No, this post isn't about my balls.
It's about all of you wonderful folk who had the testicular fortitude to leave me a testimonial for my "About" page. I stole the idea from Dan, who sent a band of roving midget ninjas after me, but I triumphed yet again.
The new testimonials are up on the about page, but I thought I'd also share them here. If you wrote one, you can find it here. If you didn't, you should be horribly ashamed of yourself, and you can rectify this affront by leaving a testimonial in the comments below.
Adam is a good friend. I'm pretty sure he'd stop masturbating to save my life if necessary.
Or, at the very least, try to finish quickly.
Adam is kind of a pervert, but very advanced for a gorilla. There's definitely worse blogs you could be reading. Overall, he's pretty funny.
Ahh, what can be said about Avitable that hasn't already been said? He's a legend in his own mind, he drives in the nude, and has a strange affinity for Avril Lavigne that can only be rivaled by that of a 13 year old girl, scratch that. Truth be told, he'd eat 3 13 year old girls while stomping on 6 more to get tickets to an Avril concert.
The man is an enigma. And... if he says a video is bad, for the love of all that is good and decent, don't watch it.
Avitable scares me and fascinates me all at once - like frogs. Or death. Or ghosts.
You know, hairy ghosts who take pictures of their taint and post them on the internet.
I likes his blog.
I'm still speechless from yesterday's entry.
Being in the hospital and away from all of my family was a bit depressing. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough for all the time you spent visiting and just keeping me company when the closest thing to a friendly face was a nurse. I know I wasn't always in the best of moods but know that your time was always appreciated. Thanks again.
Clown
Adam is someone I'd cross the road to pee on if he was on fire. Assuming of course there were no distracting videos I had to cover my eyes to avoid...
I have been a lurker for almost a year.
I am still lurking. I don't know why...
In the deepest recesses of your brain, where it's dark and creepy and the most demented, perverted thoughts are shared by the demons that keep you pacing a bare spot in your bedroom carpeting at 3am when you should be sleeping, you will find a naked hairy gorilla of a man frolicking with a pre-operative 12-year-old transexual with a penchant for bestiality.
That's Avitable.
Adam gives me diarrhea....
why, just last week he sent me a gallon of it.
I keep it in the fridge.Zom
I am grateful that you are man enough to genuinely accept an apology. (Thank you.)
For a burly, hairy, cantakerous misanthrope, he's a damn fine dancer.
Adam is the funniest guy I know to say "hey fuckers" at the beginning of his video posts and still make me laugh. Surprisingly, he also appears older than he is, which would imply some level of maturity..... P
He cracks me up.
First Draft
All you illiterate people who come here to for the stick figure drawings...Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, children of all ages...
The biggest sickest wacko spreading animal porn to hit the Internet since all of AOL...The larger than life in both the electronic realm and the real world...
Thankfully there's only one...The one... the only...A damn vital part of the underbelly of society...Adam Aveetable!!!!!
Avitable.com is one blog I have to read carefully and cautiously while peeking through my fingers so I don't accidentally see something I'm going to regret for the rest of
the daymy life.
I have to...and I mean HAVE to read your blog, Amy's blog, and Britt's blog before I start my day. You three are hilarious and I love your writing!
Just Me
A beacon to the perverse, a lifeline to drunken gutter sluts, and a warm embrace for innocent 13 year old girls who wander too far from their mothers. Avitable is a daily read that is best enjoyed through the spread fingered peepholes in the hands used to cover your eyes. Enjoy!
Y2K Survivor
http://journals.aol.com/crisquest2/y2k-survivor/
Adam Avitable is the only man I know that is willing to show his balls to anyone, at any time, without provocation.
When I need a link to dolphin porn or scat-fetish puke videos, Adam is my most trusted friend. The other 366 days a year, he provides an excellent target for ill-advised and slightly porny knitting projects I will take way too long to complete, plus he is nice to me and writes funny things. The end.
