To the idiot driving ten miles under the speed limit on a busy road.
To the twat making the ugly face at the cigarette smoke when sitting outside in the area designated for smokers.
To the Florida heat that has almost made my balls sweat off.
To the white trash mother ignoring her screaming baby in a nice restaurant.
To the rednecks with those truck nuts hanging from their bumpers.
To anyone, of either political party, who insinuates that someone likes a candidate because that person is brainwashed and can't think for themselves.
To the retard delivery guy who thinks that dropping a package is handling with care.
To anyone who is so blind as to think that all Republicans are Jesus freak morons or all Democrats are tree hugging pussies.
To Friendly's, for taking my favorite burger off of their menu.
To anyone who watched The Bill Engvall Show, Tyler Perry's House of Payne, or any show like that and keeps it on the air.
To the numbnut executives who canceled Veronica Mars, Firefly, and Angel, but think it's a good idea to bring back 90210.
To the social rejects who think extreme body modification is their way of expressing themselves.
To the lazy blogger who just writes a bunch of random one-liners instead of a real post.
To each and every one of you, I say:
Fuck you, you fucking fuckers.
If you're new to the horrors of Avitable.com, don't miss out. Subscribe to my RSS feed!
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How are you doing? Are you feeling alright?
Comments by Amanda
I'm just guessing here, but I think you had a bad day.
Comments by Mary
Could you add: To doctors and/or nurses who say, "How are WE today?" I don't know how they are, but if I wasn't feeling like shit, I wouldn't be there.
Oops, this is your blog, not mine.
Never mind.
Comments by Been there Done that
Are you being paid by The Incredible Hulk in a Pay Per Post?
Comments by Karl
They promo that fucking Bill Engval show 800 times a day while I'm trying to watch King of Queens each afternoon and I'm tired of it. I'm so sick of it I'll never watch that show even if it was the greatest show of all time.
Hope you feel better now that you got all that out of your system.
Comments by Jay
You mean there are Republicans that are not Jesus freak morons?
Signed
- tree hugging pussy
Comments by martymankins
How dare that cool restaurant I've never been to remove your fave burger? Those Fuckers. Buttfuckers even. Sheep fuckers. Grrr. I'm so pissed at them for you.
Comments by Winter
I take pride in my one line blog posts thank you very much you fucking fuck!
I'm not sure which smiley signifies the amount of sarcasm I just used.
Comments by that guy
I sincerely hope you're not referring to me here: "To anyone, of either political party, who insinuates that someone likes a candidate because that person is brainwashed and can't think for themselves."
Comments by Squeaky Wheel
Yeah, fuckers. What he said.
Comments by Tracy
You fucking win the fucking award for most fucking gratuitous use of the fucking word "fuck" in a single fucking post.
Fucker.
Comments by Stephanie
Oh yeah...did I mention that I'm trying to curb my constant swearing?
I'm doing pretty fucking well at it, too.
Comments by Stephanie
Avit,
Pretty fucking brilliant!
Jake
Comments by jake titus
My computer was going kind of slow so when I first seen your picture I was like, "aww... he posted a picture of himself!"
...And then I nearly peed because th...th...that moving face scared the hell out of me!
Oh, and uhm... you wouldn't happen to have some kind of weird anger problem, would you?
Comments by Amber
OMG! Are they really bringing back 90210?!? AWESOME!!
Ahem...
I mean, yeah. Yeah! YEAH! FUCK YOU!!!
Comments by Dave2
Fuck is such a perfect word.
Now I'm singing "So you had a bad day...." Urgh!
Comments by Penelope
Oh Avitable...I love you...but...
Dammit! Why don't they bring back MELROSE PLACE?!?!?!?!?!
Comments by Lisa
I don't know how you did that picture thingy, but it's mesmerizing. I can't look away...
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
That picture is creeping me out.
You need to work on being less aware of your surroundings. Like me. Then you won't even notice most of this shit!
Comments by Miss Britt
Are you preparing for your starring role in the remake of American Werewolf in London?
Comments by Turnbaby
you need to learn how to breathe more. that kinda anger can't possibly be healthy.
here, look at this:
Comments by hello haha narf
I'm with Fab. That picture is fascinating. In a freaky, scary way.
