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Quizvitable

Stole this idea from the lovely and amazing Hilly:

How well do you know Avitable? Here’s a quiz just for you, to see if you’re just a minor Avitafan, a hardcore Avitageek, or Britt. And as an incentive, the person who guesses the most correct answers will win a 6-pack of Avitable condoms!

It’s time to test your Avitaknowledge . . .

1. I don’t drink alcohol because:
A. I never drank alcohol and don’t like the taste
B. I actually do drink, but only when alone
C. I used to drink and didn’t like losing control
D. I’m allergic to alcohol

2. Which of the following does NOT skeeve me out:
A. Food with bones
B. Food you eat with your hands
C. Spiders
D. Shrimp

3. I don’t do this activity in real life as much as you would expect:
A. Swear
B. Strip down naked
C. Masturbate
D. Eat cheeseburgers

4. I’m pretty hard on people I don’t know, but I’ll take it easy on this specific type of person:
A. Funny people with New York accents
B. Strippers
C. Older people who smell like cookies
D. Cute, young, petite girls

5. I’m the most sensitive about which of my defects:
A. My weight
B. My hair loss
C. My control freak personality
D. My hanging testicles

6. I go swimming . . .
A. Naked
B. In my underwear because I don’t own a bathing suit
C. It depends on who’s here
D. Are you kidding? I catch fire in the sun. I never swim.

7. How many times have I been arrested?
A. Once
B. Never
C. Four times
D. Twice, but one was when I was a minor

8. Who has made me cry as an adult?
A. My father
B. Amy
C. My mother
D. Avril Lavigne

9. I like animals better than people.
A. True
B. False

10. I have some big, deep, dark secret that I will never blog about.
A. True
B. False


A few totally not-at-all related side points: (not related in anyway to Kapgar’s TUAs)

First, today is the 23rd birthday of the brilliant and wonderful Crystal! She’s recently shut down her blog, and I don’t know if she wants me to link to her new one, so take a minute and leave her a birthday wish in the comments. EDIT: Apparently, it’s actually tomorrow, the 9th, but I got my days screwed up! Oh well, wish her a Happy Birthday anyway!

Secondly, if you want to make sure that you get to enjoy an Avitable condom even if you can’t win one, here is a picture suitable for your desktop wallpaper! Just click the small thumbnail, and then right-click on the resulting picture and “Set as desktop wallpaper”.

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71 Replies to “Quizvitable”

  1. hello haha narf

    happy birthday crys!! you are gorgeous in that photo…just beautiful.

    (p.s. in an effort not to be greedy because you gave me a few condoms in philly, i’ll not enter the contest. although i have to admit, i was pleasantly surprised by how many i knew. so how come there was no reference to the great pumpkin, avi brown? i’m still in awe of hilly for getting you with that one. hehe)

  2. Em

    I don’t need any condoms, although they are quite cute. But I will play – just for fun.

    1. You no longer drink because you don’t like losing control.
    2. Shrimp does not bother you in the least.
    3. You do not strip down naked as much as we’d expect.
    4. You always go easy on cute, young, petite girls.
    5. You are most sensitive about your hair loss.
    6. You never swim
    7. You’ve never been arrested
    8. Amy
    9. True
    10. True

  3. NYCWD

    1)C
    2)A
    3)A
    4)D
    5)B
    6)C
    7)A
    8)B
    9)A – doesn’t everybody?
    10)A – again, doesn’t everybody?

    BTW… I don’t need the condoms… but I admit they are by far one of the cleverest marketing ideas for a blog I’ve seen yet.

    Happy Birthday Crys!!!

  4. jenny

    OK – I’m going to answer these w/o looking at any other comments, but will admit I’m guessing on most (all):
    1. C.
    2. B
    3. A.
    4. A.
    5. C.
    6. D.
    7. B.
    8. A
    9. B.
    10. B.

  5. Avitable

    Amanda, and you can’t even guess?

    BPR, you don’t know Crystal? She had the best video posts ever.

    Zom, thanks for entering!

    Jay, she is, too, isn’t she?

