Amy returns home after two weeks on the road on business.
Amy: Hey, babe?
Me: Yeah?
Amy: Ummm, can I ask you something?
Me: Sure. What's up?
Amy: When I was gone . . .
Me: Yeah.....
Amy: Did you watch porn on the bedroom TV?
Me: No, why?
Amy: I mean, it's okay if you did. I understand.
Me: But I didn't!
Amy: You can tell me - I won't be upset.
Me: But I didn't!
Amy: I know you do, so don't feel bad.
Me: But I didn't!
Amy: It's me, babe. You can tell me. It's okay.
Me: But I didn't!
Amy: Then why, when I was going through the DVR to find something to watch, did I find "Summer of Love", a story of two young girls exploring their sexuality, recorded from HBO around 2:30 AM?
Me: Ummmm.....
Amy: That's what I thought.
The truth of the matter is that when Amy's not here, I can't sleep without putting the TV on and usually wake up in the middle of the night to groggily turn the television off, so I must have accidentally hit the "Record" button on the remote when I was turning it off late one night. But I don't think she believes me.
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Just how young were these girls? Were there dolphins involved?
Comments by Amanda
I wouldn't have believed that shaky story either.
Comments by Dickie Maxx
Um. Yeah.
I believe you, sure. Why not?
Comments by Dave2
That's what you call "busted."
Comments by Karl
I believe it, because don't you like porn that is more fecal and less seasonal?
Comments by Deb on the Rocks
yea, I agree, the idea of you watching porn without animal involvement seems doubtful..
Comments by bluepaintred
I am laughing my head off at you. This has happened to me before but I TOTALLY MEANT TO RECORD IT.
Comments by Poppy
Right.
Comments by Sybil Law
Ya gotta love Poppy, too.
Comments by Sybil Law
Two young girls together? That's not porn! That's a beautiful, heartwarming story!
Comments by Jay
My cats keister the remote all the time. I wake up to find the TV on all sorts of odd channels. I'm not sure how they figured out how to order PPV tho...
Comments by Winter
I believe you. Because who watches lame porn on HBO? Cinemax is where the porn is.
Comments by Honeybell
So, did she keep it for you? Or erase it?
Comments by delmer
I have my porn set to auto record at 1am each night...
Comments by Tori
Oh, I totally believe you!
The same thing happened to me. I got up to go pee and suddenly there was girl on girl porn on my DVR. Amazing how that happens, right?
Comments by Hilly
My buddy Sean thinks that you shoulda put the drawing of you with the Lube, on the "Avitable condoms". (of which I wait patiently to receive)
and after very little thought ... I have to agree.
P.S.
"Summer of Love", a story of two young girls exploring their sexuality"
is a beautiful story of 2 young girls doing things that makes it possible for me to have sex with my hand. If Amy keeps hounding you about it, tell her you were DVR'ing it for me. I'll take one for the team.
Comments by Zom
Comments by Tracy Lynn
I must remember that excuse
Comments by Freelance Guru
Oh sure–yeah —I'm CERTAIN it was accidental BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Comments by Turnbaby
I believe you. I know you only really watch the gay porn.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
Yeah.. I don't think anyone believes it.
Comments by bubblewench
Well, I once (I was 16) wrote a note telling my parents I was sleeping over at a friend's house. In order not to wake them, I didn't open the kitchen light to write the note.
The note turned out to be so messed up - It was mostly indecipherable - my parents both believe (to this date) that I was drunk off my ass while writing said note. I wasn't, that happened waaaaay after the note.
If you believe my true story, I'll believe yours.
Although I must say that if I had to choose, I'd like the power to record porn while sleeping better than the ability to write decently in the dark.
Comments by Mike
"But I don't think she believes me."
Really?
I thought she sounded totally convinced! ;o)
Your readers, however, they don't believe a word of it!!
Comments by Penelope
Oh come on people! This is clean living Avi! If he says he accidentally recorded it then I believe him! I mean - there is no donkey-lovin' in this film - has to have been an accident!
Comments by Bec
Accidentally or Subconsciously ?
Comments by Trukindog
Sheeyah, right. And monkeys might fly out of my butt.
Comments by kapgar
LMAO "And the drugs weren't mine."
Comments by Nat
Oh my. I can't imagine why she doesn't believe you Adam. ;)
p.s. I never can get my comment to work at Britt's..but just wanted to relay to you that I am about 150 miles from Parkersburg..so if you need me to do anything or whatever let me know! Just a hop, skip and a jump away!
