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Smellophobic

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I’ve realized that I’m afraid of bad smells.

If someone tells me “Oh God I’m so stinky right now! I need to shower!” I will instinctively hold my breath around then and try not to inhale within a ten-foot radius of them.

If they were to say, “Hey, come smell this shirt and tell me if it smells bad to you,” I’ll say no. I really don’t want to be the final arbiter of what’s stinky or not. If you think it smells bad, then it probably does. Even if it doesn’t, I don’t want to risk it!

Even if somebody were to say, “No, I’m clean. See? I smell nice!” and tried to get me to smell their armpit or neck or something, I’ll resist very strongly. Because what if they’re wrong?

Maybe this is more common than I realize. To try to gauge it, I’ve come up with a simple test. Here are 7 questions – answer them in the comments and I can see if this is normal or just another eccentricity.

1. You take the kitchen trash bag out of the can and tie it up, then bring it down to the driveway. Do you:
A. Breathe normally throughout the whole process.
B. Hold your breath while taking it out and tying it, then hold it at arm’s length and breathe in the other direction as you take it down to the driveway.
C. Inhale deeply, then open the bag to try to see what it is that smells so bad.
D. Make someone else do it.

2. Same as question 1, except instead of the kitchen, it’s the office trash which only has paper products and the occasional soda can. Do you:
A. Breathe normally throughout the whole process.
B. Hold your breath while taking it out and tying it, then hold it at arm’s length and breathe in the other direction as you take it down to the driveway.
C. Inhale deeply and drink in the trash aroma.
D. Make someone else do it.

3. You have to use the bathroom after someone else just left, and it’s stinky. Do you:
A. Breathe normally and just curse them.
B. Inhale deeply to see if you can figure out what they ate.
C. Spray air freshener, open the window, and then try to breathe in and out of your mouth.
D. Go find another bathroom, or hold it and come back hours later.

4. Same as question 3, except it’s not stinky. You’re just going in immediately after someone else. Do you:
A. Breathe normally and just curse them.
B. Inhale deeply to see if you can figure out what they ate.
C. Spray air freshener, open the window, and then try to breathe in and out of your mouth.
D. Go find another bathroom, or hold it and come back hours later.

5. You are gathering laundry to bring to the laundry room, and you’re carrying a basket that has shirts, underwear, socks, and pants in it, and not all of them are yours. Do you:
A. Hold your breath and hold the basket out at arms length?
B. Inhale deeply to see if each piece really needs to be washed.
C. Breathe normally.
D. Make someone else do it.

6. There is a gallon of milk in the fridge that expired yesterday. Do you:
A. Smell it first to see if it’s good.
B. Dump it while holding your breath and running hot water and soap.
C. Breathe normally and pour it down the drain.
D. Leave it in the fridge until it’s solid, then toss it in the trash without opening it at all.

7. You’re visiting someone who has a baby. All of a sudden they say, “Looks like someone made a poopie!” Do you:
A. Decide that you’ve overstayed your welcome and leave.
B. Keep at least eight feet away from the child at all times.
C. Go pick the baby up, smell his butt and say, “Yup! Sure does!”
D. Offer to help change the baby.

So, let’s see if any of you guys are also smellophobic!

74 thoughts on “Smellophobic”

  1. 1. You take the kitchen trash bag out of the can and tie it up, then bring it down to the driveway. Do you:
    D. Make someone else do it.

    2. Same as question 1, except instead of the kitchen, it’s the office trash which only has paper products and the occasional soda can. Do you:
    D. Make someone else do it.

    3. You have to use the bathroom after someone else just left, and it’s stinky. Do you:
    D. Go find another bathroom, or hold it and come back hours later.

    4. Same as question 3, except it’s not stinky. You’re just going in immediately after someone else. Do you:
    A. Breathe normally and just curse them.

    5. You are gathering laundry to bring to the laundry room, and you’re carrying a basket that has shirts, underwear, socks, and pants in it, and not all of them are yours. Do you:
    C. Breathe normally.
    D. Make someone else do it. <— I FUCKING WISH.

    6. There is a gallon of milk in the fridge that expired yesterday. Do you:
    E. Make Daren handle it.

    7. You’re visiting someone who has a baby. All of a sudden they say, “Looks like someone made a poopie!” Do you:
    B. Keep at least eight feet away from the child at all times.

