Thinking about yesterday’s post, I realized that I need to be a superhero.
First of all, I’ve already got the alliterative name. In the tradition of Peter Parker, Clark Kent, Wally West, John Jones, Lois Lane, Lana Lang, Lori Lemaris, Scott Summers, Bruce Banner, Bucky Barnes, and Max Mercury, a name like Adam Avitable clearly belongs in the comics.
Secondly, I’ve already got a whole array of superpowers:
1. I can make a plate of cheeseburgers disappear with super speed.
2. I’m invulnerable to trolls and insults.
3. I totally drive like Batman.
4. I can make the ground shake when I jump up and down.
5. Animals think I’m one of them and allow me to mix freely among them.
6. I can swim faster than a really slow, old turtle with only one flipper.
7. I can run faster than a snail on meth.
8. My toenails can cut through cloth like it’s butter.
9. My testicles have hypnotic abilities.
10. I can ejaculate with unerring aim.
I’ve also got a few weaknesses that my archnemesisesisiesisis can use against me to weaken me or even kill me:
2. A scale.
3. Small food that you have to eat with your hands or that has bones in it.
4. Bad smells.
Now all I need are two things.
First, a superhero name. SuperAvitable is too boring.
Second, a phrase to say while fighting crime. Some of the older heroes had really goofy things like “Mighty Zeus!” or “Great Gadzooks!”, but I think mine should be a bit more modern.
What are your suggestions for my superhero name and superphrase?