Stole this idea from the lovely and amazing Hilly:
How well do you know Avitable? Here's a quiz just for you, to see if you're just a minor Avitafan, a hardcore Avitageek, or Britt. And as an incentive, the person who guesses the most correct answers will win a 6-pack of Avitable condoms!
It's time to test your Avitaknowledge . . .
1. I don't drink alcohol because:
A. I never drank alcohol and don't like the taste
B. I actually do drink, but only when alone
C. I used to drink and didn't like losing control
D. I'm allergic to alcohol
2. Which of the following does NOT skeeve me out:
A. Food with bones
B. Food you eat with your hands
C. Spiders
D. Shrimp
3. I don't do this activity in real life as much as you would expect:
A. Swear
B. Strip down naked
C. Masturbate
D. Eat cheeseburgers
4. I'm pretty hard on people I don't know, but I'll take it easy on this specific type of person:
A. Funny people with New York accents
B. Strippers
C. Older people who smell like cookies
D. Cute, young, petite girls
5. I'm the most sensitive about which of my defects:
A. My weight
B. My hair loss
C. My control freak personality
D. My hanging testicles
6. I go swimming . . .
A. Naked
B. In my underwear because I don't own a bathing suit
C. It depends on who's here
D. Are you kidding? I catch fire in the sun. I never swim.
7. How many times have I been arrested?
A. Once
B. Never
C. Four times
D. Twice, but one was when I was a minor
8. Who has made me cry as an adult?
A. My father
B. Amy
C. My mother
D. Avril Lavigne
9. I like animals better than people.
A. True
B. False
10. I have some big, deep, dark secret that I will never blog about.
A. True
B. False
A few totally not-at-all related side points: (not related in anyway to Kapgar's TUAs)
First, today is the 23rd birthday of the brilliant and wonderful Crystal! She's recently shut down her blog, and I don't know if she wants me to link to her new one, so take a minute and leave her a birthday wish in the comments. EDIT: Apparently, it's actually tomorrow, the 9th, but I got my days screwed up! Oh well, wish her a Happy Birthday anyway!
Secondly, if you want to make sure that you get to enjoy an Avitable condom even if you can't win one, here is a picture suitable for your desktop wallpaper! Just click the small thumbnail, and then right-click on the resulting picture and "Set as desktop wallpaper".
posted by 
filed under 
tagged 
I only know like one of these, so I suck.
5. B
Happy Birthday Crystal
Comments by Amanda
c, b, c, c, b, d, d, b, a, b
Comments by bluepaintred
pee ess. happy birthday crystal. I don't know you, but happy freaking birthday anyway!!
Comments by bluepaintred
c,c,c,d,c,c,d,d,b,b
Happy Birthday Crys!!!
Comments by Zom
1. C
2. B
3. C
4. D
5. C
6. D
7. D
8. D
9. A
10. A
Total guesses.
Happy birthday to that hot chick.
Comments by Jay
Taking Britt's advice and saying hello!
Happy Birthday Crystal. Hope it is a good one.
Comments by kim
Today my boss asked to borrow a pen, so I reached into my purse.... and pulled out an Avitable condom.
It was a moment... I'm thankful he has a sense of humor!
Comments by Bre
happy birthday crys!! you are gorgeous in that photo...just beautiful.
(p.s. in an effort not to be greedy because you gave me a few condoms in philly, i'll not enter the contest. although i have to admit, i was pleasantly surprised by how many i knew. so how come there was no reference to the great pumpkin, avi brown? i'm still in awe of hilly for getting you with that one. hehe)
Comments by hello haha narf
The main thing I wanna know is how Hilly skeeved you out!
Comments by Turnbaby
I'm a total lameo.. I got nothing.. but I DO have a condom already! Thanks!
happy birthday Crystal.. and yes, dying to know about the pumpkin...
Comments by bubblewench
1 C
2 D
3 C
4 D
5 B
6 D
7 A
8 B
9 A
10 B
Happy birthday Crys :)
Comments by Cap
I don't need any condoms, although they are quite cute. But I will play - just for fun.