  2. It depends on the situation for all of them. If it’s something quick, like taking the trash out, I probably don’t care. Toilet smells freak me out a lot more. I guess it’s mysterious smells that don’t bother me, while known bad smells do.

  3. 1. You take the kitchen trash bag out of the can and tie it up, then bring it down to the driveway. Do you:
    D. Make someone else do it.

    2. Same as question 1, except instead of the kitchen, it’s the office trash which only has paper products and the occasional soda can. Do you:
    D. Make someone else do it.

    3. You have to use the bathroom after someone else just left, and it’s stinky. Do you:
    D. Go find another bathroom, or hold it and come back hours later.

    4. Same as question 3, except it’s not stinky. You’re just going in immediately after someone else. Do you:
    A. Breathe normally and just curse them. (Actually, I just breathe normally)

    5. You are gathering laundry to bring to the laundry room, and you’re carrying a basket that has shirts, underwear, socks, and pants in it, and not all of them are yours. Do you:
    C. Breathe normally.

    6. There is a gallon of milk in the fridge that expired yesterday. Do you:
    C. Breathe normally and pour it down the drain. (it’s not so stinky if it’s just a day old….if it’s any older than that, I make Amanda pour it out when she does the dishes *grin*)

    7. You’re visiting someone who has a baby. All of a sudden they say, “Looks like someone made a poopie!” Do you:
    D. Offer to help change the baby. (I’m a mom of three so baby poop doesn’t phase me at all. You perfect the art of mouth breathing while changing over time)

    I’m surprised you didn’t ask anything about oral sex. :lmao:

  4. 1. You take the kitchen trash bag out of the can and tie it up, then bring it down to the driveway. Do you:

    B. Hold your breath while taking it out and tying it, then hold it at arm’s length and breathe in the other direction as you take it down to the driveway.

    2. Same as question 1, except instead of the kitchen, it’s the office trash which only has paper products and the occasional soda can. Do you:

    A. Breathe normally throughout the whole process.

    3. You have to use the bathroom after someone else just left, and it’s stinky. Do you:

    C. Spray air freshener, open the window, and then try to breathe in and out of your mouth.

    4. Same as question 3, except it’s not stinky. You’re just going in immediately after someone else. Do you:

    A. Breathe normally and just curse them.

    5. You are gathering laundry to bring to the laundry room, and you’re carrying a basket that has shirts, underwear, socks, and pants in it, and not all of them are yours. Do you:

    C. Breathe normally.

    6. There is a gallon of milk in the fridge that expired yesterday. Do you:

    B. Dump it while holding your breath and running hot water and soap.

    7. You’re visiting someone who has a baby. All of a sudden they say, “Looks like someone made a poopie!” Do you:

    B. Keep at least eight feet away from the child at all times.

    I think I am a moderate smellophobe.

  5. 1. You take the kitchen trash bag out of the can and tie it up, then bring it down to the driveway. Do you:
    A. Breathe normally throughout the whole process.

    2. Same as question 1, except instead of the kitchen, it’s the office trash which only has paper products and the occasional soda can. Do you:
    A. Breathe normally throughout the whole process.

    3. You have to use the bathroom after someone else just left, and it’s stinky. Do you:
    D. Go find another bathroom, or hold it and come back hours later.

    4. Same as question 3, except it’s not stinky. You’re just going in immediately after someone else. Do you:
    A. Breathe normally and just curse them.

    5. You are gathering laundry to bring to the laundry room, and you’re carrying a basket that has shirts, underwear, socks, and pants in it, and not all of them are yours. Do you:
    A. Hold your breath and hold the basket out at arms length?

    6. There is a gallon of milk in the fridge that expired yesterday. Do you:
    A. Smell it first to see if it’s good.

    7. You’re visiting someone who has a baby. All of a sudden they say, “Looks like someone made a poopie!” Do you:
    B. Keep at least eight feet away from the child at all times.

  6. I don’t NEED to take the test to know that I am smellaphobic. I have a super-sensitive sniffer anyway.

    Here are my answers:

    1. Does not apply. I don’t do garbage.

    2. See above answer.

    3. I refuse to share my bathroom with anyone else. It is untainted by others so it will never smell unless I make it.

    4. See answer above.

    5. I don’t do the laundry.

    6. I am milk phobic so I don’t even like to buy it. Even un-expired milk smells like dirty hair to me. GAG ME.

    7. I don’t visit people with babies because children have germs.

    So I guess besides being smellaphobic, I’m also germaphobic and peoplephobic. Woohoo!

