NEW TV SEASON!

Television 101 is now in session . . .

When it's good, television is amazing. When it's bad, it makes me fear for humanity. The more people who watch crap like "So You Think You Can Dance" and "The Hills", the more networks actually think that they have to dumb down their content and shovel crap into the trough from which America's television viewing audience feeds.

Until Nielsen decides to start giving IQ tests or eliminating multi-child families from their Nielsen Family criteria, I have to do my part to focus viewership on the higher quality television and away from the shit. Here's what I'll be watching and, therefore, what you should be watching, during this upcoming television season.

MONDAY:

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (September 8, Fox): This show has its flaws and holes, but it's got Summer Glau as a Terminatrix learning to become human and seems willing to explore a lot of highly viable storylines. What could be better?

Heroes (September 22, NBC): Let's hope this season doesn't suck as bad as the last one. With an arc called "Supervillains", though, and a creator who is admitting that he has learned from the last season, there is promise that it's the show it should have been two years ago.

Chuck (September 29, NBC): Chuck has evolved from a show that started off slow and had trouble keeping my interest (or keeping my eyes from rolling) to a show that has gotten smarter, funnier, and finally contains characters that are a bit more developed than the cardboard cutouts they began as. I hope they can keep this up during this season.

TUESDAY:

Fringe (September 9, Fox): Fringe is J.J. Abrams' take on the X-Files. The pilot didn't wow me like some of his pilots have (Alias, Lost), but I think it will be a dark, intelligent, multi-layered show.

WEDNESDAY:

Destination Truth (September 3, SciFi): Watch amusing host Josh Gates as he explores the unknown and tries to get physical evidence of uncatalogued creatures. They never catch anything of substance, but it's fun watching them try.

Ghost Hunters (September 3, SciFi): Unfortunately, it's obvious that the producers and editors have less interest in truth than the actual investigators, but that doesn't stop this show from being an interesting look at two plumbers' search for the paranormal. And if you accept that they are not trying to trick the audience (they're clearly not actors), some of the evidence they find is interesting to say the least.

Top Design (September 3, Bravo): Just like Top Chef, this show is all about skill and not about stupid drama or pulling the wool over your teammates' eyes. It allows people with real ability to showcase their talent in an actual competition and is one of the only reality shows I'll watch.

Pushing Daisies (October 1, ABC): By far the best show of 2007, this amazing comedy/drama is one of my favorite shows of all time. Created by the genius behind "Dead Like Me", it manages to be darkly humorous and whimsical all at the same time.

THURSDAY:

Kitchen Nightmares (September 4, Fox): I've never seen the American version of this show, but in the UK version, Gordon Ramsay walks into a failing restaurant and spends one week trying to turn it around. It's a fascinating look at business and marketing and the restaurant industry, and I hope that the Fox version isn't too Americanized and fucked up.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (September 18, FX): Any comedy that had an episode called "Charlie has an abortion" is something that you know is going to push the envelope. This show manages to evolve from the narcissistic characters from Seinfeld into harder, meaner characters who make you laugh so hard you might pee yourself.

Supernatural (September 18, CW): Even with the emo and aggro brothers and some of the treacly emotion that leaks out, this show has some great concepts, good humor, and is always fun. It even manages to be a bit scary sometimes, too.

My Name is Earl and The Office (September 25, NBC): Earl is sometimes wickedly sharp, usually when Jaime Pressly's Joy gets to let loose, and The Office is one of the smartest shows on television today. If you're not watching NBC on Thursdays, your sense of humor might have gone missing.

Life on Mars (October 9, ABC): The UK version of this show was excellent. I hope that David E. Kelley's Americanized version is good, although the rumors aren't good. I'll give it an episode to prove its worth.

30 Rock (October 30, NBC): This is the second smartest comedy on the air – Tina Fey is a genius.

FRIDAY:

Read a fucking book.

SATURDAY:

SNL (September 13, NBC): It's an hour and a half long, but at least 30-45 minutes of it will be funny, if not hilarious. Record it and fast-forward through the sketches that go nowhere so you can get to the good stuff.

SUNDAY:

Go to the movies.

MID-SEASON SHOWS I'LL BE WATCHING:

Scrubs (on ABC now, not NBC)
Dollhouse (Fox)
24 (Fox)

SHOWS I DON'T WANT TO WATCH:

How I Met Your Mother: It's kind of funny, and I like NPH and Jason Segel and Alyson Hannigan, but the laugh track makes me cringe every time. I just can't watch shows that try to tell me when something is supposed to be funny. None of the best comedies of the recent few years (The Office, 30 Rock, Arrested Development) have had laugh tracks and everybody seems to understand when there's humor.

Big Bang Theory: It's one of the stupidest shows out there. I am a geek, and I am a nerd, and this show feels like it's written by someone who has only watched "Revenge of the Nerds" or something. "Chuck" is a much better example of a show that is headlined by a group of geeks. Plus, there's a laugh track.

LOST: I stopped watching this show in the first season. I've been buying the seasons as they come out on DVD, though, and once it's done, I'll sit down and watch the whole thing all the way through. I just don't have the patience for some of the stupid tricks the writers have pulled.

Class has now concluded. For next week, write an essay that explores the multitude of ways that any of the following shows is directly influencing American society's downfall: American Idol, The Closer, any sitcom with a comedian or well-known male actor as a father who loves his kids but sometimes screws up and has to be forgiven by his beautiful wife, or any show on E! other than The Soup.

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