Thanks to those of you who tuned in for Episode 4 of "Clearly, you're retarded". The topic we discussed was whether or not porn objectifies women. If you missed it, you can download it (and should download it) here, or find it as a podcast through iTunes here, or just listen using the widget in my sidebar. It was an interesting hour - you don't want to miss it!
So, on the porntastic topic of pornography, I tried to make the point that for many men, porn is just a jumpstart to the fantasy that plays out in our heads. In fact, it doesn't even have to be porn - it could be literally anything acting as the catalyst. To further prove my point, I have decided to list just some of the non-pornographic items I have used to fantasize when spanking the bishop (and as a disclaimer, let me say that some of these were when I was relatively young, so I wasn't some old leering pedophile at the time):
- Lingerie section of the Sears Catalog
- Kitchen section of the Sears Catalog
- Victoria's Secret catalog
- Spiegel catalog
- National Geographic
- Judy Blume books
- Anne of Green Gables
- Little House on the Prairie
- Shel Silverstein's cartoons
- MAD Magazine
- Box of tampons
- Massengill Summer's Eve Douche Package
- Teen Beat magazine
- Ad for "massager" in back of magazine
- Physician's Desk Reference
- Conde Nast Travel magazine
- Vanity Fair magazine
- Entertainment Weekly magazine
- Liz Phair's Exile to Guyville CD booklet
- Madonna's Justify my Love CD booklet
- Dirty Jokes book
- Cracked Magazine
- Martha Stewart
- Guess Jeans advertisement
- KIDS Incorporated
- Car's license plate
- Goonies
- Leisure Suit Larry video game
- Police Quest video game
- 100 Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
- Superman comic book
- US Weekly photo book
- L. Frank Baum's Oz books
What strange and unusual things have you used?
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See, there is a difference between men and women...a box of Tampons makes me sick to my stomach...now a box of condoms..whiz-bang!
Comments by Been there Done that
The only one of these I found to be disturbing is Martha Stewart. Really?
Comments by Amanda
Teen *Beat* Magazine? Well, that one was just askin' for it. New category: soft[cover] porn!
Comments by DebbieS
That's quite the impressive list you have! I am a little confused by the kitchen section of the Sears catalog. I don't remember that as being anything "fanatasy" worthy.
Comments by Becky
A box of tampons? Did you have no idea what they were for? ewww
Comments by Fantastagirl
OMG I KNEW YOU WERE A MARTHA LOGFLOGGER!!!!
Comments by Danalyn
Cosmopolitan magazine.
Didn't everybody's mother get Cosmo?
And People Magazine.
Comments by Jay
I'll bet I know what part of "100 Years of Solitude" you jerked it to...
And none of the others surprises me. Honestly, guys get aroused over anything. But the kitchen thing confuses me, too. What about it? I must know!
I can't believe you left out movies. "Fast Times at Ridgemont High"?! Everyone loved Phoebe Cates!
Comments by Sybil Law
Maybe it was the model standing at the sink in the kitchen section or maybe he finds faucets sexy!
Comments by Mik
This blog post.
No, no, even I couldn't do that. Did once get inspired by an episode of the Simpsons though.
Comments by Freelance Guru
Well, there was that first time when I found a book called "Army Camp Vamp" in my stepdad's closet. That pretty much started my masturbating career.
*Soap Operas
*Movies with hot love scenes
*Movies with "taboo" love scenes
*Rachel Ray (she just happened to be on when I woke up one morning 'in the mood'...WHAT?)
Comments by TSM
god, yes, men and women definitely different in this sense. I don´t think I can get aroused by looking at anything in two dimensions.
Ok, the kitchen catalog thing I just don´t get. Box of tampons, I can understand if you´re looking at the little diagram of see-through woman and the vagina and shit. Or was it looking at the actual tampons that got you going? That might be much weirder.
Comments by Bluestreak
http://www.avitable.com
Comments by Functionally ReTodded
is music strange and unusual? probably not. but that sort of gets me there, for sure.
just my mind, i guess. i write, which perhaps makes it easier for me to fictionalize or fantasize. i've got a solid five or six fantasies in that mental rolodex of mine. they're hot.
Comments by Crys
I'm impressed. Nothing on that list is actually illegal.
Comments by Miss Britt
I have said it before, and I will say it again...
