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Things I don’t understand

Here are some things of which I cannot understand the appeal:

1. Football.
2. Tattoos.
3. The Hills.
4. Babies.
5. Lingerie.
6. Spam (the food).
7. Beer.
8. Running for fun.
9. Strip clubs.
10. Spicy food.
11. Baseball.
12. Chewing tobacco.
13. DDR.
14. Macs.
15. Country music.

Anyone want to enlighten me? I’m prepared to be overwhelmed by your persuasive arguments and oh-so dazzling insights.

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85 Replies to “Things I don’t understand”

  1. Sybil Law

    1. Football. – Men being rough – what’s not to like?
    2. Tattoos. – They are okay – on SOME people.
    3. The Hills. – Sucks. As do most people. And not in the good, sucky sucky kinda way, either.
    4. Babies. – Never liked them ’til I had one, either.
    5. Lingerie. – See if I send you any cutesy photos, anymore!
    6. Spam (the food).- Never tried it.
    7. Beer. – Some of it is GOOD.
    8. Running for fun. – Yeah. Nope – Don’t get it, either.
    9. Strip clubs. – Skanks and crappy beer. Ew.
    10. Spicy food. – I like spicy food, but only if it has actual flavor, too.
    11. Baseball. – Fun to go to baseball games.
    12. Chewing tobacco. – EW.
    13. DDR. WTF?
    14. Macs. – EW.
    15. Country music. – EW.

  2. martymankins

    1. Football… I’ve always had a fascination with the game. Not that I like violence, but there’s something about how the game is played that I enjoy.

    2. Tattoos… I only have one, but in the 8 years that I’ve had it, it’s me. I like that it’s hidden when I want it to be, but easy to show off when I get with other tattooed people to show it off.

    14. Macs… as someone who works on Windows and PCs for a living, using the Mac for all of my personal computing makes coming home and getting on the computer enjoyable and not an extension of all the shit I have to deal with during the day.

  3. Danalyn

    1. Football – You’re better off not understanding.
    2. Tattoos – If for some reason my dental records can’t identify me, my tattoos can…well, unless I’m burned to a crisp…in which case, it would save money on my funeral because the cremation would already be taken care of.
    3. The Hills – I don’t have cable…but if I did, I’d be watching Psych instead.
    4. Babies – What’s not to like? They smell, they cry, they keep you up at all hours…it’s like living with me!
    5. Lingerie – I guess I should NOT send you my naughty lingerie pic collection, then…
    6. Spam (the food) – Spam is awesome when it’s fried black so you can fake yourself into thinking it’s bacon.
    7. Beer – Beer. Barf. Same number of letters. Same number of syllables. Same difference.
    8. Running for fun – People run for fun?
    9. Strip clubs – I used to have quite a few stripper friends…they didn’t get it either…but they couldn’t argue with the paycheck.
    10. Spicy food – Sweating and crying while you’re eating is fun…I do it all the time…even when I’m not eating anything spicy…
    11. Baseball – Better in Japan.
    12. Chewing tobacco – I guess some people would just rather get cancer of the mouth instead of in their lungs.
    13. DDR – DDR is fun…when you’re watching other people with terrible eye-foot coordination.
    14. Macs – You’re not an idiot, you know how to use a 2-button mouse, you’re better off without them.
    15. Country music – Isn’t country music now just pop/r&b sung with hick accents?

  4. Karen Sugarpants

    1. Football. mmmm men in tights.
    2. Tattoos. not my thing either but sometimes they do look good on people.
    3. The Hills. i don’t know why i watch this shit.
    4. Babies. well i had two but i don’t want anymore. they don’t allow for a lot of sleep.
    5. Lingerie. meh. it comes off pretty quick.
    6. Spam (the food). ew.
    7. Beer. i love a corona with lime. otherwise, ew.
    8. Running for fun. LOVE.
    9. Strip clubs. can take it or leave it. would rather watch the women cuz watching guys dance creeps me out. women are beautiful, men are not.
    10. Spicy food. LOVE.
    11. Baseball. Love playing it, hate watching it.
    12. Chewing tobacco. ew.
    13. DDR. own it and love it. my downstairs neighbours do not love it.
    14. Macs. wish i had one.
    15. Country music. Hate. HATE HATE HATE. My husband loves it so I joined the local Husband Beaters Association.


  5. Crys

    personally i think lingerie serves a purpose. i have loads of it and while i don’t wear it all the time, i do like wearing pretty bra and panty sets which are also technically lingerie. makes me feel SESSSSSY! nobody knows what’s going on down town but me!!!

    and guys are visual. lots of them like to see garters and heels and the like. i can totally see that.

    but country music? that’s just WRONG.

  6. B.E. Earl

    I can’t help you out with football, lingerie, beer, spicy foods or baseball. Those things are probably a part of my DNA and if you don’t “get” them then you weren’t born with those particular bits of genetic material. I can talk for hours on end about any of those subjects (especially beer…hell, one of my other blogs is dedicated to the subject), but it will basically come down to you either getting it or not getting it.

