof of the cannonball statement?
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your penis is pretty big.
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Heavens to Betsy! What a man you are. Call me! My numbers on the wall of your local restroom.
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I knew as soon as I saw the title I would wake the household laughing. OMG
And dude—I’m all about acceptance but the backside ‘happy trail’ is ….just….omg LOLOLOLOL
You RAWK :heartbeat:
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Love the picture… And I found myself thinking- he gives his barber fucktons of cash to shave his face and keep him neatly groomed, and then wears a rug of hair on his back.
Gorgeous photography btw.
:clap:
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Wow… I could never sit on the floor, naked in front of full-length mirror and eat. The depth of your body love is truly an inspiration.
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That is one tasty looking … burger.
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Britt, you have more butt hair.
Clown, I warned you!
Amy, yeah, that was pretty retarded, wasn’t it?
Amanda, only to set a fire.
BPR, yeah, I’m pretty proud of this one.
Hello, didn’t you read the disclaimer? This picture is designed only for humor and may not be used for masturbatory purposes.
Tracy, not even if you go buy it at Sam’s?
Dave, oh, I know. And I’m filled with nougat.
Hilly, I never do anything halfway.
Glenda, I’m a classy guy, what can I say?
Jay, as in you’re touching yourself?
Scout’s Honor, I have to have it shampooed and blown dry.
Dee, no, there was no room on the floor.
DB, the camera always gets drenched and ruined.
Beth, awww, thanks.
Freelance Guru, unfortunately, I’m local restroom-phobic. I only pee at home!
Turnbaby, I’m glad it made you laugh!
MsFreud, my barber is afraid to go near any other part of me.
Robin, it’s a deep love.
Golfwidow, have to keep up my physique somehow.
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I cannot look away…you are so beautiful.
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Twitter: karensugarpants
says:
This is awesome. Awesome that you recognize how wonderful you are. Great post!
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I do NOT have butt hair! I’m not going to censor my comments for you if you’re going to be an asshole!
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Reason #14 why I could never be gay
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Mr. Fabulous, you’re just looking at the cheeseburger.
Karen, well, it is a parody.
Britt, I was clearly being facetious. I’m sorry that you somehow misinterpreted my humor as me trying to actually imply that you have butt hair on any type of noticeable level.
RW, it’s the cheeseburger, isn’t it?
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Oh my. I think I’m speechless. That poor burger…
I don’t know how you’re going to top this post!
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I’m glad I stumbled upon this and Britt’s post. Your openness inspired me. First I masturbated. Then I ate a big breakfast from the hotel buffet.
Thank you both.
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HAHAHA! That’s awesome. I’m impressed.
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Your “Mac ‘n’ Crack Attack” inspires me to greatness. Or to shave something. You’re a seriously brave and whacked out man. Funny stuff!
BTW, African villagers eat pants?
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This post was both awesomely funny and inspired although it was a parody of the “Letter to my Body” I think it still had an air of the original in the confidence you emit.
I nearly pee’d myself but it was so well written and I especially laughed because being of the larger persuasion I have had the same issues.
Then I got to the image and now I need white hot pokers and a my brain flushing with bleach and a speech from George W
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Dude, that is a very lovely post. But it looks like you forgot to take your sweater off.
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You tricked me.
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Twitter: Kapgar
says:
I… I… I…
[rocking back and forth in the fetal position in the corner of the room]
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Be proud of your hairy self :cock:
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Wow… that’s a mighty big cheeseburger mister.
(I think I may be delurking. Hi, I’m Nat. I feel closer now that I’ve seen your hairy butt crack.)
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Oh God! Oh no! I’m blind! I’m blind! And? I’m choking on pancake and coffee! Spewing coffee! MacBook shorting out, can’t finish comment possszzzzfffftttt…….
Avitable. You are just too damned cute for your own good! :thumbsup:
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ThisMom, what happened to BlondeBlogger? And this might be one of my better posts, I agree.
Todd, I’m always happy to inspire.
Em, impressed with my back hair?
LizB, they eat pants for the fiber.
L, nah. All you need is a cheeseburger.
Nobody, you can’t tell because it’s a shot from the back, but it was cold. I needed that sweater.
Poppy, nope – I just used your feedback to make the post even funnier. Thanks!
Kapgar, aren’t you glad you found my blog?
Robin, damn skippy.
Nat, hi! Welcome to my butt crack!
