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Naturally Occurring Transsexuals

Last night I was over at Britt’s house, celebrating Karl’s birthday, when I was subjected to an episode of America’s Next Top Model. Without getting into a rant about how stupid the show is, I wanted to talk about Isis, the show’s pre-op transsexual contestant.

I have to imagine that there are few things in life as surprising as getting sexually involved with a woman only to find a penis. This, of course, led to me thinking about life’s strange surprises, and when else one might encounter nature’s little trannies:

  • When you bite into a hot dog, only to find out that it’s made of soy.
  • Going to see a hilarious comedy based on the trailer, but the movie ends up being a drama. And subtitled.
  • Sharting.
  • Buying a remote-controlled car that you saw advertised on TV, only to discover that you need a set and a track and three friends to really make it any fun at all.
  • Drinking caffeine-free soda.
  • When you realize how you thought you’d look in your Superman suit and how you actually look in your Superman suit are two completely divergent concepts.
  • Seeing a girl who you loved and was gorgeous in high school 20 years later.
  • Winning the lottery, and then realizing how high your taxes are going to be.
  • Recording a hilarious video and then realizing you forgot to turn on the audio.
  • Petting a cute puppy who turns around and bites you in the nuts.
  • Voting for a third party.

What naturally occurring trannies can you think of?

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41 Replies to “Naturally Occurring Transsexuals”

  1. bluepaintred

    oh I dunno. How bout thinking it’s Friday all day long, seeing Thursdays lotto ticket, checking the numbers against LAST weeks numbers cus, you know, ITs FRIDAY and then tossing the lotto ticket in the garbage – which has already been picked up – only to realize hours later that you suck at calender 101.

    (typed on the iTouch which has NO spell check, so STFU!!)

  2. Katie

    OMG I went to see “My Girl” when I was young because I’d seen the trailer and it had funny bits in it – well, turns out they were the ONLY funny bits in the movie! The trailer neglected to mention the boy DIES and there’s a heart-wrenching funeral scene! I balled for hours.

  3. Robin

    Believing you can do a wedding the right way and that it won’t turn into a circus (unlike every other person on the planet) and then finding out after you’ve invested everything that actually it’s impossible.

  4. metalmom

    Coming out of the rest room at a wedding reception,thinking that you look great because no can take their eyes off of you, and finding out that you have tucked the end of your dress into your panties. :crying:

  5. B.E. Earl

    Sharting. Been there, done that, threw out that underwear.

    And I’ll take the higher taxes along with my lottery prize, thank you very much.

    And I’ve banged better looking trannies than the one on that freakin’ show. Wait..banged? No I meant to say “met”. Yeah, that’s right…met better looking trannies. Um, move along people.

  6. Grant

    Drinking a soda that tasted oddly flat only to realize you actually poured a glass of milk.

    Guys like us should only dress up like villains. And not Darth Vader either – you need to be fit to pull him off. For you, I suggest Grod.

  7. SciFi Dad

    eating a bag full of diabetic friendly salt water taffy sweetened with a sugar alcohol while at the movies and only realizing the “may have a laxative effect” warning when your stomach starts to swallow itself whole as you’re driving down the major highway (or interstate), still 20 minutes from home, with no bathrooms to stop at

    not that I would know anything about that

  8. Stephanie

    Opening a box of hot, steamy, cheesey pizza, seeing the delicious toppings, then picking it up to take a bite and all the toppings and cheese slide off the floppy, thin tasteless crust.

    <~~It’s always about the food with me, yo.

  9. Eric

    Wow. Men can be disappointing for women.

    HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?!

    1) Starving
    2) Giant plate of wonderous CHICKEN STIR FRY!!
    3) Big huge first bite…. and
    4) ITS TOFU STIR FRY! but you think its RANCID CHICKEN!

    Anyways, that’s me.

    Women on your blog are a tough audience…

  10. Sheila (Charm School Reject)

    Going through the drive thru at McDonalds to order a sweet tea and a coke. Pulling out of the parking lot you and your sister each take a long swig of your drinks only to find that your tea is soured and her coke is flat.

    You’re already in a pissy mood because you are lost in downtown Chicago so you pull back into the parking lot to go get new drinks. The worker reluctantly gives you a new drink.

