I have 13 minutes to write a post before I need to leave the house to pick up my wife at the airport. I could make her take a cab home, but I thought I'd surprise her. And maybe she won't be quite as annoyed at the state of the house.
12 minutes. I wish I had something to say that was profound or reflective on the recent drama, but I don't. I hope everybody can get on with their lives and get healed, emotionally, physically, and mentally.
11 minutes. So I picked up kids who weren't mine, took them to a house that wasn't mine, burned off my arm hair cooking burgers and hot dogs on a grill that wasn't mine, and then watched cartoons on a plasma TV that wasn't mine. It was a pretty decent Friday.
10 minutes. This whole writing one thought a minute is harder than I thought it would be.
9 minutes. Phew. I'm caught up now. Tonight I think I'm going out with Britt and her friend Erin from Iowa and Jared and others. We might try to go to the awesome karaoke place at Universal Studios. The place with a back-up band and back-up singers.
8 minutes. Of course, this means that I'll get to be designated driver, but I'm okay with that. I just go through the girls' purses when they're passed out and steal their money.
7 minutes. I still haven't watched the Top Chef finale because I was waiting to watch it with my wife, but I already know who won. And woohoo! Although fuck you RW for spoiling it!
6 minutes. Shit. The time it took to put that link in the last one made me behind on my time.
5 minutes. Last time I tried to surprise my wife at the airport, it was at 5 in the morning and I got up and drove to the airport, then called her cell a few minutes after her flight was supposed to land. She answered and told me she was in a cab halfway home because her flight was 20 minutes early! I almost cried.
4 minutes. I think the BK Double Stacker sandwich might be a perfect food.
3 minutes. For Father's Day, we are apparently going over to my parents' house to eat a dinner that my sister is going to cook. I subscribed my dad to a cigar of the month club and he gets 4-5 cigars every month and has for the last four years, so I don't have to get him a gift.
2 minutes. I tried Plurk and hated it. I'm sticking with Twitter. It's easy and simple. If you don't follow me, you should.
1 minute. Okay - have to go get dressed and head off. Everyone have a good weekend!
If you're new to the horrors of Avitable.com, don't miss out. Subscribe to my RSS feed!
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Have fun, dude. Say hi to Amy for me.
Comments by Karl
Yeah, because if we don't follow you on Twitter, how will we know when you post to your blog?
Comments by Dave2
That may have been the longest 13 minutes of my life.
And I already follow you, dude.
Comments by Tracy Lynn
Did you make it?
And Dave, you should try this new thing called RSS feeds. They are a miracle of modern technology.
Comments by Howard
You know, you said 13 minutes at the beginning, but that post only took me about 1.4 minutes to read. I feel like I've been cheated a little. But, I'll get over it.
Comments by Jay
sllllloooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwww painful death.
Comments by Stephanie
She answered and told me she was in a cab halfway home because her flight was 20 minutes early! I almost cried.
That's the kind of shit that always happens to me, but it continues with "I got home and kicked his ass because I couldn't go back to sleep."
Comments by metalmom
That's a lot of hair to burn on the grill... how long did that take?
Comments by Amanda
Thank the gods you're not leaving me to hang on Twitter. Jeez, get me hooked and then think about leaving.
Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
Amanda's comment was awesome!
And the way to avoid that .... is to get longer tongs.
Comments by Zom
i will totally admit to being curious as to the state of the house. and to amy's reaction.
Comments by hello haha narf
What Becky said ;-)
And LMAO @ Amanda's comment
Comments by Turnbaby
Amazingly, though that took 13 minutes to write, it probably took me 1/4 of that time to read....hehe...hope your arm hair is growing back in nicely...hope your wife doesn't flip out at the state of the house. :)
Comments by Cissa Fireheart
The Baconator is better!!
Comments by Blondefabulous
Welcome home Amy!! Don't blame Adam for the house...it's been a stressful week.
Comments by trishk
I have determined that I don't need Plurk, but I need Twitter like I need air.
Comments by golfwidow
Amy HAS to be a saint. For many reasons.
Stay away from Burger King - that stuff will kill you!
Enjoy your weekend.
J.
Comments by Hoosier Girl
13. I don't like it when you make her take a cab. I can't articulate why, other than it reminds me of times I'd rather forget.
12. :)
11. That's soooo awesome. Yay!
10. I bet!
9. Cool! Can't wait to hear all/a little about it... Monday's post? Or, maybe just flickr photos.
8. I really enjoy how you drive. It's like being in a video game. And I just assume you won't get me killed so I don't scream when a car almost hits you.
7. I watched half. I know RW "ruined" it but I'm secretly glad I know who won or else I would have spent the whole episode being pissed.