  7. 1. A. Breathe normally throughout the whole process.

    2. A. Breathe normally throughout the whole process.

    3. D. Go find another bathroom, or hold it and come back hours later.

    4. C. Spray air freshener, open the window, and then try to breathe in and out of your mouth.

    5. C. Breathe normally.

    6. A. Smell it first to see if it’s good.

    7. B. Keep at least eight feet away from the child at all times.

  8. Here are my answers. But I have a confession: I don’t smell bad things. Really. When everyone else is saying, “oh my god, what is that smell?”, I am oblivious. If I can smell it, then you KNOW it smells bad.

    1.B
    2.B
    3.D (I can not go in if it’s stinky. I just can’t.)
    4.C
    5.C (oh my gosh, if I had a problem with this, my kids would have gone without clean underwear for YEARS!)
    6.C
    7.D (I’m sorry, but I find babies to be irrestible, even when they need a change)

    But honestly, I really don’t smell most of it. I just don’t.

    J.

  9. 1. You take the kitchen trash bag out of the can and tie it up, then bring it down to the driveway. Do you:
    A. Breathe normally throughout the whole process.

    2. Same as question 1, except instead of the kitchen, it’s the office trash which only has paper products and the occasional soda can. Do you:
    A. Breathe normally throughout the whole process.

    3. You have to use the bathroom after someone else just left, and it’s stinky. Do you:
    D. Go find another bathroom, or hold it and come back hours later.

    4. Same as question 3, except it’s not stinky. You’re just going in immediately after someone else. Do you:
    A. Breathe normally and just curse them.

    5. You are gathering laundry to bring to the laundry room, and you’re carrying a basket that has shirts, underwear, socks, and pants in it, and not all of them are yours. Do you:
    B. Inhale deeply to see if each piece really needs to be washed.

    6. There is a gallon of milk in the fridge that expired yesterday. Do you:
    A. Smell it first to see if it’s good.

    7. You’re visiting someone who has a baby. All of a sudden they say, “Looks like someone made a poopie!” Do you:
    C. Go pick the baby up, smell his butt and say, “Yup! Sure does!”

    It’s having kids… it cures any smell fear one might have…

  10. Karen, I wish I could make other people do it!

    Dave, for some reason, your answer to #3 surprises me.

    Amanda, I’m phobic about the possibility of smelling bad smells, so if the potential is there, I don’t want to be anywhere near it.

    Thursday’s Child, I don’t do small humans either. It’s illegal.

    Deb, that just made me shudder.

    Jay, I like your way of handling the milk.

    BB, but mouth breathing means you’re getting the stinky molecules on your tongue!

    Kyra, of course, you have like forty-three children, so I’m guessing you can’t keep eight feet away when it’s them with poop.

    Hilly, you seem like a moderate smellophobe.

    KG, oh, I knew you were. You’re worse than I am!

    Othurme, I’m mainly afraid of even potentially smelling something bad.

    Mr. Fabulous, that’s Elf semen, actually.

    Turnbaby, he’s a smellophobe, too? I wish I could make someone else do it for me.

    Absurdist, hmm, I think this means you’re a minor smellophobe.

    Golfwidow, I like the word smellophobic better, thankyouveddymuch.

    HG, ew!

    Em, I only like nice smelling things. I HATE bad breath and won’t even talk to someone who has it.

    Kapgar, I don’t think you’re smellophobic. Or a member of Genesis.

    DB, my kids will learn not to come near me if they’re stinky.

    ADW, well, not normal, per se. But to see how alone I am in my smellophobia.

  11. 1. B
    2. A
    3. D
    4. A
    5. C
    6. A
    7. B

    Badacab! I have to admit that I wouldn’t have much trouble with a baby’s diaper, though I certainly wouldn’t want to change a poopy diaper. But dude, I have twin daughters. You don’t think I didn’t change a (shit)load of dirty diapers?

    It’s different when it’s YOUR kid, though.

