Last week (although it’s still on his main page because he’s been a lazy fucking blogger), Jester posted the results of the Washington Post Mensa Invitational, which asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. It was pretty damn funny, and here are my five favorites:
- Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
- Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
- Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
I loved these and decided to come up with my own:
- Homesexual: A person who has a compelling need to have sex in every room of his or her new house.
- Cack: The sound made by a person gagging on a penis.
- Tituperate: To use one’s breasts to overwhelm.
- Berete: To scold someone for wearing an ugly hat.
- Melticulous: When a person is extremely careful about his or her ice cream melting.
- Mailinger: To feign illness in an email to your boss.
- Sextol: To praise one’s sexual ability.
- Harridane: A scolding, vicious native of Denmark.
- Amalgum: The end result when one chews more than one piece of gum at the same time, merging them into one amorphous mixture.
- Schadenfreud: A malicious satisfaction in providing strange sexual interpretations of someone’s dreams.
- Palindrone: Someone who votes for a candidate who is moving forward at the same time that her policies set the country backwards.
- Missnomer: A first name that can be mistaken for male or female.
- Xenuphobia: A fear of Scientologists.
- Stoick: Indifferent to disgusting images or videos.
- Hugris: An overbearing presumption that people want you to hug them.
How about a contest? Come up with an altered word of your own, and comment with the word and its new definition, and I’ll pick the best one. The winner will get a free T-shirt from my Zazzle store!
Thanks to everyone who listened to our show last night about cloning. If you missed the show, download it here, or add it to your iTunes here.
Enjoy this post? Try these:A vocabulary lemson
Don’t be an asshope
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
I’ve got nothing. Yours were funny, though
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Is this like Sniglets?
…or am I the only one that remembers sniglets…
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You want me to try funny? Now? Can I come back and try again?!
Cause I so want to try. I’ll be back. I need some time to think.
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Because I’ve been watching the Republican Convention tonight:
REPUBLITAN – A blow-hard of a politician with awful orange colored tan makeup.
Use in sentence: Rudy Giuliani was quite the Republitan at the Convention last night. He was positively glowing.
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Nope.
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Twitter: LeSombre
says:
Avitabile: The stuff that comes up in your mouth when you see dolphin porn or a nutsack picture.
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Mike wins!
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Adamn- What you say after being duped by Adam, yet again.
(Kinda got that idea from Mike, and it isn’t nearly as good.)
Adamn!
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Twitter: LeSombre
says:
LOL!
Sybil, I think we make a good team.
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sacrimonious: The angry, bitterness of seeing Adam Avitable’s ballbag in a picture.
I totally remember sniglets Danalyn! Fuck … I just dated myself.
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Cuntryside – To murder George Bush
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I like Mike’s too…
I am however going to use one of yours…
Next week I am going to malinger while I am on a cruise.
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Fantastic, loved this. Your ‘Berete’ was just pure genius.
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Ooo- a little bit of bonus political commentary on the “palindrone” one!
Good ones, although you realize Al Franken is going to try to kick both of your asses for stealing his gig? Or was it Rich Little who did those sniglet things?
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Bratt – Britt spelled with an “A”
/I got nuthin’
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
From the words palingenetic (which roughly means rebirth) and frenetic (which you should know):
palinfrenetics: the scientific methodology behind the wild and uncontrollable efforts of the Republican party to steal Vagina-American’s votes from the Democratic Party.
:clap:
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Amanda, nothing? Hm. You seem smart.
Danalyn, well, kind of. Sniglets were made up words that should have existed. This is very specific, since they have to be existing words with one letter changed, removed, or added only.
Sybil, sure – come back later and give it a try!
BE Earl, he looked weird, didn’t he?
Sarah, what, does your brain hurt?
Mike, genius!
Sybil, yeah, I think you should start trying.
Zom, not bad!
Dan, hahahaha! Now, of course, I’m going to have the Secret Service banging down my door.
Kimberly, well, “malinger” is the real word. “Mailinger” is the new one.
Catherine, thank you – do you have any to add?
Manager Mom, I think it was Rich Little, and these are different than Sniglets. I think I can take him, though.
Bucky, sigh. Clearly.
Faiqa, that’s a good one! Unfortunately, this isn’t Sniglets. The rules were to take a word and remove, change, or add one letter to it.
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
semandic: when avitable gets annoyingly caught up in the details of how to create a sniglet.
Fuck Sniglets. :dance:
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Faiqa wins!! LOL
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I don’t have a word yet, but Sniglets were done by Rich Hall on Not Necessarily the News.
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Faiqa, hahahahahaha! Bitch.
Britt, I was hoping that you’d at least have something to contribute.
