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You lazy fuckers should be at work.

Today’s Labor Day, a holiday that I hate. Since it’s a Federal holiday, it’s just a way for the government to fuck over those of us who are employers, even though we’d really like our employees to come into work and, maybe, labor!

It seems to me that for the Federal government to set aside a day celebrating the corrupt, overblown, wage-inflating labor unions is kind of stupid. It’s like having a day remembering a war that you lost, or recognizing deadbeat dads. Or herpes.

I think that the US has gone a bit overboard with Federal holidays. There are a few that I’m okay with, like Thanksgiving, New Year’s, Independence Day, and Christmas. I only find Christmas acceptable because I view it as being an all-encompassing holiday that covers Chanukah, Rosh Hashanah, Diwali, and any of the holy days during Ramadan. They should just rename it “Winter Holiday”, though.

Here are the official Federal holidays with which I have an issue:

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day: I understand that he was a great man, and he has inspired thousands of people, but giving people the day off work in his name just seems unnecessary. There are plenty of great men who don’t get holidays. If you want to celebrate MLK’s message, why not make it a holiday where you try to pay it forward or help someone, but only after you worked your normal 8-hour day.

President’s Day: They’re elected officials. Public servants. Having a day to celebrate them for doing their fucking jobs is one of the reasons that presidencies and the senate and congress have become almost like royalty. Maybe we should have a McDonald’s Burger Flipper Day. They’re just doing their job, too.

Memorial Day: I think it’s a great idea to have a holiday that remembers those who sacrificed their lives defending our country. But can’t we merge this holiday and Veteran’s Day into one? I mean, Memorial Day is for the dead soldiers and Veteran’s Day is for the ones who survived, so I don’t think you’d have any conflicts with the parade.

Labor Day: I’ve already explained why I think this is a useless holiday.

Columbus Day: It just seems to me that since we already have a day that celebrates when we became a nation, so remembering the guy who wasn’t actually the first person to discover the land we stole from someone else is pretty obnoxious. It’s like we just continue patting ourselves on the back.

And this just covers the Federal holidays – there are plenty of other ridiculous holidays like Grandparent’s Day, Arbor Day, Earth Day, April Fool’s Day, but at least I don’t have to let my employees take the day off to celebrate them.

In other, completely unrelated news, the contest over at Hot Blogger Calendar was over at midnight last night. They hid the vote tallies all day on Sunday, but unless there was a huge upset, I should still be in the top 12, and I want to thank everyone who voted. As I promised (or as I threatened, depending on your perspective), since I received well over the number of votes needed to strip the last piece off of my picture, you can click here to see the final Avitable reveal.

Thanks again to everyone and enjoy Labor Day, you shiftless, money grubbing, worthless, lazy bastards.

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56 Replies to “You lazy fuckers should be at work.”

  1. Stephanie

    Of the holidays you listed, I only get Labor Day and Memorial Day off. Never have had any of the others off. I think most of those holidays are bogus, but am constantly berated for my opinion. I am not an employER, but an employEE, but I do the books, so I know what the bottom line is all about. There is no reason we shouldn’t work on most of those days.

    And I am NOT looking…I am NOT looking…

    I’m wayyyyy to sober to have written the above post. I think Crystal stole my wine. :dance:

  2. Shelli

    It would have been my normal day off anyway. Since my employer only allows me to get paid for holidays when I am supposed to be at work but it’s a holiday so I’m not, I don’t get paid one penny tomorrow (or today, depending on when you are reading this). Not even if I wanted to use my PTO to do it. DENIED. Fucking employers.

    I believe that some of those holidays are invented so that teachers can have a break from kids. MLK, Columbus and Presidents days for sure.

  3. Gina

    I only get Memorial and Labor Day off and frankly I need to get those other random holidays off because they work me like a dog, pay me shit, and expect the world on a platter for them. I am fucking exhausted and need every day off I can get. Just the thought of going into work makes me want to hide under the covers and never get out from under them. Meh.

  4. Dan

    To be fair you americans don’t seem to have hardly any vacation days, so a few fedral set days are pretty reasonable.

    I for example get 38 days off a year (but I do work national holidays like christmas and the like)

  5. Grant

    I too only get Memorial and Labor Day off from your listed holidays. I also have to take vacation time for the day after Thanksgiving and Xmas Eve or I forfeit my pay for the day (no option to work). Veteran’s Day is worthless – I don’t get any perks even though I am a combat vet and the stupid parades (which I hate) screw up downtown traffic. In the future I think we should combine it with Memorial Day, you non-serving pussies should have to work, and we brave vets should get the day off with pay and be legally allowed to demand blowjobs at will, or we’ll shoot you.

  6. Poppy

    Dawg is working today. Not the lazy.

    I, on the other hand, just woke up, just fed the cats their morning treat, and am now just sitting here incapable of moving because I have no coffee. Someone better get me a damn coffee, pronto.

  7. Jay

    People take entirely too much time off. They don’t need all that vacation time they get. If you want a month of vacation every year move to Europe. We’re Americans dammit! We don’t need no stinkin’ days off.

    Except me. I get all federal holidays plus Good Friday AND the day after Thanksgiving. But I’m the only one who deserves that. haha

  8. manager mom

    speaking of pointless holidays, when I was growing up in Chicago we used to get “Cashmir Pulaski Day” off of school. Apparently he’s some great Polish hero, and why anyone is supposed to care, I have no idea. I just took the fucking day off with a big fat grin.

