No, this is not a story about me getting my balls waxed. Someday, I promise.
This is a story of two naive fools – I’ll call them Shmritt and Shmadam. They decided to go out to lunch one fine day, but before reaching the restaurant, Shmritt decided that she needed to get gas. Shmadam waited patiently in the car – a Ford Mustang convertible with a vinyl cloth top – while Shmritt pumped gas next to his open window. “Should I get a car wash?” Shmritt asked.
“Sure,” said Shmadam. So Shmritt paid the extra money for a car wash, finished pumping her gas, and proceeded to drive her convertible over to the automated car wash. She pulled in and stopped when the light flashed “Stop”, and Shmritt and Shmadam waited for the wash to begin.
At this point, Shmritt and Shmadam learned something very valuable. They learned that even though the top of a convertible appears to be sealed when it is closed, it is not. They learned this the hard way, when the suds and water, backed by PSI the strength of a fire hose, sprayed through the space where the convertible top and the window met, thoroughly soaking both occupants on their respective window sides.
“Oh fuck me up the street!” Shmritt exclaimed, as the automated apparatus slid back and the water ceased flowing.
“I don’t think we’re done yet,” Shmadam replied, pointing to the electronic sign indicating the progress of the car wash.
“Hot Wax! Warning!” the sign read. And the apparatus began to move back towards the car.
“AAHHHHHHHH!” the two fools screamed in unison and simultaneously huddled in the middle of the car, where the gear shift stuck uncomfortably into Shmadam’s thigh.
“Oh God we’re going to die.” Shmadam said. “I’m sorry I told you that you were cherubic.”
“I’m sorry I tried to burn you with my lighter, ” Shmritt sobbed.
“YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND AND I LOVE YOUUUU!” the two fools yelled at each other as they hugged in the middle of the car and watched the hot wax began to spray.
At this point, the two fools learned that the hot wax does not spray with the same pressure as the water and suds, and, in reality, just kind of drizzles.
“Ahem,” said Shmadam as they drove out of the car wash of death.
“You’re still a fucker,” replied Shmritt.
The End.
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:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Those poor bastards.
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:lmao:
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Twitter: karensugarpants
says:
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
What a couple of toolkits!
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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That is hilarious!
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
You did a good job disguising your names
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
Shmearl has no idea who you are talking about.
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I totally own a convertible, and have done a very similar maneuver when washing my car as well!!
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
This one time, in band camp, shmwynn did the same thing with his convertible! And a flute.
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And THATS why I only let hot teenage cheerleaders, wearing string bikinis and covered in thick steamy suds, wash my car. It’s all about trying to connect with the communuity.
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That’s fucking hilarious.
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I totally thought you were going to wax your balls – really.
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Twitter: Blogography
says:
Is there somewhere that we can donate to psychological counseling for these two poor souls? Maybe with some help they can put the horror of this incident behind them and move on?
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Hmmm Shmritt and Shmadam, Shmritt and Shmadam, nope! Doesn’t ring a bell! :lmao:
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I like how you so craftily “encrypted” the names so nobody can know who you’re talking about. Hypothetically.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
i might have paid money to have seen that little adventure in car washing. hehe
ya know, saturday looks like a terrific day for ball waxing. i’m just sayin…
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:lmao: :lmao: Seriously?!!! :lmao:
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I used to own a convertible. I’ve had leaks in the car wash, but nothing like that. THAT is epic.
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That is extremely touching.
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Now THAT’S classic! Fuckin hysterical! I can just imagine it too!
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It’s somehow amusing to imagine you screaming like a schoolgirl.
Or… maybe arousing…
No.
Mostly amusing.
:lmao:
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Oh my god that is so cute!!! You two…. that’s why I read this blog.
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This is some funny shit.
Hallie
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/
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The adventures of Frick and Frack get better every day! :lmao: :lmao:
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LMAO too funny!
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I always wanted a convertible. At least now I can console myself with how horribly leaky they really are and feel better about my own non-fun car. :batting:
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At least by the time they got back to work they smelled better.
Too funny!! :lmao: :lmao:
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Twitter: blondefabulous
says:
:clap: Ah ha ha ha ha!
OMG! That had to look absolutely hilarious!
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That is hilarious! I totally would’ve been huddled in the middle too – expecting scalding wax to come shooting in and give me third degree burns. Good to know that’s not the case. Hope the car’s all right…
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
That was a beautiful story…I’m all vaclemped.
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Twitter: nycwatchdog
says:
In hindsight… you should have laid on the hood.
The aftermath of that would have made Steve Carrell from the 40-Year Virgin look like a chump.
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My friend Schmwen made the same mistake with her convertible.
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He he. I love Schmritt and Schmadam.
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that’s classic
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For some reason I feel like I’ve met these two.
Jan
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That sounds like that one time that Shmucky….
… hey, that really doesn’t work to good for my name. :dunce:
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
Come on, you made this up, right? :lmao:
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Twitter: mamandesfilles
says:
That made me laugh out loud. Thank you Adam.
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OH. MY. GOD.
I needed that laugh!
(and this is where I should be sorry it is at your expense, but nah.)
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Awesome story! Remind me to tell you the one about my friend who Naired his balls. Yikes.
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Shmritt, I know!
BPR, and then my nakey got big and strong.
Karen, I know – couple of ‘tards.
Just Me, drenchingly funny.
Amanda, whose names? These are two completely different people.
BE Earl, that’s shmgood.
Sheila, so it’s not just her car – that’s good to know.
Wayne, have you really?
ShmY2K, that’s totally what I’m suggesting next time.
Sizzle, suuuure, laugh at our pain.