Avitable, Avitable, Avitable..... So much to say about you, I will limit it though:
You write things that others only dream of(even though they are technically nightmares), you dance like no one is watching (even though they are), you eat like a princess (which is so damn cute!), you probably own a bigger stake in Diet Coke than the President of the company (not that they really care about the product...), you have a unhealthy love of teen-bop shit (something that makes me cringe just writting this) and lastly you eat your weight in birthday cake each year (which, as I understand it, is not an easy feat.)
In spite of all those things (which are 100% true), there is still a great person underneath all that gorilla fuzz.
Adam, what I have to say about you is this.
I wish you lived in Atlanta or I lived in Orlando. I have met some of the coolest people through blogging. The fact that you have more comics and action figures than my own hubby speaks to me and I know we could hang. Your lust of Diet Coke is another something cool.
You're a really nice, quiet guy and I'm looking forward to getting to know you better in the future! Happy Up-coming Birthday!
Coal Miner's Granddaughter
http://coalminersgd.blogspot.com/
Adam is quite the cultural giver. Without him I wouldn't have learned of the existence of "Two girls,One Cup" or Dolphin porn. (Both of which has enriched my life a hundredfold!) Without him, I'd never wake up screaming in the dead of night either!
This is the one place where if Adam Avitable says watch this video at your own expense, you better trust him and not look at the video. If you distrust him and look you will be vomiting for the rest of the week. Trust him (if you are brave enough)
What is there to say that hasn't been said already? Give me a chance, I might think of something.
Adam wears a negligee better than any guerilla could dream to.
Adam Avitable is a cockslapping monkeyfucker who likes to suck on wet dog fur. And then blog about it.
No, really...
Adam Avitable is a cockslapping monkeyfucker with a wicked sense of humor, razor sharp wit, oodles of creativity, and a depraved high intelligence.
Read him at your own risk. Once you start, you can't stop. He is oddly, sickly addicting.
And very, very loved.
Adam? Yeah, he's alright I guess.
Bossy is just now catching up with the Wonder that is AvitaWeek. And she is breathless. From laughing so hard.
Against my better judgment, I am very fond of the Gorilla Boy. He is funny, in that way that makes me throw up a little in my mouth, and thanks to his incessant posting of vile material, my stocks in the company that makes Brain Bleach just get more valuable by the day.
Avitable always leaves me breathless, but not in the way you'd expect....it's sort of like "good touch" and "bad touch" all at the same time.
The thing about you is you're sexy. Hairy and sexy. Hairy and sexy and sweet. You don't like to admit the sweet part of course, but you are, and I have no doubt that if I were stranded at midnight on the side of some white trash road, you, Avitable, would come to save me.
Of course you'd be wearing nothing more than a jockstrap and a smile, but that's always good enough for me, honey. As long as you bring booze.
Avitable is the ONLY blogger whose questionnaires actually make me laugh rather than instantly click to another blog!
Let me share this story with you all...It was '95, I think. Avitable and I were on a walkabout in the Australian Outback(is there another Outback ? Better safe than sorry, I suppose) when we came upon a nest of rabid koalas.I was ready to turn tail and run, but Avitable noticed that the koalas had surrounded a basket of kittens, and he refused to leave without rescuing the poor things. So, he drew the koalas attention, while I grabbed the basket of kittens. He was mauled and raped by the koalas before I could fight them off, but it was worth it, we ate well that night. The kittens were delicious.
Avitable - the only way to see a dancing gorilla without being shot by animal rights activists.
Adam Avitable is a quiet, unassuming man, shyly sitting in his little corner of the blogiverse, hands folded, with a sweet smile on his face, spreading joy, morality, and peace among his fans.
(Of course, if you look closer, you realize he is quiet because his mouth is full of cake, his hands are folded around "something", and the smile is a direct result of the video he is replaying in his mind. Sick fucker.)
Adam... a pretty decent guy if you are in to gorilla belching guttersnipes, who are quietly amassing a porn collection big enough to take over the world.
He makes me wet. Nuff said.