And a fuck you to the twats who fake cough when they walk by the smokers who are in their (pathetically small and very inconvenient) designated smoking area.
Comments by Cap
I might want to be you when/if I grow up.
Comments by golfwidow
I don't understand the balls hanging from the trucks thing. I guess it's what passes for classy in truck circles like Calvin peeing on the Ford logo?
Comments by Nat
Agree picture is fascinating but I am still getting my nipples pierced.
Comments by Zanthera
Damn...I was just saying to John that I think my new shiny 2008 Accord needs a pair of truck nuts!!!
Hallie
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/
Comments by Hallie
No - Fuck NBC for canceling Journeyman & renewing GODDAMN AMERICAN GLADIATOR!!!!!!!
Fucking IDIOTS.
And fuck you dude for scaring the shit out of me with that picture because I wasn't expecting it to move.
Comments by Maria
Friendly's took away the Quadruple CheeseBurger with a Pound of Bacon? Bastards.
BTW... is it true Shannen Doherty is coming back to the 90210 spin-off? I heard Jennie Garth was a definite... and if Shannen comes back... maybe we'll finally see some Brenda on Kelly action...
So much better than friggin' whiny "Oh woe is me! I'm Immortal and the girl I want to boink is supposed to kill me!" Angel.
Comments by NYCWD
Uh huh... fuck 'em all. I agree.
Comments by Sandi
Fuck every show that involves a top 10 countdown, an elimination, voting off, or celebrifuck reality!!!!!!
And fuck you too....and I mean that in the best way possible!!
Comments by metalmom
Are you sure you aren't going to jump out of the picture and onto my desk top?
On a side note, have you made an appointment with your hair stylist yet?
Comments by Trishk
Fuck you! I hope you have a good fucking day, fucker!
Comments by Suebob
Just wait until some jerkoff executive in the TV programming business brings back "Cop Rock".
Bwah ha ha ha ha ha !!!!!!
Comments by Blondefabulous
To smokers who use their habit as an excuse to take more infectious breaks than non-smokers.
Comments by whall
Amanda, peachy, why? :)
Mary, it's just been one of those fucking weeks.
BTDT, that's a good one, too.
Karl, you wouldn't like me when I'm hungry. Wait, that's not it.
Jay, I feel eerily calm now.
Marty, ya damn tree hugger.
Winter, have you at least heard of Friendly's?
That Guy, I need a sarcasm smiley, don't I?
Squeaky Wheel, nope. While you implied it, you didn't explicitly say it.
Tracy, if only they listened.
Stephanie, but I only used it three times in the whole post!
Jake, fucking A!
Amber, no, it's a perfectly normal anger problem.
Dave, really? You're excited about it too?
Penelope, ugh indeed!
Lisa, because that was a trashy, shitty show.
Fab, how many times have you ejaculated just looking at it?
Britt, woohoo! I scared you!
Turnbaby, actually, American Werewolf who doesn't leave his house in Orlando.
Hello, oh, c'mon. It's perfectly healthy!
Cap, exactly!
Golfwidow, everybody should.
Nat, I guess. Classy, or just retarded.
Zanthera, I said "extreme body modification." Nipple piercing is fine. Having your penis cut in half permanently on purpose is not.
Hallie, if you do that, I might not be able to read you anymore.
Maria, heh - did you jump a little? And I love American Gladiators - we fast forward through the talking and enjoy watching people getting the shit kicked out of them.
NYCWD, they had a tasty Vermont White Cheddar Burger on Ciabatta, which was sooo good. And Angel got much better once he got his own show. Blasphemer.
Sandi, good!
Metalmom, fuck you too!
TrishK, well, that picture is from a few months ago.
Suebob, fucking A, you too, ya fucking fucker.
Blondefabulous, my head would explode.
Wayne, they do, too!
Comments by Avitable
see, i don't criticize anybody or anything. I love everybody. You betcha.
Comments by RW
And fuck those people who choose to live in Florida and then complain about the heat.
Hi.
Comments by B.E. Earl
today i do believe i fit none of those criteria (unlike "things i hate about your blog"). which means for this moment in time, you love me best.
which is appropriate
Comments by Crys
oh, and you look hot in that gif
Comments by Crys
RW, especially Scientologists. You really love them!