  12. I am smellophobic. If at all possible, my answer is always “make someone else do it”. If I can’t, my answer is “hold my breath and wrinkle my nose while making very disgusted faces”.

    When my kids get sick and when I was doing the potty training bit, etc. I had to make a conscious effort not to make the “OMG YOU STINK!” face.

  13. 1-A. 2-A (for those of us not working at home, taking the trash down the drive would require something of a drive). 3-C. 4-A. 5-C (and wonder how somebody else’s clothes got into my bachelor pad). 6-A. 7-A.

    If you hear my start any sentence with “Whooo”, don the gas mask.

  14. 1) D- but that has nothing to do with the smell
    2) D- still lazy
    3) A- it’s probably my stench from the last time anyway… so what am I sweating?
    4) A- it’s still probably my stench
    5) D- still lazy
    6) D- but I would open it to see just how rancid it is… and if there is any penicillin worth cultivating
    7) C&D- I actually miss changing diapers… besides, sometimes the colors are AMAZING

  15. Karl, wait. You have twin daughters? And that’s not a euphemism for your testicles?

    Robin, you do quizzes all the time. Who are you kidding?

    Britt, but you’re one of the people who will tell me “I’m stinky!” and then I’ll have to stay far away from you.

    Grant, you can have an office in your house, too, ya know.

    NYCWD, you are a twisted individual.

  16. 1. I chose D if I can but sometimes I HAVE to do it and when I do I hold my breath until I’m safely back in the house.

    2. A… there is no food allowed near the computers. NONE damnit!

    3. D… nothing is more disgusting than a bathroom filled with someone else’s warm farts.

    4. D… it’s still gonna smell.

    5. A… kind of… I only bring my own stuff down to the laundry but when I’m putting “man panties” in the washer I always hold my breath and then disinfect my hands.

    6. B… omg I just did this and didn’t even realize it.

    7. A if possible… B if I can’t leave the house. I fuckin hate it when people change a kid’s diaper right there on the floor in front of you. Take it to the bathroom!

    They say that people with a heightened sense of smell are less likely to have alzheimer’s… so we’ve got that going for us.

  17. 1. B – But not for kitchen trash, that doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is emptying out the Diaper Genies. A week’s worth of dirty, smelly, diapers in one bag. DAMN! That’s nasty. Hold my breath with a gas mask on!
    2. A
    3. E – I go and get matches, light a fewof those in the bathroom, then use it while breathing normally, smelling only sulfur and NOT flowery shit (which is the smell you get with air freshener).
    4. A
    5. C (Riiiight. D. Like someone else will do my laundry. Hell freezing over? Yeah, that’s when that’ll happen.)
    6. A
    7. D, Before kids? It was B. Now that I have kids? Fresh poo does not phase me. Week-old poo? See the answer to question 1.

  18. Britt, that’s true. Now if only you’d stop farting on me.

    Robin, this is a multiple choice poll.

    TMP, how can you have one or the other?

    Fig, I think you’re my smellophobe soulmate.

    Melanie, not only does shit happen but apparently you love it!

    Heather, I’m squeamish at the concept of fresh poo.

  19. This will sound gross. But bad smells only smell bad for the first minute or so. Then you accustom yourself to it. Think of houses in winter–the smells hit you in the face when you open the door, but after a while you can’t smell them at all.

    That’s why I NEVER invite strangers into the house in winter unless I’ve given the place a good airing out.

    My other half despises smells other than neutral. He’s Japanese, and if you wear scent, he thinks it means you’re trying to hide your uncleanliness. If you smell bad, then he thinks it means you’re not trying to hide your uncleanliness. Both are equally shameful.

    Japanese people very, very seldom invite people in to their homes, for that reason, and many others.

    When you share your life with a Japanese person, you pretty much become odourless. I certainly learned not to fart. The low-fibre fish-and-white-rice diet helps a lot.

  20. 1. B – Usually my garbage stinks from cat urine. I don’t particularly care for that scent. Cat poo I don’t mind, cat pee is just … nasty.
    2. A – I have nothing interesting to say here, other than there are people who take out my office trash so I never have the privilege of doing this. (Fascinating, I know.)
    3. A – Please don’t ask me to explain myself on this. You already think I’m weird enough as it is.
    4. A – Whether I breathe or not the shit particles are going to go where they wanna go…
    5. C – I enjoy the scent of people, even raw sweat. I can’t help that.
    6. A – Some cow milk goes bad before the date, some cow milk goes bad way after, so I tend to sniff my milk every time anyway.
    7. D πŸ™‚ – I love changing diapers. (STOP looking at me funny. sigh.)

