My wife the cook
(If you're looking for the results of the raffle, I'm compiling all the names and will be doing the drawing very soon. Look for a post in the next day or two!)
Meals are a bit different at my house. My wife and I only eat dinner together maybe three or four nights a week, when we'll typically go out to a restaurant. The other nights, we fend for ourselves – she might just have some wine and cheese while I'll go out with a friend, or she'll have a bowl of cereal and I'll skip dinner for the night. We might cook at home once a month, if that, and usually it's when I'll grill.
Last night, neither of us had eaten, and we didn't feel like ordering in or going out for dinner. I was in my office and Amy popped her head in and said, "Hey, I'm going to cook some eggs and toast. Do you want some?"
"Sure, that sounds good." I don't know what was wrong with me. I'm not usually a fan of eating eggs, but for some reason, it sounded good.
She scrambled some eggs with cheese and butter, toasted some bread, and set it all up at the table. She called for me to come out, so I joined her in the dining room.
I sat down and started to fold my eggs into the bread to make it into a sandwich.
"This is nice," I said. "We should do this more often."
"I know," she said. "but sometimes we go get groceries and then they just sit in the fridge for months without being used, until we throw them away."
"That's true. We'd have to be more careful about that." I took a big bite of my egg sandwich.
"Like these eggs – you can barely tell that I bought them in May!"
And this is why we go out to eat for every meal.
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so the halloween party is catered, right?
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she was totally trying to poison you
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:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
You never fail to make me laugh right before bed!
I :heartbeat: you! (And Amy!!!)
:lmao:
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Laughing my ass off.
Thank gawd I'm not the only one who buys groceries only to let them rot.
And here's to small children who have learned how to cook. Otherwise I'd starve.
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Okay, that's just … terrifying.
I mean, you could've died before you'd announced the raffle winners!
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At least she waited until you took a big bite.
It wouldn't have been as funny if she told you beforehand.
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Is that bad? Seriously. I only buy eggs about every 6 months because I mostly hate them.
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Hahaha! I love the way she declared that with such innocence.
;)
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HA! Did you finish the eating the eggs?
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May was a most excellent month for eggs!
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Have you ever cracked an egg open thats so old the white has gotten so thick its like a huge glob of snot? I hate when that happens.
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OH MY GOD. You never fail to make me laugh! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
I totally agree with Amanda.
Now I hate eggs even more than I did before. Thank you!
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And to think I was afraid the eggs I made today were going to be too old – they were only from the end of August!
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I only buy eggs when I am baking. I love eggs how eggs taste, but hate how they smell.
I imagine five month old eggs smell even worse
*gag*
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haha that's so funny! …. but did you finish the eggs?
We have the same problem, getting groceries and things going bad in the fridge, but we DO cook at home probably 95% of the time. I dunno how we end up with things going off.
I want to live like you guys though. I could order out every day but my husband isn't into it. He's one of those like home cooked stuff people. Which sucks for me, being his wife and all…
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I have the exact same weakness. Buy tons of food with every intention of turning over a new cooking leaf and then everything just rots. (and in some cases we eat the rotten food).
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I'm new here (via your guest post at Maria's) and firstly EWWWWWWWW.
Secondly, perhaps you can invest in astronaut food. I hear powdered eggs have a shelf life of 15 Mays, give or take.
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I hope you didn't get ill, because I know I got ill from reading.
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Bwah ha ha ha ha! If you only knew what restaurants go through to make food cost, those eggs would seem like gold, and this is conoing from a cook/chef!
:puke:
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Dude, that was nasty.
Just nasty.
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Oh, yuck. The rotting groceries thing happens here all the time, and that's just 'cause we're slack and don't plan well. So, how are you feeling now? :puke:
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I knew that was coming… hahahaha.
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I always thought eggs were like wine… as they get older they get better. No?
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Wow, Bossy didn't realize it was possible to gag from the written word.
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LMAO!
I hope you finished them cause you know you could only 'barely tell' :lmao:
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At least it wasn't soy.
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I like her already! She cooks like me! :angel:
Have a great Monday!
J.
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Aren't eggs like processed fruit snacks? They keep for months…
So did you get eggs when you went out to eat?
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While a friend was visiting and cooking in my kitchen, she suggested that some of my spices might be too old. I thought they were like plastic and just lasted forever. Anyway, I don't know when I bought the paprika but the container came from a store in Birmingham, where I haven't lived since 1997. The paprika had maggots in it. My friend tossed it over my objection that maggots are good protein.
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:clap:
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"You can barely tell…" what the hell does that mean?
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hahahaha!
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The Chinese use old eggs don't they?
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The Vermonter's guide to eating eggs: If they don't stink they're still ok.
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Haha! Ewww… so how were they?
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My personal opinion? If you didn't go with me to buy the groceries, don't bitch about them
:crazywife:
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Oh my, she's funny!
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Oh, damn. So, you're going to be dead by the end of the week, right? So, you're leaving me all your comics, right?
Damn…
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I'm with Dawg, Poppy, and Dave2…eggs are good forever. Maybe it's an East Coast thing.
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"she might just have some wine and cheese while I'll go out with a friend"
You don't have any friends.
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Ahh, but *WHICH* May?
