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How to survive a July weekend in Florida without air conditioning

1. Don’t sit in front of the heat-generating computer.
2. Swim in the pool.
3. Go to the movies.
4. Hang out at friends’ houses whose air conditioning is not broken.
5. Actually turn your computer off for once, even though it usually stays on 24/7.
6. Pray for snow.
7. Drive around in your air conditioned car a lot.
8. Come back to your house after 11 at night and quickly write a post before succumbing to heat exhaustion.
9. Cry yourself to sleep on top of your sheets with enough fans going to create a wind tunnel, plus place ice packs in strategic locations. Dream about sleeping in a volcano.

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67 Replies to “How to survive a July weekend in Florida without air conditioning”

  1. Cris

    You know I almost heckled Britt for writing about almost the same exact topics as Dooce last week. But damn it, I JUST finished writing a post for later this week that talks about almost the same things. When you read it, it was not a copy. HONEST!!

    Sorry your air conditioner broke. I saw some farm and ranch stores have an evaporative fan for about $100. It might help cool down the bedroom and you can use it in the garage while building Halloween props once the AC is fixed.

  2. Mary

    You have every ounce of sympathy I have to spare. I went through this last summer. Living a few summer days in the desert with no a/c. Not good. Hang in there.

  3. Jay

    Last time my air went out I stayed at a hotel and then spent the next afternoon hanging out at the library reading newspapers and magazines. I was just me and the homeless folks.

  4. Kat

    #Take multiple cold showers
    # soak washcloths in water, place in freezer.
    # remove frozen cloths from freezer and stuff them down shorts, inside your bra (if female)
    # if you need to blog, place every single fan you own in front of your computer chair, behind it, on all sides, and crank them to the highest setting
    # pull all the shades and blinds, and then walk or lay around the house nude
    # take super cold shower then run out and stand naked and wet in front of the fans

    My AC is having a hard time keeping up with the temps right now, so I feel your pain.
    I only have a box/window unit for an entire apartment, so when it’s not working right, I’ve had to get creative.
    I’ve taken like 7 cold showers today, stood in front of the open fridge for a few minutes, and have been sitting at my comp desk with frozen washcloths stuffed in my bra. :boobs4:

  5. Been there Done that

    We were headed for a hotel one time when this happened. Then I used those math skills that I teach every day. I figured out that the yellow pages have these “emergency” companies. The extra charge that you pay is about the same as the hotel room.
    I put frozen washclothes on my boobs when I was quitting the nursing a baby thing. I vowed to never try either one of those things again.

  6. Becky

    I feel your pain and you have my sympathy. I remember growing up in Alabama with no A/C and it was horrendous! I have my air cranked right now and sending you cold thoughts.

  7. Aunt Robin

    I’m the baker for a very busy fine dining restaurant. The little thermometers the cooks keep handy to test the temp of the soups, etc. read 122 degrees while clipped to their aprons most days in July-August. Add exhaust from the steamers, dishwasher, fryers and braziers and you realize “hell’s kitchen” isn’t all about the temperaments.

    Although I do get a bit cranky. Heh!

    Hint: Soak a hand towel in cold water and wrap it around your neck. It really does help.

  8. Zom

    I know your pain, brother.
    I went through the same thing last month.
    I put one of those re-usable gel cold packs in my pillow when I slept.
    It didn’t help much, but it helped. :violent029:

  9. hello haha narf

    oh fuck, i am so with you on the pure torture it is to be without air conditioning. damn.

    can you move the office to britt’s house for a day until it gets fixed? better yet, take the day off and head to the movies again!

    good luck, my hairy friend.

  10. Crys

    oh man, i’ve been there. previous to this year, when we replaced our a/c, the old unit would go out on the hottest day of the year. just drain of freon. and it did it about 3 times a season. it was like a sauna upstairs in my house. i contemplated staying at a hotel — you should too

  11. Crys

    oh man, i hadn’t even thought of you, Britt! better wear a bikini…

    and then take pics…

    of you in bikini and ADAM in a bikini…

    i’m getting carried away…

    but srsly…

    bikini…

  12. Dutchiestyle

    You could always escape the torture by coming to the Netherlands for the weekend. It’s cold here!! Of course that might be because I’m a Florida girl and not used to 59 degrees in late July. Hope the A.C. is back up and running soon.

  13. Winter

    The only AC we have is a wall unit in the corner of the dining room, at foot level. (I didn’t put it there. The landlord did.) So I know about fans in the bedroom. I’d say welcome to my life, but my life is miserable, so I just feel really bad for you.

  14. Sybil Law

    I’m so glad I went to bed. Haha
    Seriously – that sucks. I hope a repairman is on his way to fix it today!
    Is this how you feel? :violent029:
    Well, at least you have a pool. Meeting in the pool!
    Also, I’m with Crys – Britt needs to wear a bikini! Pictures!

  15. golfwidow

    When I was a kid, we didn’t have air conditioning. I can’t remember what we did to survive it. I know we didn’t drive around in the car a lot, because it didn’t have air conditioning either. I think we just opened every window we could reach.

    However, more than once I had to go to the neighbors’ houses, apologize, and retrieve our cat, who was audacious enough to saunter in when they opened their doors to, say, get the paper, and nap on their air conditioned carpets when they weren’t looking.