    I think I can give you my honest take on tattoos, though.

    I didn’t get a tattoo until I was 39. Almost 3 years ago. It was something that I was always fascinated with for a few reasons. One reason was the artwork itself. It is so different from most “art” that you see on an every day basis, probably because the canvas is so unique. But it was the people who had tattoos that drew me just as much as the tattoos themselves. Growing up, if you had a tattoo I thought it meant that you were a biker or a badass…in my sheltered existence at least. Growing older and meeting more and more people, I found that this wasn’t true. Tattoos are a way of expressing oneself that has no real parallel that I’ve found. There are sheep that will go and get that tribal tat because it looks badass on their biceps, or the young lady who gets a butterfly on her lower back because its all the rage…I’m not talking about those people (unless that tribal design or butterfly is special to them in some way). No, I enjoy how a tattoo can tell you something about somebody that you don’t even know. Or how it can lead to more discovery on someone you “thought” you knew. Anyway, I’m rambling. But that’s how I feel about tattoos. I also feel that if you don’t “get” them now, you may never get them. But maybe…just maybe…

  7. Ginger

    1. Football. Are you a communist? There is nothing better than a bunch of men in tight pants bending over and getting rough with each other, chasing each other down the field for that ball, the cheerleaders, the crowd, the spirit…it’s America, man!
    2. Tattoos. I like simple tattoos on SOME people. They can be a unique expression of who you are.
    3. The Hills. I’m with you on this one. However, if you slip and start watching for a good 10 minutes, give up…you’re sucked in.
    4. Babies. Huh? They are precious. They remind us that life is good.
    5. Lingerie. Damn, I guess I should NOT send you my naughty lingerie pic collection, then…
    6. Spam (the food). It’s good fried.
    7. Beer. Are you a communist?
    8. Running for fun. Doesn’t compute.
    9. Strip clubs. Yeah…why get turned on if you can’t uh…do anything about it right then and there?
    10. Spicy food. Great for hangovers!
    11. Baseball. zzzzzzzzz… (except for the 7th Inning Stretch)
    12. Chewing tobacco. Just a pinch between yer cheek ‘n gum’ll do ya!
    13. DDR. WTF?
    14. Macs. PCs are better.
    15. Country music. Are you a communist??? 😉

  8. Mary

    I’m okay with most of your list. But…
    #4 Babies. Babies are good. You can stick ’em in your purse and go. Teenagers are what you DON’T want to understand!

    #7 Beer. It’s a food group.

  9. Suebob

    I am so with you on
    1. Football.
    2. Tattoos.
    3. The Hills.
    4. Babies.
    5. Lingerie.
    6. Spam (the food).
    7. Beer.
    8. Running for fun.
    9. Strip clubs.
    12. Chewing tobacco.
    13. DDR.

    On the other hand,
    10. Spicy food makes life worth living
    11. Baseball. Obviously you hate America.
    14. Macs give you great orgasms. What, you didn’t know that? Hee hee, it is a little Mac person secret that we don’t like to share with the uninitiated.
    15. Country music. Johnny Cash, Loretta Lynn, old school stuff is great. Anything since about 1980 can get stuffed.

  10. penny

    Of the things on your list, I only feel a strong negative reaction to beer, The Hills, running, chewing tobacco, and country music. Yuck, yuck, yuck. I agree about DDR if you are referring to the former East Germany, but I’m gonna guess you mean double-data-rate (or maybe something else entirely) in which case I don’t really care.

    The only thing on your list I feel passionately for are tattoos. I love my tattoos, but they aren’t for everyone. They are just a way that I choose to express myself. I’ve, surprisingly, never heard anything negative about them, and almost always receive a positive reaction. I am extremely shy, but I’ve found them to be a great conversation starter. If I choose to hide them, it’s easily done, but thankfully I’m not in the corporate world (or a similar setting) where I have to even worry about keeping them hidden. None of this is persuasive – tattoos are just one of those things you either get or you don’t.

  11. Dan

    Taken from an old post of mine about why I like Mac’s better than PC’s:

    My Mac works, my PC doesn’t.

    I am depriving multi billionaire businessman Bill Gates of my hard earned money by giving it to multi billionaire businessman Steve Jobs instead.

    My Mac has not yet reduced me to tears because it doesn’t work.

    With my Macbook I can blog from the toilet (just like my hero).

    My Macbook has more uses than as a £1000 stool which Amy can stand on to reach high shelves.

    I’m not tempted to spend a fortune on cool exciting games, because there aren’t any cool exciting games.

    My Mac is covered in glitter that Amy spilled all over it. My PC is covered in dust, because it doesn’t work.

    My Mac is white, that means it is a goodie. My PC is black, just like Darth Vader.

    When my friends are sitting in the pub talking about their PCs, I am unable to join in and therefore gain valuable time in which to stare into my pint dejectedly.

