I read an article about a guy who faked heart attacks to get out of paying for goods and services.
Quoted from the article:
“[The] man took a cab to a mall Monday and pretended to have a heart attack. The cab driver left unpaid.
Authorities say the man then ran up a $23 bill when he had a steak dinner at Applebee’s. He again pretended to have a heart attack.”
Umm, does anyone else see the flaw in this guy’s logic? I mean, he got caught, so his scams didn’t last too long, but how exactly did that work?
CABBIE: Okay, pal, that will be $18.PASSENGER: (clutches chest) AGGGGHHHH! I can’t feel my arm! I’m having a heart attack!
CABBIE: Oh Jesus! I’ll drive you to the hospital!
PASSENGER: Nah, NNGGNNNNNN, that’s okay. AARAGHHHHHHH. I’ll just go take some aspirin. MWWARGGHHHH. Let me pay you–OH GOD THE PAIN IN MY CHEST IT’S LIKE A BOA CONSTRICTOR SQUEEZING EVERY DROP OF LIFE OUT OF MY HEART!
CABBIE: Are you sure that you don’t want me to take you to the hospital?
PASSENGER: No, it’s okay MMMMARRGGNNN. I think I’ll be fine, NNGGGAAYYYYNNN but I don’t think I can pay you. It’s too painful WHHHHARRGGGGIINNNN.
CABBIE: No problem! Hope your heart attack feels better. (drives away, whistling happily)
I just can’t see how he got away with it. Next time, instead of faking a heart attack, just shit your pants. They’ll be eager to get rid of you, and they won’t want your stinky, shitty money. It’s foolproof.
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Nice try.
I don’t care how shitty your pants are, I still want my fucking paycheck.
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I don’t know what’s scarier…you using shitty money or the fact that Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam are in your Last fm widget.
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
Wouldn’t you think the hospital bill would be much, much more than the steak dinner? He must have kick ass insurance
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
Bitch moan whine complain, repeat.
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Yet another helpful example of harnessing the lucrative possibilities of bodily fluids. Vomit, similarly, is under utilized as a moneymaker.
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I need to try some variation of this as long as I still have a drain tube (the drain tube is a plastic tube ending in a squeeze bulb like the thing that pumps up the manual blood pressure cuff, only clear so it displays the fluid it is collecting) and my IV bag running into my arm. I already scare people with my fishbelly skin, exposed tubes, and medical equipment plugged into me, so faking something medical shouldn’t be too difficult. I think I’ll go to a bank and use my apartment to secure an equity loan to buy viagara (based on my e-mail spam folder, there’s a lot of that available) then pretend to have a massive attack of advanced AIDS. I can uncap the squeeze bulb and threaten to spray anyone who tries to collect a bill from me. Let’s test it – give me a dollar or I’ll hose you down with gay.
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
I pretended that I had a heart attack the last time I filled up the gas tank.
No one cared.
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Twitter: maria0305
says:
I would have gotten paid. Fuck a heart attack. Gimmie my money. And a tip.
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Twitter: nycwatchdog
says:
Dinner – $23.00
Ambulance Ride- $500
ER Cardiac Workup- $3,750
ER Cardiologist bill- $1,200
Yeah… real good scam. Hopefully they gave him the $1.00 psych eval and threw him in for a few weeks.
The whole shit your pants bit though… brilliant!
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Read Choke by Chuck Palahniuk, need I say more?
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I got a free mini-brownie by simply refusing to pay the extortionate price for it yesterday. ‘$1.49 for a mouthful at best?! No thank YOU!’ I said. ‘You’re right, here, have it on me,’ replied the store clerk.
At least that’s the reason I’m telling myself and it had NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with the lowcut shirt or cheeky wink I gave him.
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I read that. What a tool. I mean come on, if you can’t afford Applebees…..damn.
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True story: (the whole shitting the pants thing reminded me)
We were at dinner tonight, hubs went to the restroom, and someone had shit all over the toilet, seat, and then kindly left his soiled UNDERWEAR hanging off the handrail. Classy.
Thank you for having your show on nights I am off work…Signed, Midnight Toker. :woohoo:
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And to think I felt guilty helping myself to a cup of coffee at the bank yesterday when I was only there to pick up a form and not actually do any transactions.
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I use eczema. Works every time and is not as drastic. “Let me go or I shall rub my elephant skin upon you!”
Stuff like that.
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Yeah, I don’t see how that works. Don’t most people stick around and call 911 when someone’s having a heart attack?
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Omg…I think I saw that guy at Applebee’s. It was just me and my daughter and “that guy” in the whole restaurant. It grossed us out and now I have to get my food to go.