Comments by Sandi
If she's anything like my girlfriend then her only issue would be that since it was HBO it was probably bad porn. You know...a lot of pantomiming and strategically placed hands while they hump each other's torsos.
Nothing gets my girl crazy like bad porn. I still watch it though. ;)
Comments by B.E. Earl
Right...and I have a bridge in South Florida for sale...cheap, near Alligator Alley.
Comments by Trishk
I think it was that last Ummmmmm that may have gotten you busted.
Comments by Little Miss Sunshine State
Obviously it was as you say, an unintentional recording.
Unless it took place at Sea World or the Snake House.
Then... well... yeah... busted.
Comments by NYCWD
Comments by Mindy
I believe you.
Once, I was DVR'ing a movie for my girls that came on Cinemax @ like 4am, but of course the DVR recording starts early. So the next day, I hit play and walk out and starting hearing the bomchickawowow music, but ignored it. Until I'm coming back through the living room and see them both glued to the fucking TV in a trance and turn to look - and I see three enormously titted women having their soft core way with some lucky guy.
I believe you man.
Comments by Maria
I believe you because more than once I've found myself in situations where it would be easiest to just lie and get it over, but I insisted on telling the unbelievable truth. If I had any sense at all, I'll lie my head off, but apparently I don't.
Comments by Grant
she's not the only one, sparky
Comments by Crys
I'm not sure I believe you either
Comments by Robin
Oh I watched that the other night. Y'all might enjoy it.
Comments by Lady Jaye
lol - i believe you, adam. besides, i don't think that late-night hbo technically counts as porn...it's too...soft.
and..thanks for the updates on britt.
Comments by rayne
Comments by Tug
Record and off can not be that close together... But it was a good try!
Comments by themuttprincess
i believe you.
now please send the offending material to me.
xoxo
Comments by hello haha narf
You had me right up until the "two young girls" part.
Comments by Finn
do I need to send her the email you sent to me, desperate for me to lookup HBO sex shows at night and tell you how to use the remote to record?
Comments by whall
I believe you. I mean, why would you watch it in the bedroom when you have that fabulous collection on your computer.
Why didn't you just tell her, "Honey, really... uh, two girls? That's kind of tame for me."
Comments by AmyD
Not buying it either.
Comments by Black Belt Mama
sounds like an excuse my husband would give me.
And I ALWAYS believe him.... *cough* uh yeah :D
Comments by Christie
Hell, I don't even believe you.
But wait.
You said HBO, right? The only semi-pornographic shows on HBO are soft-core at best, with no one actually touching anyone's sexy bits...more like cupping their hands in the general area of genitilia...with no actual penetration, rubbing, or oral action going on.
Not that I've ever tried to watch it. Or something.
Gotta go. Cinemax is on..........
Comments by Stephanie
Um... I don't believe it when I hear it from Fun Daddy either
Comments by Maman
So she doesn't read this blog then.
Besides, what are you defending yourself for? She said she understands!
Comments by Jeff
Soooo what's the *Video Equivalent* to claiming you "buy Playboy for the 'articles'??
~ZZ
Comments by Greeneyezz
You were recording it for a friend right?
Comments by metalmom
You are a liar man! To your wife! DAMN!
She gave you every chance dood!
You owe her!
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/25/magazine/25internet-t.html?pagewanted=7&_r=2
Comments by Eric
Yeah. That is a little hard to believe. For sure. ;)
Comments by Cathouse Teri
PS I bet you didn't inhale either. Ha!
Comments by Angel
Next time just cop to it... it builds trust... I think?
Comments by Atomic Bombshell
What Atomic Bombshell said!
What's wrong with enjoying porn?
(Don't tell my mom I just said that.)
Comments by Poppy
"Next time just cop to it... it builds trust... I think?"
Ooooh Atomic Bombshell's got it! I couldn't have said it better myself.
;)
~ZZ
Comments by Greeneyezz
I don't have the time (or interest if I'm completely honest) to read the 57 comments above, so you might have seen this 23 times already: That's actually a really good film! I'm not one for the chick flicks, but from previous emails with you, I think you might enjoy the film ... and the accents ... and maybe just a tiny bit the naked young ladies.
Comments by DanjerusKurves
Since when does HBO show porn? I must not be up late enough.
Comments by Marissa
That's right, 'accident'. I believe you.
Comments by Dragon
That's kind of cute that you can't fall asleep as easily when your wife isn't there.
