Archive for June, 2008

Is there ingrained, in every woman in the world, a sense of urgency with regards to cleaning one's house in preparation for a party?

Saturday night we had a group of 10 or 11 people over for drinks, then we all went out to dinner and then came back for desserts, drinks, and fun.

Saturday I spent from dawn until dusk cleaning like we were hosting the fucking Queen. Does behind the toilet really need to sparkle? Is anyone going to look behind the toilet? Are our women guests going to quietly excuse themselves to the bathroom and then inspect behind the toilet? Will they write up a small report in "Behind the Toilet Quarterly"? "At the Avitable household, I performed a white glove test behind the toilet, around the edge of the mirror, and inside the cabinet drawer. While a bit more attention to detail could be appreciated, maybe by using a toothbrush to really bring out the shine, I heartily give the behind the toilet at the Avitables 4 out of 5 daisies."

The same goes for the guest rooms. I spent literally two hours cleaning one of the guest rooms, including moving furniture, putting books on shelves, removing electronics and rearranging the closet, only to have our guests exposed to that particular room for less than ten seconds during the tour of the house. *Click* the light goes on. "And this is the guest room," my wife says. *Click* the light goes off. I think I'm just going to take a very high resolution picture of the room, blow it up to a poster, and tape it to the door. Then, we can just shut the door to the guest room and it will look immaculate.

Finally, how is it that the pile of paper and bills on the counter becomes my pile when we're about to have a party? "Have you gotten rid of your pile?" "Don't forget to clean up your pile!" "If you don't clean up that pile I will stab you between your eyes with this spoon!" I finally get around to cleaning up my pile, which consists of bringing into my office and adding it to the other miscellaneous crap that gets shoved in here as part of "cleaning up". My office becomes the repository for every random box, book, magazine, item of clothing, pet toy, blow-up sex doll, and hooker boot in the house. And then my wife thinks it's funny to walk in and ask why my office is such a mess!

I wonder if my housekeeper would just start coming every day?

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Welcome to the 45th Edition of Lazy Sunday!

Last week was tough for everyone. Nobody correctly guessed that the answer to #3 was "The Simpsons" or that the correct answer to #13 was "Roswell". I'm ashamed of you supposed Simpsons fans and scifi fans out there!

You can find the rest of last week's answers, scores and contest winner in an extended entry, but now it's time for today's Lazy Sunday contest! This week's prize is a mystery! I'll be pulling out some cool stuff and giving it away, but it's a total enigma to you!

Everyone has a chance at winning, so don't be shy! The questions may be hard, but everyone who's between the ages of 16 and 80 should be able to get at least one correct – I promise.

The rules:

It's very simple. I go through my Myspace friends and pick one of their survey bulletins and answer 15 of the questions. Every answer contains a reference to a movie, a television show, or a song. Just guess as many as you can – some will be laughably easy and some will be very difficult. Every correct answer is like a raffle ticket – you get one chance to win per correct answer. If you get 1 right, your name goes in the proverbial hat. If you get 10 right, your name goes in ten times. Et cetera. You're on the honor system – try not to Google or look at other people's answers!

The contest ends Tuesday at midnight EST. I'll give the correct answers and the winner on the following Sunday.

Ready? Here we go!

1. Name something you have in common with all your siblings?
I don't really have anything in common with them. They don't even like Twinkies!

2. Do you fold your underwear?
Iron it, fold it, arrange it by color and age and who it was inspected by.

3. Who is the last person you wrote a letter to on paper?
I told someone that if they were in, I was in.

4. What was your first job?
I worked for my dad's Big and Tall store.

5. Aside from Driver's Ed, who really taught you how to drive?
I been driving people around in Hong Kong for long time.

6. What did you do today?
Killed a yak with mind bullets.

7. Are you emotional?
I ain't got time to emote.

8. Have you ever had the same dream more than once?
Just that one where I owned the inn in Vermont.

9. If you were in an emergency situation and you had to deliver a baby, could you?
Only if you downloaded the knowledge into my brain.

10. What was the most recent thing you bought?
This cutest little pet from a cranky Chinese guy.

11. What is on your refrigerator door?
I don't know. It blew away, with the fridge, during an atomic bomb explosion.

12. Name something you have to do tomorrow.
Give the best history presentation ever.

13. Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?
Only the laser-free ones.

14. What are you wearing?
An outfit that blends in with the outside of this building, a small hang glider, and I'm carrying an empty gun.

15. What was the last thing you ate?
The best pork dish I've ever eaten.

And here are the answers and winners from last week's contest :
Read the rest of this entry »

I've been slacking on replying to comments over the last few days because of a new TV show I've found, called Life on Mars. It's a UK show about a cop named Sam Tyler who gets hit by a car and wakes up in 1973.

He can't figure out if he's in a coma and imagining it or if somehow he's actually been sent to the past or why he's there. Watching him try to adapt to the less ethical yet still effective methods of a more brutal police force without losing his own sense of morals and his need for procedure and evidence is fascinating. The main character and his captain, Gene Hunt, have a great dynamic, and I can't stop watching!

If you can find it on Bit Torrent, I highly suggest that you download it and watch it. If you don't like it, you're probably one of those types who watches Deal or No Deal or the Bill Engvall show, so there's no hope for you anyways.

Have you tried these yet?

The Snickers Adventure Bar is a limited edition candy bar that came out for the new Indiana Jones flick. It's got a hint of coconut flavor along with some other spices and is pretty delicious! I had one and liked it so much that I went to my usual excesses and ordered a few cases of it online. And just like with the Strawberry Whoppers, I need to divest myself of some of these delicious magical candy bars.

So, here's the deal:

Let's see how well you know me! Here are five questions about me. Answer them in the comments, and if you get all five correct, your name will be entered in a drawing. I'll pick two, maybe three names out of those and send all of the winners one of these limited edition Snickers Adventure Bars!

1. How tall am I?

2. What's my dog's name?

3. What was my undergraduate degree in?

4. How long have I been blogging?

5. What's my favorite drink?

Have a good weekend!

Many of you probably know Lisa from Clusterfook. She's a brave soul who is currently fighting cancer for the third time, and today she goes in for chemotherapy. I'm guest posting for her today, and I'd love it if you'd stop by and show some support.

Just go here: http://clusterfook.com/2008/06/26/bald-is-beautiful/