Heather, is it cuter than a stormtrooper outfit?
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You need to do the Milkshake Dance like that. Naked and holding a cheeseburger as the Big Man intended.
I’d give you props for having the balls to post the picture, but I can’t see them, so the jury is still out on whether or not you have a set.
Kisses.
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You’re everything that I’ve imagined and more. My love for everything that is you has increased tenfold.
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Ack! Please never, ever do that again. And invest in some fucking nair please.
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I think I am going to stab my eyes out with a sharp object. OMG the image is burned in my brain….I need wine already.
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WOW.
You’re stunning.
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Absolute pure Avitable! Sooo much better than mine. But then, so is your body. :thumbsup:
Dude, you totally photoshopped that burger in. But that’s okay! Huge props for being proud enough to use the pic.
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ADW, oh, they’re there. This time.
AnnieB, you just want to eat my cheeseburger.
Absurdist, I think you might have left your sense of humor in your other pants.
TrishK, I bet NotAGrampy will be jealous.
Peggy, I’m like a supermodel.
SJ, yes, the burger is photoshopped in. You caught me!
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You know I appreciate it, but thanks for taking the IM time to explain. Now I can make the comment I wanted to.
Even with that damn cheeseburger:
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
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PS – I disagree with the people who are telling you to never do this again. Clearly they are not true Avitafans.
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Poppy:
True ‘dat!
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Oh I agree with Britt and Poppy—there should be more nekkid Avi posts–although this will be hard to top. :clap:
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I was going to mention the photoshopped burger, but someone already beat me to it.
Sadly, I can’t comment on the rest of the picture because it appear to be covered in thick fur.
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I am impressed with this post in its entirety. . .impressed with your sense of humor and your confidence. And yes. . .if you must know. . .the back hair.
I agree with Poppy and Miss Britt – you should do this every day.
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Yep and I’ll be chowing down on that whopper come Saturday. Mmmmmmmm
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if there were Oscars for blogs, this would win Best Post of 2008.
just brilliant, you sexy beast.
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HAWT. Very, very hawt. :sex023:
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Awesome post!
Did your wife walk in on you during your photo shoot? Or is that another post?
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Twitter: nycwatchdog
says:
My body is jealous.
It now wants a letter too.
And a cheeseburger.
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See! You don’t even need a drawing–photography–the great documentation device of a NEW age.
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That ass-hair trail makes me moist.
Damn…now I want to eat a cheeseburger, naked.
:thumbsup:
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This is my fourth visit to Avitable.awesome.com today. Know why?
Because you, Adam H. Avitable, are beautiful. And I just can’t help myself.
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Poppy, no awwwwwws allowed. Only heehees.
Poppy and Britt, thanks!
Turnbaby, I don’t know that I can top this, ever.
B.E. Earl, you could just comment on the hilarious post instead!
Em, confidence? This is all about the humor. I do it for the laughs.
AnnieB, you are the queen of giving head, aren’t you?
Crystal, best post? Hardly. Did you har?
Laura, not hot. Funny!
Lynda, she did not. She came home shortly thereafter – I was about fifteen minutes done.
NYCWD, how about some Chick Fil-A?
Jordie, this post is for laughs. The drawing is for me.
Stephanie, send me a picture if you do.
Nina, this has nothing to do with beauty and everything to do with denial and cheeseburgers!
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You know I don’t pay attention to what I’m not supposed to do. :batting:
And, where the fuck is *MY* Chick Fil-A? How many times do I have to ask you for some? sigh.
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LizB already asked my question…fiber, huh? Good to know.
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Twitter: karensugarpants
says:
Darlin’ I know it’s parody…so was my comment. Ha ha.
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This is probably the best post i’ve seen you do. Bravo.
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Well, you haven’t officially crowned me yet but I have no doubts that you will on Saturday. I’ve had numerous standing ovations but usually they don’t last that long. A crown would be nice.
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WOW…
That is truly disturbing!
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Poppy, it would be horrible if I mailed you some. You’ll just have to wait for your next visit to Florida.
Tug, helps keep ‘em regular.
Karen, indeed.
Dan, even better than the “guess the body part” post?
AnnieB, how about a crown and a necklace? Of pearl.
Jam, what, you don’t like cheeseburgers?
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This is the best post. You’re awesome. And totally hot.