1. You no longer drink because you don't like losing control.
2. Shrimp does not bother you in the least.
3. You do not strip down naked as much as we'd expect.
4. You always go easy on cute, young, petite girls.
5. You are most sensitive about your hair loss.
6. You never swim
7. You've never been arrested
8. Amy
9. True
10. True
Comments by Em
1. C
2. A
3. C
4. D
5. C
6. A
7. B
8. B
9. A
10. A
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
you oughta sell those! I would definitely buy several...
Comments by amanda
Oh Boy a contest!!!
1.C
2.C
3.C
4.C
5.C
6.C
7.B.
8.B
9.A.
10.A
Comments by Trishk
C,C,D,A,B,D,B,B,B,B
Happy Birthday Crystal!
Comments by Sandi
I'm curious because I saw you do both A&B on #2 with the appetizers at the Irish pub when we met up.
Comments by kapgar
Don't need the rubbers (see, I AM old) but I'll guess:
1A Never drank,
2C Spiders,
3A,Swear
4D,Girls
5B,Teeny little bald spot
6C,Depends on who's there
7B, Never arrested
8B,Amy
9A,True, Animals
10B No secret
Comments by Little Miss Sunshine State
Happy Birthday Crystal-I look into the future and I can see it will be great!St Francis is coming for cake.
Quiz: c, c, c, c, c, d, d, d, true, true.
Comments by metalmom
1)C
2)A
3)A
4)D
5)B
6)C
7)A
8)B
9)A - doesn't everybody?
10)A - again, doesn't everybody?
BTW... I don't need the condoms... but I admit they are by far one of the cleverest marketing ideas for a blog I've seen yet.
Happy Birthday Crys!!!
Comments by NYCWD
OK - I'm going to answer these w/o looking at any other comments, but will admit I'm guessing on most (all):
1. C.
2. B
3. A.
4. A.
5. C.
6. D.
7. B.
8. A
9. B.
10. B.
Comments by jenny
Amanda, and you can't even guess?
BPR, you don't know Crystal? She had the best video posts ever.
Zom, thanks for entering!
Jay, she is, too, isn't she?
Kim, hi! Thanks for delurking!
Bre, you know, I just now put your face together with your Gravatar - how did I not recognize you?
Hello, why wouldn't you at least give me your guesses? And the pumpkin thing was too hard to explain.
Turnbaby, it was horrible and involved semen and post-coitus vaginas.
Bubblewench, you don't want to know about the pumpkin.
Cap, thanks for playing!
Em, you don't want a collectible novelty condom? You can blow them up as balloons!
Mr. Fabulous, what, no birthday wishes for Crystal? Bastard.
Amanda, maybe I'll do that!
TrishK, did you just answer all "C" on purpose?
Sandi, thanks for guessing!
Kapgar, well, none of our appetizers had bones, and I can handle breaded things with my fingers, but not things that are greasy or have sauce or anything.
LMSS, you can use them as balloons! And you did pretty well with your guesses!
Metalmom, yay for St. Francis!
NYCWD, oh, I think you need the condoms, and I don't know that everybody has a deep, dark secret.
Jenny, you have all year to get to know me well until next year's TC!
Comments by Avitable
1. You don't drink because you are a control freak (C)
2. Spiders. You have food issues.
3. Swear. This still amazes me. Oddly enough, you didn't even realize this until I pointed it out to you.
4. Cute, young, petite girls. Especially if they are waitresses. Even if they are SHITTY FUCKING WAITRESSES AND DO NOT DESERVE YOUR LENIANCY!!!!
Ahem.
5. I'm sorry - are we allowed to talk about you going bald now??
6. You go swimming naked except when someone is here, and then you do it in your underwear. So - C
7. You've never been arrested. How that is, I don't know. But you're damn lucky. Fucking perv.
8. The only person who has made you cry is your mother. Who you say I remind you of. AWESOME.
9. Well, you THINK you like animals better than people. But then again, you've never forced me to wear a dorky fucking sweater against my will... so I don't know.
10. You don't even blog about your real life, let alone your big, deep, dark secretS. Now, if only I could get you to stop telling them to ME.
And I don't want your ridiculously lubey condoms. However, if I win, I would kindly ask that you QUIT TELLING ME YOUR DIRTY FUCKING SECRETS! Because damn dude. Nightmares.
