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Ready for Monday

You’d probably think, with my lazy-ass posts on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, that I have some amazing and interesting stories to tell about an action-packed weekend. And maybe I do, but today I’m just going to share the boring ones:

Friday. Amy declared that she was going to lay on the couch, watch TV, and didn’t plan on getting up or doing anything for at least 12 hours. I called my friend Clown, and we decided to do some work on the Halloween decorations. And yes, I know I promised you an announcement about Halloween, but I’m waiting on one straggler who has to give me something first before I can do so.

I know that July seems early to be working on decorations, but we’ve actually been working on them since June. We have a lot to build, and four months isn’t that much time! This is especially true because Clown and I are not the world’s best handymen. When it comes to anything like building or construction, we’re each half-retarded. While for most people, this would mean that by working together, you’d get one competent worker, that’s not true in our case. In our situation, it means that we operate as one full retard. As a result, we have to build in plenty of time for fuck-ups, mis-measurements, injuries, and multiple trips to Home Depot.

We worked through the afternoon with very few problems or injuries, except for when I accidentally stuck my hand into the ceiling fan while declaring my awesomeness as a carpenter. I was very proud of myself because I managed to use that saw that you use to cut through wood on sawhorses with the guide and the circular blade – whatever it’s called – and I cut a pretty straight line with only a few problems! I’m like Bob fucking Vila!

Since Amy was still enjoying the comfort of the couch on Friday night, I headed over to Britt’s to play Guitar Hero III wish Jared a happy birthday. Britt cooked dinner and offered me steak that she bought at Wal-mart. I tried to politely decline but was overridden, told to “sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up” and so I ate my delicious steak, mashed potatoes, and broccoli covered in a cheese-like substance. The homemade cake was really good, although I did have to apologize to the whole family for eating most of it and rubbing it on my nipples.

Then we played Guitar Hero III for the Wii. I’d never seen the game played before, and it’s a pretty cool game. Britt and Jared improved rapidly, although Jared’s friend Tom kicked everyone’s ass with his mad guitar skillz. I do have video of Britt playing that I will post if I have a chance. There’s nothing funnier than seeing a little blonde firecracker yelling at the screen and jumping up and down while trying to jam on a plastic guitar. I played two songs – just enough to realize that I was horrible at it and that I wanted to get the game for myself so I could practice in the privacy of my own house. I can type 100 words a minute and can read 1000 words a minute, but I cannot press a button and strum at the same time. Yet.

Then, a little after 1 AM, I drove home.

Saturday. I don’t really remember what I did on Saturday. I think we went out to lunch, and took a long afternoon nap, and we watched “No Country for Old Men”. That was a very good movie, and while I understand why the film ended the way it did, I wanted more. That’s all I remember about Saturday, though.

Sunday. We got up around 7 and went to breakfast. I love taking waffles or pancakes, smothering them in syrup, and then putting sausage links around the border of the plate to soak up the extra syrup.

After breakfast, we went over to the movies and saw an early show of “Hancock”. I had already seen it on Thursday and really enjoyed it and wanted Amy to see it as well. For a Sunday morning show, the theater was surprisingly busy, and we had a couple of old fucking busybodies behind us who would not shut up throughout the entire movie. I have no problem telling obnoxious people to shut up in the movies, but I was feeling generous and decided to let these wastes of flesh live for once.

Amy enjoyed “Hancock” as much as I did, and I cannot understand the hate that it’s getting from the critics. The critics of all people should know that it was directed by Peter Berg, who makes movies that merge humor and drama (“Very Bad Things” and “The Kingdom” come to mind), and why they would expect a typical superhero beats up the bad guy flick is beyond me. It’s a hard film to market, though, and I wish they had just gone with an “R” rating and told the full story that needed to be told. All in all, it was a thousand times better than “Wanted” and a movie that I’ll be getting on DVD, when it will hopefully be released replete with extras.

After the movie, we jumped in the pool for a bit and I got to play with my brand new video camera, which has underwater capabilities:

Then we ordered lunch, took a 3-4 hour nap, and relaxed for the rest of the evening. All in all, it was a great weekend. No stupid fireworks, no stupid cookouts, no stupid travel, just stupid relaxing.

What did you do this weekend?

