1. Don't sit in front of the heat-generating computer.
2. Swim in the pool.
3. Go to the movies.
4. Hang out at friends' houses whose air conditioning is not broken.
5. Actually turn your computer off for once, even though it usually stays on 24/7.
6. Pray for snow.
7. Drive around in your air conditioned car a lot.
8. Come back to your house after 11 at night and quickly write a post before succumbing to heat exhaustion.
9. Cry yourself to sleep on top of your sheets with enough fans going to create a wind tunnel, plus place ice packs in strategic locations. Dream about sleeping in a volcano.
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Wow it sucks to be you right now.
When does the repair man come?
Comments by Amanda
Just stay in the car 24/7 - drive it inside the house, use it as a toilet / hammock, etc. You could also try leaving the freezer door open.
Comments by Grant
You know I almost heckled Britt for writing about almost the same exact topics as Dooce last week. But damn it, I JUST finished writing a post for later this week that talks about almost the same things. When you read it, it was not a copy. HONEST!!
Sorry your air conditioner broke. I saw some farm and ranch stores have an evaporative fan for about $100. It might help cool down the bedroom and you can use it in the garage while building Halloween props once the AC is fixed.
Comments by Cris
You have every ounce of sympathy I have to spare. I went through this last summer. Living a few summer days in the desert with no a/c. Not good. Hang in there.
Comments by Mary
Mmmkay
So I won't complain that it was kind of stuffy in the Red Room
Hope it gets fixed soon
Comments by Turnbaby
I grew up with no air-conditioning, and now, I can't imagine not having it. So sorry - I think you should go to a hotel.
Comments by Fantastagirl
#1- Don't work up a sweat, know what I mean?
#2-Bribe an A/C repairman to get there ASAP.
#3-Eat Popsicles.
#4-Don't wait for that snow stuff. Ain't gonna happen. Nope. Sorry.
#5-Take off the socks.
#6-Stay cool, man.
Comments by Little Miss Sunshine State
Last time my air went out I stayed at a hotel and then spent the next afternoon hanging out at the library reading newspapers and magazines. I was just me and the homeless folks.
Comments by Jay
#Take multiple cold showers
# soak washcloths in water, place in freezer.
# remove frozen cloths from freezer and stuff them down shorts, inside your bra (if female)
# if you need to blog, place every single fan you own in front of your computer chair, behind it, on all sides, and crank them to the highest setting
# pull all the shades and blinds, and then walk or lay around the house nude
# take super cold shower then run out and stand naked and wet in front of the fans
My AC is having a hard time keeping up with the temps right now, so I feel your pain.
I only have a box/window unit for an entire apartment, so when it's not working right, I've had to get creative.
I've taken like 7 cold showers today, stood in front of the open fridge for a few minutes, and have been sitting at my comp desk with frozen washcloths stuffed in my bra.
Comments by Kat
Sounds like my kitchen when the kids make pizza in the summer. Now, I gotta go... this chair makes strategic places sweat and it's too damn hot!
Comments by AmyD
We were headed for a hotel one time when this happened. Then I used those math skills that I teach every day. I figured out that the yellow pages have these "emergency" companies. The extra charge that you pay is about the same as the hotel room.
I put frozen washclothes on my boobs when I was quitting the nursing a baby thing. I vowed to never try either one of those things again.
Comments by Been there Done that
I feel your pain and you have my sympathy. I remember growing up in Alabama with no A/C and it was horrendous! I have my air cranked right now and sending you cold thoughts.
Comments by Becky
NY was damned hot and humid this weekend too.
I spent most of it laying in the AC watching movies instead of interacting with anyone. Sometimes it's better that way.
Comments by B.E. Earl
Oh man does that suck. I hope you get it fixed you are way too hairy to survive long without icy cold air.
Comments by Sarah
I'm the baker for a very busy fine dining restaurant. The little thermometers the cooks keep handy to test the temp of the soups, etc. read 122 degrees while clipped to their aprons most days in July-August. Add exhaust from the steamers, dishwasher, fryers and braziers and you realize "hell's kitchen" isn't all about the temperaments.
Although I do get a bit cranky. Heh!
Hint: Soak a hand towel in cold water and wrap it around your neck. It really does help.
Comments by Aunt Robin
I know your pain, brother.
I went through the same thing last month.
I put one of those re-usable gel cold packs in my pillow when I slept.
It didn't help much, but it helped.
Comments by Zom
Does praying for snow actually work down there?
Comments by kapgar
Pussies.
We open windows and put fans in them.
Inside the house was a cozy 85° on Saturday.
Comments by Bucky
I am going to have to listen to this bitching all day, aren't I?
Comments by Miss Britt
oh fuck, i am so with you on the pure torture it is to be without air conditioning. damn.
can you move the office to britt's house for a day until it gets fixed? better yet, take the day off and head to the movies again!
good luck, my hairy friend.
