The year is 1994. Nancy Kerrigan gets clubbed by Tonya Harding. Bill Clinton gives his first State of the Union address. OJ kills his wife and gets away with it. Dakota Fanning is born. John Candy dies. And Adam Avitable graduates from high school. Let's reminisce, using his 1994 Spruce Creek High School Yearbook:
(And, more for me than you, the two pages at the back my best friend filled with her insane ramblings):
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You were that guy who tried to grow a mustache in high school?
Adam Beef Abominable?
I TOLD YOU that you were a tool! I knew it!
Comments by Miss Britt
I think I will call you Beef now
Comments by Amanda
I have shame coming out of my ears for clicking a link that said "adam in a speedo"
Comments by whall
OMG I hate you. 1994? 1994! Shit, I was in college then and getting drunk in New Orleans on UF's dime!
Sniffing panties? Got caught? I hope you are a hell of a lot smoother when you go to sniff Britt's unmentionables!
Comments by blondefabulous
Wait, you were an athlete? This throws everything into disarray for me.
Comments by Karl
What the hell is Shock-it? It's nowhere near as cool as it sounds, is it?
Comments by Chag
Beefcake!
(said in my best Eric Cartman voice, of course)
Comments by Hilly
Dear Addy,
Thank you once again for reminding me that I am old enough to be your damn mother!
Why were so many of the girls still rockin' the 80's hairdos?
What is this "shock-it" that you participated in for 2 years? Practicing for this blog?
Comments by Little Miss Sunshine State
Ha! Swimmers unite!
I am dropping kids off to first day of school tomorrow.. putting on my brand new speedo suit (they make one in my size!!!) and going for a swim at the YMCA!!! My Speedo will have a top though, otherwise I would look like this...
Comments by maman
What kind of school pictures are those? They look like mug shots! It took me months to pick mine and well, they are still pretty lame.
Comments by Robin
That whole Dear Abby thing doesn't surprise me one bit. That's who you are, even if you try to be all hard ass. I mean, what kind of hard ass gets celery, cream cheese and straws for his employee/best friend for when she gets to work on the first day of her trying her damnedest not to smoke? You are a good man,
Charlie BrownAdam Avitable. A good man.Comments by Shelli
Almost makes me want to dig my yearbooks out. Not enough for me to actually do it though.
Comments by penny
So you were a jock in high school?
I tossed my yearbooks out many years ago. Sometimes I wish I hadn't now though.
Comments by Jay
Glad to see you grew out of that awkward highschool phase and turned into the hansom man you are now.
Comments by Dickie Maxx
dammit! I cant read the two pages of insane rambling!
But, why did you cry?
Comments by bluepaintred
OMG, Adam Beef Abominable??! You were one hot juicy piece-o-beef in 1994. I just time warped myself on yearbookyourself.com. I may not have been born in 1976, but I sure looked hot in my yearbook photo then. (Warning: major time suck.)
Comments by Undomestic Diva
Adam Beefcake Abominable Avitable.
Also, how dare you say, "speedo" and not have a good shot at the goods!!!!
Luckily, the rest was so funny and cute and just sweet that I got over it.
Dude.
Classic.
(also, two questions - is Patel like, Smith over in India? Because didn't every school have a bunch of Patel's? And, I think George Clooney had sideburns, right - on ER, back then?!)
Thanks for the laughs.
Comments by Sybil Law
I'm kinda bummed you circled yourself in the pink shirt. I was really hoping for a game of "Where's Adam". Oh well. I love yearbook pictures, just not my own.
Comments by Becky
1994? Fuck you're young.
Comments by Winter
awesome post, holy shit that was so damn funny.
Comments by Bluestreak
Holy crap, you swam. I had one picture in my yearbook. And if I could have avoided that one I would have.
Comments by libragirl
I had a crush on a girl named Nikki also. She didn't find Jesus though. She found some guys penis, and that guys sperm found her egg.
Strangely enough, that swollen pregnant belly on her tiny frame made me crush on her even more.