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60 Replies to “Ready for Monday”

  1. Kris

    Marched way too far (ok, I walked dammit) in a parade and then walked four more blocks (after totally frying my hips in the parade) to the river to see fireworks. I’m glad I live so close to the river sometimes, but damn…I swear I’m making someone push me in a wagon or something next year.

    And then today I used all the child/slave labor I had to get four huge black construction bags full of stuff out of the craft/play room. Another huge bin of Goodwill stuff will be hauled off tomorrow. And two big boxes of books and VHS tapes to be donated to the library.

    Huzzah. All that work has me parched. Where’s the vodka? :martini:

  2. bluepaintred

    I really enjoyed wanted. I love AJ. Hubs and me dithered for a goof forty minutes on whether to see wanted or Hancock. Wanted won simply by having an earlier start time, but Hancock is next on our list!

    Your new camera is cool.

  3. little_lj

    Long-time reader, first time commenter…

    Well, I’m British living in New York City and this was my first 4th of July!

    I ate a chili dog, drank my weight in sangria and passed out on the floor. I believe there were fireworks at some point, but my memory refuses to confirm or deny this.

    So, considering this was my first time… Did I do it right?

  4. Grant

    On Friday I slept fitfully, ate leftovers, pooped painfully (felt like passing flaming sandpaper), drove to the hospital for a replacement antibiotc IV, and watched movie reruns while laying naked (except the omnipresent IV bag and drain tube) on an air mattress in the living room. It was so much fun I did it again Saturday and Sunday. In fact, I think I’ll do it again for the next fifteen days except that Mon – Fri I’ll also throw in 8 hours of work. Woot!

  5. Jay

    No fireworks here. Well, except for the one’s my drunk-ass neighbors shot off at 1 am. But, Mr. Policeman showed up before I could go join them and help drink their beer.

    That’s about it.

  6. Amanda

    Was that a Housten’s you ate lunch at? I’m jealous.

    I went to a cookout, saw Hancock, worked, watched 10000 BC and played tiger woods outside with a projector, played guitar hero aerosmith.

  7. Y2K Survivor

    I spent the whole fucking weekend looking, waiting, searching, obsessing over your lack of a fucking blog post.

    OH and I spent the rest of the time with freinds and family and had a wonderful time.

  8. Karen Sugarpants

    Thursday – date w/Daren. We saw Wanted.
    Friday – baseball, then the bar for drinks and dancing (it was my birthday)
    Saturday – stag & doe for friends (more drinking and dancing)
    Sunday – had my kid brother and his wife-to-be over for a BBQ.
    Full weekend!
    And holy shit I love your camera!

  9. NYCWD

    I am grateful that your underwater camera experiment never went below the waist considering your petulance for swimming in your birthday suit.

    But it is a pretty cool looking pic underwater.

  10. Poppy


    I tell you GH3 is fun and you tell me you’ll never play it.

    Britt tells you, “play it, fucker!” and you do it.

    Jumps off bridges.

    Dear Britt, next please tell him to visit NYC. Thanks.

  11. Squeaky Wheel

    Thursday – bought a car.
    Friday – went to a family shindig and rode fun off-road vehicles, because that’s what rednecks do.
    Saturday – went to a BBQ and drank beer while oo-ing and ah-ing over motorcycles, because that’s what rednecks do.
    Sunday – found out there’s a mealworm shortage in Memphis. Was not happy, because that’s all my gecko eats.

    Also watched “Fast Food Nation” (I understand what they were trying to say, but laaaaame, yo) and “Children of Men” (I’ll admit, there were a couple of places where I was literally at the edge of my seat). And played Wii.

    That video is funny, if only for the underwater smile. You should have said, “CHEESE!” while you were down there.

  12. The Absurdist

    Very Bad Things got such a bad rap. I own that movie, and thought it was awesome! A lot of dark shit came out around that time. I also like “A Simple Plan” and own that as well, but no one got into that. I guess it was too depressing or weird or something.

    Sounds like you had a fantastically yuppie weekend!

  13. Maria

    I remember seeing NCFOM in the theater and at the end everyone stayed seated and silent when the screen went black, waiting for something else. Then when the credits rolled there was a crowd wide ‘huuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh?’ that developed into ‘aaaaaaawwwwwwwww!’. From like every single person, and then laughter from the fact that we all had the same reaction.