    On my Mac I can have two screens on at the same time, and move the mouse between them. Which, as you know, is COOL! (I know you can do this on PCs too, but not my PC you can’t. Because it doesn’t bloody work).


    You can have your blog back now.

  12. TSM

    I have two-words for each response.

    1. Football-Tight pants.
    2. Tattoos-Therapeutic pain.
    3. The Hills-No idea.
    4. Babies-Therapeutic pain.
    5. Lingerie-Longer Foreplay
    6. Spam-Dog Food.
    7. Beer-Seriously. Seriously??
    8. Running for Fun-Double Ds. :boobs3:
    9. Strip Clubs-Naked Boobies.
    10. Spicy Food-Therapeutic pain.
    11. Baseball-Tight pants.
    12. Chewing Tobacco-Spitting contest?
    13. DDR-Ummmm….huh?
    14. Macs-Commie Somebitches
    15. Country Music-Therapeutic pain.

    There you have it! Two-word answers to life’s questions. This one’s on the house. I charge hourly from here on out.

  13. Faiqa

    Babies & Macs? You don’t understand babies and macs? Deep breath. OK.

    Babies represent the beauty, innocence and pure potential within all of us. We look at them and we feel hope. And because they are so freaking cute, we let go of all the evil crap inside of us and remember that in the grand scheme of things, this world is really a good place.

    I just reread that and I think I’m going to use the same argument for Macs. Except that Macs have the added benefit of letting you feel superior to PC users.

  14. libragirl

    1. Football. Don’t get it either
    2. Tattoos. depends on the person, I like them but in moderation. (I have 2)
    3. The Hills. HATE IT
    4. Babies. As long as I can give them back – I love kids
    5. Lingerie. don’t get it. if it comes off, what’s the point
    6. Spam (the food). nope, don’t get it either
    7. Beer. Only 2 types I like, otherwise -ick
    8. Running for fun. sweating is bad
    9. Strip clubs. no
    10. Spicy food. Yummy
    11. Baseball. only if I am there, on tv -boring
    12. Chewing tobacco. ok, my ex chewed and it was gross
    13. DDR. If this is what i think it is. Yeah, I’m with you
    14. Macs. I LOVE MY MAC. It’s better the vista and IT’S AWESOME
    15. Country music. depends but not really a fan

  15. SciFi Dad

    The football, beer, and especially strip clubs surprises me, honestly. The babies and ink, not so much, but they’re still two things I can appreciate.

    But Spam? Honestly man? You’ll eat a bacon bar but not spam?

  16. Dani

    2. Tattoos. – I have one. Got it when my Mum died. Can’t explain them to you though. Weird thing to do. I was in a weird headspace.
    3. The Hills. – stupid but I watch for the hilarious editing catchng stupid people with stupid facial expressions. Couldn’t watch it even for that if the episodes were any longer.
    4. Babies – a necessary evil to end up with little people with actual appeal
    8. Running for fun – endorphins = free drug rush with no cost and no come down. Pure escapism. Love it.
    10. Spicy food – weird, addictive. Love it.
    14. Macs – can’t see why this one isn’t self explanatory I’m afraid

    Those I’ve left out are truly inexplicable.

  17. Avitable

    Amanda, you were brought up on beer?

    Dave, my mutant power is that I can see three seconds into the past. That sucks.

    Sybil, just send photos without the lingerie.

    Andria, Dance Dance Revolution – that stupid game where you step on the pad.

    Marty, but Macs don’t let you do half of the fun stuff that PCs do.

    Dana, glad to see you agree with me on Macs!

    Karen, your husband loves country music? Sigh.

    Crystal, which cheeks?

    BE Earl, well, by 39, it probably won’t look as bad when you’re older as if you get one when you’re 18 that looks ridiculous when you’re 50 or 60.

    Nina, I thought that was me?

    Ginger, I’m a communist, how’d you guess?!

    Mary, you can stick babies in your purse?

    Suebob, baseball is sooo boring. I will give you Johnny Cash – he was bad ass.

    Penny, DDR is Dance Dance Revolution.

    Jay, I think I’m the arbiter of what is and is not cool.

    Dan, but Darth Vader’s cooler than goodie white colors.

    TSM, I’ve got a better one for #9: Nasty skanks.

    Blondefabulous, that makes me sad.

    Faiqa, you’re cute when you’re an idealist.

    Libragirl, your ex chewed tobacco? I mean, I can understand smoking, but chewing is just stupid.

    SciFi Dad, you haven’t been reading this blog for very long, have you? 🙂 I don’t drink alcohol at all, I hate spectator sports with a passion, and I wouldn’t step into a strip club unless my life depended on it.

    Bucky, well, it’s hot on you, that’s true.

    Britt, mainly because I’m a good sport much more than I am competitive, and if I am playing football, I’ll enjoy it, but being competitive by vicariously living through other people playing it? That has nothing to do with competition.

    RW, sounds like Britt and I at work.

    Dani, is The Hills scripted or reality?

    Summer, it did? Sorry about that.

    Robin, that’s not going to convince me!

