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Words can be fun, you ignoranus.

Last week (although it’s still on his main page because he’s been a lazy fucking blogger), Jester posted the results of the Washington Post Mensa Invitational, which asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. It was pretty damn funny, and here are my five favorites:

  1. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
  2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
  3. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
  4. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
  5. Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

I loved these and decided to come up with my own:

  1. Homesexual: A person who has a compelling need to have sex in every room of his or her new house.
  2. Cack: The sound made by a person gagging on a penis.
  3. Tituperate: To use one’s breasts to overwhelm.
  4. Berete: To scold someone for wearing an ugly hat.
  5. Melticulous: When a person is extremely careful about his or her ice cream melting.
  6. Mailinger: To feign illness in an email to your boss.
  7. Sextol: To praise one’s sexual ability.
  8. Harridane: A scolding, vicious native of Denmark.
  9. Amalgum: The end result when one chews more than one piece of gum at the same time, merging them into one amorphous mixture.
  10. Schadenfreud: A malicious satisfaction in providing strange sexual interpretations of someone’s dreams.
  11. Palindrone: Someone who votes for a candidate who is moving forward at the same time that her policies set the country backwards.
  12. Missnomer: A first name that can be mistaken for male or female.
  13. Xenuphobia: A fear of Scientologists.
  14. Stoick: Indifferent to disgusting images or videos.
  15. Hugris: An overbearing presumption that people want you to hug them.

How about a contest? Come up with an altered word of your own, and comment with the word and its new definition, and I’ll pick the best one. The winner will get a free T-shirt from my Zazzle store!

Thanks to everyone who listened to our show last night about cloning. If you missed the show, download it here, or add it to your iTunes here.

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75 Replies to “Words can be fun, you ignoranus.”

  1. B.E. Earl

    Because I’ve been watching the Republican Convention tonight:

    REPUBLITAN – A blow-hard of a politician with awful orange colored tan makeup.

    Use in sentence: Rudy Giuliani was quite the Republitan at the Convention last night. He was positively glowing.

  2. manager mom

    Ooo- a little bit of bonus political commentary on the “palindrone” one!

    Good ones, although you realize Al Franken is going to try to kick both of your asses for stealing his gig? Or was it Rich Little who did those sniglet things?

  3. Faiqa

    From the words palingenetic (which roughly means rebirth) and frenetic (which you should know):

    palinfrenetics: the scientific methodology behind the wild and uncontrollable efforts of the Republican party to steal Vagina-American’s votes from the Democratic Party.


  4. Avitable

    Amanda, nothing? Hm. You seem smart.

    Danalyn, well, kind of. Sniglets were made up words that should have existed. This is very specific, since they have to be existing words with one letter changed, removed, or added only.

    Sybil, sure – come back later and give it a try!

    BE Earl, he looked weird, didn’t he?

    Sarah, what, does your brain hurt?

    Mike, genius!

    Sybil, yeah, I think you should start trying.

    Zom, not bad!

    Dan, hahahaha! Now, of course, I’m going to have the Secret Service banging down my door.

    Kimberly, well, “malinger” is the real word. “Mailinger” is the new one.

    Catherine, thank you – do you have any to add?

    Manager Mom, I think it was Rich Little, and these are different than Sniglets. I think I can take him, though.

    Bucky, sigh. Clearly.

    Faiqa, that’s a good one! Unfortunately, this isn’t Sniglets. The rules were to take a word and remove, change, or add one letter to it.

  5. Cris

    Cumputer: Machine used for watching pornography

    Sinternet: A service used for cheating on one’s spouse or buying goods without state taxes.

    Peelates: The little dance exercise a person does when they need to urinate but have to wait.

    Teenanger: The stage an older “know-it-all” child reaches when it’s time for them to leave the nest.

  6. always home and uncool

    Sniglets was Rich Hall. Rich Little did all the impressions.

    Crudit – When your credit isn’t worth the crap on the bottom of your shoes.

    Bytch – 1) An evil, backstabbing bisexual woman; 2) A computer error that occurs when posting on a mommy blog

    Blag – An untimely news blog

    McCaint – Well, you go ask Cindy about that one.

  7. Avitable

    Cris, very nice! You work well on the cumputer.

    Gina, well, you added two letters, but that’s a good one.

    Britt, hahaha! Awesome.

    Hello, that’s good. He’s never anyone’s hero.

    Bossy, oooh, aren’t you quick?

    AHAU, very nice – thanks for entering!

  8. bubblewench

    I’m changing 2 letters, but changing them both to the same one (i)…

    hipicrite – one of those young Soccor Moms that thinks they’re a hippie in their gas guzzling not green friendly SUV with a Grateful Dead or Phish sticker. They have no clue what being a hippie really is – therefore they are hipicrites!

