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posted by 
Wednesday, April 23, 2008 @ 12:00 am
filed under Dirty talk 
tagged avitable, bil keane, cartoons, clusterfuck, comedy, family circus, humor, jeff keane
hahahahahahahahhahahaha
I think I should get some credit for that "would it fucking kill him to wash up after himself" bit. I'm sure that's a direct quote from me.
Comments by Miss Britt
oh the morning giggles.... thanks...
Comments by bubblewench
Why is it that I can see you as the youngest kid toting the teddy bear in the first comic? I love the sex offender one.
Comments by kapgar
HAHAHA. He's a sex offender! I knew it!
Comments by Nobody™
Ha ha ha ha Dysfunctional Family Circus!
Comments by Karen Sugarpants
That sounds exactly what kids would be repeating, if it was set in the real world!
Good job!
Comments by themuttprincess
Love the wet pussy one! And the "fucking bathroom" - genius!
Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
Awesome! I love this kind of parody–the 'wet pussy' thing is making me giggle.
Comments by Turnbaby
Comments by Robin
I'm not sure how it happened, but it did; I'm hooked on the avitable. There was no post here earlier this morning and it felt wrong. And now that it's here I can go on with my day. Thank you.
Comments by Em
Additionally, I would like to say that Turnbaby looks like Michelle Pfeiffer in that picture.
Comments by Em
The sex offender one is my favorite
Comments by Kyra
OMG, too funny!!
Comments by Trishk
I HATE Family Circus with a passion! It was one of those cartoons where you're like, "WHY IS THIS STILL HERE? AND FOR SO LONG??"
But thankfully, it has been updated.
Comments by Jessica
You are a genius! This was never my favorite growing up... but now I think it is!
Comments by Mindy
Just when I had finally declared, once and for all, that "Family Circus" could never, ever, amuse me.
Comments by golfwidow
Brilliant. Loved this!
Comments by MsBatman
Wow Adam, THIS really sucked.
Comments by RW
On the one hand, I am applauding you because these are awesome, and on the other hand I am kicking my ass for not thinking of it first...
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
The Family Circus.
"And it's always there, in the lower right hand corner, just waiting to suck." - not anymore. Thanks!
Comments by B.E. Earl
Family Circus? Really? Is nothing sacred?
Here's hoping.
Comments by Dave2
Hahaha, my favorite is the "would it kill him to wash up after himself" one...classic!
Comments by Hilly
The Xanax one is my favorite, I love child drug dealers. They give the best prices.
Comments by Amanda
It's gone beyond attraction now. I love you. Dump the wife and run away with me. Or you can bring her too...
Comments by Finn
wow. for the first time ever, family circus made me laugh.
Good Job!
Comments by bluepaintred
It's a major improvement, although I can suggest an even better caption for #4: "I tried to kiss Susie on the playground, but she wouldn't take off her pants. Naturally I killed and anally raped the bitch in that order. Then the teacher saw and said I crossed some arbitrary 'line' and started to spank me so, naturally, I killed and anally raped the bitch in that order."
On second thought, it's too long and kind of hard to believe a kid that age would know a word like "arbitrary". Stick with yours.
Comments by Grant
You have officially made my week. #1 is my favorite, for reasons I won't get into, because then a certain family member would kill me.
Comments by Mary
Great stuff...I've been reading Family Circus since I was a wee tyke. They're still cute, but I like the edgy version better.
Comments by Karl
Britt, I think it might be. Although there would probably be a "dumbass" in there, too.
Bubblewench, that's better than morning gas.
Kapgar, it's so true, though.
Nobody, he always looked shifty.
Karen, there's a whole group of ones out there that are called that, too.
TMP, the kids would actually age, too.
Heather, I bet your kids will sound just like that, too.
Turnbaby, such a giggler!
Robin, about time? But I try so hard!
Em, yeah, my blog didn't publish it at midnight like it was supposed to.
Kyra, that's the most frightening one to me because it seems to close to reality.
TrishK, well, at the least, they're better than the originals.
Jessica, the new ones actually aren't as horrible - they're a bit darker.
Mindy, you were more of a Gasoline Alley fan, weren't you?
Golfwidow, it's a resilient strip.
MsBatman, thanks!
RW, there's no pleasing some people. Some cranky old men people.
Mr. Fabulous, well, I got the idea from you and your Normal Rockwell captions, which I still plan on stealing.
BE Earl, is that a quote from something?
Dave, just wait until my Elizabeth Hurley LOLBrits.
Hilly, that's my favorite, too.
Amanda, and you can beat them up if they won't give you a good price, too.
Finn, she'll come, too.
BPR, Bil Keane is probably rolling over in his grave. If he's dead.
Grant, your line is much better.
Karl, have you seen the new ones by his son? They are a bit edgier, too.
Comments by Avitable
Mary, that one was dedicated to one of my relatives, too.
Comments by Avitable
This is just wrong. "Family Circus" is an American tradition. You are an American, aren't you, comrade?
Just kidding. Those were funny. Kind of sick and twisted in its own way, but then...isn't that what we come here for?
J.
Comments by Hoosier Girl
Fucking bathroom. That's hilarious. I just learned from Bossy last night that I've been saying (in my head) your name wrong all this time.
Comments by Ok, Where Was I?
These are all priceless! I've never heard of Family Circus, I guess we didn't ever get it over here, I want more!!
