Let's get frivolous
I hope everyone enjoyed yesterday's April Fool's design and post. The book review was actually something that I was asked to do, so I hope everyone runs out and buys their copy immediately. Not that I get any proceeds, but I'd love to keep getting young adult fantasy novels to review. This could be a great new gig! Maybe then I could quit my job and pay for my house with boring posts where I don't let anyone comment or anything. Ah, to be Dooce.
Speaking of sell-outs and money-grubbing, we finally heard back from our accountant about our taxes. Just like last year, we'll end up with a little over $10,000 as a refund. Last year, I "paid" myself with our refund rather than taking it from the company to make sure that the company would survive our slow period. This year, while that's probably not necessary, we're going to be fiscally responsible with the refund and use it for boring old expenses and savings.
But.
But…..
What if I didn't have to do that? What if I was one of those white trash morons with fourteen pitbulls and twelve kids that aren't even mine growing marijuana in my backyard who has most of their furniture and appliances on rent-to-own? One of those lovely people who consider their savings account to be a coffee can under the bed that gets emptied out to go to the casino. What would I do with $10,000 then?
I could buy:
- 10,000 double cheeseburgers, no pickle, from McDonalds.
- A 1 carat forever pendant from DeBeers
- 30 Nintendo Wiis, so I could have a different one for each day of the month.
- Two sets of platinum grillz, one that says "Happy" and one that says "Sad" so I can show my mood that day.
- 83 DB Royale double truffle burgers.
- 1/3rd of an H3. I'd just take the front part.
- Batman Cowl and Body Armor from Batman & Robin.
- A photo of God watching the sunset.
What frivolous items would you buy if you could spare an extra $10K?
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realistically I'd pay off student loans, or at least a semester of school. Or pay off my car loan.
Frivolously, I'd buy shoes and purses. I'm not a cliche, am I?
I'd also buy a PS3 and games, plus more games for my Wii. And a Blu ray player and movies. And a new TV for all of this.
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if i weren't gonna pay bills with $10k i would buy gorgeous shoes for my kick ass vacation. a vacation where my dogs would also fly first class with me.
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I'd but a Unicorn book, and pay you to autograph it.
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I'd buy a Unicorn book, and pay you to autograph it.
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Well, if I wasn't going to be responsible, I'd take a trip to Europe, visit some of my blogging buddies, and get the best $45 hookers money can buy.
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Hookers for all my blog buddies. Unfortunately they'd be street hookers or the older ones still working strip clubs. I guess I could be selfish and just get myself two hours with Elliot Spitzer's hooker, but she's probably raised her rates now that she's famous.
Or maybe I'd throw a blog party in Vegas. Yeah, 10 grand probably isn't enough for that. I'll stick with the strippers and hookers.
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I would go on a cruise. without the kids. and i wouldn't call home to see if they were fine either.
then I'd get a big mac and have a nap
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I would get a boob job. No kidding!
My sister and I discussed this very thing at the weekend. For our 40th birthdays (not yet!!) we both want new boobs. That would be about £5000,($10000) Umm don't spose you want to donate that $10,000??
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I think I'd call my former coworker and say, "I'll pay you $10,000 to walk out on the company with no notice," because I'm pretty sure he'd do it with that kind of cushion, and it would serve them right, since I think they basically foisted all my old jobs on him.
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I'd buy a Ticket to Ride with layovers in Orlando and Gainesville.
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What are you going to play on the 31st day of January, March, May, July, August, October, and December? Yes, I had to think back to that old "Thirty days hath…" rhyme we were taught as kids to remember which ones had 31 days. I'm pathetic.
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Amanda, you'd buy shoes and purses? You never struck me as that girl.
Hello, ooh, a doggy vacation. Maybe go to Cancoon (where they can chase raccoons around) or JaBarka, mon.
Mary, for $10K? Worth every penny.
Karl, ahhh, $45 hookers.
Jay, I bet you have some nasty street hooker where you live, don't you?
BPR, I figured you'd just buy a kick-ass computer and the best camera ever made or something.
Penelope, but why? Fake boobs don't look good.
Golfwidow, brilliant!
AnnieB, that seems totally fiscally responsible.
Kapgar, I'll give my wrist a rest from the Wii and masturbate instead.
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Hmmm – just what wouldn't I do?
Fly to Florida maybe? As in, once a month?
