A few months ago, I was asked to review a book called “A Unicorn is Born”, by Trinie Dalton. I was so totally excited about this, because, as you all know, I really love unicorns! They’re, like, the best creature ever. Much better than the stupid deer with no horns.
Within seconds of opening the book, I was enthralled. This was a magical land of unicorns, where a pregnant unicorn named Ursula is about to give birth to a brand new baby unicorn! Squeeee! There’s nothing I love more than pregnant mommies and babies! Except maybe magic and rainbows.
I loved reading about Ursula’s best friend Arf, a fox. Arf helped Ursula struggle and resolve her problems with her impending motherhood. It was so sweet! If I was a mama unicorn all worried about having my unicorn baby, I’d totally be nice to the foxes and wolves so they’d be my friend.
Can I just say that reading about rainbows and unicorns and magic and babies is probably the best thing in the whole wide world? I really never thought about how mommy unicorns have the same worries and concerns about raising their babies as human moms! It was, like, really deep symbolism about motherhood and stuff. Whoa.
After re-reading this magical book five or six times, I finally turned to the very last page. And guess what I found? PAGES OF STICKERS! Now I don’t have to just draw my own unicorns over and over again (I named one Adamina), but I can put these stickers everywhere to let the whole world know about my love for magical unicorn mommies! Love in a totally non-gay way, of course. Like love for your mom or your grandma who smells like cookies and tobacco.
OMG I LIKE TOTALLY LIKE STICKERS OMG SWEET!!!!111 If I was a unicorn, I’d want to be bright shiny white with a sparkly horn that glowed when the sun hit it. And I’d want my name to be something magical like Ursula and her baby Uma. Maybe Anka or Uvula. These stickers are as close as I’ll get to being a unicorn for now, at least until my dreams tonight!
Before too long, I had no more book to read, and the beautiful tale of the magical mommy unicorn Ursula and her baby Uma was all over. So sad. I really felt like Ursula and Arf and Uma were my best friends and I could talk to them about anything in the whole wide world, like sex and why I look different from all of the other girls in the shower.
I LOVE YOU, MAGICAL UNICORNS!
I hope that Trinie Dalton writes lots more books about unicorns and fairies and pixies and wood nymphs and babies and magic! This was the bestest book I’ve read since Harry Potter, and sometimes I dream that I am a unicorn flying through the sky with a magical rainbow shooting through the air from my shiny polished horn, but then I usually wake up and my sheets are sticky. Sticky with magical unicorn juice!
Enjoy this post? Try these:The Diary of the Ugly Angel
Anonymous, you are my favorite person
My 2000th post
Twitter: Amanda234
says:
Those butterfly clips really suit you.
And this is really elaborate.
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FUCK YOU with sugar coated lollipops for ruining the ending!!!
FUCK YOU!
:boobs3:
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Twitter: Jayman3768
says:
Yeah, we all know where you like to put that stuffed unicorn’s horn. That’s why you love them so much.
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Somehow I feel dirtier than I’ve ever felt after reading your site. This is Twilight Zone material.
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[riffly_video]48C2E084FFA211DC96DED0A456B4F508[/riffly_video]
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Oh, sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph, you are just demented!! And I mean that to be synonymous with GENIOUS.
You are a sick fucker.
Thank You
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OK, so after the day I had I’ve had some :martini: and then I came here to see you with stickers all over your face. And all of the unicorns all over your blog which makes me want to run up and down the street yelling :woohoo:
Dude, I totally love you because this made me laugh and I needed to laugh tonight :lmao:
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That just made me feel all mushy inside… the good kinda mushy… heh
:boobs4: :boobs2: :jerkoff2: :3some: :boobs3: :finger: :woohoo:
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hands down, best AFD prank ever.
VERY well done Adam.
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:clap: :clap: :clap: :thumbsup: :heartbeat: :heartbeat:
I am SO getting you that subscription to Unicorn Quarterly for our birthday next year!!!!
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Hey, i like the new direction to your blog! I was going to unsubscribe but now i might just stick around.
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I just finished ‘The Terrible Underpants’ by Kaz Cooke. I think you’d like that too.
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oh my god.
OH MY GOD.
I just laughed for like 10 minutes.
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I’ll have to get here earlier so that when I want to say “you’re a sick fucker,” I’ll be the first one.
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Twitter: Blogography
says:
You know, I love unicorns too, but have always been afraid to admit it! Thanks for having the balls to come forward and create a safe environment for adult male unicorn and fairy lovers everywhere! Your blog is magical, dreamy fun!
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Who are you? :shit: Bring back non-April Fool’s Avitable! :fisting:
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:puke: :puke: :puke:
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Does it say in the book if unicorns are born with their horns pre-installed, or if they grow in later? I think the former scenario would take some of the “magic” out of the birthing process…
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I SOOOOOOOO wish THIS is the day that chick came to review your site!
:woohoo: :clap:
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LOL! But I love unicorns and faeries!!!
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Your pretty new template makes me happy the same way that the new GMail Custom Time feature makes me happy.
