Don’t forget to keep reading after the contest to see the answers and winner from last week!
It’s time for another Lazy Sunday and another contest, and today’s prize is a Logitech QuickCam Communicate STX!
Everyone has a chance at winning, so don’t be shy! I’m trying to find a good balance between easy and hard questions, too, so if you feel frustrated, just answer the ones you know. Everyone who’s between the ages of 16 and 80 should be able to get at least one correct – I promise.
It’s very simple. Every answer contains a reference to a movie, a television show, or a song. Just guess as many as you can – some will be laughably easy and some will be very difficult. You have two chances to comment with your answers.
Every correct answer is like a raffle ticket – you get one chance to win per correct answer. If you get 1 right, your name goes in the proverbial hat. If you get 10 right, your name goes in ten times. Et cetera.
The contest ends Tuesday at midnight EST. I’ll give the correct answers and the winner on the following Sunday.
I’ve tried to make it slightly more Google-proof, although some of them are easily found if you’re lazy. Otherwise, it should be simple, but if you have any questions, just ask in the comments.
Ready? Here we go!
1. What are you excited for?
Well, I’m looking forward to my golf match today. It’s a foursome with a judge, a doctor, and a real estate tycoon.
2. Are you happy?
Only when it rains.
3. What were you doing at this time yesterday?
Well I made a giant pancake that I had to flip with a snowshovel, I microwaved the laundry, and I punched a drunk clown in the face.
4. Have you kissed anyone whose name starts with J?
Jenny. I was going to call her, but I can’t remember the number.
5. What should you be doing right now?
I’m going to put some lipstick on and then start working down my list of “People to Kill”.
6. Your last missed call?
Ishmael. I told him to call me back.
7. Thinking about anyone special?
His name’s Steve, but he only pretends to be special.
8. The last person to make you cry?
It was someone who called me a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey shit.
9. Whats your deepest darkest secret?
I’m not a woman named Dil.
10. Last thing you ate?
Peaches. They come in a can.
11. Can you play any instruments?
I used to play the piano brilliantly on the radio in Poland, before the war.
12. Have you ever had your heart broken?
I don’t have a heart. That’s lucky, because hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
13. If you could go back in time would you change things?
I’d let the plane engine kill me.
14. What are you wearing?
A red shirt, blue shorts, and blue shoes.
15. What is bothering you right now?
My mother. She said that they’re all going to laugh at me.
And here are the answers and winners from last week’s contest :
Here are the questions and answers:
1. How many siblings do you have?
Well, there’s my brother Nick. He’s an asshole. Then my brother Tommy and my sister Nancy. They’re okay. Then we’ve got Mary, who’s a bit of a slut, and three other sisters I can’t even remember their names.
This is Eight is Enough. I even tried to put very few names so that people couldn’t Google it, but everyone still figured it out!
2. Are you shy around the opposite sex?
Only if I’m in love with a woman who I know is my density.
Back to the Future – one of my favorite movies of all time. George McFly is trying to tell Lorraine that she is his destiny, but he’s too nervous.
3. Do you own any band t-shirts?
Just the one from when I saw The Lone Rangers.
I’m sure that most of you had to Google this one, but yes, it’s Airheads.
4. What is your favorite salad dressing?
I don’t eat salad. My wife, though, she uses Vaseline.
This is the only musical one here. The title of the song is “She Don’t Use Jelly” by the Flaming Lips, but I gave you credit if you called it “Vaseline”, too.
5. Do you read for fun?
Yup – especially if it’s a Sheldon novel.
That would be Paul Sheldon, the author from Misery.
6. Do you cry a lot?
No. I know why you cry. It’s not something I can ever do, though.
This isn’t even a direct quote, just a reference, so that I could try to make it hard to Google. Schwarzenegger said this in Terminator 2 before lowering himself to be melted.
7. Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?
Nah. I have this awesome pie I can eat and lose weight drastically.
This is the poor adaptation of the awesome Stephen King novel, Thinner.
8. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?
I have an HP WOPR 5600.
WOPR is the name of the computer from War Games.
9. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoo?
Yeah, I want one on my back that says “Sweet”.
I saw Dude, Where’s My Car? in theaters. Sigh.
10. What is the weather like?
It’s fine except for that fog that turns people inside out.
I’m amazed that all of you Simpsons fans didn’t get this one. It’s from a Treehouse of Horror episode.
11. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
Sure! I once had sex with The Conundrum.
The Conundrum was played by The Enigma in an X-files episode.
12. Is sex before marriage wrong?
Yes. So is dancing and rock music.
Of course, this is Footloose. Can you believe there are still people that think that dancing and “rock” music are the devil’s work?
13. When was the last time you slept on the floor?
I only sleep sitting up in a chair next to my bed.
This was a very subtle reference to Leon or The Professional, depending on if you’re just a regular movie fan or a movie gourmand like myself. Jean Reno’s character slept in a chair with his gun in hand.
14. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
As long as it’s in 20 minute increments, it doesn’t matter.
This is from a Seinfeld episode where Kramer decides to pursue the Da Vinci method of sleeping for 20 minutes at a time. Then he falls asleep at his mafioso girlfriend’s place, and she thinks he’s dead, so she has her guys dump him in the Hudson River in a sack.
15. Are your days full and fast-paced?
Recently it’s been busy as we prepare for our show in Alice Springs.
The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert is the right answer for this, and I’m not surprised that most of you didn’t get this. It’s actually a good movie, though!
Here’s how I chose the winner:
First, I entered everyone’s answers into a spreadsheet, giving 1 point for each correct answer and 0 points for each wrong answer. The total number of points equaled the person’s “raffle tickets” for the drawing.
Then I created a randomized list using Random.org of every “raffle ticket” – basically each person’s name was repeated as many times as they had right answers. This gave me a random list of 116 entries.
Finally, using Random.org again, I asked it to generate a random integer between 1 and 116. It chose #5.
#5 is my winner.
Would you like to know who that is?
Y not I
Congratulations – you win your choice of The Bee Movie, Hitman, or No Country for Old Men! Email me to confirm your win and give me your address. The rest of you, thank you for playing, and try your luck today!