And then what – uh – maybe buy you some cheeseburgers?
Damn, son, I honestly don't know!
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So… when the combined household one day has 4 dogs and 4 cats and kids running around everywhere we suddenly become white trash?
What are we if one of us isn't white? What color trash are we then? I always wondered…
I will now go read the remainder of the post below the words "white trash".
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I would give that extra $10k to my beloved employee so that she could put her pool in.
But, you know, that's just me. :batting:
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I'd buy a bride from one of those underdeveloped Asian nations that still sells surplus girls. And if I had any money left, I'd probably get a new printer.
I miss the unicorns.
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one day i will get tax refunds again. I WILL!
i vote for the grills, fwiw. i mean duh.
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If you buy a diamond anything with your tax refund I'm punching you in the junk. Or, rather, having Britt do it. I don't want to have to fake-compliment you on your new bling.
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I could give you my serious answer, but I don't want you to mock me, so I will just say probably make plans to travel somewhere. You can mock that all you want.
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I forgot to answer the question.
Poppy follows directions: F MINUS.
If I had an extra $10k right now I wouldn't be using it frivolously. I have real life expenses right now. But if I absolutely could not use it for productive reasons I'd travel the country (with a certain companion) eating at awesome restaurants and seeing big balls of twine. Think National Lampoon's Vacation but the kids in the back seat are furry and mew a lot.
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I have to follow my rule of saving half of the money, no matter what…my sweet, countrified grandmother taught me that, and it's saved my ass as a starving artist.
So with the $5000 remaining? I'd blow it on a trip to Vegas. I'm dying to see Bette Midler. I can't seem to get enough coin in the coffee can under my bed to get there at the moment.
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I would go on vacation.
And probably get my fireplace in my bedroom working again… ( I could do that now, but I am lazy, and this is all for fun, so I can pretend I would do it then)
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I would take my friends out to dinner,get a massage and pedicure, buy a Bose radio and books. Many, many books.
The idea of spending money like that frankly boggles the mind. :dunce:
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Shoes baby, shoes.
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What the HELL? I'm getting that pic of God before you.
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I'm going to Europe. For a long time.
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Hmmm… I guess I'd have to pop a couple of pills or something and buy tickets to Florida! And, of course I would stay in a very cool hotel somewhere so I could get my groove on.
OH, uh, yeah, I'd bring Mike too.
hee hee.
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I'd probably donate the money – at least a portion. That's what I've done with every bit of inheritance money. My favorite charity is Wounded Warriors.
It's not that we have soo much money. Frankly, we're broke. It's that I need so very little.
Maybe I'm past the point of believing that any thing will make me feel better. And I know what $10000 would do for a wounded soldier and his/her family.
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Okay, if we're going with frivolous, I would first buy a pink Ipod. I have been wanting a pink one or a red one for forever, but there always seems to be a greater need for the money. I would take all the kids shopping for "fun" clothes in the stores THEY like, like Hollister and Hot Topic. And I would get my hair done, and my nails. And I would buy myself some great new walking shoes. And a gym membership. Have I used up all my money yet?
J.
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Seriously, I am totally jealous. I could use that kind of money so bad. You're a lucky dude.
J.
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Move to London and start over again. My first thought was somewhere exotic but British accents just kind of get me hot and bothered.
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I would buy Britt.
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Shoes.
<~~~Shoe whore. Really. I'm in a 12-step program right now.
You really need a shoe icon, Adam.
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I'd get a time share somewhere on a beach. Maybe. 10k is enough, right?! Split that with a bunch of friends, and then get to vacation whenever (kinda) that I could..?! Sounds good.
Maybe a timeshare near you! Then we could all meet up and fry foods and party with Miss Britt and you could read us unicorn stories. 'Til she punches you in the crotch.
Fun!
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If I had an extra 10g laying around right now I would buy Penelope a boob job and I don't even know her.
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The rest of my car. I'm up to owning the front end and the two front seats.
What am I talking about? I'd blow it on all hookers and tequila. :woohoo:
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Nanna, you could buy a small plane and get lessons so you could fly down anytime you wanted to.
Poppy, not just dogs – pitbulls. And not just kids, but kids that aren't even yours. And you're not married and living with rent-to-own everything and are on disability for non-existent injuries.
Britt, that would only put a third of the pool in, though.
