You can find last week’s answers and contest winner in an extended entry, but now it’s time for today’s Lazy Sunday contest! This week’s prize is a $30 Amazon.com Gift Card!
Everyone has a chance at winning, so don’t be shy! I’m trying to find a good balance between easy and hard questions, too, so if you feel frustrated, just answer the ones you know. Everyone who’s between the ages of 16 and 80 should be able to get at least one correct – I promise.
It’s very simple. Every answer contains a reference to a movie, a television show, or a song. Just guess as many as you can – some will be laughably easy and some will be very difficult. You have two chances to comment with your answers.
Every correct answer is like a raffle ticket – you get one chance to win per correct answer. If you get 1 right, your name goes in the proverbial hat. If you get 10 right, your name goes in ten times. Et cetera.
The contest ends Tuesday at midnight EST. I’ll give the correct answers and the winner on the following Sunday.
I’ve tried to make it slightly more Google-proof, although some of them are easily found if you’re lazy. Otherwise, it should be simple, but if you have any questions, just ask in the comments.
Ready? Here we go!
1. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes, but this time, Susan would probably be arrested. She’ll have to wait until I’m 30 for real.
2. Last voicemail you received?
From my friend Marcus. He’s in Egypt.
3. What did you do yesterday?
I traded in my halo to be with this beautiful doctor. Today really sucks, though.
4. What’s the first thing you would do with 5 million dollars?
I’d have a Zoroastrian named Wilma shave my testicles ritualistically.
5. What color socks are you wearing?
White. They go well with my white loafers and gray suit.
6. What are you listening to?
Desperado. Every time I hear it, I stare off into space.
7. How many fingers am i holding up?
Six. On one hand.
8. When’s the last time you cried?
When Claire died. If she hadn’t had to drive me home, she never would have been hit by that drunk driver.
9. Have you ever crawled through a window?
I usually only jump through windows when they’re skylights. It makes for a great entrance, especially if there’s a bad guy inside.
10. What do you spend most of your money on?
Wigs, women’s dresses, makeup, glasses, and everything else I need to be believable as Dorothy Michaels.
11. Who has your heart?
It’s been totally eclipsed by Bonnie.
12. Have you ever kissed two people in the same day?
Are we talking about a church kiss?
13. Do you like yourself?
Only when I think about you. Then I really like myself.
14. What objects are around you right now?
Well, there are some moths, a pit, a hose, a bucket on a rope, and some lotion.
15. What’s your middle name?
I don’t have one. Neither does my brother Ambrose.
And here are the answers and winners from last week’s contest :
Here are the questions and answers:
1. What are you excited for?
Well, I’m looking forward to my golf match today. It’s a foursome with a judge, a doctor, and a real estate tycoon.
Hi, I’m Ty Webb, and this is Caddyshack.
2. Are you happy?
Only when it rains.
This was an easy one. It’s “Only Happy When It Rains”, by Garbage.
3. What were you doing at this time yesterday?
Well I made a giant pancake that I had to flip with a snowshovel, I microwaved the laundry, and I punched a drunk clown in the face.
If you didn’t know this is Uncle Buck, what’s wrong with you?
4. Have you kissed anyone whose name starts with J?
Jenny. I was going to call her, but I can’t remember the number.
Another easy musical one. This is 867-5309/Jenny, by Tommy Tutone.
5. What should you be doing right now?
I’m going to put some lipstick on and then start working down my list of “People to Kill”.
Some of you guessed Kill Bill, which was a good guess, but this is from Billy Madison, when Adam Sandler’s titular character apologizes to Steve Buscemi’s uncredited character Danny McGrath for being mean to him in school.
6. Your last missed call?
Ishmael. I told him to call me back.
No, it’s not Kingpin. Or Moby Dick. It’s another reference to Hot Shots, when Admiral Benson is on the phone and says “Call me back, Ishmael” and hangs up the phone.
7. Thinking about anyone special?
His name’s Steve, but he only pretends to be special.
Yes, this is The Ringer, although I’m not sure how you guys guessed this one so easily.
8. The last person to make you cry?
It was someone who called me a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey shit.
Chevy Chase’s Clark Griswold’s best line in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.
9. Whats your deepest darkest secret?
I’m not a woman named Dil.
I’m sure most of you got this through Google. It’s The Crying Game.
10. Last thing you ate?
Peaches. They come in a can.
Peaches, by The Presidents of the United States of America. Pretty simple
11. Can you play any instruments?
I used to play the piano brilliantly on the radio in Poland, before the war.
This is The Pianist. Which I’ve only seen part of. I was bored to tears.
12. Have you ever had your heart broken?
I don’t have a heart. That’s lucky, because hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
An old classic. The Wizard says this in The Wizard of Oz.
13. If you could go back in time would you change things?
I’d let the plane engine kill me.
Donnie Darko. It’s a dark, bizarre movie that I absolutely love. And I’ve just ruined the movie for you.
14. What are you wearing?
A red shirt, blue shorts, and blue shoes.
This is Bart Simpson, so the correct answer is “The Simpsons”, unless there’s a show called “Bart Simpson” of which I’m unaware. I still gave you credit, though.
15. What is bothering you right now?
My mother. She said that they’re all going to laugh at me.
Adam Sandler had this as a bit on his comedy album, but that’s not music, television, or a movie. He actually got his idea from watching Carrie, where her mother says that in the same ridiculous tone.
Here’s how I chose the winner:
First, I entered everyone’s answers into a spreadsheet, giving 1 point for each correct answer and 0 points for each wrong answer. The total number of points equaled the person’s “raffle tickets” for the drawing.
Then I created a randomized list using Random.org of every “raffle ticket” – basically each person’s name was repeated as many times as they had right answers. This gave me a random list of 285 entries.
Finally, using Random.org again, I asked it to generate a random integer between 1 and 285. It chose #217.
#217 is my winner.
Would you like to know who that is?
Congratulations – you win a Logitech QuickCam Communicate STX! Email me to confirm your win and give me your address. The rest of you, thank you for playing, and try your luck with today’s contest!