BE Earl, that's what air conditioning is for!
Crystal, for all moments in time - who are you kidding?
Comments by Avitable
Need a hug, muffin?
BTW, you look like a badass in that gif. Love it!
Comments by Dragon
maybe you want to move North? But then, you'll be freezing your ass off 9 months out of the year. (according to this past year we just had)
Comments by stepping over the junk
Why'd they cancel Firefly anyway? I know that the response from fans was the biggest the company has seen to date to keep it on the air and bring it back.
'Course, getting a movie based on your canceled show? Irony at it's best.
Comments by Marissa
Holding in your feelings is not healthy. C'mon, tell us how you REALLY feel.
You should have seen the idiot parents who put their 2 yr old, in arm floaties, in our condo pool and then IGNORED him. I thought we were going to have to rescue the poor kid.
Comments by Little Miss Sunshine State
But but all the Republicans I know are Jesus freak morons and all the Democrats I know are tree hugging pussies. I'm confused.
Comments by Robin
You don't scare me.
;)
~ZZ
Comments by Greeneyezz
It must be that time of the month. People are unloading over at my place too.
Cool picture! I gots to learn me how to do that animated thing someday.
Comments by Jeff
So tell us what really pisses you off.
Comments by Mindy
Fuck you very much too!
Comments by themuttprincess
http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSN4O32105020080425
Comments by liquid
Damn right! Fuckers!
Comments by bubblewench
Works for me... btw, you look demonic when the speed of that video clip slows down.
Comments by maman
Amen, brotha! I'm with you on all points. And? Don't forget BUFFY!
Sacrilege...
Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
So ehm.. can you give a bit more "visual" detail on what it looks like when your balls have almost sweated off... Please?
Comments by DutchBitch
I'm with you on all points. I especially loathe those ball sac thingies on trailer hitches. Ugh.
Altho it does make it easier to spot the classless heathens.
Comments by Gwen
OK this might seem like ass kissing but truly I think I love you.
I have never found someone of the opposite sex that shared the exact same opinion as me. I am tired of being the only opinionated bitch Adam, tired. I too hate truck nuts and blogged about it broken hearted. I cannot stand white trash moms who don't take care of their kids.
And now that smoking is prohibited, the non smoking fucks that try to get us banned from what little we have? Bygones.
So what do you say? It might get a little sticky divorcing my husband and all but he doesn't understand me like you do!
Love,
your new stalker
Comments by Kay
Dear Fucker,
This is my favorite post of yours for all time. It even surpasses my birthday post which I'll never get again because even though I'm your favorite you can never top Poppy's Ark.
Signed,
Fucker
PS - Just tell Friendly's to MAKE your favorite burger! They're FRIENDLY, they'll do it! And if they don't just speak to the manager.
Comments by Poppy
I don't mind smokers smoking in the smoking area, but I don't really like when they smoke in an area clearly labeled non-smoking.
Comments by Lynda
And I don't mean that hotel room crap you guys had to go through at TequilaCon either. The hotel chain was wrong in that regard.
Comments by Lynda
Av, if your balls sweat off, just walk over to the nearest redneck truck and grab a spare pair ;) Problem solved!
Comments by DebbieS
This made me laugh just reading the title of the post in my reader. My favorite one, though, is To the lazy blogger who just writes a bunch of random one-liners instead of a real post.
Comments by Shelli
Fuck 'em all, right up the ass and straight to hell.
Comments by AmyD
I just watched a Firefly marathon on SciFi SWEET!!! How they could take that show off I'll never know!
Comments by Mars
In Chicago we now have to stand at least 15 feet from any door way (the "Clean Indoor Air Act" or someother ridiculous sounding bullshit name) ~ this means I have to stand in an alley next to a bunch of nasty dumpsters, doing my best to avoid getting squished by the delivery trucks.....all the while dealing with the *cough cough* of passersby.
Sounds like you've a rough week. Hope it gets better for you.
Comments by Sheila (Charm School Reject)
I really miss Friendly's. We didn't have them in Gville, and we don't have them here. I tried to explain to TB the oral orgasm that is the Chocolate Fribble, but it lost something in the translation.
Five. I have ejaculated five times so far to that picture.
Comments by Mr. Fabulous
God, I miss Veronica Mars.