Grant, what if you could get a tranny cheaper AND a new printer?
Crystal the grills were my favorite, too.
Poppy, you wouldn't compliment my diamond grillz yo?
Lynda, I'd actually like to know what your serious answer is.
Poppy, that trip would probably cost a lot less than $10K!
Tracy, you're dying to see who? Bette Midler? Really? Are you pulling my leg? Is this Candid Camera?
TMP, where would you go?
Tracy, I can spend it in about ten seconds with my eyes closed.
Absurdist, shoes made of diamonds?
Angie, not if I outbid you!
Finn, well, then it's only $5,000 thanks to our economy.
AmyD, Mike can stay at home and watch all the kids for a month.
Claudia, we're talking about frivolous spending, though. Daydreaming.
HG, you've got this all planned out, eh? And it's all going towards fiscally responsible things – I wish I had ten grand to just spend ridiculously!
Lady Jaye, they are hot, aren't they?
Gtboat, $10K would probably only get her for about a week. She's high class and expensive.
Stephanie, no, I most definitely do NOT need a shoe smilie.
Sybil, that does sound like fun. Even the last part.
Othurme, awww, how nice. Bizarre, but nice.
Marissa, woohoo! Now that's frivolity.
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I'd find a way to spend the next winter OUT OF MINNESOTA.
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That ebay guy is high. He'd have to be to think he's gonna get $10k for that garbage. And $1000 for shipping! wtF!
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I'm pretty sure Miss Britt would crotch punch you for free – right now!
Also, I am thinking we should start a fund for her to get her a pool! You can't live in Florida without a pool, can you?!
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Not the way Dawg and I would do it.
I mean… errr, my travelling companion.
And by "do it" I mean the travel across the country.
…
Expensive hotels are expensive.
Expensive restaurants are expensive.
Expensive balls of twine are expensive.
(Redundancy is King!)
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I was going for anal sex anyway, so the tranny will be fine. As long as it's a good printer, preferably one with a built-in scanner.
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Hmmmmmm, frivolous purchase.
1. Sue Tom Cruise for still appearing places I am forced to see him (film promos, tv ads, billboards).
2. Two "retired" bumper cars for my lounge room to replace the lounge seats so I can not only [i]feel[\i] like I'm not getting anywhere in life, I can actually prove it.
3. An Egyptian slave complete with palm frond fan to waft out my bedroom in the morning: the aroma of my OH's bottom-burps is really becoming more and more potent the older we get.
4. Britney Spears. She's got to be hard up for cash and I need someone to clean my toilet.
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Planes and hotels baby – holiday vacation not at work buying drinks for all my blog friends.
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But how would I get my groove on without him?
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If I weren't going to be sensible and use it for all my trips back and forth to Albuquerque, I'd use it for an underground backyard bunker. I have no idea what those cost for real though.
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Hey since we're talking frivolous – how do I post my photo with these comments?
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Jennifer, you live there voluntarily?
Jeff, yeah, but it's such a beautiful work of art! And now my eyes hurt from rolling in their head.
Sybil, she'd totally do it for free. And she can afford a pool – she'll get one soon enough.
Poppy, that's true. And who knew that you had such epicurean tastes?
Grant, well, of course.
Dee, those are some good ideas!
Bec, you should just move to the US where we all drive everywhere and have washers and dryers.
AmyD, with Britt, duh!
MyWeeWorld, an underground bunker? Paranoid and frivolous! I like it.
Claudia, go to http://www.gravatar.com. You can set up an account and any blog that uses Gravatars will show your picture if you comment using the same email address.
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Shoes are NOT frivolous!
Shoes and vacations at the beach are two necessities
I'd have a totally kick ass party.
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Washers and dryers? You're kidding. next you'll be telling me you have TV's and new technology like VCRs!
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Fine.
Assbag.
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I wanna party with Marissa…. :woohoo:
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I would go to South Africa.
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If you are one of the trailer-trash folks that work for me you call in sick five times a week for the next month, go buy a huge plasma television to put on the wall of your trailer (double bonus if you cover a hole in the wall), get a new tattoo and then come begging to borrow $20 in gas money from me two weeks later.
I hate tax time.
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Hmmm that is a hard one.
Pay off my trailer?
Find all my baby daddy?
Buy 5000 pair of thongs so I don't have to wash them ever?
Electrolysis for my facial hair?