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That would be lovely. Actually, I thought that would be a given with you …
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No holding your breath, but I might be there in April! Of course, I don’t actually need to see you to eat Chick Fil-A, but it’d be nice to at least see Jigsaw if I’m in town again.
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Sarah, no, you can’t have my cheeseburger.
AnnieB, well, yeah.
Poppy, cool. We can go get Chick Fil-A and see Jigsaw, all at the same time.
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Dude, that was fucking awesome. I’ve never seen ass-crack hair like that before! I’ve never imagined ass-crack hair like that before either, but I guess that just shows I’m limited. Thank you for opening my eyes to your hairy gloriousness. And I want a cheeseburger now.
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At last, irrefutable proof that we’re related to apes. Well, proof at least that YOU are related to apes. I could make a sweater from your back hair.
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Oh my gosh!!! *gasping for air* ROFLMAO!!!This is one of my most favorite posts, ever!!!! You SO rock!!!
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I’m afraid to ask…
Do you make your dog work at Chik Fil-A or is she the food?
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I think I just enjoy misspelling Chick.
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WeeWorld, well, once it gets to be a foot or more away from the ass crack, I think it becomes just plain old back hair.
Colleen, do you WANT to make a sweater from my back hair? Because I’ll send you some.
BlondeBlogger, want to come over for cheeseburgers?
Poppy, neither. She just likes to ride along.
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Well, it’s about bloody time that somebody other than ME started posting some gratuitous nudity!
:sexytime: <~~ can I get this in a blonde?
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Oh good. I thought you were being funny again.
So, I sit in the back again? (hehehe)
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You, sir, are a work of art… a magnificent beauty that parallels only that beauty which we see sparking in the night sky. Mount me like a dog. you bad boy.
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Thanks, Adam. You’ve just given my boyfriend ANOTHER reason to distrust bloggers. :pissed:
But you are kinda cute in your own hairy, naked way.
J.
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I showed this post to Mrs. Fab. She says it is now official, YOU are biggest attention whore.
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Holy mutha fucking christ on a biscuit!
I’m pretty comfortable with myself and all, but I just don’t have the stones to post THAT photo of myself on my blog.
I’m happy to take second place to you in that contest.
You’re definitely hairier than I am.
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I love this! You have a great sense of humor, warped at times but great. This post along with Britt’s inspired me to do a body love letter on my post. If you want to check out the red hair, green eyes and freckles come on over.
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LOVE IT.
:clap:
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I have no doubt you are naked and on the edge of your seat at how close to 100 comments you are.
[riffly_audio]8EC9C70AE5A311DCBBFBD0A456B4F508[/riffly_audio]
:puke:
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Woah, dude! You ARE dangerously close to 100 comments! NICE!
:batting:
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LOL! Love to! Put lots of bacon on mine!
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Very very funny. And thank you for not taking that picture from the front (I think?).
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I, personally, was disappointed that it wasn’t from the front.
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Who knew that hairy ass would lead to 100 comments?
Wonder how many comments you’d get if you showed the man-meat?
Inquiring minds want to know……
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I once wrote a letter to my body… But my colon marked it “return to sender” and sent it back.
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I’m so jealous of how warm you must be underneath all of that fur!
I don’t know how you or the other participants were able to do this (I won’t even change outfits in front of my mother or my sister), but it’s great–especially your parody! :thumbsup:
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DK, well, it’s not gratuitous. It’s nudity for the sake of comedy.
Poppy, you’d get the front seat this time.
Kyra, so I’m like a constellation of awesomeness?
HG, what? He doesn’t like comedy?
Mr. Fabulous, I don’t see how this makes me an attention whore in any way.
Jester, you’re right. I almost didn’t include the cheeseburger.
Summer, warped at times? I’m trying for 100% warped.
Sybil, I’m glad!
Clown, is that the sound you make when you masturbate?
Poppy, I know – I’m surprised how many comments I got.
BlondeBlogger, by bacon do you mean penis?
Othurme, you are welcome. It would have been a bad idea. I would have been flocked by hundreds of women rushing to my house and hundreds of men would have just committed suicide.
Kyra, but this is my good side!
Stephanie, I probably wouldn’t get any comments. Everyone would be too busy masturbating.
Dean, that’s why you have to mail it orally, not rectally.
Girl, Dislocated, would you change outfits in front of my webcam?
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This is totally awesome. You are my hero!!!
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Sarcastica, and you are my hero. Or is that my gyro?
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No, that’s the sound I make when you masturbate.