Judy C, someday I will and I’ll get it on video.
Dave, just make the check out to the Catholic Association for Stupid Humans. The initials will be easier to write than the whole name.
Kay, it’s a shmrystery.
Karl, allegedly.
Hello, what are you, a weatherman now?
Mindy, unfortunately, yes.
Winter, it was crazy!
Manager Mom, well, she might have accidentally touched my no-no spot.
Bubblewench, I can imagine it like it happened two and a half days ago.
Janna, you’re playing with yourself right now, aren’t you?
Em, we’re like Three Stooges rolled into two.
Hallie, it was a death-defying stunt.
Metalmom, she’s Frack.
~Kat, maybe. Or maybe it’s just not funny enough. I should add in somewhere that one of us lost an eye.
Kyra, if you want, you can roll down the windows a crack and go through the drive-through car wash for a similar expernce.
TrishK, you’d think, but Shmritt still smelled kind of funky.
Blondefabulous, it was like out of a sitcom.
Jenny, the car looks all pretty now!
Robin, dude. You’re fucking Jewish. It’s verklempt. You do this just to make my head explode, don’t you?
NYCWD, that is true, and he wasn’t even acting when they did that.
Gwen, she must be just as retarded as these two!
Student Teacher, I mainly love Shmadam.
Jennifer, nah, it was a newer car.
Jan, ya think?
Bucky, that’s true. I bet you never played that “banana banana bo banana” game with your name either.
Finn, I wish. Completely 100% true.
Maman, my pain is at your service.
TMP, I’m used to it.
Tracy, how did that go? I’m considering that instead of waxing.
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Shmritt sounds hot. That Shmadam sounds like a fraidy cat. :lmao:
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:clap:
I love you two!
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
That’s awesome. You two have the most fun!
So… no car washes for convertibles, eh? Hmm. Who knew? (hehehehehehe)
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You should really write children’s books. That is an awesome story. I laughed.
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:clap: did you jiggle it?
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Stories like these are what keeps me coming back. Nice going, Shmadam. :lmao:
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I have never known two people to so consistently have these kind of repeated adventures. Cracks me up totally. :lmao:
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:lmao: That is hilarious!!
If you ever decide to ditch the gorilla look you could get sorted out pretty quick with the roof down huh?
Umm…I don’t mean YOU…I mean…ummm….Schmadam (Madam?? Okayyyy)
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Twitter: Jayman3768
says:
I was touched by the way Shmadam jumped in front Shmritt to protect her from the hot wax. What’s that? It was Shmritt who protected Shmadam? Well, that’s sweet too, I guess.
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Oh Schmadam, you’re hilarious! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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I don’t believe you. Need photo proof of this event.
:dunce: :lmao:
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If only you would name names so we’d know who this happened to (kidding, I did get it)
That was hysterical, especially now that we know you are fine.
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Hmm…so how was lunch?
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I literally LOL’d cause I could picture it so vividly.
You should take Hello up on the ball waxing–she’ll hold your hand while you scream in agony :batting:
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Holy fuck! That made me laugh so hard my face hurts. Your pain amuses me.
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Hee. Don’t you just hate it when you’re facing certain death with another person?
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Twitter: tlkaply
says:
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :loser: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :thumbsup:
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:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
BEST. POST. EVER.
And, look, it’s totally possible to do that without anyone screwing a snake or giving a dolphin head. Amazing, isn’t it? :heartbeat:
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My friend Schmug was just wondering if her convertible should go through an automatic washer-er…now she knows, thanks for that. :lmao:
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I love this story.
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You know all those car washes have video cams, right? So when we see this on AFV….
:lmao:
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Twitter: shellimil
says:
I love Shmritt and Shmadam! I hope they become a regular feature here.
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Twitter: Readerwrites
says:
I… feel like that has happened to me or someone I know. Like, recently even. Hm.
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Twitter: maria0305
says:
LOL.
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Riveting.
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Schmrephanie wonders if the hot air blew through and burnt you? :deadhorse:
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Dragon, he’s a pussy.
Sybil, you mean those two, right?
Poppy, and now you know!
Lynda, I could see the title. “How not to be a fucking retard.”
BPR, until it spat at me.
LizB, who’s Shmadam?
WillieG, we’re two smart people that don’t think all the time.
Penelope, the gorilla look is so “in”, though.
Jay, Shmritt is a real gentleman.
Krystle, why yes, he is. Whoever he is.
Marty, video would have been better.
RadioactiveGirl, we squeaked by on the hair on my back.
Barb, wet.
Turnbaby, she’d be the one making it agonizing!
Gwen, my pain amuses me, usually, too.
Steve, you say all types of unnecessary things.
Tracy, you’d probably ride your scooter into a car wash.
AmyD, yeah, but those are what really defines me.
Shmug, glad I could straighten that out for you.
Delmer, thanks!
Mari, I should have asked for the tape.
Shelli, one day it will end in death.
Nina, hm!
Maria, omg.
Schadenfreude, succinct.
Stephanie, no, the drizzle was so negligible that we wouldn’t even have noticed.
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Twitter: s_csr
says:
Hmm….you must talk to my brother. He always calls us “Shmeila” and “Shmoel”.
ANYway, too hilarious. I’m so damned unlucky my car would flood and I would get scalded by the wax.
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Sheila, ah, but you haven’t done that, have you? Your luck is holding!
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You really took a shine to each other.
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Ouch. That was a bad one.
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Of course they are! I was just complimenting your non-porn awesome post ability. :angel:
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AmyD, I bet you’re not going to compliment me now that I insulted your music tastes!
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