Fucking Brighthouse

If you’re seeing this, then this means that my fucking Internet is still down and I wasn’t able to write my post before midnight. If it wasn’t for my iPhone, I’d have no post at all!

So just pretend that I’ve written something extremely witty and hilarious and comment accordingly.

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60 Responses to Fucking Brighthouse

  1. bluepaintred says:

    HAHA FUCKER! This is what you get for being mean to Canadians! :lmao:

    Reply

  2. Dave2
    Twitter:
    says:

    But that’s what I always do.

    Reply

  3. Amanda
    Twitter:
    says:

    OMG Dude, that was hilarious! You are a true comic genius. And your penis is huge.

    Reply

  4. Mona Mildew says:

    So just pretend that I’ve written something extremely witty and hilarious and comment accordingly.

    And how is this different from the other 364 days of the year? :sexytime:

    Reply

  5. Sybil Law says:

    Best. Post. Ever.
    Hahahahaha
    Good luck with the internets. Fuckers.

    Reply

  6. you must be twitching something fierce! hope you are back up and running quickly.

    god bless the iphone!!

    Reply

  7. Mary says:

    Yeah, what Amanda said. Both times.

    Reply

  8. For fuck’s sake – I was going to say the same thing…. The Canadians control the world. Did you know???

    Reply

  9. TSM says:

    Wow. Sucks to be you. How am I supposed to get to sleep tonight? Thank God for batteries.

    Reply

  10. Karl says:

    Way to tell a story, man. Riveting.

    Reply

  11. martin says:

    I just laughed so much, I pissed my pants…you are a comic genius sir.

    Reply

  12. Chris says:

    Your wit and brilliance never cease to amaze me!

    Reply

  13. yoshi
    Twitter:
    says:

    Sheesh must be nice to have an iPhone. I’m so jealous. :P

    But that sucks that your internet is down. I sympathize.

    oh shit. I forgot I’m supposed to pretend. But wait. usually I don’t say anything at all. Crap, I messed it up.

    Reply

  14. Nina
    Twitter:
    says:

    I feel a little less bad about my seven word post from Saturday. So thanks for that.

    Reply

  15. Dan says:

    I think I’d rather have no water than no internet.

    Reply

  16. Mr. Fabulous says:

    Actually, I think this is some of your best work.

    Reply

  17. Zom says:

    got any more pics of *squirt* ADW and *squirt* Britt?
    I swear to god, if I cum one *squirt* more time ……I’m gonna ex *squirt* SPLODE!

    *BOOM*

    Reply

  18. DutchBitch says:

    IS IT WORKING YET!!!

    I thought I’d shout it out at ya, ya know, in case it still isn’t working and you can’t see this… you might at least be able to hear me…sorta…

    Reply

  19. Miss Britt
    Twitter:
    says:

    So then, I shouldn’t bother coming into work today?

    Reply

  20. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Coffee on my computer screen! Out my nose! Doubled over with laughter! Ty-man calling ambulance! Can’t breathe!

    Heh-hem. There. Was that good enough? :-)

    Reply

  21. NYCWD
    Twitter:
    says:

    And this makes today different how?

    :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

    Reply

  22. Some people say canada is america’s hat. I say they’re america’s ass-hat.

    Reply

  23. kapgar
    Twitter:
    says:

    buahahahahahahahahaha! Dude that was friggin’ hilarious!

    Oh wait…

    Reply

  24. golfwidow says:

    And they had the nerve to give the Pulitzer to Bob Dylan.

    Reply

  25. Avitable says:

    BPR, I know! Damn. I love Canadians, though!

    Dave, then carry on, good sir.

    Amanda, I like you the best.

    Mona, at least, this time, we’re both aware of it.

    Sybil, it’s fixed now!

    Hello, I just said fuck it and went to bed, but if it hadn’t been working this morning I would have been in withdrawal.

    Mary, you’re my second favorite.

    Claudia, I did not know that. Dayummmmmm.

    TSM, you read batteries instead of my post?

    Karl, I’m a weaver of tales.

    Martin, I accept this fake praise with full sincerity.

    Chris, me either!

    Yoshi, why don’t you go buy an iPhone then?

    Nina, anything to make you feel better.

    Dan, same here.

    Mr. Fabulous, I also think this is one of your best comments ever.

    Zom, are you lactating?

    DB, thanks for trying.

    Turnbaby, it’s more like I’m a dependent baby suckling at the teat of the ISP.

    Britt, I’ll fashion a crude internet out of cans and coconuts.

    CMG, that was superb. You deserve an Oscar.

    NYCWD, too bad you’re only like the fifth person to say that!

    Todd, I think they’re America’s sock.

    Kapgar, you started off strong, but your landing was weak.

    Golfwidow, I know. Bastards.

    Reply

  26. Em says:

    I’m with Dan. Who needs water?

    Reply

  27. turnbaby says:

    There’s no smiley for that.

    Oh wait like these? :boobs2:

    Reply

  28. B.E. Earl
    Twitter:
    says:

    This post was much better than my last one about how much I love rye toast, so no worries.

    Reply

  29. martin says:

    No Avey, I really did piss my pants. But thinking about it,I do that most mornings, so it may have had nothing to do with your wonderfully crafted post.

