My dearest Amy,
It's over.
The almost 10 years of friendship. The almost 7 years of marriage. Our time in Los Angeles. Our time with our awesome house in Florida.
I know that you never thought this day would come, but we have to abide by The List. You know The List, right? It's the one that you have that has Sean Connery and Timothy Hutton on it.
Well, the top of my list is available, and I have to bid you adieu. I'm off to Los Angeles to track down and profess my love to my raven-haired Jewish comedy goddess. She's single again!
I'm coming, Sarah Silverman!
And, of course, tomorrow is the second episode of "Clearly, you're retarded", a radio show pitting my beauty against Miss Britt's brawn. This week, we'll be discussing being open vs. being guarded. Listen to this week’s episode at 9pm EST or download last week’s to catch up at TalkShoe!
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OMG you mean I will actually be available to listen to your 2nd show?! Seriously? Yaaay! That's just unheard of in my world. My kid will be gone until Thursday with grandma - so I can listen! Mostly uninterrupted (unless you guys make the man all horny again)!
Oh - and Sarah - I'd totally hit that shit if I swung that way. She's hot.
Comments by Sybil Law
You're going to have to push me out of the way to get to Sarah. I've got a couple-state head start on you.
Comments by delmer
You read Vanity Fair? Really? DID NOT see that one coming! :oD
Comments by little_lj
I'd do her
Comments by Amanda
You're leaving Amy for Gorilla Girl?
That makes sense.
Comments by Poppy
from that vanity fair article:
"With them, so has the faith of all those believed—as we did—that their union was the binding force that kept Hollywood from exploding in a mass chain reaction of irony and sexual frivolity."
ive read this 8 times, and i get more confused every time i try to make sense of it.
Comments by jared
Sarah is hot. Very hot.
Comments by Jay
When you say "I'm coming Sarah Silverman"......
Comments by BlondeBlogger
Man, I was so looking forward to Avitaween too...but now, I don't think I can make it if your new woman is going to be there. She bugs me. I'm sorry to say that about the love of your life...
Comments by Hilly
I met her once. She's really cute and squishable, but in a good way. See what you miss when you don't live in CA?
Comments by Sarah
Ha! I read that! But for some reason it escaped my mind you were crushing on SS. i thought you were all about Avril?
Is there a list you can post that we can memorize?
Comments by bluepaintred
I have to admit that SS's boobage looks great in that photo.
Comments by cajunvegan
Hey, when you see her - can you ask her to put on a fucking bra?
Thanks.
Comments by Miss Britt
I know I'm not the only person to key on this, but:
"I'm coming, Sarah Silverman!"
More or less ruined my morning...
Comments by SinisterDan
It's hard to resist us Jewish girls.
Comments by Robin
I want to like her...I really do...I just can't get into the 'forced' funny. Bleah.
Comments by Maria
Dude...she's fucking Matt Damon.
Comments by student teacher (mcat)
Sarah who???
Comments by trishk
Dude, can you ask her if she's still fucking Matt Damon? 'Cause I'd like me some of that. Kthnxbi!
Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
And while you're asking her things, find out if she's done with Matt Damon, too. And ask her if I can have him next. Thanks, Avi!
Comments by Gwen
There is that seven year itch thing...
Comments by Been there Done that
Wow. I don't know what I'm more shocked by... Jimmy and Sarah splitting up or Adam and Sarah together.
Either way, those are some amazing tits.
Comments by martymankins
You realize you're still going to have to wait in line, right? I'm sure she's really going to be fucking Matt Damon now. ;-)
Otherwise, happy hunting!
Comments by kapgar
I loves me some Sarah. Her grandpa lives near me and hangs out in my local Borders. I'll put in a good word for you.
Comments by Finn
Uh.....yeah. Whatever. Good luck with that.
Comments by blondefabulous
She does look great in that photo. :)
Comments by Bucky
Sarah is a cutie. And she likes cheese, too!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ivSvkLc4WAo&feature=related
Watch for it at the 4:30 mark.
Comments by B.E. Earl
Well, why the hell did they break up?
Comments by Em
Why did I never notice her spectacular tits?
Comments by metalmom
why don't you keep amy and just have sarah join you?? adam, you can have it all, my friend! think big!
Comments by hello haha narf
Newsflash: Sarah Silverman is fucking Matt Damon.
Last time I checked... you ain't Matt Damon
Comments by NYCWD
That's a very flattering picture of her. I really like it when a girl pulls her hair back.
Comments by Jeff
Yeah, she's fucking Matt Damon again and Jimmy is now with Ben Affleck.
Comments by Employee No. 3699
You would be trading down, my friend. But if you must go, have a good time begging.
Comments by Dragon
Dammit Dawg!! I was going to say that!