Paticus, that’s right! I had forgotten all about that. I loved that show on HBO when I was a kid.
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Cumputer: Machine used for watching pornography
Sinternet: A service used for cheating on one’s spouse or buying goods without state taxes.
Peelates: The little dance exercise a person does when they need to urinate but have to wait.
Teenanger: The stage an older “know-it-all” child reaches when it’s time for them to leave the nest.
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Whorgasm – Faking an orgasm, sounding like a porn star or a whore.
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Trampage – when a person runs through sexual partners like a runaway train. Typically seen in women after a break up.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
mike is my hero of the day
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Deftinition: quick and skillful at thinking up words and their meanings.
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Sniglets was Rich Hall. Rich Little did all the impressions.
Crudit – When your credit isn’t worth the crap on the bottom of your shoes.
Bytch – 1) An evil, backstabbing bisexual woman; 2) A computer error that occurs when posting on a mommy blog
Blag – An untimely news blog
McCaint – Well, you go ask Cindy about that one.
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Cris, very nice! You work well on the cumputer.
Gina, well, you added two letters, but that’s a good one.
Britt, hahaha! Awesome.
Hello, that’s good. He’s never anyone’s hero.
Bossy, oooh, aren’t you quick?
AHAU, very nice – thanks for entering!
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Twitter: maria0305
says:
My creative juices aren’t flowing but Melticulous? I lol’d @ that definition.
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@avitable: Oops! Missed that rule of one letter only changed. I will think on a new word to add then. :dunce:
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These are great words! Sorry I don’t have one to add, but I think I do suffer from Osteopornosis. :sexytime:
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Oh, I think Mike wins. But Faiga’s was great too. Usually, I can come up with this stuff, but I’m fuzzy brained from not sleeping.
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I’m changing 2 letters, but changing them both to the same one (i)…
hipicrite – one of those young Soccor Moms that thinks they’re a hippie in their gas guzzling not green friendly SUV with a Grateful Dead or Phish sticker. They have no clue what being a hippie really is – therefore they are hipicrites!
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Twitter: LeSombre
says:
I am sooooo people’s hero all the time. Just Tuesday, I was my chiro assistant’s hero. I took a cricket out out or their lobby.
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How about this: Fuck Awf: two words, used together. Def: What you write to Avitable when your baby is teething so you got ZERO sleep last night and yet have been trying to think up a new word because he intimidates you and makes you feel dumb, but you can’t even … can’t even… FUCK. See? Fuck Awf, Adam Avitable, and take your stupid stupidness and JERK IT!
:boobs2:
xo
b.
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Twitter: mamandesfilles
says:
I certainly watched a Palindrone last night… and my head still hurts!
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Maria, I’m totally melticulous, too.
Gina, I eagerly await your new submission.
John, me too!
Winter, we’ll be here all day.
Bubblewench, I think you could have just gone with hipocrite and it would have worked, too.
Mike, chiro?
Just Beth, hahaha! Genius!
Maman, I know.
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Twitter: LeSombre
says:
Chirotractor: The guy I pay to adjust my back, so it doesn’t feel like a tractor ran me over.
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I thought of a couple more:
Shafty: Looking suspicious when you get an erection.
Penid: A penis that is not as large in reality as it is in the owner’s mind.
Idantify: To say that your name is “Dan”.
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blue bawls- verbalization of emotion resulting from not getting enough
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condamn – the special condemnation the religious put upon others.
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Cantography – The act of haplessly or willfully cobbling together of crucially incorrect or indiscernible directions.
Anteballum – The emotional plummet experienced by fans just after the football season ends, esp. those of a less than stellar team.
Slunt – a drainage device installed at an angle.
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Gah. delete ‘of’ after ‘together’ and before ‘crucially’.
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If someone has “blue bawls” they might want to consider a quick treatment of “Fist Aid” treatment
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crocofile: someone who is obsessed with Crocs
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chickpee- group of women convening in the restroom to discuss their dates
fatulenence- gastronomical odor emanating from people of a more rotund stature
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i will use tituperate at least three times this week in a sentence. it is THAT brilliant.
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Mike, groan.
Valerie, hahah – nice one.
Gina, I see what you did there and I like it!
Catherine, I think your first one is my favorite.
Clayton, nutpunch?
Valerie, what about flapulence: When someone keeps making noises with their mouth?
Crystal, that was the one I thought was the weakest.
Here are a few more:
Luckey: Someone who gets to run errands for a celebrity or popular person.
Flantastic: Delicious Spanish dessert.
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Avistable – Adam’s RSS readers
scrotyum – delicious man bits
whorrendous – gratuitously sexual performance as in “Did you see Lilly Allen’s whorrendous appearance at the GQ Men of the Year Awards?