Comments by Miss Britt
Oh. I'm sorry. Avitable has informed me that I was wrong about #10 because he has no big dark secrets.
Ahem.
If that is true, then there should be NO problem with me describing the existence and/or contents of The Box.
Right?
Show of hands. Who wants to hear about The Box?
Comments by Miss Britt
I'm not even going to pretend I know the answers to these. Not because I don't care, but because I have a horrible memory!
And I don't need the condoms - I've done enough to repopulate the planet, so I've shut the factory down permanently.
Happy Birthday to Crystal, who looks way too sad for someone so young and pretty.
If you want to see some awesome pictures of my family, check out my blog today. Have a great Thursday.
J.
Comments by Hoosier Girl
Do paws count???
Two BIG PAWS for the contents of The Box.
In a photo essay.
Comments by NYCWD
Yeah I will have to do this without reading Britt's reply just so I am genuinely WRONG when I am wrong ;)
1. I don't drink alcohol because:
C. I used to drink and didn't like losing control
2. Which of the following does NOT skeeve me out:
C. Spiders
3. I don't do this activity in real life as much as you would expect:
A. Swear
4. I'm pretty hard on people I don't know, but I'll take it easy on this specific type of person:
D. Cute, young, petite girls
5. I'm the most sensitive about which of my defects:
B. My hair loss
6. I go swimming . . .
D. Are you kidding? I catch fire in the sun. I never swim.
7. How many times have I been arrested?
B. Never
8. Who has made me cry as an adult?
B. Amy
9. I like animals better than people.
A. True
10. I have some big, deep, dark secret that I will never blog about.
A. True
B. False
Comments by Hilly
Oh woops, I forgot number 10...which I now say is TRUE!
Comments by Hilly
I'm not even attempting these... I haven't been reading long enough. Although looking at Britt's answers I'd have done fairly well. Apparently you're not nearly as mysterious as you think you are.
Happy Birthday Crystal. Twenty-three? Bitch.
Comments by Finn
C
D
A
C
B
D
D
C
A
A
Comments by y not i
Happy birthday Crystal, even though I don't know you. B-day wishes are always great, even from strangers.
1. I don't drink alcohol because:
C. I used to drink and didn't like losing control
2. Which of the following does NOT skeeve me out:
C. Spiders
3. I don't do this activity in real life as much as you would expect:
C. Masturbate
4. I'm pretty hard on people I don't know, but I'll take it easy on this specific type of person:
B. Strippers
5. I'm the most sensitive about which of my defects:
B. My hair loss
6. I go swimming . . .
C. It depends on who's here
7. How many times have I been arrested?
B. Never
8. Who has made me cry as an adult?
C. My mother
9. I like animals better than people.
A. True
10. I have some big, deep, dark secret that I will never blog about.
A. True
I totally glommed on everyone else's answers. Well, that I chose based on what I would choose for some of em.
Comments by Winter
Britt, but the cute waitresses are so cute! It's okay if they take a little longer, I'm sure they had a good reason. And are you talking about the Box where I keep everyone's soul? Because that's totally not a secret.
HG, oh, you want the condoms - they have my face on them!
NYCWD, Britt likes to invent secrets that don't exist.
Hilly, not too bad. Thanks for letting me steal your idea! And #10 is False!
Finn, I'm totally mysterious!
Y not I, thanks for entering!
Winter, how many of these did you steal from Britt? She didn't get them all right, though.
Comments by Avitable
1. A
2. D
3. C
4. D
5. B
6. C
7. B
8. B
9. A (if you mean JIGSAW)
10. A (although, I wouldn't past you...)
Comments by Poppy
@Britt: Did he NOT eat shrimp at Kobe? He TOTALLY did!
Comments by Poppy
Poppy, yeah, but they skeeve me out, especially when they're cold and prepared as a cocktail appetizer. I start thinking about the vein of poop down their back. Ugh!
Comments by Avitable
You have secretS, ya dork.
Comments by Poppy
Poppy, having personal information or private parts of your life isn't the same as a "deep, dark secret", though.