    I have come to the conclusion that I think you’re metrosexual. I’m not sure what took me so long to decide this, other than your hobo socks.

  21. Headbang, I don’t even want that first minute of bad smell. And they don’t always become something you can be accustomed to – we had a dead guy in my apt. building in law school, and he smelled horrible for the week before anyone found him.

    Poppy, oh, I know that you’re weird. I’m only partly metrosexual.

    TMP, so you’re consistently inconsistent?

  22. 1. D. Make someone else do it. Sadly this would be one of the kids . . . and they usually smell just as bad as the trash.

    2. A. Breathe normally throughout the whole process. I can handle the unpleasant smell of um . . . paper.

    3. D. Go find another bathroom, or hold it and come back hours later. I’m NOT breathing through my mouth in there!

    4. A. Breathe normally and just curse them. There are six people living in my house, someone has ALWAYS just used the bathroom.

    5. D. Make someone else do it. Even my 9 year old does his own laundry. (I’m determined that my daughters-in-law love me)

    6. A. Smell it first to see if it’s good. Wow, this makes me sound really gross.

    7. A. Decide that you’ve overstayed your welcome and leave. I want nothing to do with anyone who would use the phrase “made a poopie”.

  23. 1. You take the kitchen trash bag out of the can and tie it up, then bring it down to the driveway. Do you:
    A. Breathe normally throughout the whole process.

    2. Same as question 1, except instead of the kitchen, it’s the office trash which only has paper products and the occasional soda can. Do you:
    A. Breathe normally throughout the whole process.

    3. You have to use the bathroom after someone else just left, and it’s stinky. Do you:
    B. Inhale deeply to see if you can figure out what they ate. (I have a skill I’m told!)

    4. Same as question 3, except it’s not stinky. You’re just going in immediately after someone else. Do you:
    B. Inhale deeply to see if you can figure out what they ate. (This one’s for an expert)

    5. You are gathering laundry to bring to the laundry room, and you’re carrying a basket that has shirts, underwear, socks, and pants in it, and not all of them are yours. Do you:
    C. Breathe normally.

    6. There is a gallon of milk in the fridge that expired yesterday. Do you:
    A. Smell it first to see if it’s good. I’m all for using everything up but no lumps in teeth

    7. You’re visiting someone who has a baby. All of a sudden they say, “Looks like someone made a poopie!” Do you:
    D. Offer to help change the baby. (Three brothers two sisters This wasn’t a matter of choice!)

  24. I hate it when people tell you “I think this milk is bad, taste this” and since you weren’t listening to them, you taste it. blecha. :puke:

    I can’t really smell, except when someone explodes in our work bathroom & then sprays a WHOLE CAN of lysol to try & cover it up. That totally gags me.

  25. 1. Wait, is MY kids’ stinky diaper in there? Then I have to go with D. After all, isn’t trash duty on the 2nd page of the marriage manual?
    2. D. Duh! Have you not read the damn manual?!
    3. D. Ewwwww. Thank god there are two bathrooms in this house.
    4. Oh. My. God. Is the seat still warm? I can handle smell waaaay better than the seat still being warm! I guess that’s another vote for D.
    5. C. Unless you have no control over your bowels. Then I’d have to say D.
    6. B. It’s the bloody expiration date! There is no reason to mess with it. It’s not a ‘smell by’ date, it’s frickin expired! It will smell disgusting (and don’t get me started on tasting it) and you are nothing more than a cheap bastard if you try to use it! (major phobia here, can you tell?)

    7. All I can say is… Man up. If I catch you acting like a big puss because of a diaper I’m liable to chase you aroud with it. Misery does love company.
    :puke:

  26. “I don’t even want that first minute of bad smell. And they don’t always become something you can be accustomed to – we had a dead guy in my apt. building in law school, and he smelled horrible for the week before anyone found him.”

    Avi, no wonder you’re so smellophobic. That’s PTSD of the nose!