Thank you for this Adam – I was so blue today I was giving into brain fog sadness – you got me smiling and thinking about something other than looking for a job.
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Mallady: a woman of ill repute, who is unwholesome and possibly diseased.
Comatase: the temporary state one’s body goes into after being zapped by a taser gun.
Neanderball: the testicular region of a man who is very, very old.
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These were funny!
I say bumfuzzled a lot not sure if it’s a real word but it’s real for me because I use it at least once a week. LOL
Example:
“I had to get some things for the house and I went into to Target and got all bumfuzzled and forgot what I went there for.”
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Twitter: Kapgar
says:
Cornography… what a lonely farmer resorts to when he loses his porn collection.
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Can I submit prostitot – a tween who dresses like a prostitute between the ages of like 9 and 13.
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I truly think Cack should be added to Websters. There has needed to be a word for that for way too long. Thank you for finally giving it a voice! I followed you over from that Tentfucker guy’s post about BHJ. And didn’t you used to do a blog that rated other people’s blogs or was that someone else.
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I love “cack” and “palindrone.” Hmmm…
My 3 year old came up with “basthole” which is someone who is both a bastard and an asshole. Which is like everyone.
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Judy C, “scrotyum” scares me.
Evil Genius, I love “comatase”!
Elisa, I don’t think “bumfuzzled” is a real word. It’s a good one, though.
Kapgar, that would chafe, wouldn’t it?
Robin, nope! Doesn’t follow the rules, and I’m a stickler.
Stefanie, I did work for IT2M a long time ago. When it was a real site.
Undomestic Diva, your three year old is smart!
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Lot’s of clever stuff in this post, Adam. I never write ‘em down when I do think of ‘em, and now .. here I am .. stuck.
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Berete. I’m still giggling.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
I thought about this one allllll day, and the only one I could come up with was a classic Poppy one:
Bitten = Itty bitty kitten, a term of affection I call my cats.
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luckadaisical: Showing signs of bad luck. [lackadaisical]
extamporaneous: Sudden leakage through the underwear during “that time of the month”. [extemporaneous]
avficionado: Idiots who think they know Avitable just because they read his blog (myself included). [aficionado]
bratuitous: Teenager’s (or some adults, even) sense of entitlement to have everything handed to them without working for it. [gratuitous]
flexicography: Making up words for use in Scrabble…or this post. [lexicography]
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Xenuphobia
This one made me snort water thru my nose. Thanks. Appreciate that.
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OK, now I’m going to be thinking about this all day… I, too, remember sniglets. My mom loves those and is always ALWAYS calling me with words she’s made up, even still. Problem is, I’m only ever half-listening, so I don’t remember any of ‘em. Bad daughter.
Great suggestions by the peanut gallery!
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e.Craig, I’m disappointed.
Jenny, yeah, that and “cack” are my favorites.
Poppy, you bite your cats?
Danalyn, you didn’t have to list the original word aftewards, you know. You must think I’m a total retard. I like bratuitous!
Stephanie, I should write dictionaries.
Meg, if you have any good ones, just let me know!
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sexhaustion – the state of utterly blissful contented sleepiness where you do not want to move at all after having great sex.
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Kailey, also known as a cuma!
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
I do, in fact, bite them, particularly on their ears, when they are cranky. And then they’re not cranky anymore.
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Ooooh, ooooh, I have one. Only I didn’t think of it – I heard it on the CBS Radio news. They were talking about college students who are literally addicted to tanning – they show symptoms similar to withdrawal when they stop, etc. The word the lady used?
TANOREXIA!
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Dormulate – Calculations a college-aged male works on when trying to find out how many women live on his floor.
Kindergarter – Suggestive lingerie for kindergartners. (Going to hell for that one.)
Depublican – A republican who supports Obama.
And… that’s all I’ve got. I suck.
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Berete was genius. That cracked me up. I’m kind of simple, the clever, long words were great too. Came from BHJ’s spotlight.
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Those are awesome. I’ve come up with alternate definitions for real words, but never done the sniglets thing. I’ll have to think of some.
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treadmilf: hot woman who frequents the gym trying to drop “baby weight”; usually attired in a sports bra and spandex shorts
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Poppy, poor Georgie!
Meg, that’s a good one – I’ve heard of that before.
Heather, I like the first two!
Anymommy, I think “berete” should now be added to the dictionary.
Stacey, I love treadmilfs!
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borgasm – faking it to get it over with
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@tonebuddha, that’s a good one!
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Twitter: LeSombre
on November 18th, 2009 at Wednesday, November 18, 2009 @ 8:31 am
@tonebuddha, Borgasm – Doing it with the Collective.
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