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Free balling should be an Olympic sport

On Tuesday night around midnight, whether it was in anticipation of Not-a-Hurricane Fay or just premature ejaculation on the part of Progress Energy, my power went out. There was some rain and just a bit of wind, but I guess our grid just couldn’t handle it. (Let me just say that Progress Energy is one of the worst utilities out there – I’ve had more power outages with them without any rhyme or reason than anywhere else I’ve lived).

I called in the outage and was told that it was too early to determine when the power would be back on. Laying in bed, I was too hot even without the sheets on. No AC and no fans in Florida makes it very humid and sticky.

I decided to take a shower, which I figured would cool me down and then I might be able to go back to sleep. It was nice and relaxing, but I still felt too warm to be able to really fall asleep. So I walked around the house naked, dripping dry. I was bored and it was warmer inside than outside, so that’s when I decided to go outside.

There’s something exhilarating about being naked outside at night. Stepping outside, whether it’s in your backyard, in the woods, at the beach, in the middle of a parking lot, it doesn’t matter. Something about being naked, in the dark, with only the moonlight to light your way, that is very freeing.

Some you know exactly what I’m talking about. The rest of you are too inhibited.

I rejected the backyard as an option because it was muddy with the rain. Besides, as soon as I went outside, Jigsaw would run around in circles and bark, and I didn’t want to wake up the neighbors.

Since the power was out, all of our street lights were out, along with everyone’s lights on the outsides of their houses, so I decided to go out on the front porch.

Standing there, I just enjoyed the sensation of being outside in nothing but my birthday suit. Across the street, the beam of a flashlight moved through a window at the neighbors. Down the sidewalk, some crazy bastard decided that midnight during a storm was a good time to walk his dog. Further down the street, I could see a neighbor out on the street under the moon looking around to see if her house was the only one without power.

Hidden in the almost complete darkness of my overhanging porch, relishing the ability to watch but not be seen, loving the breeze and the smell of rain, I was happy.

Until the power suddenly came back on, including the very bright porch light directly over my head.

Last night, we had an interesting show talking about age discrimination and how Britt is a retard who’s defensive and I’m always right. I’d love it if you’d download it here, or add it to your iTunes here.

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62 Replies to “Free balling should be an Olympic sport”

  1. hello haha narf

    in october i am gonna convince britt to knock out the power grid while i hide in your yard, awaiting your naked self le rowl!

    i will fully admit, i am forever naked in my backyard. my neighbors must hate (love?) me.
    in fact, today’s hnt post has me in various states of undress in my backyard. yes, i am serious. hehe

    as soon as you send me my ipod shuffle thingy, can i download the talk shows to it?

  2. Sybil Law

    You have given me good laugh for the past few days. I feel like I owe you!
    And it is AWESOME to be naked outside. With big spray.
    The only thing that might have been better is if you’d locked yourself out of the house. πŸ˜€

  3. B.E. Earl

    I’m a naked guy for a while now. Feels good and who cares, so I do it.

    We have a large window overlooking the water in our living room that I am always naked in front of. The folks across the pond, I’m sure, are glad of that. πŸ™‚

  4. Undomestic Diva

    I have no balls, except my husbands which I dutifully keep in my purse, so therefore I cannot compete in said Olympic Free Balling competition. HOWEVER, if we could get a petition going to add free tittin’ it, I’d so win the gold.

  5. BlondeBlogger

    Hahahaha! Yeah, before I was married, my then-boyfriend and I thought we’d have SO much privacy in the wooded backyard and we went at it in my uncle’s pool (they weren’t home). And then we knew we weren’t alone when the cat-calls started when we finished. :loser:

  6. Jay

    And when the power cam back on, so did all the security cameras. πŸ˜‰

    At my old apartment I would go out onto my balcony after getting home from work and showering about 1 am and kick back naked enjoying the warm air. It was very dark and private back there. It also backed up to a city park so I could hear people in the park even though it was supposed to be closed.

  7. DutchBitch

    These are the times that I regret not buying the house across the street from you when I had the chance.. Oh, you don’t know that your across the street neighbour offered that one to all of us bloggies? Yeah, they did… Goldddeeeen opportunity… that I let pass by… Sigh…

  8. Sarah

    I can’t go outside naked around my house because the cops are constantly watching the houses on the street I live on and I’ve already got fined for going out in my underwear to get the paper.

    But I never really wear pants unless I’m going to work or my grandma’s over. That has to count for something, right?