I would do Martha Stewart in a heartbeat.
Comments by Bucky
Are you saying you're an old leering pedophile NOW? Just wondering......
I totally agreed with your point last night: men need visual stimulation (usually) or at least auditory (phone sex)....women can just close their eyes and fantasize. But then women are more likely to have toys....men just need their hands (at least I think that's the case).
Interesting show last night. I wanted to call in, but I called in last week. I thought it should be someone else's turn. Besides, I would have had to say to Britt at some point that your perspective on these issues DOES change with age.
Good show.
J.
Comments by Hoosier Girl
So was Martha Stewart standing in the kitchen at Sears wearing Victoria's Secret? Ewwww I just threw up in my mouth a little
Comments by Turnbaby
"I have decided to list just some"
I appreciate the clarification.
I've used songs. But that's not visual so I'll say I've used music videos.
Comments by Poppy
I wanted to stop by and say that I agreed with what you were trying to say last night.
OK... one weird thing (well not that weird after reading your list) is the Nicole Kidman photo in the Batman Forever Soundtrack CD booklet.
Comments by SciFi Dad
Nothing weird at all. Just my own imagination which is weird enough given all the vamps and weres that populate my head. BTW, Liz has an anniversary Guyville reissue for sale. You should see the trailer on her website, she's cursing up a storm. That should be worth a spank or two.
Comments by Winter
The PDR? Really? What listing?
I generally don't need outside stimulation. There's plenty going on inside my twisted little head.
Comments by Finn
oh how i love men and the way their brains work!
Comments by hello haha narf
I can't think of anything strange or unusual that I've used for inspiration. I have a really good imagination, which is usually all I need. But I like erotic fiction and movies too. Yours is an entertaining list though.
Comments by Em
I got in trouble in jr. high for putting pictures from the SI swimsuit edition in my locker. Since then, I stick with safe whacking material like the picture strip on the right side of your blog. Do you have one of yourself wearing bunny ears?
Comments by Grant
When I was a kid, all I really needed was a soft breeze.
But the Leisure Suit Larry game was pretty sexy!
Comments by B.E. Earl
I liked the Sears Wishbook catalog.
I'm all about the toys.
Comments by NYCWD
My imagination is usually enough...
Dang there are some freaks out there!
Comments by themuttprincess
Who can resist Martha Stewart but Anne of Green Gables? Really?
Comments by Dragon
Speaking of Librarians (I know, I know...it was a different post)...I used to use the yearbook. I'd also lay out in the back yard and look up at the clouds. You'd be surprised how often those clouds look like titties or vaginas. I had a pup tent when I was a kid and if you looked at the "door" when it was part way opened...
And then there was my Mom's Jamaican Jerk Chicken cook book...just the name of the thing gave me bone.
Comments by Donnie
A box of tampons?!?!
Dear God, must wash brain out with acid.
Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
TOTALLY Judy Blume books!
Comments by Robin
100 Years of Solitude?! Dude...
Comments by Bridget
I just use my imagination - though I will admit that certain songs and singers will get me going.
Martha Stewart?!?! ::shudder::
Comments by Sheila (Charm School Reject)
Judy Blume books for sure. And I loved the Leisure Suit Larry games. I've used the Frederick's of Hollywood catalogs, too.
Comments by Karl
are we talking carrots candles and cucumbers or just the visual stuff here?
Comments by bluepaintred
Cracked and MAD for me as a teen. Some of those drawings were done very well.
Of course, we also had access to the real stuff... Penthouse, Playboy, Oui and Hustler, thanks to the nice old japanese guy that ran the corner market.
Comments by martymankins
Oh and great show last night. Listening live was fun. It was also fun to catch Miss Britt defending herself at the end when you were trying to explain what she had said previously in the show.
Comments by martymankins
BTDT, well, I was a small child, and it was more about the directions on the back.
Amanda, to be honest, it was a drawing of her all busty and stuff.
DebbieS, exactly! It's just like Jack MeHoff's magazine.
Becky, well, it was a hot model standing in the kitchen, if I remember correctly.
Fantastagirl, as a 10-year old, it was reading about what they were for that was exciting. Vaginas!
Danalyn, c'mon, she's hot!
Jay, yeah, Cosmo's another good one.
Sybil, well, I was leaving out actual nude scenes in movies - there were plenty of those, too.