    As you are leaving you pause to try them both, just in case. And it’s still sour and flat. So you tell them you want two cokes – you’re giving up on the tea. The guy tells you that no matter how many times he changes your drinks, they’ll still be soured and flat because they aren’t making more tea and their pop machine is broken.

    WTF? (Sorry this was so long)

  11. Sybil Law

    Anissa and Finn took my initial answers!
    How about meeting someone you crushed on and finding out they’re dumb as nine chickens?
    Or clicking on your first Avitable link, thinking, “Awww – dolphins!”, and then thinking, “Oh God – dolphins?!”.

  12. hello haha narf

    ok, when you started talking about the woman with a penis and then went to hot dog, i was so ready for you to progress from biting into the hot dog only to find out it is a penis.

    damn, my mind is worse than avitable’s.

    mark the calendar.

    and someone shoot me, please.

  13. Evil Genius

    Saving up like a whole year’s worth of babysitting money so you can order that neat little transister radio you saw in the magazine that is oh so rad and you absolutely can NOT live without…and then when it finally arrives you find out it only gets two stations, both country music, and needs fresh batteries like every DAY.

  14. Kay

    When what you thought were your best boyfriends in high school come out of the closet in adulthood. Not one of them, not two, but 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Yeah kinda gave me a complex. None are trannies though!

  15. Tug

    Spreading ‘whipped butter’ on a dinner roll while in line at a full buffet and taking a HUGE bite – only to find it’s actually horseradish.

    And there isn’t a garbage can close.

    (My superman costume looks great, thankssomuch – capes are GREAT ‘hiders’) :lmao:

  16. thedemigod

    I sharted a few days ago, was that TMI?

    Love the blog, i’d totally buy a ticket but it’d have to be international from Manila to Orlando. LOL

    And I’m pimpin you out in my blog because i swear to god I die laughing reading you.

  17. thedemigod

    Oh and Maria, darling:

    Sharting: adjusting your position so that one butt cheek gently lifts from the chair surface to discreetly let out a whimper of fart gas…

    …and bursting into tears when a brown, lumpy liquid warmth envelops your white linen shorts…

    …at brunch

    …with your in laws.

  18. Jordie

    Caffeine free?
    Jesus, this is coming from the guy who accepts nothing else but Diet?

    That practically DEFEATS the purpose of such a beverage.

    You are my transuprise suggestion.

  19. Avitable

    Amanda, me either!

    BPR, the iTouch does need spellcheck, just for you.

    Katie, oh yeah – I did the same thing when I was in high school!

    Blondefabulous, even worse is when you get iced tea when you think it’s Diet Coke.

    Bucky, hopefully you were exercising at home and not at a gym!

    Britt, that’s an oxymoron, not a naturally occurring tranny!

    Robin, oh, everyone knows that.

    Metalmom, at least you didn’t shart first.

    Anissa, now, by itty bitty do you mean average or like minuscule?

    Lisa, kidding about what? It’s a concept.

    Always Home, I’ve done that. I’ve also bought an album because the girl was hot only to find that the whole thing sucked.

    BE Earl, were you on the bottom?

    Grant, who’s Grod? Unless you mean Gorilla Grodd?

    SciFi Dad, damn sneaky diabetics and their candy.

    Bossy, this wasn’t touching – it’s about chicks with dicks!

    Finn, I said I was sorry.

    Stephanie, I hate when that happens.

    Eric, they have expectations that seem pretty reasonable to me.

    Not Hot Coffee Girl, I agree.

    Becky, it’s a great word.

    Poppy, ew.

    Valerie, I have not had it, although I’ve heard of it. Sounds horrifying!

    Sheila, that’s just nasty.

    Faiqa, ha! Shredded cardboard can taste good with the right spices.

    Sybil, dolphins make for good naturally occurring trannies.

    Hello, I was trying to be clean here! This is a family friendly blog.

    NYCWD, yes, that would be frustrating and leave you screwed.

    Maria, you’ll have to Google it.

    Atomic Bombshell, there’s a lot of that going around.

    Evil Genius, I did the same thing for the X-ray specs!

    Kay, wow, ummm, yeah.

    Clown, good call.

    Em, well, duh!

    Tug, hahahaha – I can only imagine.

    DemiGod, well, I can’t be responsible for any deaths.

    Brenda, you definitely have to be careful of that.

    Muskrat, mmmm, butter ice cream.

    Jordie, that’s why I said it was a bad thing. Sigh.

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