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Well, fuck me sideways

It was yesterday. Around 11 AM. We’re sitting out on my porch and Britt is smoking (loudly, as usual).

Me: “It’s too bad that we’re flying in on Saturday instead of Friday.”

Britt: “I know! SHMMMACKPOOOOOFFFF! So many people are getting there tomorrow instead!”

Me: “Well, we’ll still have plenty of fun. We’ll only be missing Friday night, basically.”

Britt: “Yeah, but SNOZARARSHMOONNNNNPHHHAA! all of the cool people are going to be there Friday!”

Me: “I wonder how much it would cost to change our tickets?”

Britt: “That’s brilliant!” She punches me in the arm. “Go find out! MMMMARRZZZZPHOOOMMM!”

Me: “Well, yeah, but how will your kids get home from daycare? Jared works until 7 tom-”

Britt: “Fuck it! We’ll figure it out. Maybe I’ll just give Devin the keys to the car. PHHHHANNNNPHHHARRRGGHHHZZ! Go find out!”

Me: “But shouldn’t we figure out the details firs-”

Britt: “Fuck no! Go find out!” She punches me again. “SHARMMMMMPHOOOONNNNNKOW!”

Me: “But-”

Britt: “Do it, bitch! I will stab you in your nose! WWWHHHOOOOOORRMMMMAPHOO!”

So, an hour on the phone and $360 later, instead of having all day today to plan my trip to Tequilacon and pack, I only had last night.

As you can imagine, I probably won’t be replying to comments today or this weekend. I have, however, added a Twitter widget to the right of my blog, and I plan on tweeting regularly, so you can keep updated on the site, or just follow me.

See you all Monday!

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39 Replies to “Well, fuck me sideways”

  1. hello haha narf

    sweet baby jeebus, you follow over 200 people on twitter?!??!?! dammit, you are also one of THEM. i might not pick you up at the airport. freak.

    (are you going to sneak into our room and try to get photos of me and britt and hilly snuggling?)

  2. RW

    “What’s Tequilacon?” He asked enigmatically.

    ON EDIT: Oh and what was that thing you sent me for “Twitter” a week or two ago? I clicked OK or whatever. Now what do I do?

  3. kapgar

    I was about to ask how one smokes loudly, but then you onomatopoeized (sp?) the action and I can totally imagine it now. Jesus Christ, Britt, smoke with your mouth closed. That’s disgusting. :loser:

  4. Avitable

    Amanda, hopefully.

    Shelli, I’ll just look for my shadow.

    Karl, I’ve got it.

    Hello, I don’t have your cell, I don’t think. Email it to me, will ya?

    Hello, I follow Dooce because it’s a good way to know your enemy.

    BE Earl, well, it is called TequilaCon, so I guess we’ll see.

    RW, you know what TC is – you’ve been reading Dave’s blog long enough. If not, try Google. And Twitter is an app where people can post from their phone or computer and give short updates on what they’re doing. You follow people who Twitter, and it becomes one long, continuous conversation. Very interesting.

    Trukindog, that’s my plan too.

    DB, that’s exactly what she sounds like!

    Girl, Dislocated, well, for two flights.

    Charissa, as long as my leaky brain doesn’t forget them.

    Whall, “Clever,” he said with heavy sarcasm.

    Jake, who’s Zon? And why am I booing him?

    Jared, I know! I’ll have to go see it in Philly.

    Bubblewench, sounds good.

    M.A.D., try Google.

    Britt, you called me brilliant. Or was it highly reflective? I don’t remember now.

    Hilly, you mean gush literally, right? Like from your vagina?

    Kapgar, oh, that is with her mouth closed – that’s just how she sucks it in. It’s pretty hilarious.

  5. Gwen

    POOOOOOOOP!!!!! I can’t believe I’m not going to be there. I was scheduled to go and then got roped into a conferencre call today. I’m hosting a Cinco de Mayo party tomorrow just to keep from crying all day. I may have to stop reading blogs this weekend.

  6. RW

    Well of course I know what it really is, silly, I’m trying to be an enigma and you’re NOT helping. My avatar has his back turned. See? Enigmatic.

    But I am confused about Twitter. You sent me an email invite and I signed on but I have no real idea what I’m supposed to do with it. And that is NOT me kidding.

  7. Crys

    ah, two versions of the same event — we used to see this all the time on sitcoms, if you recall. it doesn’t matter who happens to be correct, it just matters that you take lots of photos of Miss Britt drunk!

  8. Avitable

    Gwen, conference call? That’s your excuse?

    RW, Twitter is a way to keep up on the inanities of life even more than a blog.

    Crystal, I will!

    Maria, she just inhales and puffs out really loudly.

    TMP, I’ll try.

    Yoshi, me too!

    Robin, you can make it up here, can’t you? It’s not that far.

    Sybil, nobody has anything worth blackmailing, though.

    Tracy, it’s true, too.

    Ok, Where Was I, they are both correct.

    Turnbaby, will do!

  9. Avitable

    Stephanie, hopefully you’ll keep this blog longer than the other.

    Dave, you should be – we had tons more fun than you two!

    BB, there’s always next year.

    Poppy, Friday was definitely equally fun.

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