    I understood and loved the ending after a few hours of thinking about it, but I really didn’t appreciate it’s significance to the film until a few days.

    And um, dude. Hancock was not very good. It just wasn’t. The first half had serious potential, but the second half just fell completely off and sideways. Jason Bateman was good in it. But the back story between the two was utterly predictable, the acting was sub par for Will and they left too many things unexplained [can Charlize control the weather or not goddamnit?], and ignored too many potentially golden paths. And tell me that wasn’t the WORST ‘epic bad vs good’ battle ever in the history of the world. A bunch of escaped prisoners vs one kinda-becoming-mortal hero? And it took Will & Charlize how long to ‘die’?

    I enjoyed it, and will DVR it when it comes onto cable but it’s not something that I’d be stampeding over 4 years olds to go see. Except that end scene with Mike Epps. That shit was hilarious.

    See Wanted, if you haven’t. That’s pretty good. And I’m off, now that I’ve left a comment as long as your post. I’m sorry.

  14. Little Miss Sunshine State

    Worked all day friday and saturday. Because there are people who simply MUST shop at Pottery Barn on a holiday weekend.

    Sunday I cleaned my walk-in closet and took apart the clothes dryer to figure out why it was screaming like a banshee. Then I baked sugar cookies and watched the Sox-Yankees.

  15. Finn

    I’m a little disappointed in the video. You couldn’t act out the “Inquisition” scene from “History of the World, Part I”? The water ballet part? I expected better from you.

  16. Sybil Law

    I am so grateful there are no dolphins in your pool!
    Although, I can’t believe there was no nakedness. WTF?!
    I hung out with family this weekend, and did a whole lotta nothing.
    Then, this morning, I got an email from my father-in-law telling me I singlehandedly ruined his marriage to his 2nd wife.
    True story. And I don’t even care!
    Your weekend sounds better. Can we trade?

  17. whall

    We had similar weekends – steak, mashed potatoes, guitar hero 3… We had ~20 or so people over and the grill helped us make steak, bison, chicken, brats, grillmaster hot dogs. GH3 Aerosmith dominated our TV for the weekend as relatives who do not have the game clamored to be next.

    A nice side benefit is that with all the guitar hero playing, my profile jumped up to 844th place for the Aerosmith game!

  18. Shelli

    I’m commenting on your post backwards…

    I did a lot of relaxing and spent a lot of time on the toilet, which I am sure is what you were looking for when you asked us what we did this weekend. I also fell and cracked my head on the drawer that is part of my bed frame. Yes, I’m graceful.


    I want to see Hancock and I couldn’t care less if I ever see another movie that stars Angelina Whorlie.

    Finally, while I am glad you didn’t cut your hand off while constructing, I’m pretty sure that if you were Bob Fucking Vila, you would know the names of the tools you were using.

    Hey! We were commenting on each other’s blogs at the same time. Can you say ESP connection?

  19. B.E. Earl

    Replace Guitar Hero with Rock Band and my weekend was pretty damn similar. Except breakfast on Sunday was at 11AM, not 7AM. And I hate pancakes and waffles with syrup. Nope…corned beef hash, a couple of eggs, a bagel with cream cheese. Yeah, boy!

  20. turnbaby

    Drinking of beer in the streets, the yummy Irish bar then a friend’s house for a cookout.

    Much playing of Mob Wars.

    Delivery of the MostAwesome. Bed. Ever.

    Breaking in of same during a lazy rainy Saturday πŸ˜‰

    Lots of cooking.

    Watched the Coke Zero 400.

    More Mob Wars.

    More cooking.

    Radio show.

  21. martymankins

    For a post that started out explaining about how lazy you were, you sure did a lot over the weekend.

    Mine started on Friday morning, getting ready to head up to Bear Lake, UT. The next 30 hours were spent drinking, eating, more drinking, a bit more drinking, sex, sleeping, cooking 2 lbs of bacon and 6 eggs, eating scones, drinking, more drinking, out on a friend’s boat (I didn’t drive.. was only a sun-baked passenger), eating, resting, driving home.

    Then Sunday was rest, work, blog post, tennis, eating, drinking, more drinking, eating, horsehoes, driving home, sleeping. End of weekend.

    Glad you asked.