    Kim, hi! Thanks for delurking!

    Bre, you know, I just now put your face together with your Gravatar – how did I not recognize you?

    Hello, why wouldn’t you at least give me your guesses? And the pumpkin thing was too hard to explain.

    Turnbaby, it was horrible and involved semen and post-coitus vaginas.

    Bubblewench, you don’t want to know about the pumpkin.

    Cap, thanks for playing!

    Em, you don’t want a collectible novelty condom? You can blow them up as balloons!

    Mr. Fabulous, what, no birthday wishes for Crystal? Bastard.

    Amanda, maybe I’ll do that!

    TrishK, did you just answer all “C” on purpose?

    Sandi, thanks for guessing!

    Kapgar, well, none of our appetizers had bones, and I can handle breaded things with my fingers, but not things that are greasy or have sauce or anything.

    LMSS, you can use them as balloons! And you did pretty well with your guesses!

    Metalmom, yay for St. Francis!

    NYCWD, oh, I think you need the condoms, and I don’t know that everybody has a deep, dark secret.

    Jenny, you have all year to get to know me well until next year’s TC!

  6. Miss Britt

    1. You don’t drink because you are a control freak (C)
    2. Spiders. You have food issues.
    3. Swear. This still amazes me. Oddly enough, you didn’t even realize this until I pointed it out to you.
    4. Cute, young, petite girls. Especially if they are waitresses. Even if they are SHITTY FUCKING WAITRESSES AND DO NOT DESERVE YOUR LENIANCY!!!!

    Ahem.

    5. I’m sorry – are we allowed to talk about you going bald now??
    6. You go swimming naked except when someone is here, and then you do it in your underwear. So – C
    7. You’ve never been arrested. How that is, I don’t know. But you’re damn lucky. Fucking perv.
    8. The only person who has made you cry is your mother. Who you say I remind you of. AWESOME.
    9. Well, you THINK you like animals better than people. But then again, you’ve never forced me to wear a dorky fucking sweater against my will… so I don’t know.
    10. You don’t even blog about your real life, let alone your big, deep, dark secretS. Now, if only I could get you to stop telling them to ME.

    And I don’t want your ridiculously lubey condoms. However, if I win, I would kindly ask that you QUIT TELLING ME YOUR DIRTY FUCKING SECRETS! Because damn dude. Nightmares.

  7. Miss Britt

    Oh. I’m sorry. Avitable has informed me that I was wrong about #10 because he has no big dark secrets.

    Ahem.

    If that is true, then there should be NO problem with me describing the existence and/or contents of The Box.

    Right?

    Show of hands. Who wants to hear about The Box?

  8. Hoosier Girl

    I’m not even going to pretend I know the answers to these. Not because I don’t care, but because I have a horrible memory! :loser: And I don’t need the condoms – I’ve done enough to repopulate the planet, so I’ve shut the factory down permanently.

    Happy Birthday to Crystal, who looks way too sad for someone so young and pretty.

    If you want to see some awesome pictures of my family, check out my blog today. Have a great Thursday.

    J.

  9. Hilly

    Yeah I will have to do this without reading Britt’s reply just so I am genuinely WRONG when I am wrong πŸ˜‰

    1. I don’t drink alcohol because:
    C. I used to drink and didn’t like losing control

    2. Which of the following does NOT skeeve me out:
    C. Spiders

    3. I don’t do this activity in real life as much as you would expect:
    A. Swear

    4. I’m pretty hard on people I don’t know, but I’ll take it easy on this specific type of person:
    D. Cute, young, petite girls

    5. I’m the most sensitive about which of my defects:
    B. My hair loss

    6. I go swimming . . .
    D. Are you kidding? I catch fire in the sun. I never swim.

    7. How many times have I been arrested?
    B. Never

    8. Who has made me cry as an adult?
    B. Amy

    9. I like animals better than people.
    A. True

    10. I have some big, deep, dark secret that I will never blog about.
    A. True
    B. False

  10. Finn

    I’m not even attempting these… I haven’t been reading long enough. Although looking at Britt’s answers I’d have done fairly well. Apparently you’re not nearly as mysterious as you think you are.