Comments by Avitable
Oh, hell. Another friggin' pop quiz. I didn't study, Adam Heath! Gad. OK, here goes,
1. E - When I drink, Britt smacks me in the balls.
2. E - Bulls' testicles
3. E - Punch Britt in the boobs.
4. E - Chronic masturbaters and comic book readers.
5. E - My gigantic cock.
6. E - In a chicken suit.
7. E - 3 times for indecent exposure
8. E - Heather and her sensitive and well-written post about sitting at the kids' table.
9. Neither - I actually prefer plants and rocks.
10. Neither - This isn't my blog - I'm not Avitable.
How'd I do?
Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
Clearly I did not spend enough time talking to you on Saturday. I'm not even trying.
Comments by Black Belt Mama
See my email. I need an example.
Comments by Poppy
Although they do look tasty, I don't have sex often enough to justify having more than one condom on standby.
Comments by Grant
But I'll guess A, C, A, C, D, C, D, D, B, B.
Comments by Grant
1. C
2. C
3. A
4. D
5. B
6. A
7. B
8. C
9. A
10. B
Comments by themuttprincess
Okay I'll guess:
1.C
2.C
3.A
4.D
5.B
6.C
7.B
8.C
9.A
10.B
Comments by Amanda
1 C
2 B
3 C
4 C
5 D
6 C
7 B
8 B
9 A
10 B
I'm totally guessing here :-)
Comments by Cheri
1) C
2) C
3) A
4) D
5) B
6) A
7) B
8) D
9) B
10) A
Happy birthday, Crystal! Whew, now I can go read the other comments.
Comments by Lynda
ok fucker. i'll answer. and if i win i totally want the condoms. so there.
1. I don't drink alcohol because:
C. I used to drink and didn't like losing control (you fucking massive control loving freak you)
2. Which of the following does NOT skeeve me out:
C. Spiders (the fuckers should bother you, they are tiny...how about dude next to me at airport bar is eating chicken wings and i skeeved a little for you!)
3. I don't do this activity in real life as much as you would expect:
A. Swear (i don't think i heard it too much in philly)
4. I'm pretty hard on people I don't know, but I'll take it easy on this specific type of person:
D. Cute, young, petite girls (this is either a or d, but since you were nice to the terrible redhead at tequilacon, i'll go with d)
5. I'm the most sensitive about which of my defects:
B. My hair loss (bald is sexy...when the time comes, shave it all off and you will still be gorgeous)
6. I go swimming . . .
D. Are you kidding? I catch fire in the sun. I never swim. (you have a pool which makes me think you swim, but i don't know what you wear. i would hope you go nakey. this one is a total guess)
7. How many times have I been arrested?
B. Never (?? you seem like such a nice guy when i met you. yeah, i said it. nice. xoxo)
8. Who has made me cry as an adult?
C. My mother (??)
9. I like animals better than people.
A. True (dolphin boy)
10. I have some big, deep, dark secret that I will never blog about.
A. True
Comments by hello haha narf
Poppy, yeah, but they skeeve me out, especially when they're cold and prepared as a cocktail appetizer. I start thinking about the vein of poop down their back. Ugh!
Order it deveined. In fact, I thought it usually came deveined. I have sent shrimp back if it has a vein in it.
Comments by Lynda
I find it eye opening to think about how much I really DON'T know my blogroll... it's like saying I knew Chandler, Ross, Joey, Pheobe, Rachel & Monica...
weird realization...
Comments by Tori
Totally?
Comments by Finn
Am I too late?!!!!
1. c
2. c
3. c
4. d
5. b
6. a
7. b
8. b
9. a
10. b
Now I'm going to read Britt's answers to see how I did!
Comments by Sybil Law
Both hands up for a photo essay of 'The Box"
Comments by turnbaby
Shit -
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CRYSTAL!!!
You look smokin' hot, too!
Comments by Sybil Law
Yikes mostly guessing a lot of these...
1 C
2 C
3 A
4 C
5 C
6 C
7 B
8 B
9 B
10 A
Yayy loads of fun!
Comments by Penelope
Awww, CMG beat me to it. Damn my 3 martinis lunches. Anyways...
