52 responses

  1. Miss Britt
    Tuesday, September 2, 2008


    And this is why I haven’t been able to convince you that you were a fucking TOOL when you were younger.

    In fact, I imagine you would still be a tool if not for the grace of God that allowed the coolness that is ME to enter your life.

    You are infinitely cooler just from knowing me.

    Thank God.

  2. Whit
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    Two girls, one Adam. Smooth. :2girls:

  3. Sybil Law
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    I make up conversations for people all the fricking time!
    I should write them down?!
    And can’t wait for the show, as usual!

  4. bluepaintred
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    you bonehead!

  5. Dave2
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    Please tell me that these girls are at the age of consent. Somebody needs to let them know the benefits of an abstinence-only Avitable policy.

  6. Amanda
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    Dave2, we all know how well abstinence-only education works, don’t we?

    I’m sure that’s exactly how their conversations went

    • ali
      Thursday, April 7, 2011

      @Amanda, you r very sexy

  7. Stephanie
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    I may or may not be drunkly slight.

    Britt has brought you around to cool, man.


  8. Andria
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    lmao, at you and Britt

  9. B.E. Earl
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    Alfred E. Avitable?

  10. Bucky
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    MAD Magazine huh? I bet I have that copy lying around here somewhere…

  11. Faiqa
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    OMG. I didn’t know you heard me.

  12. Miss Britt
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    I forgot Faiqa knew you back then!!

    Must meet her in person so she can confirm my suspicions about you…

  13. metalmom
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    You’re a dork. :loser:

  14. Avitable
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    Britt, maybe someday you will realize how completely uncool you really are, even though you deny it and ignore the fact that you’ve become an uptight old lady.

    Whit, I don’t want to be the cup!

    Sybil, when you make up conversations, are you as delusional as I was when I did it?

    BPR, yeah, and?

    Dave, can anyone really consent to an Avitable? Legally? I don’t know.

    Amanda, I know – it’s like I’m reading their minds!

    Stephanie, no way – she’s an unhip, uncool, mom of two who falls asleep at 9.

    Andria, most people do!

    BE Earl, I wish – have you ever seen this? http://www.avitable.com/2007/01/22/mad-magazine-13-years-ago/

    Bucky, it’s the one with Alfred as Michael Jackson singing “Bad”. http://www.avitable.com/2007/01/22/mad-magazine-13-years-ago/

    Faiqa, no, this was a conversation between two cool, hot chicks.

    Britt, fuck you.

    Metalmom, you’re just now figuring this out? Who’s the :loser:?

  15. Miss Britt
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    Oh believe me, I know I’m uncool.

    I’m just cooler than YOU.

  16. themuttprincess
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    I bet some of the conversations you made up were a little more X-rated.

  17. Faiqa
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    Oh HELLLL NO, motherfucker. I know you did *not* just question my coolness or hotness in high school. I was so much cooler, so much hotter than you could ever, ever hope to be.

    Look at that, I’m fasting and you made me curse. You’re going to Islamic hell. Which is the worst one.

    Need I remind you that I was, in fact, third runner up in the Miss Spruce Creek pageant. So there. Just because I wasn’t a swim team lesbian…

    I am so excited that I might get to meet Miss Britt. At least you’re slightly useful.

  18. Faiqa
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    :angel: My last comment said with the utmost love and respect. Just FYI.

  19. Grant
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    I’m always imagining them talking about making out.

  20. Finn
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    You want to raise my clone as your personal sex slave, don’t you?

    Trenchcoat? Really?!

  21. Crys
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    i love that you said bon mots. you are dreamy.

    • ali
      Thursday, April 7, 2011

      @Crys, you r very sexy

  22. Avitable
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    Britt, nobody’s cooler than me!

    TMP, well, maybe when I was home. Alone. In bed.

    Faiqa, I was the first runner-up in Mr. Spruce Creek, so there! And Britt will join us for lunch, too.

    Grant, yeah, that too.

    Finn, yeah, I had a trenchcoat in college – haven’t you seen my psycho picture?