Comments by Penelope
Uh oh, I hear Bil Keane has a crack lawyer team that hunts down people like you for things like this. The penalty if convicted is horrific. You have to read EVERY Family Circus ever published! I'll visit you in the funny farm - if you don't kill yourself first.
Comments by Jeff
Kissing Daddie's boy part made me giggle outloud.. :)
Comments by Sandi
That Xanax one... heeeee lair eee us.
Comments by AmyD
i larrfed at the xanax one too, Amy
Comments by Crys
Actually I was more of a fan of Calvin and Hobbes... that comic rocked!
Comments by Mindy
Is the foul-mouthed child my eldest darling?
Comments by Maman
That was awesome! I loved the fucking bathroom one too (I think it's been all women who felt that way, heh).
Comments by MyWeeWorld
Nice, very nice. I didn't wrinkle my nose even once - you should give Fabbie lessons!
Comments by On a Limb with Claudia
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Comments by Sybil Law
HG, just kind of sick and twisted?
Sarah, you didn't see the instructional video? http://youtube.com/watch?v=w_AE75lK7oY
Penelope, you haven't been missing out. The originals are horrible.
Jeff, Bil Keane is a vicious old bastard.
Sandi, that's what I called a penis until I was 30.
AmyD, and so true, too!
Crystal, that's just because that's how Lee makes extra money!
Mindy, yes, it did. I have the complete collection and love it.
Maman, probably.
MyWeeWorld, what, men can't feel that way too?
Claudia, Fab makes you wrinkle your nose?
Sybil, you should print them out and put them on your fridge.
Comments by Avitable
Yes! Good idea! I really will.
Comments by Sybil Law
YOU'VE CHANELLED FAB, and I.LOVE.IT!!
Comments by Tug
Marvelous stuff. I vote garfield next
Comments by Dan
Heh. The photo one was classic! Some parent somewhere has had to explain a photo like that before.
Comments by Winter
Guffaw!
Comments by Laura
Bra-vo!!
Comments by metalmom
Eventually. Yes. Apparently that isn't so in cartoons.
Comments by themuttprincess
Oh so THAT's Family Circus! Glad to see you are showing those of us that missed out on this treat. It's so modern and up to date. Dare I say 'hip' and 'with it'?
The Sex Offender one is going up on my desk at work! With your permission, obviously...!
Comments by Bec
I think my childhood totally died with this post.
Comments by Brandon
Sybil, maybe you're not such a soccer mom after all . . . :D
Tug, how do you know Fab didn't channel me?
Dan, I was thinking about that, actually.
Winter, that parent is you, isn't it?
Laura, snicker!
Metalmom, grazie.
TMP, or maybe they're just horrible malformed midgets.
Bec, of course you have my permission!
Brandon, oh, c'mon. It was dead long before that.
Comments by Avitable
Better than the originals!
Comments by Lynda
I ASSumed because he came first.
Comments by Tug
Lynda, that's not hard, though. The originals were horrible!
Tug, wait, by "channel", you meant "perform oral sex on", right?
Comments by Avitable
absolutely - that's why he came first.
Comments by Tug
I wish the bakery would deliver to MY house while I was cleaning cum stains off my shower walls. Lucky fuckers!
Comments by Zom
Thanks Avi. They put a smile on my dial !
Comments by CharlieDaniels (TBU)
I wonder if mommy's got any Percs heh heh.
I'm with Mindy, do Calvin & Hobbs next.
Comments by Trukindog
Love it, love it, love it. Sadly, my head is swimming after yelling at my kids all evening like a shrill biotch, that it took a while to understand the DUI one. Sad. Pathetic. My Berkeley education is squandered on this life of screeching, bitching, and whines. Makes me a perfect Mommy blogger, eh? Thanks for the laugh tonight. I needed it.
Comments by Scout's Honor
Put this in a time capsule for
5015 years and see if it doesn't blend in perfectly with future comics.Comments by Girl, Dislocated
This was the first time I ever actually enjoyed Family Circus. Bravo!
Comments by Gwen
Per the Family Circus quote...
Yeah...it's from a scene with Timothy Olyphant and Katie Holmes in the movie "Go".
Comments by B.E. Earl
if there was ever a need for a reason as to why i love you as much as i do, this is it. fantastic.
Comments by hello haha narf
I couldn't wait up till Midnight last night, you big tease, but finally got around to checking out the much-heralded post. Hil-flippin-larious. Recaptioning ees berry funny. I likey!
Comments by Meg
These were hilarious. I'm pretty sure they made me pee my pants. Love the last one.
Comments by Amanda (Shamelessly Sassy)
Tug, he usually does. No lasting power.
Zom, I know. I'd order a cake right now.
Charlie, glad to help.
Trukindog, I might just have to.
Scout's, well, Berkeley is a place of hippies and nutjobs, to be fair.
Girl, Dislocated, I agree.
Gwen, good to hear!
BE Earl, I love that movie - haven't seen it in a while, though.
Hello, and your post was a reason to love you!
Meg, well, you missed it. It wasn't this post - it was the one before it. With the feet.
Amanda, pretty sure? Are you sitting in water?
Comments by Avitable
Wow, I'm actually impressed. As soon as I read the first one, and saw that there would be more, I immediately braced myself for an onslaught of offensive pictures and scenarios that would make my skin crawl while simultaneously making me laugh inside.
But you only did the 2nd half.
Nice job!
Comments by whall
Wayne, I'll try harder next time.
Comments by Avitable