  18. abandoning eden

    I don’t get most of those things either. But spicy food- usually the spice is there cause of the delicious flavors. Honestly though, I think I like spicy food cause I smoked cigarettes for so many years, so unless something is super spicy it just tastes bland to me.

    And I don’t know why most people get macs, but I got one because I was spending 30+ hours a week playing video games, and when my old computer died I decided to go with a mac since I was starting grad school and I wanted a machine on which I could NOT play video games. And also a laptop that was light enough to carry around all the time so I could work at coffee shops and such. But mostly it was a conscious effort to not flunk out of my phd program through video game playing.

    It’s been 4 years and I’m still not sure if I regret it…I can’t run any of the statistics programs I really need on it (so I have to go into school for that), but I haven’t seriously played a video game in 4 years either, and I’m making good progress in my phd program.

  19. ~kat

    Ok seriously the only one I don’t get is “running for fun” unless of course it’s watching a good football game and a beer in my hand. We can ditch the rest except for the mac cause those mac commercials make me laugh!

    Now spam should be banned, that’s just sick!

  20. Grant

    Strip clubs have nekkid chicks. Sure, you can see boobies on the Internet for free, but it’s like the difference between a movie and a play. Having a real woman perform in front of you can be more enticing than looking at pictures or video, although they frown on you masturbating at the actual club. Still, I’ve only been to a couple and the atmosphere was something of a turn-off. Instead of a healthy exchange – I have money, they have naked – both sides acted like they were scamming the other.

    And beer gets you drunk, which is fun if you can relax and let go. Spicy food tastes good – it’s sweet I don’t like. You and I and Tracy should split up those gourmet popcorn tins – she likes cheesy. I’m with you on all the others.

  21. Finn

    Babies: They are little people-to-be. It’s amazing to watch them discover the world.

    Macs: They make sense and they just work.

    Everything else I can’t help you with, although I do enjoy football. But I blame that on Dan Marino.

  22. Allyson

    Tsk. tsk. tsk.
    Football. It’s like this: We get all involved in how “our” team does. It’s similar to the argument when we were little about how “my dad could beat up your dad.” We attach our egos to a specific team, and when they win, we’ve won. And when they lose, it’s obviously the fault of that dumb coach for calling that play, or the refs, or the wide reciever with butterfingers, or the linemen who couldn’t block. We’re capable of convincing ourself that when we’re a ‘good fan’ that our team should win. And when they lose repeatedly we say things like, “I’ve tried to support you, team, but you’re just not playing up to my expectations. You suck… See you at the next game.” It’s like having children, I think.

    I don’t know about other people, butI collect my tattoos as vacation memorabilia. It’s less clutter, and more fun to show off. Some people collect spoons, or shot glasses, I collect tattoos. And the tats I have are representative of the things I like. the 80’s, pirates, video games, my kids, etc.

    I thought you meant “not flatlands” when you said The Hills, so I dunno.

    Babies? I have two, and I want more, but I can’t understand the addiction. I think for me it is sort of about my love for cuddling all day long. Adults eventually have to go to work, but babies can just cuddle constantly.

    Lingerie – I agree with TSM, longer foreplay, plus the added benefit of being stared at like I’m a sexy new piece by a man who has been looking at me for years. But it’s definately something that both people have to enjoy, otherwise it’s just a barrier to the sex.

    Spam… I think it’s a pothead munchie thing.

    Beer and running for fun, I got nothing. I don’t even run from the cops. And I drink rum, not beer.

    Strip Clubs, are for the people who don’t get the oppurtunity to look at (nearly) naked chics in their normal life. No girlfriends, no wives, no FWBs. Or they have one of the above, but the relationship isn’t what it could be, and this is an escape. And there are also people who feel that if they were gonna go to the bar anyway, they might as well enjoy the scenery, kind of like going to T.G.I.Friday’s.

    Spicy Food – well, if there’s flavor with the spiciness, it’s well worth giving it a try. But if it’s just the difference between Taco Bell, or Taco Bell with the REALLY HOT SAUCE, I don’t get it either.

    Baseball, it’s fun for statisticians.

    I think Chewing Tobacco and Country Music go hand in hand. AndI don’t really get either of them.

    DDR – HA! it used to be a riot watching kids at movie theatres stomping around on that machine. But once they came out with the home version, it all fell apart for me.

    Macs sure are pretty.

  23. GingerSnaps

    Everything else I can’t help you with, although I do enjoy football. But I blame that on Dan Marino.

    ah, Dan Marino…Finn, I knew I liked you…

    Now. I have registered for this here site, but can somebody please tell me where the heck I upload my picture? I can’t find it to save my life. :loser:

  24. KAT

    My dear Avitable. There’s just something about babies, tatoos and country music that you never recover from, once you’re hooked. They grab you by the stem of your soul and won’t let go.

    And DDR? I fucking hate it, but its good exercise and way more interesting than my treadmill. Gotta mix it up a little or die from a fat ass.