    Crystal, don’t I know it!

  23. Coal Miner’s Granddaughter
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    Dude. You were all Silent Bob in college? Seriously? I would have nailed you. And then called you a dork. :)

  24. Dragon
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    Dude, now I know these are made up. No junior high age girl is going to say “I wholeheartedly concur.” :lmao:

  25. Shelli
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    I’m pretty sure that is exactly how those conversations went. Positive, really. ahem

  26. Maria
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    I think I need to read the book that inspired these conversations.

  27. delmer
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    I’m with Dragon.

    I was wholeheartedly believing these might be fictionalized true conversations until I hit upon “concur.”

  28. John
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    Are your studly secrets for sale? Oh, I know…would do me no good. These things can’t be taught.

    Funny stuff as always. : )

  29. hello haha narf
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    loved this post because now i know i am not the only one who makes up conversations between others. i also make up their life history. most of this is done while i sit at airports. man, i love people watching.

  30. Robin
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    I was always friends with the guys in the trench coats.

  31. Avitable
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    Heather, I totally was Silent Bob.

    Dragon, well, in my head, these girls were hot and really smart.

    Shelli, yeah, I know!

    Maria, it’s a very funny book – you should definitely check it out.

    Delmer, I probably said “concur” when I was that age, though.

    John, you’re right – stud lessons can’t be taught – they can only be inherited.

    Hello, maybe it’s that I’m actually psychic!

    Robin, the flashers?

  32. hello haha narf
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    was that a typo? were you trying to tell us that you are psycho?

  33. Gina
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    I would write a similar post, but my post would be of insecurity and not so much the humor. Perhaps I will think on that s’more though, and try to find some funny in my adolescence. :dance:

  34. manager mom
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    The trenchcoat threw me a little. I thought you were going in a WHOLE different direction than Mad Magazine.

  35. Anndi
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    I was taught to walk fast and far away from men in trench coats…

  36. michelle
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008


    Clearly, your cool!!! Although, clearly not as cool as me and the rest of your readers here and abroad!!


  37. Avitable
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    Hello, well, that too.

    Gina, I’m sure there’s some humor in the last 30 years!

    Manager Mom, oh, I did that too.

    Anndi, towards, you mean, right? With your hand outstretched?

    Michelle, clearly!

  38. Gina
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    I meant minimal humor during my adolescence. I am sure there has been humor in the last 30 years, yes. :sex023:

  39. Mik
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    Will check out that book, sounds like something I’d like.

    I’m not getting into the who is cooler debate, Adam or Britt.

  40. Gwen
    Wednesday, September 3, 2008

    If you had been in my grade school, high school, or college, I wouldn’t have wasted my time talking to my friend about you, I’d have walked right up and introduced myself.

    The book is on my reading list. Thanks for the tip.

  41. Avitable
    Thursday, September 4, 2008

    Gina, well, that sucks if your adolescence was that bad, though.

    Mik, it’s a very funny book.

    Gwen, hope you enjoy it!

  42. Bethie
    Thursday, September 4, 2008

    Adam, you’re my hero 😉

  43. Meg
    Friday, September 5, 2008

    Great idea for a post. It’s too early for me to think of anything brilliant or halfway witty to add. Must have more coffee.

  44. Avitable
    Friday, September 5, 2008

    Bethie, woohoo!

    Meg, caffeine is an important factor of wittiness.

  45. KAT
    Monday, September 8, 2008

    Wait. Did I go to school with you?

  46. Avitable
    Monday, September 8, 2008

    Kat, were you the one that I thought offered a handjob when you actually asked for a pencil? I’m sorry that I pulled my penis out like that.

  47. ash ketchem
    Tuesday, September 13, 2011

    hi its not very funny

  48. yrthhry
    Sunday, February 5, 2012

    i just hate jokes.

  49. suvethra
    Sunday, February 5, 2012

    i hate jokes especially the stupid scenes.

  50. Jaylene
    Saturday, June 16, 2012

    That’s a quick-witted answer to a difficult quseiton

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