  22. Sarah

    It sounds like you had a good weekend.
    I had an okay weekend. I got a little too drunk on Saturday and got to work hungover on Sunday, where I was constantly yelled at for four hours. But all in all it was a pretty good weekend.

  23. SJ

    Stayed in the pool for nearly six hours and didn’t get sunburned! Miracle skin stuff. Also stayed on my eating plan, which is another miracle. And watched Planet Terror for the very first time.

    There is nothing better than swimming naked.

  24. Coal Miner's Granddaughter

    Our weekend:
    – Pediatric ER
    – BBQ chicken
    – Staying at home on Saturday and nursing my headache and Ty’s broken toe.
    – Staying at home on Sunday to clean the house top to bottom (shut up) for the impending visit of Ty’s 14-year-old cousin J (shut up).

    Underwater capabilities? Does that mean we get to see your nutsack underwater? Hmmmmm?

  25. Avitable

    Kris, you walked in a parade in the middle of summer? Brave woman.

    Jared, I wasn’t invited.

    BPR, I hate AJ, but she was good in Wanted.

    Little LJ, I think you did it right, although you did keep all of your fingers and toes.

    Grant, I hate pooping flaming sandpaper.

    Jay, I would think Arkansas would be firework-central. The camera does work in salt water, too.

    Amanda, that was a Houston’s – nice eye!

    KG, it’s so true, too.

    Y2K, sorry to have caused you all the consternation.

    Dave, who was wearing pants? πŸ˜€

    BB, it wasn’t really a funny video, though, was it?

    Libragirl, same here.

    Hello, Youtube doesn’t like those types of videos.

    Britt, suck my nuts.

    Karen, stag and doe? What does that mean?

    Hallie, I played with my wiener in the water too.

    NYCWD, and grateful is what you should be!

    Robin, I can imagine.

    RW, and now I know you didn’t exaggerate at all!

    Poppy, if you bought it and invited me over, I’d come play it!

    Squeaky Wheel, off-road vehicles, eh?

    Absurdist, yuppie? What’s yuppie about that?

    Maria, the second half was the best part of Hancock, and the twist wasn’t predictable at all. It’s explained that the two of them put off a ton of heat, which is where the weather came from. And there wasn’t an epic battle – that’s the point. The battle was with Hancock realizing that to live, he had to leave.

    LMSS, ooh, sugar cookies.

    Student Teacher, I’m firmly convinced that people who didn’t like it just didn’t get it.

    Mike, we can be Bob Vila twins.

    Finn, ooh, I should have! Maybe next time.

    Charlene, it’s a Sanyo Xacti. And what is plawyk?

    Dragon, stupid relaxing is where I’m a Viking!

    Sybil, I wish I had dolphins!

    Stacey, you’re a crazy fucker!

    Wayne, ooh, bison. I like bison.

    Shelli, it’s a round saw thingie.

    TrishK, alcohol kills germs – have more wine.

    Manager Mom, I hope things are okay.

    BE Earl, you hate pancakes and waffles??!??

    Turnbaby, ew, don’t want to hear about the breaking in!

    Marty, that sounds pretty action packed, too.

    Bossy, yup! And we even had the same seat.

    Summer, that’s why you should read reviews.

    Sarah, you had to work on Sunday?

    Meg, yeah, me too.

    Stephanie, at the same time?

    Karl, it’s clearly your fault.

    SJ, swimming naked is very fun. Unless there are little fishies.

    Beth, does cheap sex involve a tawdry motel?

    Heather, you poor guys!

  26. BlondeBlogger

    I can’t seem to comment on your other post. The formatting is messed up (I can’t tell if it’s the video of you in the pool that’s doing it or the widget for the radio show…but either way I can’t get to comments). I tried clicking on the post title and even then it just showed me sidebar stuff underneath the post.

  27. Avitable

    Poppy, yeah, I know. But I only play with my Wii.

    Sybil, dirty dolphin perv.

    Blondeblogger, I think it might be something with the radio show and Internet Explorer. You should be using Firefox as it is, anyways.

  28. BlondeBlogger

    Actually, to prove my dunce-ness even more…no it’s still not working for me. I really liked that post, too. I wanted to see how people responded to it. *sigh*

    Let me just say here that I never think your blog could ever be “stagnant.” I will always love it (even if I don’t like the header personally, but you probably already guessed that about me, lol)

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