  27. Sadly, no matter what the trash smells like, I’m the only one here to deal with it. Yuck!

    The milk thing cracked me up because I totally hold my breath while running hot water and soap down the drain. I believe that one day expired means the milk has soured and curdled, and I want no part of that.

  28. 1. D (my son – why else did I have kids?)
    2. D (the office cleaner of course!)
    3. C
    4. C
    5. D (my daughter – see above)
    6. Urgh! – none of the above
    7. D (not me *exactly* – offer my daughter’s services – she’s a fabulous nanny!)

  29. 1. You take the kitchen trash bag out of the can and tie it up, then bring it down to the driveway. Do you:
    B. Hold your breath while taking it out and tying it, then hold it at arm’s length and breathe in the other direction as you take it down to the driveway.

    2. Same as question 1, except instead of the kitchen, it’s the office trash which only has paper products and the occasional soda can. Do you:
    B. Hold your breath while taking it out and tying it, then hold it at arm’s length and breathe in the other direction as you take it down to the driveway.

    3. You have to use the bathroom after someone else just left, and it’s stinky. Do you:
    A or D. If I really have to go extra bad, I will go ahead, breathe normally and just curse them. If it’s not that urgent and I can manage to wait, I will certainly wait until the air no longer smells like a sewer.

    4. Same as question 3, except it’s not stinky. You’re just going in immediately after someone else. Do you:
    A. Breathe normally and just curse them.

    5. You are gathering laundry to bring to the laundry room, and you’re carrying a basket that has shirts, underwear, socks, and pants in it, and not all of them are yours. Do you:
    C. Breathe normally.

    6. There is a gallon of milk in the fridge that expired yesterday. Do you:
    D. Leave it in the fridge until it’s solid, then toss it in the trash without opening it at all.

    7. You’re visiting someone who has a baby. All of a sudden they say, “Looks like someone made a poopie!” Do you:
    A. Decide that you’ve overstayed your welcome and leave.

  30. 1- A, but only part one
    2- A
    3- D
    4- A
    5- E, depends whats on top!
    6- A, but D is always tempting
    7- E wait to see if they have the common courtesy to do the changing in a privare room, if not leave and make it CLEAR WHY AS I WALK AWAY!

  31. By the way, I’ve learned to totally avoid #7 by simply never visiting anyone who lives in the same house as a baby.
    Problem solved!

    Won’t have to smell diapery shit, won’t have to smell recently-vomited baby formula, won’t have to smell spit-up strained peas.

    Works like magic.

  32. 1. You take the kitchen trash bag out of the can and tie it up, then bring it down to the driveway. Do you:
    A. Breathe normally throughout the whole process.

    2. Same as question 1, except instead of the kitchen, it’s the office trash which only has paper products and the occasional soda can. Do you:
    A. Breathe normally throughout the whole process.

    3. You have to use the bathroom after someone else just left, and it’s stinky. Do you:
    A. Breathe normally and just curse them.

    4. Same as question 3, except it’s not stinky. You’re just going in immediately after someone else. Do you:
    A. Breathe normally and just curse them.

    5. You are gathering laundry to bring to the laundry room, and you’re carrying a basket that has shirts, underwear, socks, and pants in it, and not all of them are yours. Do you:
    C. Breathe normally.

    6. There is a gallon of milk in the fridge that expired yesterday. Do you:
    A. Smell it first to see if it’s good.

    7. You’re visiting someone who has a baby. All of a sudden they say, “Looks like someone made a poopie!” Do you:
    C. Go pick the baby up, smell his butt and say, “Yup! Sure does!”

    I think you are weird and I am normal. Of course, I didn’t read anyone else’s replies, so it could be the other way around.

  33. But, skunks just LOOK so cuuuuuute!!! Oh …

    1. I don’t have a driveway, I live in an apartment building. Don’t be so buildingist!
    2. We have janitors.
    3. Try to hold my breath, fail, turn blue, curse the stinker, try to cover their stink with my own, realise mine smells like roses so it won’t really work.
    4. I put an Out Of Order sign on the door about an hour before I need to go.
    5. My “laundry room” is IN my bathroom! Also, I don’t wear underwear (very often).
    6. I buy half gallons because I am the only human tenant.
    7. Oh. I’m not allowed around babies. They always mistake me for the wet nurse. Ew.