    Happy Birthday Crystal. Twenty-three? Bitch. :rose:

  11. Winter

    Happy birthday Crystal, even though I don’t know you. B-day wishes are always great, even from strangers.

    1. I don’t drink alcohol because:
    C. I used to drink and didn’t like losing control

    2. Which of the following does NOT skeeve me out:
    C. Spiders

    3. I don’t do this activity in real life as much as you would expect:
    C. Masturbate

    4. I’m pretty hard on people I don’t know, but I’ll take it easy on this specific type of person:
    B. Strippers

    5. I’m the most sensitive about which of my defects:
    B. My hair loss

    6. I go swimming . . .
    C. It depends on who’s here

    7. How many times have I been arrested?
    B. Never

    8. Who has made me cry as an adult?
    C. My mother

    9. I like animals better than people.
    A. True

    10. I have some big, deep, dark secret that I will never blog about.
    A. True

    I totally glommed on everyone else’s answers. Well, that I chose based on what I would choose for some of em.

  12. Avitable

    Britt, but the cute waitresses are so cute! It’s okay if they take a little longer, I’m sure they had a good reason. And are you talking about the Box where I keep everyone’s soul? Because that’s totally not a secret.

    HG, oh, you want the condoms – they have my face on them!

    NYCWD, Britt likes to invent secrets that don’t exist.

    Hilly, not too bad. Thanks for letting me steal your idea! And #10 is False!

    Finn, I’m totally mysterious!

    Y not I, thanks for entering!

    Winter, how many of these did you steal from Britt? She didn’t get them all right, though.

  13. Coal Miner's Granddaughter

    Oh, hell. Another friggin’ pop quiz. I didn’t study, Adam Heath! Gad. OK, here goes,

    1. E – When I drink, Britt smacks me in the balls.
    2. E – Bulls’ testicles
    3. E – Punch Britt in the boobs.
    4. E – Chronic masturbaters and comic book readers.
    5. E – My gigantic cock.
    6. E – In a chicken suit.
    7. E – 3 times for indecent exposure
    8. E – Heather and her sensitive and well-written post about sitting at the kids’ table.
    9. Neither – I actually prefer plants and rocks.
    10. Neither – This isn’t my blog – I’m not Avitable.

    How’d I do? :loser:

  14. hello haha narf

    ok fucker. i’ll answer. and if i win i totally want the condoms. so there.

    1. I don’t drink alcohol because:
    C. I used to drink and didn’t like losing control (you fucking massive control loving freak you)

    2. Which of the following does NOT skeeve me out:
    C. Spiders (the fuckers should bother you, they are tiny…how about dude next to me at airport bar is eating chicken wings and i skeeved a little for you!)

    3. I don’t do this activity in real life as much as you would expect:
    A. Swear (i don’t think i heard it too much in philly)

    4. I’m pretty hard on people I don’t know, but I’ll take it easy on this specific type of person:
    D. Cute, young, petite girls (this is either a or d, but since you were nice to the terrible redhead at tequilacon, i’ll go with d)

    5. I’m the most sensitive about which of my defects:
    B. My hair loss (bald is sexy…when the time comes, shave it all off and you will still be gorgeous)

    6. I go swimming . . .
    D. Are you kidding? I catch fire in the sun. I never swim. (you have a pool which makes me think you swim, but i don’t know what you wear. i would hope you go nakey. this one is a total guess)

    7. How many times have I been arrested?
    B. Never (?? you seem like such a nice guy when i met you. yeah, i said it. nice. xoxo)

    8. Who has made me cry as an adult?
    C. My mother (??)

    9. I like animals better than people.
    A. True (dolphin boy)

    10. I have some big, deep, dark secret that I will never blog about.
    A. True

  15. Lynda

    Poppy, yeah, but they skeeve me out, especially when they’re cold and prepared as a cocktail appetizer. I start thinking about the vein of poop down their back. Ugh!

    Order it deveined. In fact, I thought it usually came deveined. I have sent shrimp back if it has a vein in it.