Adam Avitable: he may not be perfect but parts of him are fucking awesome.
Every time you don't read avitable.com, Hillary kills a kitten.
Main Entry: avitaphile
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: one who gains personal satisfaction from participating in Avitableness whilst simultaneously experiencing disgust and self loathing for same.
Etymology: from the latin 'avita', meaning 'moist' and 'bleness' meaning 'crevice'
Happy birthday to my greatest fan.
All the best, Randy Newman.
I love Adam Heath Avitable.
Hellohahanarf
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Thank God mine was first.
Comments by Miss Britt
Okay, whose balls am I looking at? Are they yours?
Comments by Amanda
How did I miss this??? Of course I must contribute!
"Of all of the hundreds and thousands of complete strangers I have met on the internet that has resulted in wild, nasty, raunchy sex.... Adam Avitable was the worst I've had yet. But his blog is fantastic!"
Comments by Kyra Sutra
hmmm. where was I when the option of doing this was posted.
and. Is that your scrotal sac?
Comments by bluepaintred
Hmm, missed the opportunity the first time.
"Avitable - I read him at work because I like taking risks. He's my guilty secret like the three boxes of thin mints I have stashed under the brussel sprouts in the freezer. My husband is jealous of his happy trail. He's the guy that Heart was singing about. It's hard to summarize a guy like Avitable... wait, I just did. He's HARD. Oooohhh yeah, baby. Just like we like him."
Comments by Laura
If you're not going to write about balls, then you shouldn't tease us in the title. I'm just sayin'.
Comments by Tracy Lynn
If I weren't already a cock gobbling fag I'd become one for Avitable's hairy ass at the drop of his house shorts. He's much more of a man than I'll ever be, but I keep trying...
Comments by Chris
I must have missed this too ...
"Adam Avitable is the heart and soul of the internet. He's the glue that holds the blogosphere together. He's a five-tool player. He can beat you from any direction. He's both a shooter and a scorer. He's a big-time player that shows up in big-time games. He's a pro's pro and man's man. He has the heart of a champion and tastes of a 13 year old girl. He's everything you could ever dreamed of in a son-in-law or a father or husband or she-male pretending to be your wife and husband at the same time. And he's a great American."
Comments by Jay
I'm a noob to the whole Avitable.com world
but of this I know
Adam Heath is Awesome in a OH MY GOD make it stop somebody burn my eys out with white hot pokers kinda way an then put them up my ass....
Or was this last bit his idea?
Who, know's who dares to wonder?
Well probably Avitable actually!
Comments by L
I can only blame missing this on my vida loca.
What's not to love about a big hairy dude who'll eat just about anything fried and covered in chocolate?
Comments by turnbaby
To this day, whenever someone mentions his name to me. I burst into tears, hide in a corner and rock back and forth untli the visions go away.
Comments by Freelance Guru
Pfft.
Whore.
Comments by Amy
I can't believe you escaped the midget ninjas. That's the last time I use Office Angels to recruit my assassins.
Comments by Dan
This blog should come with a disclaimer:
Warning: The photos/posts/opinions contained herein may simultaneously nauseate and arouse you.
Comments by jester
Adam is simply the best at everything he does. I adore the man. Every time we meet, I drool a little over his largesse.
Comments by AnnieB
Sigh...The one day I decide to wait until I am on my computer at work to read your blog, and a picture of your balls pops up.
Wait...I think that's HR on line one for me...
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Britt, only in the order it was posted, not in the awesomeness.
Amanda, why would I post some random stranger's testicles?
Kyra, thanks! I'll add you to the list.
BPR, you can still do it - just submit it in the comments and I'll add it. And whose sac could it be other than mine?
Laura, ooh. I'm like Thin Mints!
Tracy, where's your brain bleach?
Chris, is that your testimonial? Or are you just sharing with the group?
Jay, no, you did it. I like this one better, though.
L, hah - very nice.
Turnbaby, don't you mean vida mundane? :D
Freelance, and then masturbate?
AmyD, after I said such nice things about you?