Beer and Ciggies, maybe a couple of blunts?
OK, you know I am going to blow it at Wal-mart with my 8 children wearing my best Nascar shirt to buy some highlights for my femullet.
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Well first I am gonna load up my babies in my 20 year old mini-van.
Buy me 5000 pairs of thongs so I don't have to warsh them.
Get some dye for my femullet.
Find all my baby daddy and make them pay!
Buy some new Nascar stuff.
Load up on Ramen Noodles at the Wal-mart
Buy enough ciggies and beer to last all year.
Then if there is enough left over I am treating the rug rats to the $1 menu at McDonalds!!
Yee haw!!!!!!!!!
:woohoo:
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Turnbaby, we all know how you feel about shoes.
Bec, it's a whole new world!
Stephanie, she's got the right idea!
TMP, very cool.
Richard, that sounds about right.
Kay, I think I need to see this femullet, too.
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I'm not into material things, so I probably wouldn't buy anything.
Maybe take a nice trip with my Gia. SHE likes material things.
Oh, I'd buy lots of drinks for my friends! :martini:
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BE Earl, even if you were being frivolous, you wouldn't be interested in material things?
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With shining shimmering splendour?
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I like steak. Not fucking cheapass Bonanza steak.
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This may not sound frivolous to 99.9% of you but $10K would allow me to go to Baltimore to get the medicare I deserve and not have to beg a jackass doctor in a small town to provide me with care.
And I'd buy a new Coach bag for the spring season.
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I'd plant my ass on a beach somewhere and wouldn't come home until I couldn't afford any more pina coladas.
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Minnesota: Can't leave yet, most of My People are here. And I'm all about My People.
P.S. Can't do Twitter. Too much OCD in my history.
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I read this post early this morning, and I still can't think of anything frivolous I'd spend the money on. But I can think of a zillion non-frivolous things, so maybe I'm just having trouble getting into a frivolous mindset at the moment.
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Any chance I could keep a Richard Gere-esqe gigolo on retainer? Or is that too '80s? I am considering becoming one of those sexually voracious "women of a certain age"
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10 gallons of gas if the current trend continues
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heh you really didn't think I was that kind of girl? I totally am, but keep in mind I wanted shoes, purses, and a PS3. The PS3 is the important part.
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I got it! I would buy a 1999 Toyota Celica convertible with a black top and a body that's in excellent shape, remove its transmission, engine, and everything else under the hood and replace them with brand new parts, and then get the car painted a pretty shade of deep plum/purple.
I'm seriously going to do that one day.
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Mock me if you will, I want to see Bette Midler in concert. Is that so wrong?
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Wait I changed my mind! I was talking to my sister about that car fantasy of mine and I got an even better idea than a purple paint job. The car is going to be white with a black convertible top and I'm going to have black polka dots painted all over the body to match the top!!!!!!!!!!!
Does it get anymore frivolous than a polka dot car?
I can't wait!
:woohoo:
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Bec, did you just quote Aladdin?
Poppy, yeah, me too.
Lisa, not Prada or Gucci?
Corrin, now there's a plan.
Jennifer, what does Twitter have to do with OCD?
Girl, Dislocated, you don't seem like a typically frivolous person.
Maman, a cougar, you mean?
Hockeyman, that's why I just teleport everywhere.
Amanda, ah, ok.
Girl, Dislocated, wow! That's awesome!
Tracy, it is. It's wrong on so many levels.
Girl, Dislocated, I think I like the purple idea better.
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Checking, my friend. I'm a "checker" (in recovery). With two kids, a big-ass St. Bernard, two cats, a consulting business, seven gardens, a husband, and so on and so forth, I have to keep my Things that Might Require Checking to a minimum or I risk going off the deep end. Anything to do with People and the Internet is dangerous territory. Blogs are enough. Had to kill The Facebook for that very reason. Okay…too much about my neurotic tendencies, so dull…anyway, thanks for crackin' me up everyday.
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Jennifer, there's a program called "twhirl" that pops up any new tweets on your desktop automatically so that need to check (which I also have) can be curbed.
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I think the cougars have their own disposable cash… I need the 10 grand.
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Plus, cougars are hot… and I am… me.
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Yes, I did. I' sorry. I'll go get the cane!
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You started it.
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Maman, maybe you're right.
Bec, the cane's only for fun times.
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