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Fuck you, you fucking fuckers

Angry Avitable

To the idiot driving ten miles under the speed limit on a busy road.

To the twat making the ugly face at the cigarette smoke when sitting outside in the area designated for smokers.

To the Florida heat that has almost made my balls sweat off.

To the white trash mother ignoring her screaming baby in a nice restaurant.

To the rednecks with those truck nuts hanging from their bumpers.

To anyone, of either political party, who insinuates that someone likes a candidate because that person is brainwashed and can’t think for themselves.

To the retard delivery guy who thinks that dropping a package is handling with care.

To anyone who is so blind as to think that all Republicans are Jesus freak morons or all Democrats are tree hugging pussies.

To Friendly’s, for taking my favorite burger off of their menu.

To anyone who watched The Bill Engvall Show, Tyler Perry’s House of Payne, or any show like that and keeps it on the air.

To the numbnut executives who canceled Veronica Mars, Firefly, and Angel, but think it’s a good idea to bring back 90210.

To the social rejects who think extreme body modification is their way of expressing themselves.

To the lazy blogger who just writes a bunch of random one-liners instead of a real post.

To each and every one of you, I say:

Fuck you, you fucking fuckers.

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81 Replies to “Fuck you, you fucking fuckers”

  1. Jay

    They promo that fucking Bill Engval show 800 times a day while I’m trying to watch King of Queens each afternoon and I’m tired of it. I’m so sick of it I’ll never watch that show even if it was the greatest show of all time.

    Hope you feel better now that you got all that out of your system.

  2. Squeaky Wheel

    I sincerely hope you’re not referring to me here: “To anyone, of either political party, who insinuates that someone likes a candidate because that person is brainwashed and can’t think for themselves.”

  3. Amber

    My computer was going kind of slow so when I first seen your picture I was like, “aww… he posted a picture of himself!”

    …And then I nearly peed because th…th…that moving face scared the hell out of me!

    Oh, and uhm… you wouldn’t happen to have some kind of weird anger problem, would you?

  4. Cap

    I’m with Fab. That picture is fascinating. In a freaky, scary way.

    And a fuck you to the twats who fake cough when they walk by the smokers who are in their (pathetically small and very inconvenient) designated smoking area.

  5. Maria

    No – Fuck NBC for canceling Journeyman & renewing GODDAMN AMERICAN GLADIATOR!!!!!!!
    Fucking IDIOTS.

    And fuck you dude for scaring the shit out of me with that picture because I wasn’t expecting it to move.

  6. NYCWD

    Friendly’s took away the Quadruple CheeseBurger with a Pound of Bacon? Bastards.

    BTW… is it true Shannen Doherty is coming back to the 90210 spin-off? I heard Jennie Garth was a definite… and if Shannen comes back… maybe we’ll finally see some Brenda on Kelly action… :2girls:

    So much better than friggin’ whiny “Oh woe is me! I’m Immortal and the girl I want to boink is supposed to kill me!” Angel.

  7. metalmom

    Fuck every show that involves a top 10 countdown, an elimination, voting off, or celebrifuck reality!!!!!!

    And fuck you too….and I mean that in the best way possible!! :heartbeat:

  8. Avitable

    Amanda, peachy, why? 🙂

    Mary, it’s just been one of those fucking weeks.

    BTDT, that’s a good one, too.

    Karl, you wouldn’t like me when I’m hungry. Wait, that’s not it.

    Jay, I feel eerily calm now.

    Marty, ya damn tree hugger.

    Winter, have you at least heard of Friendly’s?

    That Guy, I need a sarcasm smiley, don’t I?

    Squeaky Wheel, nope. While you implied it, you didn’t explicitly say it.

    Tracy, if only they listened.

    Stephanie, but I only used it three times in the whole post!

    Jake, fucking A!

    Amber, no, it’s a perfectly normal anger problem.

    Dave, really? You’re excited about it too?

    Penelope, ugh indeed!

    Lisa, because that was a trashy, shitty show.

    Fab, how many times have you ejaculated just looking at it?

    Britt, woohoo! I scared you!

    Turnbaby, actually, American Werewolf who doesn’t leave his house in Orlando.

    Hello, oh, c’mon. It’s perfectly healthy!

    Cap, exactly!

    Golfwidow, everybody should.

    Nat, I guess. Classy, or just retarded.

    Zanthera, I said “extreme body modification.” Nipple piercing is fine. Having your penis cut in half permanently on purpose is not.

    Hallie, if you do that, I might not be able to read you anymore.

    Maria, heh – did you jump a little? And I love American Gladiators – we fast forward through the talking and enjoy watching people getting the shit kicked out of them.

    NYCWD, they had a tasty Vermont White Cheddar Burger on Ciabatta, which was sooo good. And Angel got much better once he got his own show. Blasphemer.

    Sandi, good!

    Metalmom, fuck you too!

    TrishK, well, that picture is from a few months ago.

    Suebob, fucking A, you too, ya fucking fucker.

    Blondefabulous, my head would explode.

    Wayne, they do, too!

  9. Crys

    today i do believe i fit none of those criteria (unlike “things i hate about your blog”). which means for this moment in time, you love me best.

    which is appropriate

  10. Marissa

    Why’d they cancel Firefly anyway? I know that the response from fans was the biggest the company has seen to date to keep it on the air and bring it back.

    ‘Course, getting a movie based on your canceled show? Irony at it’s best.