Comments by hello haha narf
Brutal!!!!! Is it fixed yet?? What about now? Huh? And now????
Comments by Dawn
oh man, i've been there. previous to this year, when we replaced our a/c, the old unit would go out on the hottest day of the year. just drain of freon. and it did it about 3 times a season. it was like a sauna upstairs in my house. i contemplated staying at a hotel — you should too
Comments by Crys
oh man, i hadn't even thought of you, Britt! better wear a bikini...
and then take pics...
of you in bikini and ADAM in a bikini...
i'm getting carried away...
but srsly...
bikini...
Comments by Crys
This is what vodka and any number of fruit juices are for.
Comments by RW
You could always escape the torture by coming to the Netherlands for the weekend. It's cold here!! Of course that might be because I'm a Florida girl and not used to 59 degrees in late July. Hope the A.C. is back up and running soon.
Comments by Dutchiestyle
Just be glad you aren't in Massachusetts during a blizzard.
Comments by Robin
I slept with ice packs for two weeks while my a/c was out for two weeks. Cold showers help, too.
Comments by Nina
You poor thing!
I wouldn't hold your breath for the snow thing though.
Comments by trishk
perhaps i shall be soon moving to the land of dutchiestyle. that sounds phenomenal!
Comments by hello haha narf
Check into a hotel immediately.
Comments by Finn
Isn't this reason enough to shave off all the body hair? And why didn't you GET A ROOM? They're not just for sexing anymore.
Comments by metalmom
The only AC we have is a wall unit in the corner of the dining room, at foot level. (I didn't put it there. The landlord did.) So I know about fans in the bedroom. I'd say welcome to my life, but my life is miserable, so I just feel really bad for you.
Comments by Winter
Dude being in the humid south myself and going through this in August last summer. I feel your pain. And share my air conditioning with you if I could.
Comments by Kay
I'm so glad I went to bed. Haha
Seriously - that sucks. I hope a repairman is on his way to fix it today!
Is this how you feel?
Well, at least you have a pool. Meeting in the pool!
Also, I'm with Crys - Britt needs to wear a bikini! Pictures!
Comments by Sybil Law
When I was a kid, we didn't have air conditioning. I can't remember what we did to survive it. I know we didn't drive around in the car a lot, because it didn't have air conditioning either. I think we just opened every window we could reach.
However, more than once I had to go to the neighbors' houses, apologize, and retrieve our cat, who was audacious enough to saunter in when they opened their doors to, say, get the paper, and nap on their air conditioned carpets when they weren't looking.
Comments by golfwidow
How many movies did you see? (oh! And what movie? Was it any good?)
Comments by themuttprincess
Holy hell - I was bitching about our broken AC in Kansas . . . but just thinking about it in Florida just makes me melt.
Just curious, does this mean more naked pictures?
Comments by Honeybell
Get that bitch fixed FAST.
Comments by A Whole Lot of Nothing
I'm a princess when it comes to the air conditioning. I damn near killed Dude when he told me it was going to take two weeks for someone to come out and perform maintenance. He was trying to save some money so we had to wait and I had to melt.
Feel cool soon my friend, feel cool soon.
Comments by Lisa
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO that bites.
Comments by Jason
Oh fuck no! I get heat-induced seizures, so if my AC broke, I'd have to stay somewhere else.
I hope your AC gets fixed soon so you don't have to fry your ass off. Until then, just walk around completely naked.
Comments by Ioma
I completely understand. When I got to my new house a few weeks ago our a/c didn't work. We don't have the humidity you do... but it's pretty damn hot here. I hope you get it fixed soon. :-)
Comments by Em
Um - to all of you fuckers suggesting Adam get naked?
No. Just... no.
Thanks.
Comments by Miss Britt
You turned of your computer! Are you INSANE man!!
*BITCHSLAP*
Well, at least, by the looks of it you were able to resuscitate it...
N.E.V.E.R. do that again! EVER!
Comments by DutchBitch
Egads. I hope it gets fixed soon or you guys are going to be at each other's throats. Can y'all work from the pool?
Comments by Gwen
I guess you finally have an excuse to sit around naked all day, huh?
Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
Why not just check into a hotel??
Comments by misi
I can't afford A/C. It's 95 today in NYC.
I pretty much just lie around in my underwear pouring water on my sweaty body.
Which is yet another example of "Hot in pornos, not hot in real life".
Comments by little_lj
Bummer dude, here in the Valley of the Sun if the AC goes down we just head to the nearest Circle K kwiky mart and hang out in the walk in Beer cooler till they through us out, then it's any AC port in the heat storm so to speak.