  9. just beth

    How about this: Fuck Awf: two words, used together. Def: What you write to Avitable when your baby is teething so you got ZERO sleep last night and yet have been trying to think up a new word because he intimidates you and makes you feel dumb, but you can’t even … can’t even… FUCK. See? Fuck Awf, Adam Avitable, and take your stupid stupidness and JERK IT!




  10. Avitable

    Maria, I’m totally melticulous, too.

    Gina, I eagerly await your new submission.

    John, me too!

    Winter, we’ll be here all day.

    Bubblewench, I think you could have just gone with hipocrite and it would have worked, too.

    Mike, chiro?

    Just Beth, hahaha! Genius!

    Maman, I know.

  11. Catherine

    Cantography – The act of haplessly or willfully cobbling together of crucially incorrect or indiscernible directions.

    Anteballum – The emotional plummet experienced by fans just after the football season ends, esp. those of a less than stellar team.

    Slunt – a drainage device installed at an angle.

  12. Avitable

    Mike, groan.

    Valerie, hahah – nice one.

    Gina, I see what you did there and I like it!

    Catherine, I think your first one is my favorite.

    Clayton, nutpunch?

    Valerie, what about flapulence: When someone keeps making noises with their mouth?

    Crystal, that was the one I thought was the weakest.

    Here are a few more:

    Luckey: Someone who gets to run errands for a celebrity or popular person.
    Flantastic: Delicious Spanish dessert.

  13. Judy C

    Avistable – Adam’s RSS readers

    scrotyum – delicious man bits

    whorrendous – gratuitously sexual performance as in “Did you see Lilly Allen’s whorrendous appearance at the GQ Men of the Year Awards?

    Thank you for this Adam – I was so blue today I was giving into brain fog sadness – you got me smiling and thinking about something other than looking for a job.

  14. Evil Genius

    Mallady: a woman of ill repute, who is unwholesome and possibly diseased.

    Comatase: the temporary state one’s body goes into after being zapped by a taser gun.

    Neanderball: the testicular region of a man who is very, very old.

  15. Elisa

    These were funny!

    I say bumfuzzled a lot not sure if it’s a real word but it’s real for me because I use it at least once a week. LOL


    “I had to get some things for the house and I went into to Target and got all bumfuzzled and forgot what I went there for.”

  16. Stefanie

    I truly think Cack should be added to Websters. There has needed to be a word for that for way too long. Thank you for finally giving it a voice! I followed you over from that Tentfucker guy’s post about BHJ. And didn’t you used to do a blog that rated other people’s blogs or was that someone else.

  17. Avitable

    Judy C, “scrotyum” scares me.

    Evil Genius, I love “comatase”!

    Elisa, I don’t think “bumfuzzled” is a real word. It’s a good one, though.

    Kapgar, that would chafe, wouldn’t it?

    Robin, nope! Doesn’t follow the rules, and I’m a stickler.

    Stefanie, I did work for IT2M a long time ago. When it was a real site.

    Undomestic Diva, your three year old is smart!

  18. Danalyn

    luckadaisical: Showing signs of bad luck. [lackadaisical]

    extamporaneous: Sudden leakage through the underwear during “that time of the month”. [extemporaneous]

    avficionado: Idiots who think they know Avitable just because they read his blog (myself included). [aficionado]

    bratuitous: Teenager’s (or some adults, even) sense of entitlement to have everything handed to them without working for it. [gratuitous]

    flexicography: Making up words for use in Scrabble…or this post. [lexicography]

  19. Meg

    OK, now I’m going to be thinking about this all day… I, too, remember sniglets. My mom loves those and is always ALWAYS calling me with words she’s made up, even still. Problem is, I’m only ever half-listening, so I don’t remember any of ’em. Bad daughter.

    Great suggestions by the peanut gallery!

  20. Avitable

    e.Craig, I’m disappointed.

    Jenny, yeah, that and “cack” are my favorites.

    Poppy, you bite your cats?

    Danalyn, you didn’t have to list the original word aftewards, you know. You must think I’m a total retard. I like bratuitous!

    Stephanie, I should write dictionaries.

    Meg, if you have any good ones, just let me know!

  21. Meg

    Ooooh, ooooh, I have one. Only I didn’t think of it – I heard it on the CBS Radio news. They were talking about college students who are literally addicted to tanning – they show symptoms similar to withdrawal when they stop, etc. The word the lady used?


  22. Coal Miner's Granddaughter

    Dormulate – Calculations a college-aged male works on when trying to find out how many women live on his floor.

    Kindergarter – Suggestive lingerie for kindergartners. (Going to hell for that one.)

    Depublican – A republican who supports Obama.

    And… that’s all I’ve got. I suck.

  23. Avitable

    Poppy, poor Georgie!

    Meg, that’s a good one – I’ve heard of that before.

    Heather, I like the first two!

    Anymommy, I think “berete” should now be added to the dictionary.

    Stacey, I love treadmilfs!

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