  16. Lisa

    I’m a princess when it comes to the air conditioning. I damn near killed Dude when he told me it was going to take two weeks for someone to come out and perform maintenance. He was trying to save some money so we had to wait and I had to melt.

    Feel cool soon my friend, feel cool soon.

  17. Ioma

    Oh fuck no! I get heat-induced seizures, so if my AC broke, I’d have to stay somewhere else.

    I hope your AC gets fixed soon so you don’t have to fry your ass off. Until then, just walk around completely naked.

  18. Em

    I completely understand. When I got to my new house a few weeks ago our a/c didn’t work. We don’t have the humidity you do… but it’s pretty damn hot here. I hope you get it fixed soon. 🙂

  19. little_lj

    I can’t afford A/C. It’s 95 today in NYC.

    I pretty much just lie around in my underwear pouring water on my sweaty body.

    Which is yet another example of “Hot in pornos, not hot in real life”.

  20. Trukindog

    Bummer dude, here in the Valley of the Sun if the AC goes down we just head to the nearest Circle K kwiky mart and hang out in the walk in Beer cooler till they through us out, then it’s any AC port in the heat storm so to speak.

  21. Evil Genius

    Holy molars Batman! I owe my life to dental hygiene and a good air conditioner!! lol

    Hope it gets fixed quick. Until then, you might want to think about visiting some meat packing plants to take some tours. 🙂

  22. Stephanie

    Good Lord, man, get thee to a hotel…stat! Take poor Jigsaw with you guys….he’s almost as hairy as you are….i can’t imagine the places that are sweaty…:::shudder::: Swim nekkid! :woohoo:

  23. Avitable

    Amanda, he came Sunday and ordered a part, so hopefully by Wed/Thurs.

    Grant, I’ve been thinking about alternating between the car and the pool.

    Cris, I’ve got about four fans trained on me and ice in my pants.

    Mary, yeah, it’s fucking miserable.

    Turnbaby, me too!

    Fantastagirl, I would, but sleeping at night isn’t that bad – it’s mainly working here in the afternoon from 2-6.

    LMSS, you mean I can’t come hang out at your place?

    Jay, I don’t know what we’d do about Jigsaw, too.

    Kat, why would I close the blinds before walking around nude? 🙂

    AmyD, we aren’t even thinking about trying to use the kitchen right now.

    BTDT, I had a guy come out on a Sunday, but the part won’t be here until this week.

    Becky, cold thoughts are appreciated!

    BE Earl, it was too hot to sit in front of the TV for me.

    Sarah, I know! My fur coat!

    Aunt Robin, yeah, cooling the back of your neck lowers your body temperature by a few degrees, so I do that.

    Zom, ooh, that must have sucked in Louisiana!

    Kapgar, all I ended up with was a ton of bird shit falling from the sky.

    Bucky, that sounds miserable.

    Britt, you know it!

    Hello, I wish we could afford just to take a few days off, but we can’t.

    Dawn, not yet. *sob*

    Crystal, okay, I’ll see if I can fit in Britt’s bikini.

    RW, on the several times that I’ve consumed alcohol, it always makes me hotter.

    Dutchiestyle, oooh, 59 degrees. Sounds lovely!

    Robin, I’d much rather be cold than hot.

    Nina, it’s hard to masturbate in the shower when it’s cold, though.

    TrishK, I’m still hoping!

    Finn, need to find one for the dog, and it cools off enough at night that it’s bearable. Otherwise, I totally would.

    Metalmom, are you volunteering for Avitable Shave Duty?

    Winter, ooh, that sounds miserable!

    Kay, can you email it to me?

    Sybil, Britt only swims in the nude.

    Golfwidow, your cat was very smart.

    TMP, saw The Dark Knight twice. And it was great!

    Honeybell, why? Do you want more naked pictures?

    Angie, working on it!

    Lisa, hopefully ours will be fixed before my balls melt off.

    Jason, yeah!

    Ioma, I have been walking around with as little clothing as I can.

    Em, I can’t imagine living like this for more than a few days.

    Britt, well stop trying to pull my underwear off, then.

    DB, before that, it’s probably been on for a year straight.

    Gwen, I’ve been thinking about that.

    Heather, who needs an excuse?!?

    Misi, nighttime’s not too bad – it’s the afternoons that suck.

    Little LJ, can’t afford it? Isn’t it worth it?

    Trukindog, that’s a good idea.

    Evil Genius, I was going to go get a job cleaning walk-in freezers.

    Jozet, the tears are boiling on my cheeks.

    Stephanie, Jigsaw has her own personal fan to keep her cool.

    Mattie, if you come to the Halloween party, you can go swimming.

    Stacey, are you my first volunteer?

  24. Beth

    It’s ok. Maybe when we move to Virginia in May I’ll come visit you and your Air Conditioned House and swim in your pool.

    ( Oh yes, I’m NOT above inviting myself over 😉 )

  25. Faiqa Khan

    You forgot another one: go to the Quickie Mart, buy 35 bags of ice, fill your bathtub with it and take the plunge. Or buy a cooling fan from Sam’s. Besides, on the overall scale I think we have the best weather. I have to keep telling myself that. Again and again.

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