Comments by Trukindog
Holy molars Batman! I owe my life to dental hygiene and a good air conditioner!! lol
Hope it gets fixed quick. Until then, you might want to think about visiting some meat packing plants to take some tours. :-)
Comments by Evil Genius
Did your tears at least cool your face?
I sleep with my feet in the freezer.
Comments by Jozet at Halushki
Good Lord, man, get thee to a hotel...stat! Take poor Jigsaw with you guys....he's almost as hairy as you are....i can't imagine the places that are sweaty...:::shudder::: Swim nekkid!
Comments by Stephanie
I would so work for you for free. Just to have access to the pool.
Comments by Mattie
You need a harem of girls with fans.
Comments by Stacey
Amanda, he came Sunday and ordered a part, so hopefully by Wed/Thurs.
Grant, I've been thinking about alternating between the car and the pool.
Cris, I've got about four fans trained on me and ice in my pants.
Mary, yeah, it's fucking miserable.
Turnbaby, me too!
Fantastagirl, I would, but sleeping at night isn't that bad - it's mainly working here in the afternoon from 2-6.
LMSS, you mean I can't come hang out at your place?
Jay, I don't know what we'd do about Jigsaw, too.
Kat, why would I close the blinds before walking around nude? :)
AmyD, we aren't even thinking about trying to use the kitchen right now.
BTDT, I had a guy come out on a Sunday, but the part won't be here until this week.
Becky, cold thoughts are appreciated!
BE Earl, it was too hot to sit in front of the TV for me.
Sarah, I know! My fur coat!
Aunt Robin, yeah, cooling the back of your neck lowers your body temperature by a few degrees, so I do that.
Zom, ooh, that must have sucked in Louisiana!
Kapgar, all I ended up with was a ton of bird shit falling from the sky.
Bucky, that sounds miserable.
Britt, you know it!
Hello, I wish we could afford just to take a few days off, but we can't.
Dawn, not yet. *sob*
Crystal, okay, I'll see if I can fit in Britt's bikini.
RW, on the several times that I've consumed alcohol, it always makes me hotter.
Dutchiestyle, oooh, 59 degrees. Sounds lovely!
Robin, I'd much rather be cold than hot.
Nina, it's hard to masturbate in the shower when it's cold, though.
TrishK, I'm still hoping!
Finn, need to find one for the dog, and it cools off enough at night that it's bearable. Otherwise, I totally would.
Metalmom, are you volunteering for Avitable Shave Duty?
Winter, ooh, that sounds miserable!
Kay, can you email it to me?
Sybil, Britt only swims in the nude.
Golfwidow, your cat was very smart.
TMP, saw The Dark Knight twice. And it was great!
Honeybell, why? Do you want more naked pictures?
Angie, working on it!
Lisa, hopefully ours will be fixed before my balls melt off.
Jason, yeah!
Ioma, I have been walking around with as little clothing as I can.
Em, I can't imagine living like this for more than a few days.
Britt, well stop trying to pull my underwear off, then.
DB, before that, it's probably been on for a year straight.
Gwen, I've been thinking about that.
Heather, who needs an excuse?!?
Misi, nighttime's not too bad - it's the afternoons that suck.
Little LJ, can't afford it? Isn't it worth it?
Trukindog, that's a good idea.
Evil Genius, I was going to go get a job cleaning walk-in freezers.
Jozet, the tears are boiling on my cheeks.
Stephanie, Jigsaw has her own personal fan to keep her cool.
Mattie, if you come to the Halloween party, you can go swimming.
Stacey, are you my first volunteer?
Comments by Avitable
Re #6: why pray? That'll get you nowhere. You gotta earn your cocaine by prostituting your body just like the rest of us.
Comments by whall
Stick a slightly dampened bedsheet in the freezer and use it as your sheet when you sleep.
Oh, and eat spicy food.
Comments by christine
Wayne, I don't gotta earn nothin'!
Christine, spicy food? That's a new one.
Comments by Avitable
Try living in Hawai'i for 3 years with no AC.
Comments by Beth
Beth = Sad
Comments by Beth
Beth, but don't you guys have a constant breeze and weather that's around 75?
Comments by Avitable
No, that's pretty much a myth.
Comments by Beth
Beth, I had no idea!
Comments by Avitable
It's ok. Maybe when we move to Virginia in May I'll come visit you and your Air Conditioned House and swim in your pool.
( Oh yes, I'm NOT above inviting myself over ;) )
Comments by Beth
You can totally come over. And the pool is clothing optional!
Comments by Avitable
You forgot another one: go to the Quickie Mart, buy 35 bags of ice, fill your bathtub with it and take the plunge. Or buy a cooling fan from Sam's. Besides, on the overall scale I think we have the best weather. I have to keep telling myself that. Again and again.
Comments by Faiqa Khan
Faiqa, I've got about four fans. And I think Los Angeles has the best weather. I totally need to move back there.
Comments by Avitable