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At first I was so happy that you came out of the unicorn closet. :clap: Then I realized it was just a mean April fool’s prank and that made me sad. :crying: Then I saw that you have a terrible “crying” emoticon and that pissed me off. Then I found this emoticon and it made me happy again. :violent018:
:thumbsup: Since it’s been pointed out that you’re a sick fucker, I’ll just say thanks for the laugh.
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Twitter: Kapgar
says:
I think I’m gonna hurl.
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Twitter: nycwatchdog
says:
Adam… wanna go to Candy Mountain, Adam? C’mon Adam… it’s Candy Mountain!!!
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
Did I accidentally smoke crack this morning? Again?
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Oh lord, oh lord oh lord ohlordohlord.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
I’m a unicorn.
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BYOOOOOOOOOTEEEEEEEFULLLLLLL!
I LOVE UNICORNS TOO.
UNICORNS *ARE* TOTALLY AWESOME!
(i think you’re making fun of me there)
AND I TOTALLY LOVE STICKERS TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat:
YOU ARE SUCH A PRETTY UNICORN, YES YOU ARE!
I’m a pretty princess.
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Amanda, I go all out. Last year, I did this over at Britt’s.
Angie, sorry. I meant to put “Spoiler Alert”, but forgot.
Jay, well, this is true.
Karl, wooeeewooo.
Tori, April Fool’s! I really do love unicorns!
Mary, want some of my special unicorn juice?
Lisa, I’m glad if I offered some little bit of happiness.
DB, there’s a bad kind?
BPR, awww, thanks!
AmyD, sweet! I’m totally horny for that magazine.
Dan, phew. I made the change just in time!
Carolyn, awesome. I love underpants almost as much as unicorn babies.
Beth,
. Do you like unicorns too?
Sarah is OK, number two isn’t bad either.
Dave, thanks! Do you want to share unicorn drawings with me?
Dee, you love it, don’t you?
Girl, Dislocated, ooh, it didn’t talk about that. Ouch.
TB, I know! She would have been flummoxed.
Bunny B, I don’t doubt it. They’re awesome.
Golfwidow, I’m not aware of this Gmail feature. What is it?
Cap, unicorn closets are pointy and hurt.
Kapgar, will that be before or after you masturbate to the unicorns?
NYCWD, c’mon Charlie!
Robin, you never accidentally smoke crack.
Bossy, are you masturbating in my comments?
Britt, no, you’re just horny.
Poppy, i’m totally making fun of you.
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Uvula, eh?
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If I had worn my pink shirt today I’d make a video response, but I’m not, so:
You’re always making fun of me. And I love it.
I’m a pretty princess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Unicorns are cool because they might put somebody’s eye out.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
i think i am more hungover than originally thought because i threw up at all the pink. and unicorns.
can’t wait til tomorrow…
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no…I’M a unicorn. a purple SPARKLY unicorn
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I swear to god you are more of a girl than I ever could be.
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I am so glad this only happens once a fuckin year…
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What a lovely, beautiful site. All the pink color, makes me think of cotton candy. Look at the pretty Uncorns…Aren’t they cute?
Wasn’t there a “My Pretty Pony” Unicorn at one time?
Happy April Fools Day to you!!
Now I am going to go scrub my eyes and bleach my brain.
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
Avi, you really need to narrate this story. Word for word, the above piece needs to be aurally stimulating, er I mean, read aloud.
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….yes, YES, for the Saturday vlog! IT’S STORY TIME!!!!!!
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PS – every time I see the 4th unicorn image in the sidebar out of the corner of my eye I think the left unicorn is :sex011: the right unicorn.
dirty unicorns.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
You’ll be having your period any minute now. And then you’ll be a woman at last. :rose:
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
The first picture with the stickers on your face is really… intense.
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Jennifer, and Anka. As in Paul.
Poppy, you are indeed a pretty princess.
Grant, well, and they have magical rainbows inside, too.
Hello, poor Becky!
Crystal, that’s how you always appear in my dreams.
TMP, I practice every night.
RW, didn’t you get the memo? This is a permanent change.
Trish, scrub your eyes? After gazing on such magical beauty?
Whall, unfortunately, it’s not a children’s story or that would work. It’s a young adult novel.
Poppy, I would if it were a “See Spot Run” type of book.
Finn, and then I’ll get to experience PMS, too. PMS stands for, of course, Pretty Magical Stuff.
Amanda, it’s hard to give a goofy smile when you have stickers stuck to your face.
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I have discovered a terrible secret: I can access your blog from work. You see, most blogs are blocked because I work in an elementary school and EVERYTHING is blocked to protect the children. But because YOUR blog is a “dot.com”, it can sneak under the radar. This is dangerous knowledge for me to have, because now I can read you any time I want, not just from home. :angel:
The unicorn template and post scared me to death! I thought you had to be dead. :crying:
I am so relieved to discover it is only a joke. :loser:
Happy April Fool’s Day!
J.
April Fools
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You are SO gay…and I love it. :clap: :thumbsup: :boobs4:
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Twitter: LeSombre
says:
I laughed reading your post through my Feed, and I laughed even more when I saw the template.
Sweet.
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Av, could you maybe post a warning next time, so that those of us enjoying a tasty beverage while reading don’t spit it all over the screen laughing?
