Welcome to the 48th Edition of Lazy Sunday!

Boy, you guys really sucked last week. Really. The most that anyone got right was 6, and there were five questions that nobody got right at all. I'm so ashamed of all of you.

This week's prize is a $25 gift certificate from Amazon.com!

Everyone has a chance at winning, so don't be shy! The questions may be hard, but everyone who's between the ages of 16 and 80 should be able to get at least one correct – I promise.

The rules:

It's very simple. I go through my Myspace friends and pick one of their survey bulletins and answer 15 of the questions. Every answer contains a reference to a movie, a television show, or a song. Just guess as many as you can – some will be laughably easy and some will be very difficult. Every correct answer is like a raffle ticket – you get one chance to win per correct answer. If you get 1 right, your name goes in the proverbial hat. If you get 10 right, your name goes in ten times. Et cetera. You're on the honor system – try not to Google or look at other people's answers!

The contest ends Tuesday at midnight EST. I'll give the correct answers and the winner on the following Sunday.

Ready? Here we go!

1. Do you have a best friend who knows you inside and out?
I am my own best friend. I like pizza.

2. Have you ever been punched by the opposite sex?
No, but I almost hooked up with my mom.

3. What color are the walls in your room?
Well, my wall is more like a pattern. Just like my shirt!

4. When is the last time you cried?
When you buried me in the front yard.

5. Are you falling for anyone?
Well, I fantasize about my therapist.

6. Where will you be in an hour?
Going for a haircut, then I'll probably drop in for a pie.

7. What's your biggest flaw?
I have a drinking problem. It's all Elaine's fault.

8. What do you feel right now?
Other than the earth moving under my feet?

9. Have you ever dated anyone longer than a year?
I haven't dated anyone since my assistant died in 1996. All the rest of my assistants have spurned me or been lesbians.

10. Do you want kids?
As long as they don't become pen pals with a serial killer.

11. Do you do things you later regret?
I regret wasting every single summer on that damn radio contest.

12. What made you happy today?
Selling museum tickets and my tasty fucking fried chicken.

13. Who was the last friend at your house?
Martha and Rose stopped by.

14. What were you doing an hour ago?
Fucking the judge's niece in his house.

15. Have you ever been in trouble with the police?
I thought I was, but I was just learning a lesson about teaching lessons.

And here are the answers and winners from last week's contest :

First, see how you did by viewing this Google spreadsheet.

Next, here are the questions and answers:

1. Have you ever really cried your heart out?
Once, when a girl threw water on me after I got out of the pool.
Not Another Teen Movie

2. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
No, but I've puked to a musical crescendo.
Team America: World Police

3. Do you cry when you get an injury?
Only when my finger got cut off in the door.
Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

4. What can always make you happy?
The girls over at Dante's.
Beetlejuice

5. Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?
Well, she did catch fire, but I'm used to it.
Hellboy

6. Anyone besides your friends/family ever said they loved you?
Only when I make everything groovy.
"Wild Thing", by the Troggs

7. Are you in a relationship?
No – the moth guy and I are just partners.
The Tick

8. Who do you actually hate?
Nazis. And rats.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

9. Are you a mean bully?
Nope. Once I hurl the kid into the air, he usually leaves everyone alone.
Hancock

10. Do you wish you could be someone else?
A prince who is moving to Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Oklahoma.
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

11. What is your current hair color?
Half blond, half blackened.
The Dark Knight

12. Have you ever been on the phone until the sun came up?
No. The last time I saw the sun come up, almost 220 years ago, there were no phones.
Interview with the Vampire

13. Who was the last person you talked to in person?
Two boys on bikes. One gave me a shirt.
No Country For Old Men

14. Who was the last person who made you laugh?
Johnny, doing one of his usual characters.
The Tonight Show

15. Do you get along with your parents?
I did, until my mom died and my dad didn't tell me!
Curb Your Enthusiasm

Here's how I chose the winner:

First, I entered everyone's answers into a spreadsheet, giving 1 point for each correct answer and 0 points for each wrong answer. The total number of points equaled the person's "raffle tickets" for the drawing.

Then I created a randomized list using Random.org of every "raffle ticket" – basically each person's name was repeated as many times as they had right answers. This gave me a random list of 50 entries.

Finally, using Random.org again, I asked it to generate a random integer between 1 and 50. It chose #38.

#38 is my winner.

(drumroll please)

Congratulations to BE Earl!

You win a 6-pack sampler of gourmet popcorn from Dale & Thomas Popcorn! Email me to confirm and give me your name and address. To everyone else, thanks for playing!

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