  25. diesel

    I’m pretty much with you on all of this stuff. Well, lingerie is pretty cool, and I don’t mind the occasional beer, but that’s about it.

    Going to a strip club is like going to the movies to watch the trailers and then going home.

  26. Nancy

    1. Football. Tight Ends
    2. Tattoos. Tasteful, original art.
    3. The Hills. Pass
    4. Babies. Been there, done that.
    5. Lingerie. Owww-la-la
    6. Spam (the food). vs PlayDough
    7. Beer. Pass
    8. Running for fun. Insane
    9. Strip clubs. Losers
    10. Spicy food. Medicinal purpose
    11. Baseball. I am SO there.
    12. Chewing tobacco. UGH! Spit-oowie!
    13. DDR. Pass
    14. Macs. Pass
    15. Country music. Yeeee-Naaawwww

  27. Atomic Bombshell

    The only items from this list that I seem to enjoy are: babies, DDR, and Macs. I’ll keep the reasons as simple as possible: Macs have more visual appeal and virus resistant, DDR is as close as you can get to having fun while exercising indoors, and babies… They just make you smile.

  28. Ioma

    Sorry, I can’t enlighten you. I dislike most..well, all of that shit, too.

    Unfortunately, I live in the land of country music, football, beer, and babies, otherwise known as The South.

    Beer-battered babies might be good, though.

  29. Cat

    You had me until you got to Macs. They’re very user-friendly. I’m retarded when it comes to technology, so things that so easy to use are preferred over more complicated machinery. But I completely agree with you on everything else!

  30. Clayton

    Running for fun is great if your in shape. It makes you feel good and at a certain point in the run, you do get a little euphoric feeling. Also, all sorts of great ideas pop in your head, it can really be, fun. If your out of shape or trying to get in shape, its no fun.

    Although, personally, I’m not into spectator sports, I find playing most of them enjoyable. I think what is ultimately appealing about any spectator sport, is that it is usually live, there is an unknown factor to the outcome, given the history of the teams, and the variables within it, its fun to take a stab at guessing what the outcome might be. It gives common ground locally, especially if you live in an area where there is a team. We both grew up in Daytona where, nobody really cared about other teams, unless your parents came from New York, Ohio or Chicago (my very non sport watching family, all huddled around the screen to watch the Bears in the super bowl in 1985 or was it 86, can’t remember, it was their hometown playing. When I lived in Tampa, I couldn’t believe how much everyone was into the bucs, but then, its a Tampa team. Its hard not to route for the local team, even if your involvement is overhearing the results while waiting inline at the grocery store.

    I could comment on all of these, most of which, I’m not into myself, though not for me, I understand the reasons they are attractive, as I understand why a lot of people aren’t into the things I’m into.

  31. Honeybell

    I don’t know why straight guys like football. It’s like a soap opera, with young studs in tight pants.

    A good tattoo = hot.

    Babies are a pain in the ass, but have their moments.

    The Hills? It’s completely escaped my radar. I’m not sorry about it either.

  32. Clayton

    One more thing. I’m a stay at home father with now our second baby. Babies are hard to get if you’re not with them 24/7 and after you are its easy to see why baby veterans, parents, grandparents, etc. go googoo over them.

    There are little moments, smiles, coos, giggles, etc. that happen that melt your heart. I tried 5 different nipples before our daughter would eat from the bottle and when she found one she liked, it made me so proud and happy to know that I found something that would help her. Also, they get excited over the smallest things and its very endearing. I write this as my daughter sleep on me in her baby bjorn, and I feel her heart pound against mine. One more thing, it all comes together more than anything when its your own baby. I love seeing other people’s baby and think their adorable, but there is definitely an indescribable connection with your own.

  33. Clayton

    A lot of the things in your list is culture. Probably if I grew up listening to country music, there would be a higher chance of me liking it. As it turns out, I wasn’t exposed, never got into it.

    I didn’t like spicy food, until I spent a year in Mexico, where it was unavoidable, and then coming back to the states, everything tasted bland without chile. Or, maybe your a super-taster and don’t need the extra excitement in the food to pull a decent flavor.

  34. Coal Miner's Granddaughter

    OK. I’ll try to enlighten you from a geek-female perspective:

    1. Football – Muscled men in tight pants. That’s all you have to know.
    2. Tattoos – I was a conformist goody-two-shoes. A tattoo would be so awesome and break me out of that mold.
    3. The Hills – Um, yeah. I don’t get it either.
    4. Babies – They’re adorable, smell good (up until the poop part) and give you unconditional love. Until they wreck your Corvette.
    5. Lingerie – I don’t get it either. But, I still buy it for him.
    6. Spam (the food) – My dad ate Treat (the cheaper version of Spam). Poor man’s meat.
    7. Beer – Goes with football.
    8. Running for fun – Endorphins.
    9. Strip clubs – You don’t get strip clubs? Wow. I get strip clubs and you don’t. Wow. I need to lay down now.
    10. Spicy food – See “running for fun.”
    11. Baseball – Actually, I don’t get this one either.
    12. Chewing tobacco – Yep. Nothing.
    13. DDR. – Huh?
    14. Macs – They’re cool! They don’t crash every five minutes! They’re cool!
    15. Country music – If you’re talking bluegrass, then I have one word for you – moonshine. That’s all you need to know!