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Clown, that’s not true. Usually your mouth is full with my balls!
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PS
I still hate you
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Absolutely! I’d start out wearing a T-shirt, and then I’d say in a very sexy voice, “It’s sooo cold in here. Don’t mind me while I slip into something more comfortable.” And THEN, I would sloooowllyyy pull on a sweatshirt over my shirt.
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Twitter: Kapgar
says:
Oh, you have no idea.
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Those are some crazy-ass special effects.
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Twitter: whatsananna
says:
Oh. My. God.
Son, this is absolutely THE funniest thing I have read in a long long looooonnnnngggggg time.
Er em, I didn’t say the PHOTO was funny, right?
:woohoo:
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Clown, nice try!
Girl, Dislocated, rawr.
Kapgar, it’s a day you’ll never forget.
Bossy, Lucasarts handled them.
Mom, the photo should have been funny – that was the point!
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After reading this I am not sure who to take in the death pool. You or Jeff Kay
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ROFLLLLLLLL!!! If it tastes like bacon, then I’m all for it! :thumbsup:
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Father Bob, who’s Jeff Kay?
BlondeBlogger, ok. Let me just dip it in some bacon fat first. :jerkoff2:
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Hahahaha!
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For years people asked me why/how I became a lesbian. I think I just found my answer.
PS: But if I were straight I would do you cause you are one fine hunk of prime.
:jerkoff2:
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BB,
Swizzle, usually women I dated became asexual.
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http://www.thewvsr.com
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Bwahahahahaha! And I thought mine was funny!! I love the corduroy pants idea, I always say that I don’t wear ‘em because I attract crickets
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Bob, hmm. Ok.
DebbieS, I hadn’t heard that one, about the crickets. Funny!
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ok, getting ready to go meet trade show people at the bar. but took a peek at your nakedness first. wonder what that means…
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Hey….why’d you ask “ThisMom” what happened to me?
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Hello, bad Hello!
BlondeBlogger, I got myself confused from her URL and yours – thought you changed your username.
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Ahhh….sounds like something I would do. Are you sure you’re not blonde? I will need to see pubic hair for evidence.
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BlondeBlogger, are you my friend on Facebook? Evidence lies therein.
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…AND IN YAHOO which is why I permanently store a photo of Jigsaw as your avatar on my local machine.
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PS – WHY ARE THINGS CLICKY NOW? ARE YOU AD SPAMMING US?!
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(gawd, I love making myself laugh that hard.)
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What’s clicky?
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Look here at URL.
And I saw AOL was clicky on one of Dawg’s comments.
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See? You don’t even need to go look. Obviously those aren’t ads, those are annoyances.
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Clearly, you’re crazy. There’s nothing there.
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Can you add me? I don’t know how to do it. (I know…go ahead and laugh!) I’m listed as Blonde Blogger.
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BlondeBlogger, done. And you asked for it!
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bad?? bad??!?!?!
(does this mean i am due for a spanking?)
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LOL! Yes, I did! And I GOT it, lol!
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Hello, quite possibly. Get your ass over here.
BlondeBlogger, this is why you should always be careful about what you ask for!
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Hehehe. I’ve learnt my lesson!
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This is definitively a bonding moment – with me kicking and screaming.
[delurking here
]
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BB,
CuriosityKiller, kicking and screaming in the throes of passion, right? Thanks for the comment!
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I have a tiny blog-crush on you now.
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That burger looks tasty….where is it from?
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Whole Lot, I have a blog crush on me too.
Hockeman, the wonderful world of Photoshop.
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LOL–the whole world knows you have a blog crush on you
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Turnbaby, shit, I’m blog crushing myself as we speak.
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Oh is that what you younguns call it now?
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That’s right. Us kiddos and our masturbation euphemisms! :jerkoff2:
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I can NOT believe I haven’t seen this before. I laughed until I cried. Yeah you!
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BBM, thanks for checking it out. I’m glad you’re now scarred for life. Your poor children.
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: ) Rock on bud.
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Hey! That’s not your junk! Seriously though, I wish I had that level of comfort with myself. I envy you tremendously.
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I’d have paid BIG money to see this in the Hottest Blogger calendar.
Those girls don’t realize what a mistake they are making in keeping it PG 13.
Damn.
Oh well. I’ll just use your words to paint a vivid picture of you nekkid with a cheese burger, in my imagination.
Snicker.
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