Dan, I trapped them under a laundry hamper. Want them back?
Jester, you have a vomit fetish, don't you?
AnnieB, my esse isn't large!
Fab, ah, well, there's always the book.
Comments by Avitable
I love it when you give back.
My name is Poppy and I approve this message.
PS - I think you need to order everyone to leave you webcam comments.
Comments by Poppy
God, balls again.
Comments by trishk
Adam has done something for me that no other man has ever done. He made me realize what attractive balls my husband has.
Plus, he has the most perverted smilies I have ever seen. Avitable, I mean. Not my husband.
Comments by SJ
Adam's blog should come with some sort of warning. The picture in today's post caused coffee to be spit all over my computer screen. My boss is not happy.
Comments by MsBatman
Is there anything uglier than balls? Oh wait, vaginas.
Comments by Robin
You're right. This wasn't about your balls. Next time I'll listen.
Comments by Finn
Yuh–you couldn't handle my life LOL!!
and sugar–if that is your scrotal sac I'm a little skeered about how that's gonna look when you are 50
Comments by Turnbaby
Nothing like a little hairy nutsack and coffee to start the day of right.
Comments by Hilly
Good point on the balls... who else's (elses?) indeed!
And :
"Avitable; His milkshake brings all the boys to the yard"
Comments by bluepaintred
How did I miss this opportunity.
I see a theme though.
Comments by ADW
Thank you for such awesome nightmares!
Comments by themuttprincess
I generally dislike Avitable because he's basically me but better at it in every possible way. Curses. Seriously - I'm drawing the pentagram as I type.
But I'm addicted so I'll keep coming back until the Voodou wrath of Zorzan takes him down. I'm thinking he has maybe another 50 or 60 years before the curse takes hold and makes it look like death by fried cheeseburger.
Comments by Grant
I like Avitable because he doesn't care to fish for compliments.
Comments by RW
RW's comment makes me laugh
Comments by Amanda
I wish I had my webcam going when I opened this page.
Then you could have seen me gagging an yaking.
Comments by NYCWD
Poppy, I wish people would. It's fun!
TrishK, Godballs?
SJ, I don't think any man has attractive balls.
MsBatman, spit-takes are usually frowned upon at work.
Robin, I think vaginas are probably prettier than balls.
Finn, did you learn a lesson?
Turnbaby, they'll be down by my ankles by then.
Hilly, isn't that a Ben and Jerry ice cream flavor?
BPR, I drink your milkshake!
ADW, cocktwirler, you can still give me a testimonial.
TMP, anytime!
Grant, mmmmm, fried cheeseburger.
RW, I just use a net.
NYCWD, gagging? Did you get a hair caught in your throat? A short, curly hair?
Comments by Avitable
Why aren't your balls as hairy as the rest of you? Sorry, just a thought!
Comments by Penelope
Aren't you the ruler of this kingdom? Can't you mandate it?
Maybe this weekend I will be a dog-sheep and do a response video to your Saturday post.
Comments by Poppy
I, like so many others, missed this. I blame you.
Okay, here it is.
"Adam Avitable is."
No, not a sentence fragment.
Comments by m
Ferris Bueller... I mean... Adam Avitable, you're my hero.Comments by Fig
I think my comment was the best. Humbly speaking.
Very funny stuff, as usual.
J.
Comments by HoosierGirl
LOL ... You know, I thought I had done this but, even though I read all of those I missed the one I had done. I just now went back through them and realized the really lame one was mine. haha
Comments by Jay
This post only validates my testimonial... or should is say testiclemonial.
Comments by Jeff
"Adam's writing touches me in the place that they told me to point to on my dolly."
Comments by golfwidow
I'm so proud to be on the same page as your balls, as always.
Comments by Karen Sugarpants
Well I would hope you would think so.
Comments by Robin
Of course I would provide the only cheesy, sweet, dull testimonial of the bunch.
But, that's just how I feel, hon!
Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
Adam Avitable is one sick puppy, he even makes Mr. Fabulous seem normal!
Comments by Nobody™
Nice 'nads.
My favourite first comment ever. Today.
Comments by Xbox4NappyRash
I'm just glad to know I'm not the only one who knows quotes from Firefly at first glance.
Which has absolutely nothing to do with your post.
Comments by Marissa
I don't remember how I found Adam's site but when I did I was hooked right away. He's like Crystal Meth, you know it's bad for you, you know it's gonna make you do or say some crazy shit,you know your gonna be burnt out and completely drained when it's over but the only thing you can think about is when your gonna get your next fix. Avitable kicks ass !
Comments by Trukindog
"The emotional scars I've developed from this site will last me a lifetime, but I can't stop reading."
Comments by Kylah
Oh yeah, Hilly wins for best testimonial, hands down.
Comments by Stephanie
I also now need to bleach my brain....eyes are burning....help....
Comments by Stephanie
I didn't know about this. And now I missed out on the chance to be under your balls.
Comments by BlondeBlogger
Adam,
Thanks for the link love. Can I get you to update my URL? I have my own domain now.
http://ireadbannedbooks.net
I read your posts nearly every night at 9:00 PM here on the West side. I did not see this picture last night. I wonder what the dreams would have been like had I seen it earlier.
Love your ballsyness.
Comments by cajunvegan
Sometimes your posts defy words. . . and smilies, as wide and varied as your selection of them is.
Comments by Girl, Dislocated
Penelope, they are, but I had just permed my nuthair.
Poppy, I've tried mandating it. Everyone just ignores me!
M, good one.
Fig, is that a testimonial or just a general statement of fact?
HG, very humble indeed.
Jay, and now you have two of them up. One lame one and one that offsets the lameness.
Jeff, yes, it does. You're like a Nostradamus.
Golfwidow, ha! Dollies don't have souls.
Karen, as well you should be. It's quite an honor.
Robin, but you think they're ugly. Why's that?
Heather, that's because you're just that awesome!
Nobody, I don't know if anybody can make Fab seem normal.
Xbox, glad you like my nads. I do too.
Marissa, hells yeah! I'm a big fan of Captain Tightpants.
Trukindog, very nice - thanks!
Stephanie, Hilly and Golfwidow, I think. And I know you have a shrine to my testicles, so don't pretend otherwise.
BlondeBlogger, you can still give a testimonial here and I'll add it to my About page.
CajunVegan, I've updated it - thanks!
Girl, Dislocated, is that a testimonial or just a general statement of fact?
Comments by Avitable
i am wondering why i am looking at testicles again; you know, just kind of thinking about it
Comments by Crys
Um.
"Tried" and "mandating" don't actually go together. Consequences.
Comments by Poppy
No Adam, it's an HONOUR, eh?
Comments by Karen Sugarpants
"I will worship Adam forever because he gave me an Ipod. And because he's adorable, funny, sweet and cool. That too!"
How's that? :)
Comments by BlondeBlogger
Right where I belong - under some balls.
Wait...
Hahahahahahaha
Also, I am still waiting for my jizz.
Comments by Sybil Law
It's a factual testimonial.
Comments by Girl, Dislocated
Crys, everybody should look at testicles once a week, I think.
Poppy, so there should be pain and suffering?
Karen, no unnecessary "U"s allowed!
Blondeblogger, that's a good one!
Sybil Law, aren't you coming to the Halloween party next year? I'll give it to you then.
Girl, Dislocated, ah, I see.
Comments by Avitable
Your blog, your rules.
I'm totally leaving you a video comment on Saturday. Probably from bed, but don't get your hopes up on that being hot.
Comments by Poppy
Rawr!
Comments by Avitable
Better be a damn good Saturday video.
Comments by Poppy
I'll try!
Comments by Avitable
Fucking a, what the hell happened to Ripley.
WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!
Comments by Poppy
So, Gravatar must me down?
Comments by Poppy
Poppy, must have been, though it's working now.
Comments by Avitable