Comments by sandra
That picture is freaking me out.
You look like one of those rapists on a Lifetime movie who is about to attack some unsuspecting woman in an alley.
Comments by Kris
I miss Firefly. Joss Whedon is a fucking genius.
Comments by cajunvegan
Can I add the Fedex delivery guy who left a package smack in the middle of my EMPTY carport mid-day, apparently not considering that I would return, possibly not be able to see it, and, um, CRUSH IT with the wheels of my high-profile vehicle? AAAARGH!
Comments by Meg
It's been a while since I've been here, and I must say this was the perfect thing to come back to.
Comments by Kylah
*Niiiice kitty*
Comments by Hilly
Oh...I have had days like that.
I hope your weekend is MUCH better!
Hee, hee.
J.
Comments by Hoosier Girl
i think i am one flamingo away from a redneck trailer because i totally considered those truck nuts for my suv. that thing is strong and i was impresed. told everyone what balls it had, then giggled like a lunatic when someone sent me a link for the truck nutz thingies. couldn't go through with it, but without a doubt i thought about it.
but i have read hair. do you still love me?
Comments by hello haha narf
OK. I get I'm a FUCKER!!! Wait no! the hell I'm not, but while you are so not my "normal style- I love your blog!!!!! Fucker:) and please, pretty please- enlighten me: how the hell can I get my pic to show up? Not that sketch????
Comments by misi
I need me one of those moving photo things of mad faces. Love it, and agree with you about all of the stuff you wrote. I once got in a huge online battle with some chick over politics because she did exactly what you said.
Comments by Black Belt Mama
Uh-oh.
I do the "random one-liner posts" a lot.
Sigh.
Well, at least I'm in good company.
I totally agree with you about the annoyance of moms ignoring their screaming kids.
And the annoyance of a restaurant taking your favorite thing off the menu.
Sorry to hear about the sweaty balls.
Comments by Janna
I saw some multi-colored truck nuts the other day. In fact, my hometown might be the truck nuts capital of the world. I've even seen them with a little cherry symbol on one of the nuts. There are some things in life that I will never understand. And truck nuts are one of them.
Comments by Shamelessly Sassy
90210? Good God, WHY?!
Comments by Stacey
"To the numbnut executives who canceled Veronica Mars, Firefly, and Angel, but think it's a good idea to bring back 90210."
TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN. AMEN!
All I can do is sit home and watch my Firefly DVD's and weep over the ONE SEASON! If I start talking about Veronica Mars I will just go bat shit.
Comments by Jessica
I love you, you scary man!
Comments by sybil law
Dragon, hug? No, why would you ask?
Junk, no, I'd rather suffer through the heat here.
Marissa, because the executives are retards.
LMSS, yeah, that would have been annoying, too.
Robin, which are you?
Greeneyezz, I don't? I'm doing something wrong, then.
Jeff, I used a program called GIF MovieGear.
Mindy, I guess I should be more clear.
TMP, you too!
Liquid, I remember seeing that. Won't actually become a law, unfortunately.
Bubblewench, join the rant brigade!
Heather, well, Buffy ended because SMG wanted it to end, actually.
DB, that's what my paysite, http://www.nakedavitable.com is for!
Gwen, that's true. I can figure out who I need to kill.
Kay, you do read Britt, too, right? Talk about opinionated!
Poppy, I don't know exactly how friendly they are. *sob*
Lynda, I agree with that, too.
DebbieS, brilliant!
Shelli, yeah I'm mad at myself, too!
AmyD, damn straight.
Mars, I don't know either. I loved that show.
Sheila, well, it was Friday.
Mr. Fab, Chocolate Fribbles are amazing!
Sandra, me too. Nothing's quite like it.
Kris, I only attack suspecting women in alleys.
Cajunvegan, I agree.
Meg, ooh, that is frustrating.
Kylah, where've you been?
Hilly, rawr?
HG, it was!
Hello, you did not! You are lucky you're a redhead or I would have written you off by now.
Misi, go to http://www.gravatar.com.
BBM, do you mean an animated gif?
Janna, wanna blow on them and cool them off?
Sassy, truck nuts are bewildering!
Stacey, there are no good ideas left.
Jessica, same here.
Sybil, I love me too!
Comments by Avitable