1. I don't drink alcohol because:
E. There's none around.
2. Which of the following does NOT skeeve me out:
E. Dolphin Porn
3. I don't do this activity in real life as much as you would expect:
E. Watch donkey porn
4. I'm pretty hard on people I don't know, but I'll take it easy on this specific type of person:
E. Dolphin abusers
5. I'm the most sensitive about which of my defects:
E. My good nature that shines through the rough facade
6. I go swimming . . .
E. In a dolphin outfit, hoping...
7. How many times have I been arrested?
E. 7,658, if you count the roleplay sessions.
8. Who has made me cry as an adult?
E. This guy
9. I like animals better than people.
C. Only with BBQ sauce. Otherwise it's the other way around.
10. I have some big, deep, dark secret that I will never blog about.
C. Not at this point, but get back to me in about nine months...
Comments by Mike
aw, thank you! i appreciate it — no matter the day. and now, here are my answers:
C. I used to drink and didn't like losing
B. Food you eat with your hands
A. Swear
D. Cute, young, petite girls
B. My hair loss (I only say this because you mentioned it in your recent video!)
C. It depends on who's here
A. Once
D. Avril Lavigne
A. True
A. True (Simply because that would be scandalizing)
Comments by Crys
Heather, you win!
BBM, but you could have a plethora of condoms, El Guapo. And if you can name that movie reference, you might become my favorite blogger.
Poppy, examplin' done!
Grant, you can use them for masturbating, too. Trust me, they work very well.
TMP, did you cheat? :)
Amanda, you just copied Britt.
Cheri, thanks for entering!
Lynda, not too shabby.
Hello, you did pretty well, except for the dark secret and swimming ones.
Lynda, even if it's deveined it skeeves me out.
Tori, you didn't know a lot of those things?
Finn, like, totally!
Sybil, not too bad!
Turnbaby, it's mainly trophies from being a serial killer.
Penelope, seems like you did okay.
Mike, weren't you supposed to show some video of your RC copter working?
Crystal, you think I've been arrested? How scandalous!
Comments by Avitable
The only one I'm attempting is the alcohol one and I'm choosing because you are allergic ... a friend of mine was allergic to hops in college and Linda Rondstadt (and I think I've misspelled that, but you may be too young to know who she is anyway) is allergic to alcohol (just heard it on an NPR podcast).
Well, and I don't think you swear as much as a person might think.
Comments by delmer
yes, i thought there was some sort of hulaballoo with you and Queen Latifah
Comments by Crys
I was looking at Britt's AND Hilly's. But I went with the strippers because I figured you would feel that everyone, even coke whores, need to make a living.
Comments by Winter
Dammit. I'm late to the party again. Oh well, I have one anyway. :)
Comments by Shelli
When are you posting the winner?! I WANT A CONDOM! Just one little condom!
Also, my take on shrimp - I can't even bite into the shit. I feel like I am biting into someone's little finger. EW.
Comments by Sybil Law
The shrimp vein is poop? Now I'm skeeved out.
Thanks.
Comments by Cap
Let me get this straight in my head ...
If I set the picture as my wallpaper, my girlfriend wont get pregnant?
Thats much easier than using the real thing!
Comments by Sam
Oh yeah, the RC copter!
If my employees didn't made a "slight error" while I was on vacation, I would have had time to adjust the darn thing - can't make it fly straight at this point - and make a video.
Instead I had to deal with political fires all week.
Hopefully, I can do the copter thing soon. :-)
Comments by Mike
c
c
c
d
b
b
b
a
b
b
Comments by Stephanie
Happy B-Day Crystal
1.c
2.b
3.c
4.d
5.c
6.d
7.b
8.b
9.a
10.b
Comments by Trukindog
Happy Birthday, Crystal! (That's an awesome picture, but why are you sitting on the bathroom floor?)
Adam, I'm answering for fun. Don't send me condoms. I'd never be heard from again if a pack of condoms showed up in the mail. (Not that I'm expecting to actually win, but just in case.)
1. C
2. C
3. C
4. D
5. B
6. C
7. B
8. C
9. A
10. A
Comments by Girl, Dislocated
I'm not sure I'd trust an Avitable condom, I fully believe you're twisted enough to give out trick condoms. Some work, others are going to get you a baby shower.
Comments by Marissa
You're supposed to strip off the shrimp poop-vein when you pull its head off. There. Feel better about shrimp now? Yum!
Comments by Karen
I LOVE Crystal with red hair!!!!!
Comments by Vulgar Wizard