6. Yah... but you're writing a lot!
5. Well, don't give up. Which you're not. Which makes Poppy happy. Not that my happiness should dictate any choices you make in life. :)
4. I still haven't had one. I don't think I can handle that much cow at once, though.
3. Stepdad is getting a Home Depot card because he loooooves to just browse there. Dad got the secret link to my flickr, after its existence for 3 years, so he can keep in touch.
2. I'm never trying Plurk. I love Twitter, even when the whale is being carried by birds.
1. I am! You too!!! :)
Comments by Poppy
Karaoke with backup singers and a band??? If you sing, please take video.
Comments by student teacher (mcat)
This felt like an episode of 24...you know, only about 13 minutes of it.
Well done. 
Have a great weekend.
Comments by Dragon
I follow you on Twitter, you just don't follow ME.
Comments by Finn
I'd follow you to the end of teh internetz.
Oh, and plurk? I figure it won't be long before twitter has a timeline view. Or someone will make one.
Comments by whall
Comments by LizB
Did you pull any stunts when you picked up the Little Britts?
Comments by Gwen
By the way, I'm a huge Top Chef fan as well. In fact one of the contests was the inspiration for my Seven Deadly Sins Dinner.
Up here in Canada, we're a season behind and it's going to start up in a couple of weeks. I can't wait!
Comments by Dragon
You must type really fast. It took me 13 minutes to do this. My damn fingernails get in the way and I have to correct constantly.
Comments by MyWeeWorld
The BK Double Stacker is good, but it's no Wendy's Spicy Baconator. THAT shit was the perfect foot. Two patties, cheese, bacon and jalepeno peppers.
Then they stopped making it. Wendy's doesn't love me any more.
Comments by B.E. Earl
Have a great weekend!
I'll have to spend part of my Sunday with my skeevy, drunkass father-in-law.
God, Help me.
Where is SuperAvitable when I need him?!
Comments by sybil law
Oh - and I HATE Plurk.
Comments by sybil law
1 minute to get dressed? Did you go in boxer shorts and a pair of socks?
Comments by Rattling the Kettle
hope you made it to the airport in time.
Comments by Shamelessly Sassy
I haven't tried the BK double stacker yet, but may do so one of these days. I'll go in and say Avitable sent me. Certainly then they'll give me my meal for free.
Do you remember the old commercials for Smuckers, the ones that said "With a name like Smuckers, it's gotta be good!" ??
With a name like "Plurk"... Actually the first thing I think about is a fart.
Comments by Janna
At least you get to steal one of your dad's cigars and smoke it with him on Father's Day ... you are planning on doing this, right???
Comments by martymankins
I laughed out loud over the designated driver and the purses. You rule, dude.
Comments by Winter
"11 minutes. So I picked up kids who weren't mine, took them to a house that wasn't mine, burned off my arm hair cooking burgers and hot dogs on a grill that wasn't mine, and then watched cartoons on a plasma TV that wasn't mine. It was a pretty decent Friday."
Comments by Miss Britt
I would have cried and probably beaten him senseless but that's how we work :D
Comments by Robin
Karl, will do - look forward to seeing you this week!
Dave, is that sarcasm?
Tracy, if only I could make sex last that long.
Howard, he's being sarcastic - my Twitter posts every time I upload a photo or post a blog post.
Jay, read it another 8 times.
Steph, what? Reading that post?
Metalmom, well, it was my fault for trying to surprise her.
Amanda, the whole place smelled like seared gorilla for hours.
CMG, I know, it's torturous!
Zom, I know - she's a funny chick.
Hello, she was fine with it and just happy to be home.
Turn, she was happy!
Cissa, it wasn't too bad. She cleaned it all weekend, though.
Bondefabulous, hell no it's not!
TrishK, awww, thanks!
Golfwidow, I try to use Twitter sparingly. It's difficult.
HG, Burger King won't kill me - it's my friend.
Poppy, it's usually when she gets in really late or leaves during a workday. I'll never get you killed. And you can handle it. It's tasty!
Student Teacher, I never sing. It's a great place, though.
Dragon, I didn't write it with gravitas, though.
Finn, I don't? Are you sure? Well, that's fixed now.
Whall, yeah, that's what I figured. (About Twitter)
LizB, she was just happy to be home.
Gwen, I can't talk about it on the advice of my defense attorney.
Dragon, how do you avoid spoilers?
MyWeeWorld, do you have ghetto fabulous fingernails?
BE Earl, I don't like spicy food.
Sybil, he'd probably be helping your father-in-law feel you up.
Rattling the Kettle, pretty close.
Sassy, I made it with 30 seconds to spare!
Janna, I think of a creepy stalker.
Marty, nope - not a cigar person.
Winter, I do indeed rule.
Britt, I'll do it anytime.
Robin, if he missed you on the way to the airport?
Comments by Avitable