I'm working from home today, and this post makes me want to go make me some scrambled egg sandwiches for lunch…
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We do the same thing over here. Most of the time we grab something out, or even when we don't we just fend for ourselves among the fridge and pantry when we're hungry. I'm NOT a cook – when something is home cooked around here it's usually from hubby because he loves to cook (just has a bit of a lazy streak). So we buy stuff with the plans that he'll cook it, he doesn't, it rots. But eggs from May? Oh my…I hope you guys ordered pizza and threw the rest of that dinner out!!! :puke:
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Oh yuck! I wish I had a witty retort for you but I'm too busy throwing up in my mouth.
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Delurking to say ewwwww. And that sounds a heck of a lot like my house, only sadly we have a 3 year old to nourish too. Did you down some Pepto after that?
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mmmm…. looks like you'll be sitting on the toilet for some time….bring a book!
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I love that she let you eat them anyway. Good for Mrs. Avitable! l-)
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yuck.
Eggs are good for 6 weeks past the "used by date" on the package BUT THAT's WEEKS NOT MONTHS.
EWWWWW
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Hey…I finally did your Avitable meme from last week. Check it out. :sex023:
J.
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You just did me a huge favor. I love eggs, but I can't eat them anymore (migraines). Now I don't want to.
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Old eggs make the best farts.
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Check your expiration dates people! I am a freak about that, I don't eat stuff if it's the day BEFORE the expiration date.
Having said that…this post did a lot for my recent bout of food poisoning..thanks. :puke:
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i want to cry :sexytime:
no i said cry :cock:
sigh.
no i said fucking cry :clap:
yes :clap:
that's it :boobs3:
cry. :banghead:
cry, cry, cra-cra-cry :cocksuck2: :cocksuck2:
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! So, tomorrow's post is going to be a stick figure drawing of the frightening bowel movement you had after eating said eggs, right?
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What makes me feel ickiest is not the fact that you were eating four-month-old eggs, but that you were wrapping them in bread to eat them. (?!?)
And yet, Egg McMuffins sound just fine, for some reason.
Just think of it as me being quirky yet still relatively lovable.
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That would just never happen in my house… with 3 boys and a hungry husband, stuff just gets devoured. Plus, I like to cook and I'm pretty good at it. There are nights, though, where I would so rather go out and NOT DEAL WITH IT.
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I believe those eggs may have been starting to turn. Glad you're still with us.
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OMG….I don't typically read your blog….but I'm glad I read this post. It was freakin hilarious!! YOU made my day!
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Hello, yes, thank Jeebus.
Amanda, I know! Well, except she ate them, too.
Sybil, I'm glad you can laugh at my pain.
Redneck Mommy, we should teach our dog to cook.
SJ, I know! Then what would we do?
BE Earl, I think she enjoyed that.
Suebob, I completely hate them now.
Hilly, she was eating them with gusto, too.
Jay, yeah. I was hungry!
Dave, they were a good vintage.
Trukindog, no, and now I'm retching a little.
Ioma, she thought they were tasty.
Penny, I won't even eat something if they expire within the next week.
BPR, they actually smelled fine, surprisingly.
Breigh, so, since your his wife, you're expected to cook? Can't he cook his own fucking meals if he wants "home-cooked"?
Bluestreak, until now, we never ate the rotten food.
Lilacspecs, that's a genius idea!
Lisa, I didn't. Although I was in the bathroom for a while.
Blondefabulous, please don't tell me.
SciFi Dad, I know – at least you weren't here.
Robin, I'm fine. Now.
Sue, I didn't!
NYCWD, so did my wife, apparently.
Bossy, haven't you been reading my posts? I think I make people gag all the time.
Turnbaby, I did indeed finish my dinner.
Britt, good point.
HG, your poor kids.
Marty, apparently, they're not. And I think I'll abstain from eggs for a long time.
Grant, spices can get maggots? Shit.
Robin, I'm glad that you can applaud my pain!
Finn, they had a little texture to them.
Christie, I wasn't laughint at the time.
RW, do they?
Poppy, ugh!
Em, they didn't taste that bad.
TSM, I'm so glad you're not my wife!
Atomic Bombshell, a regular laugh a minute.
CMG, you want my comics? I'll put it in the will.
Kris, that's horrible. They are not!
Clown, my imaginary friends is what I meant to say.
Wayne, you clearly have a stomach of steel.
Evil Genius, nope. We ate the whole thing.
Sheila, did it taste like eggs?
Molly's Mom, Tums was my antacid of choice.
Holly, I keep a library in there.
Kapgar, she ate them all, too!
Fantastagirl, I refuse to eat anything that's within one week from expiration either way!
HG, nice job!
Laurin, eggs give you migraines?
Winter, ew.
Stephanie, I'm just like that, too.
Greg, yes. Exactly.
Faiqa, I was too weak to even write a real post.
Janna, egg sandwiches are the only way I'll eat eggs.
Meg, we typically want to go out and not deal with it. The nice thing about no kids!
John, just a bit, maybe.
Rachel, why don't you typically read my blog? You totally should.
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hehe Yeah Avitable. Truth be told he's probably a better cook than I am, and he does cook some of the time.
I just do it to myself because I'm a housewife with no kids, I figure I SHOULD be doing the cooking
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Heh. I see you and I are cut from the same cloth.
As my grandfather used to say… "Never let facts get in the way of a good story."
Sage advice from him, no?
Those eggs weren't bought any earlier than June. I'm sure of it.
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Breigh, hmm, you may have a point there.
Oh, The Joys, that's why our stories are always so much better than everyone else's!
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