  9. Elisa

    Ha! That’s funny!!!

    I would love to feel the night air on my naked skin as well but unfortunately we have neighbors and although I’m brave on the internet, I’m not that brave in real life. LOL

  10. delmer

    Good one Dave.

    A typhoon could sweep down the street in front of the building I work in and our lights wouldn’t flicker.

    Give us a bright, sunny day, though and there’s a chance it’ll go. It typically involves a goofball running into a pole, somebody with a Ditch Witch or, for the really industrious, a couple of guys with a backhoe.

    Mother Nature leaves us alone.

  11. sam {temptingmama}

    Dude, I’m starting to wonder if you’re making this shit up. I mean, only so much can happen to one person. No?

    (Oh, and I opened this after checking that there were no pics. Kid saw the emoticons and said he really liked these two. I am so going to have my three year old taken away. LOL)


    :boobs3: <— I fear he takes after he father.

  12. Avitable

    Amanda, with me, literally? Where?

    Dave, it’s a good mental image, isn’t it?

    Maman, your poor children!

    Hello, you can download the shows to your ipod, yup.

    Sybil, I have locked myself out at one point. That was bad.

    Winter, you let your cats keep their balls?

    BPR, hahaha – your poor neighbors!

    BE Earl, at first I thought you had water in your living room.

    Undomestic Diva, free tittin’ it is.

    Blondeblogger, well, everybody has that creepy uncle. Or is that creepy uncle.

    Jay, no security cameras, luckily.

    TSM, and the balls.

    DB, I’d be plastered all over the interwebs.

    Scout’s Honor, if I knew, I would have fluffed a little.

    Sarah, I guess that counts. You got fined for being in your underwear? Do tell!

    Bluestreak, the middle of the parking lot is fun when it’s really dark.

    Penny, yes, I agree.

    Jennifer, nope. I did not expect the lights to come on that quickly.

    Britt, it’s a healthy one, though.

    Blondefabulous, it was too rainy.

    Lisa, dance my happy ass back into the house at the speed of light!

    TrishK, they don’t have me on their watch list yet.

    Bucky, I can only tell it like it happened.

    Elisa, I have neighbors too, but it was nighttime!

    Scifi Dad, a mirror and a camera, you mean?

    Crystal, they only saw the scrot!

    Delmer, yeah, that’s almost how it is here. If it might rain, the power goes out. During the actual storm, though, it’s fine.

    Sam, everybody has stuff happen to them – I’m just brave enough to talk about it.

    Gwen, well, I was the only one in the house.

    Becky, once the power came on, the AC kicked back in.

    Finn, I figured.

    Robin, it’s nice!

    Em, how about your backyard?

  13. Sheila (Charm School Reject)

    Unfortunately our backyard, though it had a privacy fence, backs up to a bike path and a residential street, beyond the res street is a busy street, all of which are higher up than our yard. I can barely go swimming in the pool because people can see – let alone walk out there nekkid.

  14. martymankins

    Having been naked outside at both home and away, it’s nice. But when the porch light comes on (or in the case of camping at the lake, a large and powerful spotlight on someone’s boat), the zen moment is instantly killed.

  15. Willie G

    aaahhh…. nothing like being caught naked. I have nightmares about that sort of thing, not necessarily being naked, but being caught being naked.

    Yet I make use of the backyard with the privacy fence frequently. Problem is the neighbors have a high deck with a skybox view into our otherwise private backyard.

  16. Avitable

    Sheila, bah, who cares what the gawkers see?

    Poppy, why would you get her site confused with mine? Does she have a picture of her eating ice cream with Stalin? πŸ˜€

    Shelli, you should try it.

    Grant, I try not to scar them.

    SciFi Dad, good point.

    Dragon, it was rather warm, yes.

    Evil Genius, you should do it – it’s totally worth it.

    Marty, exactly!

    Maggie, but you wish you did!

    Karl, good rule of penis, sir.

    Turnbaby, succinct yet to the point.

    Em, I’ll expect stories from you.

    WillieG, then let them enjoy the show!

    Karen, was it a chuckle or more of a snort?

    Maria, you’re one of those inhibited ones, aren’t you?

    Whall, well put.

    Heather, so you’re saying you want to join the Avitable Ball Photo of the Month club?

    Stephanie, I don’t do HNT.

    Leslie, as long as you’re not with your actual brotha!

    Kapgar, oh, she knows I won. She just won’t admit it.

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