  34. 1. You take the kitchen trash bag out of the can and tie it up, then bring it down to the driveway.
    i live alone so i:
    B. Hold your breath while taking it out and tying it, then hold it at arm’s length and breathe in the other direction as you take it down to the driveway.

    2. Same as question 1, except instead of the kitchen, it’s the office trash which only has paper products and the occasional soda can.
    B. Hold your breath while taking it out and tying it, then hold it at arm’s length and breathe in the other direction as you take it down to the driveway.

    3. You have to use the bathroom after someone else just left, and it’s stinky. Do you:
    dry heave a bit and
    C. NO AIR FRESHNER (hate it when it smells like someone shit a flower that would have gagged me on its own), open the window, and then try to breathe in and out of your mouth.

    4. Same as question 3, except it’s not stinky. You’re just going in immediately after someone else. Do you:
    C. NO AIR FRESHNER, open the window, and then try to breathe in and out of your mouth.

    5. You are gathering laundry to bring to the laundry room, and you’re carrying a basket that has shirts, underwear, socks, and pants in it, and not all of them are yours. Do you:
    A. DON’T Hold your breath and DO hold the basket out at arms length?

    6. There is a gallon of milk in the fridge that expired yesterday. Do you:
    B. Dump it while holding your breath and running hot water and soap.
    OR
    D. Leave it in the fridge until it’s solid, then toss it in the trash without opening it at all.
    (milk going bad sorta scares me)

    7. You’re visiting someone who has a baby. All of a sudden they say, “Looks like someone made a poopie!” Do you:
    B. Keep at least eight feet away from the child at all times.

    i wouldn’t call me smellaphobic, but i do have a seriously sensitive sniffer. doesn’t matter what i eat or drink, i’m fine, but any strong smell will make me hoark. doesn’t matter if the strong odor is “good” like a rose or perfume or “bad” like dog shit, if it is strong i will throw up. as a single woman with two dogs, i have thrown up on top of crap i was attempting to clean up. NOT good.

  35. I have been married to a pressroom foreman and a cabinetmaker. I raised a child alone. Plus, I’ve always had indoor pets. I don’t even notice bad smells. They’re just signs of life.

    I am, however, phobic about smelling bad myself. Which makes marriage to a chain-smoker pretty tough on me.

  36. Almost none of the answer choices sit well with me. Now I’m going to have to take this as an essay test :banghead:

    1. My answer is a hybrid of A and B. I’d only hold my breath while tying the bag, then breathe normally throughout the rest of the process.

    2. A

    3. This question is way too broad to answer with one of the answer choices. There are just too many unknowns. Is this toilet at work or in a public place? Or is it at my house? If it’s at my house, was it used by a family member or a stranger? Generally, my main problem would be the warm toilet seat, rather than the smell. Since I don’t actually sit down on any toilet besides my own, the warm toilet seat issue wouldn’t be a factor if the toilet in question was at work or in a public place, so I would use the stinky bathroom, but hold my breath while doing so. If you’re referring to the toilet at home, and if a family member was the prior occupant, I would wait a while for the toilet seat to return to its normal, cool temperature, and by then the smell would no longer be an issue. If it was used by a stranger, I would have to disinfect the toilet before using it (which would also eliminate the odor), and give it an appropriate cooling-off period. (This is a perfect illustration of why I can’t do those online quizzes)

    4. Refer to the warm seat issue discussed in #3.

    5. None of the above. I’d breathe shallowly.

    6. This would never happen to me. I buy small containers of milk that I can finish well before the expiration date, because I can never be certain that the printed expiration date isn’t a lie. And I always smell the milk in the carton before using it, no matter how far away the expiration date is. Even if I DID somehow end up with an expired container of milk in my fridge, I would still have to answer none of the above. I would toss it in the trash without opening it at all, but I would do it immediately, rather than wait for it to turn solid.

    7. You guessed it, none of the above. The announcement would have no effect on me. I wouldn’t be disgusted, nor would I feel the need to offer a second opinion or volunteer for the job of changing the diaper.

  37. AmyD, you know it! She’s that type of person, too.

    Lynda, he also takes care of the trash, apparently!

    Dragon, it’s not an affliction – it’s a source of strength.

    Robin, this is true.

    BE Earl, that horrifies me on so many levels.