  35. Avitable

    Gwen, good to know I’m not alone!

    Abandoning Eden, but I like playing video games all of the time!

    Kat, I agree about spam. Ew.

    Grant, it’s the atmosphere I’m talking about. I’m not anti-boobs.

    Maman, same here!

    Hello, I am a fan of whacking.

    Finn, Dan who?

    Michelle, nuff said indeed.

    TrishK, oh, I just picked a few spectator sports – I can add NASCAR, golf, tennis, soccer, hockey, basketball, and anything you can think of to that list, too.

    Allyson, if I want to cuddle, I’ll call my dog over!

    Gingersnaps, you have to go to

    KAT, wait? You DO DDR? Sigh.

    Maria, I understand the appeal of boobs, but strip clubs are nasty, sad places.

    Diesel, hah – great analogy.

    Nancy, tattoos are tasteful, original art to you? Ha!

    Atomic Bombshell, Macs are not virus resistant. They just have such a small share of the market that hackers and virus programmers haven’t bothered to create anything to hack them.

    Ioma, I’d eat a good beer-battered baby.

    Liquid, weirdo.

    Cat, they’re creating people who think they’re computer savvy but they’re not!

    Em, because they’re all stupid.

    Clayton, I’d rather watch a well-written TV show than care about who’s going to win a sport. I think being loyal to one geographic area’s team just because you’re from there is pretty retarded, too.

    Honeybell, exactly my point about football!

    Clayton, I just can’t see that happening to me – if we have a child, I’m not going to feel that same way. And I enjoy natural flavors in food, so that might be why I don’t like spicy foods.

    Kapgar, Dance Dance Revolution.

    Heather, I definitely don’t get strip clubs. It makes no sense to me.

    SingleParentDad, baseball bores me to tears.

    Karen, I cannot see the appeal of vicariously living through a bunch of overpaid felons chasing a ball on a field.

  36. Evil Genius

    1. Football. Hello! Guys in stretchy pants all bent over and stuff?
    2. Tattoos. I have one. I think it’s kind of a personal thing. I get that some people don’t like them.
    3. The Hills. The what?
    4. Babies. I’m wayyyyyy too old to even think about the last time I had one of those. Now I prefer just seeing pictures of them. lol
    5. Lingerie. I have a love/hate relationship with lingerie. I like the way I feel when I wear it, but I also get that it doesn’t stay on long enough to really matter. Meh.
    6. Spam (the food). Spam is a food? For humans?
    7. Beer. I prefer margaritas.
    8. Running for fun. I don’t get people who don’t get running for fun. I’ve spent more on running shoes in my lifetime than on my house.
    9. Strip clubs. Totally with you on this one.
    10. Spicy food. What? OMG, my life would feel empty without spicy Mexican dishes at least once in awhile! And crushed red pepper on pizza, OMG!!!!
    11. Baseball. LOVE it, as long as I’m watching it in the stadium. Can’t sit still to watch it on TV though, so I don’t get THAT! lol
    12. Chewing tobacco. UGH! Spit-oowie!
    13. DDR. Meh. Who needs it?
    14. Macs. I’m totally fine with my PC, thankyouverymuch.
    15. Country music. Some I like, some I hate. But I can say the same about every music genre.

  37. Stephanie

    1. Football.-duh..big sweaty men grunting and pushing.

    2. Tattoos. -looks okay on some, but not for me.

    3. The Hills.-not one redeemable quality about this garbage.

    4. Babies.-good for squishes and hugs and that “backoftheneckpowdersmell”.

    5. Lingerie.-can’t help you, I’m a cotton underwear girl.

    6. Spam (the food).-it’s a guilty, delicious, crispy fried snack.

    7. Beer.-not a beer makes your pee stink.

    8. Running for fun.-as you can tell…I’m with you on this one.

    9. Strip clubs.-it’s a germaphobe’s nightmare.

    10. Spicy food.-pass….hate it.

    11. Baseball.-it’s GREAT for napping.

    12. Chewing tobacco.-horrible and disgusting.

    13. DDR.-i can’t help you because I don’t know what that is. lol.

    14. Macs.-it’s a cool kid thing, haven’t you seen the commercials for Mac vs PC?

    15. Country music.-how can you not like lines like “There’s a tear in in my ear from lying on my back crying over youuuuuuuuu….”