  9. hello haha narf

    manager mom –

    actually, pulaski is famous for serving under george washington in the revolutionary war. he has been called the father of the american cavalry. i would gladly accept a day off in his honor seeing as how he gave the ultimate sacrifice, his life, for this country when he wasn’t even a citizen.
    (p.s. fishing in pulaski, ny is awesome!)


  10. Elisa

    My husband’s working. 🙁 Steel mills run 24/7/364 (oh yeah they get xmas off BFD!)

    I kind of agree w/ you on the holidays though. Pretty dumb. I say that as a housewife who doesn’t have to punch a clock though. 😉

  11. Been there Done that

    I’m not OK with Thanksgiving being a holiday. The pilgrims were starving to death and eating their dogs. Then here comes Squanto with some corn. That makes for a national holiday? Really? A true American would be thankful every day that the Native Americans brought us the one food that has made us fatter than any other… corn!
    And to whoever said that teachers want to have MLK day off…that’s just silly. We have just had two weeks off and then two weeks later here comes another day.
    OK, through ranting.
    Why is your hand behind that behemoth? Something that big needs your hand around it!

  12. becky

    Unfortunately the hospital that I work for doesn’t believe in closing for holidays! So, I end up working every other holiday. I need an office job so I can enjoy these holidays and the day off that they bring!!

  13. Kris

    This is what is wrong with the world today. Time off for employees means they have time to recharge their batteries, and do more efficient work. In Europe, the government mandates companies give their employees 20 days off a year. In the U.S. it’s 0.
    Corporate America sucks ass!

  14. Avitable

    Danalyn, once you see my dick, you’ll never go back.

    Stephanie, why wouldn’t you look? I totally knew you wanted to.

    Andria, that’s some exercise!

    Hello, sure it is! That’s what my penis looks like!

    BE Earl, yeah, but you’re not the employer!

    Penny, I do not understand adults who want their birthdays off – can’t you just go out to dinner?

    Scout’s Honor, trust me, it’s much better than the reality.

    Shelli, I agree. Fucking teachers!

    Dave2, oh, I know you’re a hard worker. That makes two of us.

    PotU, but I can because I’m the one who gets fucked.

    Sybil, yes, it is. Now go take your Valtrex.

    Gina, well, maybe you need a boss like me!

    Sarah, nobody’s sympathetic to me.

    Maria, why would you think it’s phony?

    Jessica, you just need a better boss.

    Chris, it’s all about the dick with you gay men, isn’t it?

    Dan, 38? Wow!

    Kelley, you’re in Canada, right? That explains everything.

    Britt, no sympathy. Fucker.

    Delmer, of course it is. /pats your head

    Lisa, #1, baby!

    Grant, I give the day off after Thanksgiving voluntarily. I just have an issue with the federal government telling me what days I have to give employees off because the schools and day cares will be closed.

    Sam, it’s always labour to stroke the beast.

    Stacey, that’s two too many!

    EG, happy birthday, but good!

    LMSS, time and a half is always good.

    Em, what’s unfair? Is that too much man for you?

    Penelope, I thought you were brave.

    Poppy, I’ll start walking some over to you now.

    Siddharth, if you can’t even spell blog right . . .

    Amanda, don’t be mad! I’ll email you the real thing.

    Jay, well, of course you deserve it. You’re a tireless public servant. /rolls eyes.

    Robin, yet I don’t!

    Dragon, Purple Thunder Stick is the name of my band.

    Manager Mom, the Polish have heroes?

    Hello, oh my God why the fuck do you know that?

    Elisa, so you don’t want your husband home, is that what you’re saying.

    Liquid, I’m trying to make my blog safe for children.

    BTDT, well, my hand is usually on it, so I thought I’d mix it up for once.

    Turnbaby, well, the courts are closed, so I can’t blame you.

    Faiqa, I am THE MAN!

    Kimberly, we’d be on the brink of destruction.

    Becky, I’m glad that healthcare is at least reasonable when it comes to days off.

    Michelle, ew to what? Be specific, dammit.

    Kris, yeah, because working 8 hours is so fucking exhausting that you need to recharge your batteries! That would suck if I had to give my employees 20 days off a year. Recockulous.

  15. Cheri

    I’m glad you’re not my boss. My boss loves giving me holidays off – he even gives me extra time off around holidays. He’s not working either so I guess it’s only fair. 🙂
    However I don’t get all those government holidays off – just some.

  16. penny

    Can I not have 1 day out of 365 off? And choose my birthday for that day? Is that too much to ask? I work the other 364 days of the year. (Yes, I know it’s a leap year. I took 2 days off this year, neither of which was my birthday, so that still leaves 364 days of work this year.)

  17. Avitable

    Sybil, those commercials have apparently seeped into my subconscious.

    Cheri, oh, I don’t mind giving days off, but when I choose, not when the government tells me I have to.

    Penny, I just don’t understand why people take that day!

  18. Poppy

    I still don’t see you or a coffee. What the hell? Are you taking a BREAK or something?!

    I think all the work I did today makes up for yesterday. If I’d still been in VT I would have had to work last Monday (the August one) to this Friday (the September one) straight. Gotta love Back to School.

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