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
Maybe the cab driver just didn’t give a shit.
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Twitter: blondefabulous
says:
Per chance the cabbie was an illegal alien who did not want his status revealed to all and sundryby playing the hero and “saving” this man who was having a heart attack??
Still, faking a heart attack is a shitty thing to do…..
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
I’m with you — crazy trumps everything. Even people with knives and guns stay away from a crazy motherfucker.
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Twitter: tlkaply
says:
You aren’t fooling me. There is NO WAY that you would shit on money. :finger:
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As with others, I’m a bit puzzled not by the man’s attempts to get free goods and services, but the lack of people reacting to his heart attacks in public places.
Unless everyone around him is in on the whole thing. Which would then explain their lack of reactions, but their increased lack of decent acting skills.
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Twitter: s_csr
says:
:2girls: :bukkake:
I have nothing to say but damn did these little these crack me up.
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Twitter: s_csr
says:
these little things….not these little these.
Whoops.
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I can see it on snopes already. “People shitting themselves to avoid paying for dinner.”
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Seriously! How in the hell did that work? Those were my thoughts, exactly! WTF?!
I’ll be listening tonight – wearing nipple clamps!
Haha
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:shit: That’s all…
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
dammit, lisa took my comment! i was hoping to get to use :shit: icon.
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I’ve been in cabs where it smells like the passenger before tried the shit his pants dodge!
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Well not to :deadhorse: but :2girls: and :shit:
I hope the show goes well–I pimped y’all—I’ll try to make it
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Twitter: LeSombre
says:
Clearly, that guy’s retarded.
Poutoum-tsss.
Thank you.
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Britt, AHGOD MY HEART!!! I’M HAVING A HEART ATTACK. SO MUCH PAIN!!
Karl, are you kidding? Lisa Lisa is awesome! “My body never knew such pleasure, my heart never knew such payayayain.”
Amanda, that’s how they caught him, when someone actually made him go to a hospital.
Poppy, huh?
Deb, I’m askeered of vomit.
Grant, you could totally get away with it, too.
BE Earl, you weren’t pretending, though, were you?
Maria, ooh, you are cold hearted!
NYCWD, that’s why he apparently declined an ambulance.
That Guy, yup, except at least his was something that he could somewhat blame on the restaurant.
Little LJ, can I borrow your boobs for a while?
Starrlight, exactly.
Steph, what fucking restaurant did you go to?
Golfwidow, clearly, you’re a bad person.
RW, if you say “elephant trunk” instead, it might be even more effective.
Gwen, apparently not!
Student Teacher, Applebee’s grosses me out already.
Robin, you’d think he wanted to be paid, though.
Blondefabulous, that could be true – didn’t think of that.
Finn, crazy always works.
Tracy, okay, ya got me!
Marty, I would hope that I’d dial 911 if a guy was having a heart attack.
Sheila, come for the humor, stay for the smilies.
Bucky, we should start a trend.
Sybil, nipple clamps are optional.
Lisa, pretty much!
Hello, too slow, homeskillet.
Mik, yeah, me too.
Turnbaby, hope you can, at least for our first one.
Mike, very nice onomatopoeia!
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Bennigans, unfortunately.
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Twitter: Kapgar
says:
And you know it’s foolproof from personal experience?
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Faking a heart attack? What a maroon.
Personally, I would fake an accute attack of tourettes. Since most cabbies are foreign and not terribly familiar with tourettes, I figure they’d be easily frightened and would be concerned with nothing more than getting me out of their vehicle. Ha! :martini:
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
There was something bugging me about your site or this post the first time I read it but I didn’t want to actually tell you what so I vagued you. And now of course I don’t remember at all what I was talking about.
Typical.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
Oh! I remember now.
I am annoyed that when you put Last.fm on your blog it works just fine but when I put it on mine I get emails that it crashed the site for Windows users.
We have the same blog underneath the hood so it makes no sense.
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Good thing they’re optional, ’cause they hurt if I wear them for too long!
I am so impatient for this show to start!
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ROFL You are hilarious! I can’t believe he’d fake heart attacks – most people would have someone follow him to the hospital to ensure the bill is paid anyway!
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I’ll try to remember this one, and see if it works any better than “OH MY GOD I’M GOING INTO LABOR! AGGHHHH! AGGHHHHH!”
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Stephanie, wow, I figured you were going to say Shoney’s or something.
Kapgar, anecdotal.
Evil Genius, most people who meet me assume I have Tourette’s already.
Poppy, Last.fm just likes me better!
Sybil, and now your wait is over. Hope it was worth it!
Katie, that’s what I was thinking!
Janna, well, wouldn’t you have to be pregnant first?
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