Mik, the former, not the latter.
Freelance, how about Simpsons slash art?
TSM, Rachel Ray's kinda hot.
Bluestreak, it was the directions and diagram.
Todd, I totally knew that.
Crystal, plus those pictures I sent you of my testicles.
Britt, you haven't seen the unabridged list. "Surveillance photos of Britt" is on there.
Bucky, she'd be good, and I think everyone knows it.
HG, you could have called in - we love repeat callers! We'll be having a show discussing age soon, so that will also be a good forum for you.
Turnbaby, I don't mix my fantasties!
Poppy, oh yeah - I should have listed some of the music videos, like Madonna's "Express Yourself".
SciFi Dad, thanks for the visit and the comment! And she was smoking in that - I know the exact picture you're talking about.
Winter, it wasn't the swearing. It was her face, actually.
Finn, the spleen.
Hello, I bet you do!
Em, most of these are when I was between the ages of 10-17.
Grant, I'll take one just for you.
BE, yeah it was! And I hacked Police Quest so they were all naked.
NYCWD, I've never seen that catalog.
TMP, be careful - some people think freaks is a bad word and then they get all butthurt!
Dragon, I'm not sure what it was about that book, but something!
Donnie, clouds, eh?
Heather, oh, you know you love it.
Robin, they were good stuff.
Bridget, that was some hot shit.
Sheila, she's hot, admit it!
Karl, my mom didn't get those catalogs, so I never used them.
BPR, I don't think I've ever jacked off to a cornucopia.
Comments by Avitable
MartyMankins, I definitely agree with the MAD and Cracked - those artists got a bit graphic sometimes. Oh, and thanks for listening last night!
Comments by Avitable
Wow the box of tampons really disturbed me, until I read your response...
I did notice you did not have National Geographic listed? Did you not like the look of the nude natives in it?
Comments by trishk
I'm trying to imagine how the PDR would be helpful...
Comments by sandra
TrishK, have you been drinking already? National Geographic was the fifth one on the list!
Sandra, I don't remember now, but I did use it when I was a kid - like 11 or 12.
Comments by Avitable
Sweet baby Jesus. How do you find the time to work? Though I must applaud your dedication to all things porn.
While there are plenty of naughty bits running around in my head, I have to admit that I love me some Erotica. Oh, and nasty porn flicks. And xtube.
How 'bout that! A girl that digs porn!
Comments by Mari
I finally had a chance to listen to the show... good stuff! I can't wait to hear more.
Comments by Em
A mirror?
Comments by Jason
Well the next time I rub off I plan on using your photos situated there on your right side bar.....
Now that is weird!!!!!!
Comments by Preposterous Ponderings
I thought for sure you'd say a tuna fish can.
You know.
The dolphins, and whatnot.
Okay, I'm out.
Comments by Stephanie
Nope...just clouds. Never had the opportunity to do that in Canada. (Lets put the Canada question to rest...you may feel however you do about the war in Iraq and I am sure that we would agree on our feelings about a great deal of what has gone on there, what is going on there and what will go on there. My feelings on the "move to Canada" comment are my feelings and I shall keep them to myself from this point forward. I truly enjoy reading your blog and will continue to do so until you figure out some way to block me from it if you so desire. Rock on Avit, you big, harry beast!)
Also a half eaten twinkie and that Chuck Norris lift your own weight commercial...Brinkley splits and moans will do it every time.
Comments by Donnie
Mari, well, this isn't stuff I use regularly - just over the last 20 years.
Em, thanks for listening and downloading it!
Jason, oh, good one!
PP, next time? Should be every time!
Stephanie, I like dolphins, but only as friends.
Donnie, sounds good to me.
Comments by Avitable
So you know... I have a Food Porn feature every Friday, and I'm pretty sure there are a couple of Lo-Quats and a pair of Kohlrabis that you might be able to add to that list. Hmmm. Come to think of it, the tomatoes stand a chance too...
Comments by fracas
I would also do Martha Stewart.
Your list, as is typical, is hilarious. The tampons and the kitchen supplies seem to be the winners here. And anything I could add would definitely pale in comparison.
Ha, ha about "this post" and nothing illegal above.
Comments by Ok, Where Was I?
Fracas, I'll have to check it out!
Ok Where Was I, and it's all true, too.
Comments by Avitable