‘Cause I don’t normally spit, and I don’t wantot ruin my rep. Thanks
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I have read basically EVERY post that you’ve had on this thing, and nothing has made me laugh as much as this one. OMG. Hilarious, I love it.
You better keep your site this way forever and ever. I love the pink. And the header. You should be riding the Unicorn though, what were you thinking!? You totally should have photoshopped yourself onto its back lmfao!
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Admit that you already had the butterfly clips and did not buy them just for these photos!
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awesome! I hadn’t even noticed the hair clips. I think I have the same ones…
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Twitter: tlkaply
says:
Dude. :banghead: :loser: :finger: :poke:
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It would be screamingly funny if she got an email complaining about what she went and made you do!
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HG, isn’t that horrible that my blog is available to elementary school children? Hi kids!
Tug, I’m sssssuper!
Mike, glad you clicked through – I almost put a note in the beginning telling people to make sure they came to the site.
DebbieS, you mean all of my posts don’t make that happen?
Sarcastica, I didn’t have time to Photoshop myself riding the unicorn naked.
Bobgirrl, they were Amy’s! I pinky swear.
BPR, it was a subtle touch that I needed.
Tracy, could have been worse.
Turnbaby, I should re-submit my blog for a review with the new template.
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This would be really funny as an April Fool’s prank….but it is disturbingly possible.
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My God you redesigned the entire blog for an April Fool’s day post.
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Twitter: Readerwrites
says:
As you know, I have always loved unicorns, so obviously I have to buy this magical, fun book. The unicorn juice is undoubtedly sold separately, so I guess I’ll have to dream up a unicorn of my own.
Ew. Sorry.
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I couldn’t work out WTF you had going on in your hair! You put hairclips in??
You are the gayest straight men I have ever known!
Please turn off the pink now, my eyes hurt. :poke:
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Metalmom, oh, this is a permanent change.
FreelanceGuru, or do you mean I should be committed?
Nina, I can give you some unicorn juice if you want.
Penelope, they’re little butterfly clips that my wife had.
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…sometimes I dream that I am a unicorn flying through the sky with a magical rainbow shooting through the air from my shiny polished horn, but then I usually wake up and my sheets are sticky.
From the pictures, I would guess your horn is in the wrong place as well.
Nice template. You should keep it this way. :lmao:
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Keep me posted on how that is going for you!
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Nice. This reminds me of two things:
1. This past weekend I wrote a (10 minute) cabaret show called “Womanotaur” about a half-woman, half-horse. I don’t think I’ll ever have the nerve to put it up. Plus, I need to finish WUWM already.
2. My friend Joseph (J. Corsentino) is obsessed with faeries, and he has created an entire world about them… a more edgy, modern twist on them… he uses his photography and writes stories about them… it’s very impressive and he has a cult following… http://www.timeofthefaeries.com
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Twitter: snerkology
says:
Wooooow. A whole site redesign so saccharine my teeth hurt. Plus, I always wondered how mommy unicorns gave birth to baby unicorns, what with the horn and all. Tricky, that.
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Are those little combs with glitter in your hair?
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My first thought was you changed your templet because that chick trashed your site but now I get it, April Fool’s Day! duh.
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Hi! Over here! What site trashed you? where was I? Link me up !
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Pink and not October? Seriously, my eyes are bleeding. :thumbsup:
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Lynda, now that you mention it, the horn doesn’t seem to be in the same place as the photos?
TMP, I’m slowly getting there.
Cat, that’s umm . . . interesting.
Laura, they come out backwards.
Absurdist, yes, they’re butterfly clips my wife had.
Summer, you mean you don’t want me to keep it this way?
BPR, here you go: http://iwillfuckingtearyouapart.blogspot.com/2008/03/less-is-more.html
Bec, what does pink have to do with October?
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ohmyfuckinggod. she told you to read dooce.
bar non, thats the funniest fucking thing i have ever read!
you.read.dooce.
holy shit I’m still laughing.
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I just spent the last 90 min. slowly scrolling down the side bar “admiring” all those sexy…uh I mean beautiful Unicorns.
I feel so dirty….thanks Av :jerkoff2:
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Holy crap, this was hilarious! Wow. Special unicorn juice. Just thinking about it makes me moist. Hee hee – moist.
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BPR, yeah, you and Britt both.
Trukindog, made you horny did it?
Buddys, moist, eh? Clearly we didn’t talk enough last Friday!
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OMG, I read that review. I didn’t think that twitter stuff was funny. Then again, I don’t get the appeal of Dooce.
I think someone who just comes upon your site would not get the significance of the photos on the side bar as someone who has been reading for a while.
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LOL. I think you should have kept just one unicorn on your site, just to add a little sparkle and magic ; )
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I looooves me some Avitable!
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Lynda, yeah, that’s probably true.
Cat, maybe I can just stick one unicorn back in there.
Sybil, too bad you missed the unicorn template for April first.
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This is older than recent, I know.
But I am literally in tears. Laughing.
At the comments….
And your comment about you looking different than other girls in the shower…..
*PFFTS* Dude. I love reading your blog, keep it up!
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