Don't be leaving Amy just yet, Adam... wait until Sarah's over Matt!
Comments by Vicious Vikki
nice rack
Comments by Crys
Jesus Is Magic was hilarious!
The Sarah Silverman Program is brilliant. Do you know if there's a new season starting, and when?
I couldn't get through all the episodes of Greg the Bunny, and I didn't much like Someone To Eat Cheese With, but I love, love, love my Sarah.
And even though I'm Canadian, I strongly believe that Avril is a distant runner-up. Good move choosing Sarah.
Comments by Dawn
LMAO@Britt
Oooo Amy's list is interesting!
Comments by Turnbaby
Whoa I guess she fucked Matt Damon one too many times? Or do you think Jimmy and Ben are for keeps now? Either way. GO ADAM!!
Comments by Kay
Wow. What rock do I live under? I didn't know they were together...to tell you the truth, her face looked kinda familiar but the name.....nope. And I'm guessing the Matt Damon thing is some H-Wood inside joke? Cuz didn't his wife-y just have a baby?
Comments by Sheila (Charm School Reject)
Wow, she almost makes *my* list from that picture.
Comments by whall
I am not going to tall you that she's
Matt Damon, but wish you all the best. Just as a matter of interest other than Avril - who is the rest of your list?
Comments by Bec
If Harry Connick Jr ever breaks up with his former lingerie model wife Jill Goodacre? I'm so there.
Comments by Meg
Love last line of that piece about Matt Damon and Ben Affleck... hysterical.
Comments by Nat
Sorry dude, she's fucking Matt Damon.
I try to like her, but.
However...I do respect the boobage.
And I may or may not want to squeeze.
Maybe.
Comments by Stephanie
Okay since I just now went back and read the comments, it seems that I am
in regards to Matt Damon.
I would, however, like to fuck Matt Damon.
Comments by Stephanie
Please, in the course of intercourse, do you think you could make her funny? I recognize what she does as humor, it just never makes me laugh.
Help me, Avi-won. You're my only hope.
Comments by golfwidow
I love me some SS.
Comments by A Whole Lot of Nothing
she has nice boobies.
Comments by Beth
Sybil, I'm so glad you listened and called in!
Delmer, I'm stronger than you, even if you are a hundred feet tall.
Little LJ, why? I subscribe to about 20 different magazines.
Amanda, so you'd be up for a threesome?
Poppy, I told Amy that she was on my List!
Jared, wow, that's like journalism 101 - write a sentence that makes sense!
Jay, and funny - can't forget the funny.
BlondeBlogger, I mean that I ejaculated all over the place.
Hilly, WHAT? How can you not loooove her? She's awesome!
Sarah, I used to live there. Now I'm sad.
BPR, Avril is #2. The list also has Gwen Stefani, Kristen Bell, and Emma Watson.
Cajunvegan, she's got a nice set, that is true.
Britt, she's wearing a bra! Don't be jealous, fucker.
SinisterDan, would it have been easier if I had said, "I'm masturbating right now, Sarah Silverman!"?
Robin, this is true. I love Jewish princesses.
Maria, forced? Have you ever watched Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic?
Student Teacher, they're done now, too. He's back with Affleck.
TrishK, sigh. Old people are funny.
Heather, I'll take her and send Matt to you.
Gwen, Heather called him first.
BTDT, is that the one near my buttcrack? Because it keeps itching!
Martymankins, you speak the truth.
Kapgar, yeah, but I'm a celebrity on the Internet.
Finn, ooh. Does she ever visit him?
Blondefabulous, you don't like her?
Bucky, she looks great in every photo. Especially the surveillance ones I have.
BE Earl, yeah, I've seen that - it's a great monologue.
Em, that is a good question. They actually seemed to do pretty well together.
Metalmom, I hadn't brought them to your attention, clearly.
Hello, too much effort!
NYCWD, sure I am. Just squint a bit.
Jeff, yes. Her hair.
They'reIt's awesome.EE3699, I'm next in line.
Dragon, yeah, you're probably right.
Vikki, once she meets me, she'll forget all about Matt Who?
Crystal, thanks.
Dawn, I don't know when it's starting, but they do have another season.
Turnbaby, her list is weird and creepy.
Kay, all I care is that now's my shot.
Sheila, do you live under a rock? Do a Youtube search for "fucking Matt Damon".
Whall, almost?
Bec, Gwen Stefani, Kristen Bell, Emma Watson, Tina Fey.
Meg, but his face looks like a 90-year old boxer!
Nat, yeah, I thought so, too.
Stephanie, I never squeeze the boobs. I gently rub them.
Golfwidow, have you seen Jesus is Magic? You should check it out.
Angie, by SS you mean the German Schutzstaffel?
Beth, and she's hilarious!
Comments by Avitable