    Honeybell, you’re only a little bit smellophobic.

    L, I’m shivering in horror right now.

    Tug, yeah, the Lysol/shit combination is horrible.

    Kylah, slight, but not too bad.

    Mari, warm toilet seats freak me out, too.

    Headbang8, yeah it is. I still have nasal flashbacks.

    MyWeeWorld, same here.

    Penelope, your poor kids.

    Janna, I like the way you think about most of those.

    Trukindog, you’d yell “No poopies for Trukindog,” wouldn’t you?

    BB, good – join the club!

    Janna, I subscribe to that theory too.

    Shelli, you’re clearly the weird one.

    Danjerus, isn’t that homist?

    Hello, air freshener does smell even worse. Matches work well.

    Mik, you don’t like Parmesan cheese? What about really stinky cheeses?

    Jake, no finger pulling allowed!

    SJ, I have indoor pets who smell good. And I’m phobic about that, too. To a dangerous degree.

    Girl, Dislocated, I think you put way too much thought into this. And the toilet question – does it matter if it’s a person you know or a stranger? I actually have Clorox Wipes I use to disinfect the toilet in my own house before using it.

    Y2K, good to hear!

  38. Hmmm

    1) Emasculate the person – verbally, not actually – who should have taken out the fucking garbage to begin with.

    2)D. I’m a supervisor. But I ask with a smile. πŸ™‚

    3) I open the bathroom door and say loudly, “God! You couldn’t wait and do that at home?”

    4) Um – just go. Not necessarily breathing deeply.

    5) C. Actually, no stink involved, I can smell my kids’ clothes – like whose belongs to whom, just be their natural scent. Which is a totally female trait and entirely off the subject but I think it’s cool.

    6) I don’t drink the shit. I am not a baby cow.

    7) Duh. D. I’m a Nanna

  39. 1. You take the kitchen trash bag out of the can and tie it up, then bring it down to the driveway. Do you:
    D. Make someone else do it.

    2. Same as question 1, except instead of the kitchen, it’s the office trash which only has paper products and the occasional soda can. Do you:
    D. Make someone else do it.

    3. You have to use the bathroom after someone else just left, and it’s stinky. Do you:
    D. Go find another bathroom, or hold it and come back hours later.

    4. Same as question 3, except it’s not stinky. You’re just going in immediately after someone else. Do you:
    C. Spray air freshener, open the window, and then try to breathe in and out of your mouth.

    5. You are gathering laundry to bring to the laundry room, and you’re carrying a basket that has shirts, underwear, socks, and pants in it, and not all of them are yours. Do you:
    C. Breathe normally.

    6. There is a gallon of milk in the fridge that expired yesterday. Do you:
    B. Dump it while holding your breath and running hot water and soap.

    7. You’re visiting someone who has a baby. All of a sudden they say, “Looks like someone made a poopie!” Do you:
    E. Do absolutely nothing…since they’ll clean up after the baby. DUHH!

  40. I know I put too much thought into it, but I just can’t help it. I always put too much thought into everything (and it’s such a major waste of time!) Anyway, about the toilet, I disinfect it periodically even if no one besides me has been using it. If someone other than me uses it, it does make a difference if they’re a stranger or not. If it’s my sister, for example, I don’t feel the need to immediately disinfect it. But if a stranger uses my toilet, it’s like my toilet has become a public toilet with public germs (in my mind at least).

  41. 1. d
    2. b
    3. d
    4. a – only I use LYSOL to kill germs
    5. a (the man’s socks ALWAYS smell)
    6. b
    7. b (Changing my own kids’ diaper was enough – I will not ever offer to clean anyone else’s kids’ diaper.)

  42. Mom, Britt is definitely your daughter!

    Sarcastica, good answers.

    Girl, Dislocated, I definitely agree about the public germs thing!

    Lynda, that’s my job, too, unfortunately.

    Sybil, lysol works too, although it can make it smell worse sometimes.

    Trukindog, no, but it would be funny if that’s what you said.

  43. BBDDABA

    I hate stinkage. One of the things I do NOT look forward to when I return to college this summer is hanging out with my guy friends on their dorm floor. Entering the building, I get smacked in the face by the smell of rotting French fries, stale milk, and moldy gym socks. *shudders* It’s . . . disgusting.

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