/sigh
Comments by Bucky
What I want to see is the guy who beat you in the Mr. Spruce Creek pageant.
Also, just for the record, there is a HUGE gulf between being a good confidante and being Dear Abby. Just sayin'.
Comments by SciFi Dad
Holy fuck, Batman! You graduated FROM HIGH SCHOOOL in 1994? Jesus, I feel old.
Comments by Gwen
that was actually really, really cool.
Comments by Crys
Dear Avi,
In the morning when I wake up I usually have to peel the speedo away from my mile high teased pubes. Do you have any suggestion on how to tame them so it isn't such a shocker in the morning to my Jeebus finding soulmate?
Sincerely,
Miss June
1995
Comments by NYCWD
Beef. haha.
Comments by Sue
Where's the beef?
Comments by metalmom
Sideburns? What the fuck dude, did you think you were Jason Priestly or something?
And I hate you for being good at math. I suck at math.
Comments by Nobody™
Adam Beef Abominable! By FAR the BEST part!!
High school year books are such a trip. Now I feel the urge to get mine out!
Comments by sam {temptingmama}
In the 2nd photo (big group aerial) considering it was 1994 and you had your eyes closed, dude, where is your Bubba Gump Shrimp hat?
Cool stuff. : )
Comments by John
So basically you were the class perv?
Comments by Finn
A Dear Abby kind of person? WTF? Actually, though, you do sort of seem like the kind of guy girls would confide in.
Interesting topic for tonight. I wrote a post once on a blog in a land far away about this and I pissed off a bunch of younger people.
Comments by Em
Oh, man. Having a classmate in Playboy would have been awesome!
Comments by ajooja
You really freaked me the FUCK out.
I graduated from HS in '94.
My senior class colors were Emerald & Ivory.
My class flower was Daisy.
My class song was 'These Are Days' by 10000 Maniacs.
No shit.
Comments by A Whole Lot of Nothing
In 1994, I was in 6th grade. Who else feels old now?
In my senior arial shot, I'm nowhere to be found. They had to super-impose the images over one another to fit everyone onto a two-page spread...I think I got lost during the airbrushing. Probably for the best.
I'm totally going to break out my senior yearbook and do this on my blog later.
Comments by Squeaky Wheel
You clearly are retarded. You even called yourself a retard in your post then forgot to pimp your own radio show, "CLEARLY, YOU'RE RETARDED". This makes me laugh at you.
I should just copy and paste this comment for the second post you did today.
PS - Nice Speedo.
Comments by Poppy
1994??? I'm not even going to think about what I was doing in 1994..oh yeah, living in Alaska and my daughter was starting middle school.
My eyes were closed in my class photo also.
I have to do it....
Where's the "Beef"?
Comments by trishk
I also found an angry korean and a Mr. T Wannabe in your class photo. But that kid in the pink shirt looks waaaay cooler. Sideburns trump a Mr. T mohawk anyday.
Everyone says "I feel so old now." Geesh. I feel so young now. In 1994 I was in 4th grade. ha
I never purchased a single yearbook. Sometimes I regret that - but usually bc all of my yearbook pictures suuuuuuck.
Comments by Sheila (Charm School Reject)
My yearbook was filled with stuff like:
"Hey Lloyd, see ya around. Maybe"
Just like Say Anything.
Comments by B.E. Earl
Holy cow that was fun. Thanks for sharing.
Comments by Atomic Bombshell
oh my fuck, this was awesome. i looked like such a tool in my yearbook (1989) that there is no way in hell i would post photos. although i am now seriously considering scanning in what folks wrote to me. that would be fantastic!
beef. it is what's for dinner.
le rowl!
Comments by hello haha narf
I just read that someone put Brad Pitt's yearbook out on e-Bay. Bids were up to $120.00. You ought to try that. I might be willing to bid $1, as long as you agreed to throw in a copy of that girl's Playboy issue.