  16. Tori

    I find it eye opening to think about how much I really DON’T know my blogroll… it’s like saying I knew Chandler, Ross, Joey, Pheobe, Rachel & Monica…

    weird realization…

  17. Mike

    Awww, CMG beat me to it. Damn my 3 martinis lunches. Anyways…

    1. I don’t drink alcohol because:
    E. There’s none around.

    2. Which of the following does NOT skeeve me out:
    E. Dolphin Porn

    3. I don’t do this activity in real life as much as you would expect:
    E. Watch donkey porn

    4. I’m pretty hard on people I don’t know, but I’ll take it easy on this specific type of person:
    E. Dolphin abusers

    5. I’m the most sensitive about which of my defects:
    E. My good nature that shines through the rough facade

    6. I go swimming . . .
    E. In a dolphin outfit, hoping…

    7. How many times have I been arrested?
    E. 7,658, if you count the roleplay sessions.

    8. Who has made me cry as an adult?
    E. This guy

    9. I like animals better than people.
    C. Only with BBQ sauce. Otherwise it’s the other way around.

    10. I have some big, deep, dark secret that I will never blog about.
    C. Not at this point, but get back to me in about nine months…

  18. Crys

    aw, thank you! i appreciate it — no matter the day. and now, here are my answers:

    C. I used to drink and didn’t like losing
    B. Food you eat with your hands
    A. Swear
    D. Cute, young, petite girls
    B. My hair loss (I only say this because you mentioned it in your recent video!)
    C. It depends on who’s here
    A. Once
    D. Avril Lavigne
    A. True
    A. True (Simply because that would be scandalizing)

  19. Avitable

    Heather, you win!

    BBM, but you could have a plethora of condoms, El Guapo. And if you can name that movie reference, you might become my favorite blogger.

    Poppy, examplin’ done!

    Grant, you can use them for masturbating, too. Trust me, they work very well.

    TMP, did you cheat? πŸ™‚

    Amanda, you just copied Britt.

    Cheri, thanks for entering!

    Lynda, not too shabby.

    Hello, you did pretty well, except for the dark secret and swimming ones.

    Lynda, even if it’s deveined it skeeves me out.

    Tori, you didn’t know a lot of those things?

    Finn, like, totally!

    Sybil, not too bad!

    Turnbaby, it’s mainly trophies from being a serial killer.

    Penelope, seems like you did okay.

    Mike, weren’t you supposed to show some video of your RC copter working?

    Crystal, you think I’ve been arrested? How scandalous!

  20. delmer

    The only one I’m attempting is the alcohol one and I’m choosing because you are allergic … a friend of mine was allergic to hops in college and Linda Rondstadt (and I think I’ve misspelled that, but you may be too young to know who she is anyway) is allergic to alcohol (just heard it on an NPR podcast).

    Well, and I don’t think you swear as much as a person might think.

  21. Sybil Law

    When are you posting the winner?! I WANT A CONDOM! Just one little condom!
    Also, my take on shrimp – I can’t even bite into the shit. I feel like I am biting into someone’s little finger. EW.

  22. Mike

    Oh yeah, the RC copter!

    If my employees didn’t made a “slight error” while I was on vacation, I would have had time to adjust the darn thing – can’t make it fly straight at this point – and make a video.

    Instead I had to deal with political fires all week.

    Hopefully, I can do the copter thing soon. πŸ™‚

  23. Girl, Dislocated

    Happy Birthday, Crystal! (That’s an awesome picture, but why are you sitting on the bathroom floor?)

    Adam, I’m answering for fun. Don’t send me condoms. I’d never be heard from again if a pack of condoms showed up in the mail. (Not that I’m expecting to actually win, but just in case.)

    1. C
    2. C
    3. C
    4. D
    5. B
    6. C
    7. B
    8. C
    9. A
    10. A

  24. Marissa

    I’m not sure I’d trust an Avitable condom, I fully believe you’re twisted enough to give out trick condoms. Some work, others are going to get you a baby shower. :lmao:

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