  38. Ghost of Keywork

    Ok, I’m not even going to read all of these, nor do you have room here for me to appropriately explain all ten of these, so, I will address the lingerie issue:

    Look, I’m no fucking Wilt Chamberlain. Take that for what it is, just know that I have, in fact, seen a few women naked. Let me tell you this: sometimes, lingerie is just in the fucking way. Literally. Seriously, if we’re about to fuck, you aren’t going to run back into the bedroom to throw on the ‘naughty maid’ get-up. I’m ready to go, not standby for a goddamn filibuster. That being said, everynow and then, its nice to see the goods presented in a different fashion. Gotta keep it well, new. Now, if your woman insists on wearing lingerie every time, it’s because her delicate flower has probably been over ‘tended’. Or she just has a really ugly
    piece on her. Look, ladies, most of the time I don’t really give a shit how your labia wants to present itself, but if it looks like something you may have fired bottle rockets out of, you can bet even I, GoK, won’t proceed. So, if your electric bill has been extremely low since you started dating whatserface, well, I hope you have a great poker face. Because one day, there will be light. And when you find yourself staring at Greenspan’s armpit, you will say this: “That son of a bitch Keywork. He was right. She has an ugly snatch.” This will be a turning point for a few reasons. One, you will either learn to love the ugly piece attached to your ‘sweetheart’ or find yourself single and on a strange mission that may get you severely backhanded repeatedly. Actually, I think that’s the only reason. So, again, lingerie: it can be a good thing unless it’s concealing an ugly truth. Oh, right, always make sure to check for the ‘stowaway’.

  39. just beth

    jeezus, adam, really? OK, like you really want to know, however, you *did* ask, so:

    1) football: i’m a girl, so i can’t really tell you why guys like football, but my husband says it’s like war. whatever. I like it because guys grab each other and wrestle and slam each other on the ground… it’s hot.

    2) tattoos: mine because they’re pretty and they mean something to me. you? i guess not, but that’s OK.

    3) me neither

    4) babies: really? have you ever SMELLED a baby? or squished its squishy-ness? oh god. they’re DELICIOUS.

    5) yeah, me neither. my guy just likes me naked, and that’s cool with me.

    6) barf.

    7) beer is delicious. not like baby delicious, but yummy. and you can drink it over a night or whatever, and not get all slobbery pukey drunk

    8) bwaaahahahahahahaa. some people are STUPID.

    9) I got laid SO WELL after my hubby had been to a bachelor party at a strip club.

    10) uh, have you HAD Mexican food? or cuban? or Indian? waaahahaaaa yum.

    11) Hotdogs

    12) please.

    13) uh… uh…. nope. nothing. I’ve got nothing. I have NO IDEA why people do this.

    14) oh god. don’t get me started.

    15) I like to be able to sing in the car, and sometimes 80’s pop just isn’t enough



  40. that girl

    Okay, so in defense of lingerie.. my husband is with you on the “in the way” aspect of it. Although I’ve never really analyzed my “snatch” in terms of ugly/pretty – let’s just assume it’s pretty based on the fact that Mr. Mustang would rather do with out the lingerie.. So that being established I want to explain the beauty of lingerie..from the wife’s side.

    After work and kids and supper and baths and messes that have to do with poo and pee and diapers and spaghetti sauce and chocolate pudding that you knew you shouldn’t even have bought and the 50th reading of A little Bug went Ka-choooo… wives/moms don’t really feel like that little sexpot you married.. BUT, when I slip into my little lacy, black Victoria’s Secret number I am transformed into that sexpot and I am mentally THERE. And it’s better sex for everybody. So there’s that.

    Like your blog. Don’t really care for that little ho waving at me though.

  41. Paul Johns

    1. Football. Football sucks.
    2. Tattoos. Tattoos mean you’re cool.
    3. The Hills. I would rather castrate myself with sandpaper than have anything to do with The Hills.
    4. Babies. I want one. I mean, I want my wife to have one. Nothing weird.
    5. Lingerie. Yeah, not a huge fan. I just want to skip to the boobies, usually.
    6. Spam (the food). Haven’t eaten it since the 80’s.
    7. Beer. IT means you’re a man if you can get past the taste. I do recommend Stella Artois. As gay as that comment just sounded, it’s actually pretty good, and it will impress people when you order it at a bar. Or they’ll just assume you’re gay.
    8. Running for fun. I don’t even run for exercise. I don’t even exercise!
    9. Strip clubs. Why would I pay to pop a boner, when I can pop one at home for free, and even have actual sex for free. Please.
    10. Spicy food. It shows you’re a man. I eat spicy food all the time. Because I’m a man.
    11. Baseball. Sucks. All sports suck.
    12. Chewing tobacco. It shows you’re a man and have a filthy, filthy mouth. People who chew tobacco are 57% less likely to get laid than the rest of the population.
    13. DDR. I don’t exercise.
    14. Macs. Crap computers for people who like cool looking machines that cost twice as much as a PC for the same hardware.
    15. Country music. :sexytime: It means you’re from the country. I guess.