Comments by y not i
Dear Adam Beefcake...MORE SPEEDOS!!!!
Comments by Evil Genius
Oh yes, if I could take back the clothes, the hairstyles, the attitude...
Comments by fiwa
Fine. Fine. (Dick) Rub it in (Ass) that you were a senior (Loser) in high school in 1994. I was already a senior in college by then, but I'm not bitter. (Fucker) Nope. Not at all. (Douchebag)
And? You in the math club? My panties are wet.
Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter
Hilarious, 1994, crap I graduated in 1982, now I feel really old.
Comments by Mik
That's Awesome! Good to see young you!
Comments by Freelance Guru
Hmmm. You seem a lot cooler in this rendition of your yearbook than I recall you actually being in high school. Maybe that's because *I* was too much of an idiot to notice. Whatever, I salute the "ballsiness" it took for you to do that. Plus it was funny.
Comments by Faiqa Khan
You're all goth in that first picture. Like a cross between Tim Curry from "Rocky Horror" to Bille Joe Armstrong from Green Day.
But nothing tops "Adam Beef Abominable" Even the Math Club is proud to mention.
Let's see... 1994... easily the phrase "Where's The Beef?" could have had a re-birth.
Comments by martymankins
Well, yer just a sweet li'l young'un aren't you? 1990 grad here.
Dude, you were a swimmer?
Dude, you posted the girls' real names? I am sure they are so proud to be publically remembered by the guy who shows the internetz his scrots as the girl he made out with, got nak'd with, or who he thought of fondly as a lesbian, eh?
It brings tears to this republican's eyes and almost makes me want to pull out my own yearbook. Almost....
Comments by Scout's Honor
Can I just say I love these walks down memory lane? And I was on the Math Team too! I justify it by telling people that there was free donuts and chocolate milk involved. It doesn't really help though.
Comments by Craig
Awesome. But you know the best part about that post? It made me realise that Avitable is your last name. And here I was, thinking it was some awesome screen-name, but nope, it's your REAL name. You've had that awesome name your WHOLE LIFE. That's so coooooooool! :D
Comments by Katie
You get a joint comment from us. I set Clayton up on a date with Nikki. It was a double date with her sister and an Italian exchange student from Seabreeze. It didn't work out, but they had fun at the Maze- do you remember that? Hey- you didn't call me out in the swimming photo as someone who could beat you in the lanes :) As a swimmer who eventually married someone who we swam with, I can attest that the girls definitely checked out the guys in their speedos to determine the potential for a high quality relationship. For me, it was a determining factor in dateability. Here's a little TMI- Clayton proposed to me in his speedos because that's how we met...
Comments by Valerie and Clayton
It's wild to go back in time and remember things as they were. I was an unpopular freak who went to class stoned and tried to be ignored by everyone. I don't look back so much. Not to mention I graduated 30 years ago.
Comments by Willie G
Britt, at least I wasn't a stuck up gutter slut.
Amanda, and I shall call you Empanada!
Whall, the bigger shame is how disappointed you were when you realized that there wasn't a real photo.
Blondefabulous, Britt's assured me that her vagina smells like unicorns and fairydust, so I have had no reason to doubt the veracity of that claim.
Karl, varsity swim team - is that actually being an athlete?
Chag, nope. It was an after school community service thing. Don't remember what it stands for.
Hilly, respect mah authoritah!
LMSS, SHOCK-IT was community service, believe it or not.
Maman, that might affect your aerodynamicity.
Robin, they don't look like mug shots!
Shelli, shh, don't tell anyone.
Penny, lazy fucker.
Jay, I was a geek who swam. Definitely not a jock.
Dickie Maxx, wait, is that sarcasm?
BPR, sure you can - just click it and then click the largest possible size.
Undomestic Diva, yeah, that Yearbookyourself is a good site. One of my good friends created it.
Sybil, Patel is like Smith, yes.
Becky, well, I wanted to zoom in on it.
Winter, nah, I'm old now.
Bluestreak, and horrifying.
