Lazy Sunday XXXV

You can find last week's answers and contest winner in an extended entry, but now it's time for today's Lazy Sunday contest! This week's prize is a Motor-Powered Self-Twirling Spaghetti Fork!

Everyone has a chance at winning, so don't be shy! The questions may be hard, but everyone who's between the ages of 16 and 80 should be able to get at least one correct – I promise.

The rules:

It's very simple. Every answer contains a reference to a movie, a television show, or a song. Just guess as many as you can – some will be laughably easy and some will be very difficult. You have two chances to comment with your answers.

Every correct answer is like a raffle ticket – you get one chance to win per correct answer. If you get 1 right, your name goes in the proverbial hat. If you get 10 right, your name goes in ten times. Et cetera.

The contest ends Tuesday at midnight EST. I'll give the correct answers and the winner on the following Sunday.

Ready? Here we go!


1. If you were to attend a costume party tonight, as what or whom would you go?
I'd go dressed provocatively, but then probably just throw a sheet over top and be a ghost.

2. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling?
I am a proponent of propane when it comes to grilling.

3. You are chosen to have lunch with the President. The condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask?
Do you want option 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5? Hint – try 4.

4. It’s your first day of vacation, what are you doing?
Flying to LA to meet my wife. God, I hate flying.

5. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies?
A Snickers. But I eat it with a fork and knife.

6. What do you think Captain Hook’s name was before he had a hook for a hand?
Hookstable? Or maybe it just sounded like that.

7. How long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding?
Well, we never really had a first date. I found my wife when she fell off of a cruise ship.

8. Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?
Actually, the worst thing is when you hallucinate and hear "I'll Tumble For Ya".

9. What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person?
I prefer someone who thinks like everyone else, and then can point at people who are different and scream in an unnatural voice.

10. At the good old general store, what particular kind of candy would you expect to be in the big jar at the counter?
Reese's Pieces.

11. What is the most distinguishing landmark in your city?
It used to be the Statue of Liberty, but her head is in the middle of Manhattan now.

12. Everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other?
When people talk about their hobbies collecting spores, molds, and fungus.

13. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test?
Only once, although I was having trouble keeping track of the visions in my eyes without my sunglasses.

14. What food item would need to be removed from the market altogether in order for you to live a healthier, longer life?
The Old 96er.

15. What would you rather have, a nanny, a housekeeper, a cook, or a chauffeur?
Since I can cook, I wouldn't need a cook. My kids are old enough not to need nannies. How about a hot, proud Mexican housekeeper?


And here are the answers and winners from last week's contest :

Here are the questions and answers:

1. Would you kill your neighbor?
The Klopeks? Sure. They're a bunch of creepy fuckers.
I'd have to guess that those of you who got this one Googled this. Those are neighbors from The Burbs.

2. What’s one word that describes your last fight?
Ridiculous. Someone threw a pillow in my face in a hospital room and it almost smothered me.
This was a tough one for you – nothing to Google! It's from Naked Gun when Lt. Frank Drebin walks in on a would-be assassin trying to kill Nordberg in a hospital room.

3. What were you doing ten minutes ago?
Sliding through the house in my underwear and socks and Ray-Bans.
Easy, easy – how did some of you not guess Risky Business?

4. Do you carve pumpkins every year?
No – I don't want to blaspheme The Great Pumpkin.
Another piece of cake one – It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.

5. What's your favorite season?
The winter. Although it's hell going through the giant hedge maze when it snows.
All work and no play makes it hard for Jack to kill his family in The Shining.

6. How are you feeling right now?
I feel like I'm going to die, but falling into the pool facefirst might make me feel better.
I'm impressed that any of you got this. I thought it was going to be hard! It's talking about Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

7. What did you do this weekend?
I cut out pictures of my girlfriend and glued them to my coathangers in my closet.
Lloyd does this in the beginning of Better Off Dead.

8. What is the last thing you touched?
Well, I touched the ear of this guy I was going out on a date with, and then touched my hair.
I really thought that the simple act of touching someone's ear and then their own hair would be too subtle, but many of you figure out that this is from There's Something About Mary.

9. Have you ever been called a punk?
No, but I've been called a toaster.
In Battlestar Galactica, a "toaster" is a pejorative term for a Cylon.

10. Do you have a favorite number?
1.21
1.21 jigowatts! Back to the Future, of course. And Shiny pointed out that it was supposed to be gigawatts, but the speaker that the producers and writers listened to mispronounced it "jigawatts".

11. Do you hate anyone/anything?
Well I hate that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out.
This is obviously the reversal of the scene in When Harry Met Sally when Harry tells Sally all the quirks he loves about her.

12. If you could meet anyone who would it be?
Well, I'd want to meet and fight William Shatner.
Ed Norton's character (I met him – he's awesome) says this in Fight Club.

13. Last time you went out to lunch?
At a polo match when my friend's friend found out I was a hooker.
More of you got this than I expected. I guess Pretty Woman was popular enough that a lot of people remember it this well.

14. Say you were given a drug test right now.
You might find out that I've sucked dick for coke.
Bob Saget says this in an uncredited cameo in Half-Baked. Best line ever.

15. Do people ever spell your name wrong?
Nah. It's an easy one – Nahasapeemapetilon.
This is Apu's last name on The Simpsons. Shame on you for not knowing this one.

Here's how I chose the winner:

First, I entered everyone's answers into a spreadsheet, giving 1 point for each correct answer and 0 points for each wrong answer. The total number of points equaled the person's "raffle tickets" for the drawing.

Then I created a randomized list using Random.org of every "raffle ticket" – basically each person's name was repeated as many times as they had right answers. This gave me a random list of 260 entries.

Finally, using Random.org again, I asked it to generate a random integer between 1 and 260. It chose #27.

#27 is my winner.

Would you like to know who that is?

(drumroll please)

Mike from LeSombre!

Congratulations – you win a R/C Helicopter! Email me to confirm your win and give me your address. The rest of you, thank you for playing, and try your luck with today's contest!

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