  42. Kris

    If the PC was smart enough to get a patent when he created Windows all those years ago, we would have two computers to pick from. The reason PCs are inexpensive is he did not, so now Sony, HP and the like can re-produce them on the cheap. Making PCs accessible for Joe Average.
    Macs are preferable for desktop publishing and design. I’ve worked at newspapers or 10+ years, and that’s all I’ve ever worked with, and when I’m on a PC I can’t deal.
    Can you do a command s on a PC to save a document. That would drive me nuts to have to use your mouse for all that.
    Plus, what’s the deal with right click? Stupid. I’m a one click type of girl. I heart my Mac.

  43. Jed

    1. Football. Something to waste time until NBA starts.
    2. Tattoos. A chance to permanently scar yourself and possibly pick up a disease.
    3. The Hills. Not familiar
    4. Babies. If you are an early adapater of technology, but you think companies are putting out buggy crap just to pry money out of your wallet babies can use up that extra disposable income so you no longer have to curse Gates, Jobs, Sony, etc. again.
    5. Lingerie. Wonderful stuff, I am currently on a bustier kick.
    6. Spam (the food). dude, it’s just spiced HAM!
    7. Beer. A great way for people who hate their lives to anthesize themselves.
    8. Running for fun. There is a class of people out there called masochist. These individuals love pain. I assume they are hoping for shin splints.
    9. Strip clubs. Fun if your wife is okay with it and wants you to tell her about it while she screws you silly.
    10. Spicy food. Taste buds like.
    11. Baseball. fun to play, okay to listen to on the radio as background noise otherwise blah.
    12. Chewing tobacco. You can stain things and get cancer at the same time. What’s not to love?
    13. DDR. No clue
    14. Macs. Cheeses?
    15. Country music. Actually very similar to rap in that both genres typically use the medium to convey a story.

  44. Sheila (Charm School Reject)

    1. Football. Three words : Robby Gould’s Butt.
    2. Tattoos. When done right, they’re amazing.
    3. The Hills. Uck! Ew! Vomit!
    4. Babies. When the parents don’t suck at life, babies are pretty damned awesome.
    5. Lingerie. THANK YOU!
    6. Spam (the food). Uck! Ew! Vomit!
    7. Beer. Uck! Ew! Vomit!
    8. Running for fun. I used to run for fun. Then I started running when I was pissed. Now I can barely run a block.
    9. Strip clubs. THANK YOU!
    10. Spicy food. Unless it’s gumbo or chili in the dead o’ winter, spicy food can suck a nut.
    11. Baseball. I love baseball.
    12. Chewing tobacco.Disgusting but then again, I smoke so I don’t have room to talk.
    13. DDR. My brother and I were once made fun of at Hollywood Park when we tried this game. We were BAD.
    14. Macs. I don’t understand the appeal – of course, I only recently learned that there was even a difference between them and “regular” computers.
    15. Country music. Sorry but I love it – pretty much all of it.

  45. raistlinsghost

    Yeah I am going to have to go with Dave2 here: You must be a mutant. Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing.

    If you don’t get the appeal of football or tattoos there’s really not a lot that persuading will do for you. As for lingerie and strip clubs, man, I’d ask you if you have a penis, but everyone who reads this blog knows you do thanks to a recent picture.

  46. Bête de Jour

    Lingerie. If you’re lucky enough to get a lady in lingerie in the same room as you – or a gentleman I guess; heck, even a tapir, if that’s what you’re into – one of the best things you can do is rub the lady or gentleman or tapir really really hard and really, really fast. If you get it right, not only do sparks start to fire from your fingertips, but also, such an incredibly pleasant sensation will spread all around the body part of the person or browsing mammal you’re rubbing that they will love you forever. Often, if the lingerie is particularly erotic, world peace occurs.

    Try it.

  47. Avitable

    Tracy, braiiiins.

    Em, well, beer makes you stupid, and eating something that hurts just doesn’t seem smart to me!

    EG, we are on a similar wavelength. I knew I liked you.

    Ballsac, you hate terminally ill kids too.

    Dani, good point.

    Poppy, I think you should only drink huge bowls of fruity alcoholic drinks.

    PotU, I understand the appeal as far as the people creating it, yeah.

    John, I’m like fucking Buddha mixed with Jesus.

    Nobody, you like strip clubs? Why???

    Stephanie, you’re a granny panty girl?

    Ghost of Keywork, did you just write a treatise on ugly vaginas?

    Just Beth, are you sure you’re not really a man? 😀

    That Girl, so it’s for you, not for the man. I can see that. You’re the first one who’s made sense. And what’s wrong with my smilies?

    Always Home, I don’t think so. I’ve tried many, and they all taste like piss.

    Paul Johns, my wife likes Stella. I drink Diet Coke.

    Kris, Macs used to be preferable. PCs now have the exact same software, and you can click Ctrl S to save – there are more shorcuts for a PC than Macs. The right-click brings up add’l options that no Mac has.

    Jed, don’t you think all songs convey a story?

    Sheila, you’re a country music fan? Sigh.

    Raistlinsghost, lingerie gets in the way and strip clubs are nasty places for desperate people.

    Christie, me too!

    Bete de Jour, is that in the Boy Scout’s manual?

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