Libragirl, I popped up all over my yearbook.
Bucky, I could totally see that.
SciFi Dad, Rich Fromm, the bastard. Tap danced his way to victory. And I know that, but in high school, they seem more similar than they are in reality. I'm more of a confidante than I am Abigail Van Buren.
Gwen, yet I feel so old myself.
Crystal, you're sad about no Speedo shot though, aren't you?
NYCWD, I loved Miss June!
Sue, I clearly am what I eat.
Metalmom, now you're just showing your age.
Nobody, apparently I did. Sigh.
Sam, you should do it - it is fun.
John, I didn't wear hats - they'd mess up my awesome 'do.
Finn, nothing much has changed, has it?
Em, how old are you exactly?
Ajooja, it was fucking amazing.
Angie, did you go to Spruce Creek?
Squeaky Wheel, gee, thanks.
Poppy, you can't do copy and paste commenting - it's not allowed!
TrishK, now you're just showing your age too!
Sheila, I like having all of my high school and college yearbooks.
BE Earl, and they called you Lloyd too?
Atomic Bombshell, no problem - it was fun doing it!
Hello, c'mon, you should totally post your pics so we can mock you.
Y not I, ooh, I could be a dollaraire.
Evil Genius, I don't think there are any actual photos of me where I'm not hiding.
Fiwa, yup, exactly.
Heather, Mu Alpha Theta, to be exact.
Mik, I was 5 when you graduated from high school.
Freelance, you're erect now, aren't you?
Faiqa, well, you were a year ahead, so you barely paid attention to us. Besides you were jealous because you knew I was smarter than you.
Marty, I was dressed in a tux - the scanner washed out my face, though.
Scout's Honor, I wasn't going to go blur out everyone's names. Too much work.
Craig, donuts and chocolate milk make everything better, though.
Katie, how did you not know that? Sigh.
Val and Clayton, I do remember the maze! And don't you remember that everyone could beat me - I was almost the slowest swimmer there. I didn't know you set Clayton up with Nikki - wish you had set me up with her instead.
Willie G, I had a good time in school and made a lot of good friends that I still keep in touch with almost 15 years later, so it's nice having those memories.
Comments by Avitable
35
Comments by Em
I was NOT stuck up!
I would have been very nice to you! In fact, even after you sent me love letters explaining how you were in love with me and knew you could treat me better than the loser I was dating - I would STILL have been nice to you!
Comments by Miss Britt
Em, oh, you're not that old yet!
Britt, you're stuck up now - I can only imagine what you were like as a teen.
I had taste in high school and stayed away from the slutty girls.
Comments by Avitable
I wasn't slutty until college.
And I am not stuck up now!
Man, you really gotta let go of this bitterness you have about highschool. It's silly for you to hate me 10 years later because I was a cheerleader way back then.
Comments by Miss Britt
I liked the cheerleaders and was friends with a few of them. You would have just been bitter and jealous because I was smarter and more popular than you were.
Comments by Avitable
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
Oh God. You win. That's a good one!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
Too funny. You kill me, Adam!
Comments by Miss Britt
Oh, like it's hard to be popular among all the cornhuskers and farmboys. All you need is a pair of tits and most of your teeth.
In a real school, with a large class, it's actually a challenge.
Maybe someday you'll understand.
Talk to me when you're 40.
Comments by Avitable
Why are you still talking? Didn't I say you won?
Comments by Miss Britt
Settle down, you two! Do I have to separate you again?
::damn kids::
Comments by Stephanie
No - did not, but in NW Florida. Just had all the same stuff as your school. Freaky...
Comments by A Whole Lot of Nothing
Britt, I hate you.
Stephanie, but she's touching me!
Angie, that is really bizarre!
Comments by Avitable
What I will take away from this: Adam Beef Abominable, Dear Abby, Speedo, Unibrow, Panty sniffer Avitable.
To think, I was five years old then.
Comments by Jessica
That was great!
Comments by Black Belt Mama