    Reply

  30. Poppy says:

    Someone is testy this morning.

    Reply

  31. Grant says:

    Finally – a short post. Dooce and the woman who spanked you would be proud.

    Reply

  32. metalmom says:

    Nobel prize-worthy! :thumbsup:

    Reply

  33. Finn
    Twitter:
    says:

    Now I just want to throw you down on the floor and fuck you silly. :sexytime:

    Reply

  34. Your post was sufficent and straight to the point.

    I find that extremely sexy.

    :boobs3:

    Reply

  35. Jennifer says:

    This is destined to become a classic. Kudos and congrats.

    Reply

  36. Poppy says:

    So, how much does it irk you that everyone loves this post so much, more so than pretty much any of your others?

    Oh, that’s right, you don’t get mad.

    Reply

  37. Turnbaby says:

    Betcha those review chics would like it :sex014:

    Reply

  38. Sarah is Ok says:

    That’s hilarious! But where’s the big (and I’m sure totally accurate) floor length penis on the little drawing guy?

    Reply

  39. Tracy says:

    OMG! ROTFLMAO! Awesome, dude…I don’t know how you continue to come up with the brilliant content!

    (Commenting accordingly, as per instructions. Hope your internet is back soon!)

    Reply

  40. Tracy Lynn
    Twitter:
    says:

    This post was so good, that I almost want to show you my tits.

    Almost. :finger:

    Reply

  41. Sybil Law says:

    You don’t love me… :crying:

    Reply

  42. Gwen says:

    Brilliant post. One of your best.

    Reply

  43. I’m never reading this blog again.

    Never.

    If you can’t post daily, it’s not worth my time.

    But, I guess if I can put up porno smilies, I’ll stick around.

    :sex011: :sex014: :sex014: :boobs4: :boobs3: :boobs3:

    Reply

  44. Keith M says:

    OMG. I cant remember the last blog that sucked this much.

    Reply

  45. AmyD says:

    Brighthouse has been acting up a bit around here. The internet is fine but for whatever reason the cable is acting strange.

    Reply

  46. amanda says:

    omg fucking BRILLIANT…i never knew how much you loved me… ;)

    Reply

  47. Crys says:

    i am sitting here with my homefires burning. missing you, omg. MISSING YOU.

    Reply

  48. Avitable says:

    Em, exactly. As long as I have my Diet Coke.

    Turnbaby, close enough.

    BE Earl, but rye toast is awesome!

    Martin, aw, that’s too bad.

    Poppy, testes?

    Grant, that’s my goal!

    Metalmom, and I should get a Perfect Post Award, too.

    Finn, that’s common. There’s a pill for that.

    TMP, me too. I’m touching myself now.

    Jennifer, it will be discussed for generations to come.

    Poppy, it was also an experiment of mine. And why would that make me mad?

    Turnbaby, maybe. It might still be too long for them.

    Sarah, he’s dressed.

    Tracy, it’s back up. Finally.

    Tracy Lynn, damn. I’ll try harder next time.

    Sybil, where’d that come from? Why not?

    Gwen, I thought so.

    Angie, porno smilies rock.

    Keith, I know, right? So’s your face!

    AmyD, they had no explanation for why everything went out last night.

    Amanda, it’s all about you, isn’t it? :)

    Crystal, I’m back!

    Reply

  49. Poppy says:

    I refuse to answer your questions.

    Reply

  50. Sybil Law says:

    You love Amanda the best, and Mary is your second favorite. Poor me. :crying:
    Don’t mind me… this shoulda gone with your vagina post… I am hormonal. I feel like Britt’s been kicking me in the stomach AND back.
    It’s okay, though – I still love you… and I still plan to send you a package, but I want it to be a surprise. (Don’t get all excited, ’cause it ain’t that exciting!)
    Time for soccer practice! Whipppeeeee!

    Reply

  51. L says:

    :cocksuck2: :sex007: :sex011: :boobs3:

    I see your T’interweb is working again

    The post still makes me want to suckle at your huge balls

    Reply

  52. L says:

    :cocksuck2: :sex007: :sex011: :boobs3:

    I see your T’interweb is working again

    The post still makes me want to suckle at your huge balls :cock:

    Reply

  53. Laura
    Twitter:
    says:

    How’s this:

    “BWAAAHAHAHAHAAA!!! ROFLMAO!!!”

    Reply

  54. Maria
    Twitter:
    says:

    I’m absolutely dazzled by your wit.

    Reply

  55. You are sooo cute I want to shrink you down to the size of a jelly bean and carry you around me me in my ear to tell me funny stories like that whenever I need a little laugh.

    Reply

  56. I am guessing you got some sort of internet back. grats.

    Reply

  57. y2k survivor says:

    It’s nice to know it aint just happening to me. YOu know I went out, got a whole new ISP, dumped my home phone, turned on the new system and had no signal for 24 hours. Ooops, goof up on the guy who installed it.

    Reply

  58. Nobody™ says:

    Fuckers. I had a shitty cable internet provider once. Fortunately there is a second cable provider here and I was able to escape. Until the punk next door started downloading porn 24×7 and made it slow.

    Reply

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