  11. Kay

    OK this might seem like ass kissing but truly I think I love you. :sex003:

    I have never found someone of the opposite sex that shared the exact same opinion as me. I am tired of being the only opinionated bitch Adam, tired. I too hate truck nuts and blogged about it broken hearted. I cannot stand white trash moms who don’t take care of their kids.
    And now that smoking is prohibited, the non smoking fucks that try to get us banned from what little we have? Bygones.
    So what do you say? It might get a little sticky divorcing my husband and all but he doesn’t understand me like you do! :crazywife:

    Love,
    your new stalker
    :batting: :heartbeat:

  12. Poppy

    Dear Fucker,

    This is my favorite post of yours for all time. It even surpasses my birthday post which I’ll never get again because even though I’m your favorite you can never top Poppy’s Ark.

    Signed,
    Fucker

    PS – Just tell Friendly’s to MAKE your favorite burger! They’re FRIENDLY, they’ll do it! And if they don’t just speak to the manager.

  13. Shelli

    This made me laugh just reading the title of the post in my reader. My favorite one, though, is To the lazy blogger who just writes a bunch of random one-liners instead of a real post.

  14. Sheila (Charm School Reject)

    In Chicago we now have to stand at least 15 feet from any door way (the “Clean Indoor Air Act” or someother ridiculous sounding bullshit name) ~ this means I have to stand in an alley next to a bunch of nasty dumpsters, doing my best to avoid getting squished by the delivery trucks…..all the while dealing with the *cough cough* of passersby. :deadhorse:

    Sounds like you’ve a rough week. Hope it gets better for you.

  15. Mr. Fabulous

    I really miss Friendly’s. We didn’t have them in Gville, and we don’t have them here. I tried to explain to TB the oral orgasm that is the Chocolate Fribble, but it lost something in the translation.

    Five. I have ejaculated five times so far to that picture.

  16. Kris

    That picture is freaking me out.
    You look like one of those rapists on a Lifetime movie who is about to attack some unsuspecting woman in an alley.

  17. Meg

    Can I add the Fedex delivery guy who left a package smack in the middle of my EMPTY carport mid-day, apparently not considering that I would return, possibly not be able to see it, and, um, CRUSH IT with the wheels of my high-profile vehicle? AAAARGH!

  18. hello haha narf

    i think i am one flamingo away from a redneck trailer because i totally considered those truck nuts for my suv. that thing is strong and i was impresed. told everyone what balls it had, then giggled like a lunatic when someone sent me a link for the truck nutz thingies. couldn’t go through with it, but without a doubt i thought about it.

    but i have read hair. do you still love me?

  19. misi

    OK. I get I’m a FUCKER!!! Wait no! the hell I’m not, but while you are so not my “normal style- I love your blog!!!!! Fucker:) and please, pretty please- enlighten me: how the hell can I get my pic to show up? Not that sketch????

  20. Black Belt Mama

    I need me one of those moving photo things of mad faces. Love it, and agree with you about all of the stuff you wrote. I once got in a huge online battle with some chick over politics because she did exactly what you said.

  21. Janna

    Uh-oh.
    I do the “random one-liner posts” a lot.
    Sigh.
    Well, at least I’m in good company.

    I totally agree with you about the annoyance of moms ignoring their screaming kids.

    And the annoyance of a restaurant taking your favorite thing off the menu.

    Sorry to hear about the sweaty balls.

  22. Shamelessly Sassy

    I saw some multi-colored truck nuts the other day. In fact, my hometown might be the truck nuts capital of the world. I’ve even seen them with a little cherry symbol on one of the nuts. There are some things in life that I will never understand. And truck nuts are one of them. :cock:

  23. Jessica

    “To the numbnut executives who canceled Veronica Mars, Firefly, and Angel, but think it’s a good idea to bring back 90210.”

    TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN. AMEN!

    All I can do is sit home and watch my Firefly DVD’s and weep over the ONE SEASON! If I start talking about Veronica Mars I will just go bat shit.

  24. Avitable

    Dragon, hug? No, why would you ask?

    Junk, no, I’d rather suffer through the heat here.

    Marissa, because the executives are retards.

    LMSS, yeah, that would have been annoying, too.

    Robin, which are you?

    Greeneyezz, I don’t? I’m doing something wrong, then.

    Jeff, I used a program called GIF MovieGear.

    Mindy, I guess I should be more clear.

    TMP, you too!

    Liquid, I remember seeing that. Won’t actually become a law, unfortunately.

    Bubblewench, join the rant brigade!

    Heather, well, Buffy ended because SMG wanted it to end, actually.

    DB, that’s what my paysite, http://www.nakedavitable.com is for!

    Gwen, that’s true. I can figure out who I need to kill.

    Kay, you do read Britt, too, right? Talk about opinionated!

    Poppy, I don’t know exactly how friendly they are. *sob*

    Lynda, I agree with that, too.

    DebbieS, brilliant!

    Shelli, yeah I’m mad at myself, too!

    AmyD, damn straight.

    Mars, I don’t know either. I loved that show.

    Sheila, well, it was Friday.

    Mr. Fab, Chocolate Fribbles are amazing!

    Sandra, me too. Nothing’s quite like it.

    Kris, I only attack suspecting women in alleys.

    Cajunvegan, I agree.

    Meg, ooh, that is frustrating.

    Kylah, where’ve you been?

    Hilly, rawr?

    HG, it was!

    Hello, you did not! You are lucky you’re a redhead or I would have written you off by now.

    Misi, go to http://www.gravatar.com.

    BBM, do you mean an animated gif?

    Janna, wanna blow on them and cool them off?

    Sassy, truck nuts are bewildering!

    Stacey, there are no good ideas left.

    Jessica, same here.

    Sybil, I love me too!

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