Comments by Em
Busted! The onlt thing that makes me think you might be telling the truth is that HBO porn is lame.
Comments by Gwen
I believe you–only because I have a hard time believing someone like you would feel the need to cover up the fact that you were watching porn.
Comments by Girl, Dislocated
Um...yeah.
I really do know how to spell "genitalia".
I blame my earlier transgression on the fact that I was horned out thinking about porn.
@Poppy...I told you I was going to steal that phrase "horned out".
Shoulda copyrighted it, kiddo.
Comments by Stephanie
Much to the chagrin of those who love me, I think money is stupid and therefore do not cash in on my brilliant ideas. Knock yourself out by using "horned out". I'll be over here in the corner eating Ramen.
Comments by Poppy
Oh I hate it when that happens!
Comments by DutchBitch
Amanda, no dolphins, and the girls were supposed to be 15-16, I think.
DickieMaxx, but why would I watch the crap that passes for porn on TV?
Dave, but I'm a paragon of virtue and honesty!
Karl, as in "busted my nut"?
Deb, I'm not a fan of the fecal porn, I gotta say.
BPR, I think they rode a horse at one point.
Poppy, it was probably the same movie, too.
Sybil, she's a funny one!
Jay, heartwarming and warming to the cockles of my nuts.
Winter, cats are very, very, very smart. And they like Ultimate Fighting.
Honeybell, thank you! And even Skinamax porn sucks.
Delmer, well, we actually watched a few minutes of it to see if it was really porn or not.
Tori, is that what you watch when you get ready in the morning?
Hilly, it's like magic.
Zom, you'll get a condom soon, I promise, and thanks for taking the hit for me!
Tracy, so are you saying you don't believe me?
Freelance Guru, who will you make the excuse to? Your cat?
Turnbaby, I'd never lower myself to HBO porn.
Fab, and tranny porn.
Bubblewench, it's so sad, too!
Mike, that is a decent power, isn't it?
Penelope, you'd think people would know me better.
Bec, exactly!
Trukindog, that might be the operative difference right there.
Kapgar, they do! I saw them!
Nat, she looked 18, officer!
Sandi, why can't your comments work there - what happens when you try?
BE Earl, she wasn't upset, either. Just asking.
TrishK, ooh, I want to buy that!
LMSS, yeah, maybe.
NYCWD, see? You know me.
Mindy, so you don't believe me either?
Maria, why, thank you. Glad somebody does.
Comments by Avitable
Grant, the truth usually is weirder than the lie.
Crystal, but I only watch porn when you're in it!
Robin, HBO softcore shit? That's what my computer is for.
Lady Jaye, are you serious or joking?
Rayne, exactly - it's too soft!
Tug, I'm obviously very smooth under pressure.
TMP, they're not that close together, but when I grabbed the remote, I might have hit record.
Hello, we watched some of it and there's barely any nudity!
Finn, then you were really turned on?
Wayne, backstabber!
AmyD, that was actually what I eventually said.
BBM, softcore lesbian porn just doesn't do it for me.
Christie, well, clearly he's a typical man.
Stephanie, HBO is wayyyy too boring and blah for someone with my refined pornographic tastes.
Maman, well, with a name like Fun Daddy . . .
Jeff, who knew that "understands" could have so many meanings?
Greeneyezz, the cinematography?
Metalmom, the dog seemed interested in it.
Eric, that article is way too long for me to care.
Cathouse Teri, but that stuff is so boring and tame!
Angel, I can't catch a break.
Atomic Bombshell, I don't know about that.
Poppy, actually, when we watched some of it to see what I had recorded, it was boring shit about two teenage girls who hang out with each other. One of them was pretty ugly, too.
Greeneyezz, I only cop to things I've done wrong.
DK, the redhead was fugly, though.
Marissa, that's the thing - it's not really porn. Which is why I'd never watch it.
Dragon, and here I thought you knew me.
Em, I also sleep on her side of the bed.
Gwen, thank you!
Girl Dislocated, another excellent point. I'd just say I was.
Stephanie, so you're all horned out now?
Poppy, but you could be a kajillionaire!
DB, so this happens to you multiple times, eh?
Comments by Avitable
Err, no, haven't seen that movie.
I am surprisingly disinterested in watching two chicks go at it. Girl-guy or guy-guy bring it on, but I'm bored with girl-girl.
And kajillionaire isn't even a real term. Duh.
Comments by Poppy
Poppy, yup huh! Kajillionaire is in my dictionary!
Comments by Avitable